you asked for it.
Jack Jarlaxle Johnny Torture
By: Esyla Lease
Disclaimer: WHY ARE YOU READING THIS?! DAMN MY NAVEL ITCHES!!! Why do you fear the moose of doom? I have done nothing to deserve your cheese ramblings!!! Erm.Jack Skellington isn't mine (he belongs to someone, I know it's not me.), Nny isn't mine (he belong to Jhonen), and ::sigh:: Jarlaxle isn't mine either (he belong to TSR and RAS and.yeah). Neither are all related characters. Hah! Now the nazi lawyers cannot sue me! The ultimate taco has been achieved! GIMME TACOS!!!
Now..time for-
KEY Torture!!!
CAST!!!
Johnny C. (why the fook am I here?! I need a brainfreezy!!! CHERRY DOOM!)
Jack Skellington (Is there any particular reason why I'm stuck with a homicidal maniac and a Christmas tree decoration?)
Jarlaxle Baenre (.it could be worse.)
Part ½ Wives, Ex-girlfriends, and Ex-lovers
(It's been a few hours and everyone is falling into the "rhythm" of things. The big white room now has a hallway that leads into a kitchen, three bedrooms, and all that other house-like stuff. Jarlaxle has visited the author's office, Johnny got a kitchen knife, and Jack.well.he should step into the author's office as well.)
Jack: (at the computer figuring out Yahoo!) What should my Yahoo! email be?
Jarlaxle: (pokes his head into the room) Maybe your name?
Jack: (mutters) no originality.(types in "JackSkellington" and hits enter) What the heck?!
(A kitchen knife flies into the back of Jack's swivel chair)
Jack: (turns around and give one of those glares. Yeah, you know. That kind of glare.)
Nny: If it hadn't been for your sudden increase in volume I would have hit your thick skull with the FUCKIN' KNIFE instead of the chair! FILTHY-
Jarlaxle: (reenters the room, eating a taco) These taco things aren't that bad.
Nny: HUMILIATE-where the hell did you get that taco?
Jarlaxle: The kitchen. There's more.
Nny: (abandons his ranting and sprints off to the kitchen) TACO GOODNESS!
Jack: (yelling profanities at the computer screen that are very unPumpkin King like, so I won't type them here)
Jarlaxle: (walks up behind Jack) What happened? Locked up again?
Jack: (turns around) You're quick at figuring out these things. Anyway-no! I was in Yahoo! mail and since Esyla told us that we should get email addresses I typed in my name as you had suggested into the little box, clicked the enter button, and my name was already taken! How many Jack Skellington's are they?!
Jarlaxle: (ponders this while eating the rest of his taco) Hmmm.(deletes "JackSkellington" from the little box of doom and types in "JarlaxleBaenre") It says my name is already taken too.let's try both of Nny's names (first tries "Nny", then "JohnnyC") Both taken. Something strange is going on.
*(Flicker. Fizzle. Poof!) As always my manipulating mercenary is correct. Hast thou figured out the rest of this intriguing puzzle?*
Jarlaxle: I still need one more piece that shall complete this plot.
*They're in the living room bookshelf.*
Jack: (stands) I'll go. (walks out of the room)
Nny: (enters. Stops and stares at the demonic blonde who looked like she could have been. a. cheerleader.) You again, and I just got my taco.
*(maniac smile) Hi JohNNY!*
Nny: Are you sure you're not a cheerleader?
*(Weird eye popping thing) How.dare.you.suppose.i.am.a.cheerleader.*
Jarlaxle: (nudging Nny) That's the third time you've asked her. She gets provoked very easily.
Nny: What don't you get about "Don't Touch Me"? (eyes up his knife which is still embedded in Jack's chair)
*You will miss your mark Nny. Trust me on that one.*
Jack: (walks back in carrying a DVD and two books. He hands Jarlaxle a small paperback entitled "Servant of the Shard" and Nny a larger paperback that has Z? written on the front. The Pumpkin King is staring intently at the DVD case.)
*You can play it on the computer, y'know.*
(Jack bends down and hits the DVD button, pops the DVD in, and hits play on the main title screen. The narration to The Nightmare Before Christmas begins)
Nny: (stuffing his second taco in his mouth) That's Squee! Heh, I remember that.WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BACTINE?! I really needed it too. (flips through some pages) Oh God, Devi.(blinks) Wait! WHY THE HELL AM I A COMIC BOOK CHARACTER?!
Jarlaxle: Actually I find that being in this book makes me look good, except when I start acting like a piece of shit. (sighs) Sharlotta, almost as good as Malice.
(Halfway through "This Is Halloween" the screen fuzzes out)
Jack: Hey!
*Malice, huh? Well, I have something better that all three of you will enjoy. (Insane cackle. Poof!)*
(All three look at each other.)
Nny: This isn't good. I think.
(Evil laughter starts up.)
Jarlaxle: You are correct.
(Evil laughter gets louder.)
Jack: I'm agreeing with you both.
(Finally three faces appear. The first is a young woman in her early twenties with purple dyed hair put up in high pigtails. The second is a ragdoll with red hair and kind of evil looking black eyes, and the third is a very exotic looking woman with black hair and glittering seductive eyes.)
Nny: Devi!
Jack: Sally!
Jarlaxle: Sharlotta?
Sally: (snickers) Yeah, we though it might be fun. Turned out it is.
Sharlotta: Plus we're getting paid.
Jarlaxle: (puts his chin in his palm and raises a brow) I thought you were dead.
Sharlotta: Don't I still look sexy, though? (flips a lock of hair over her shoulder)
Nny: D-D-D-D-
Devi: (sighs) Don't look like your phone shot you in the head.
Nny: (twitch) But I thought you hated me.
Sharlotta: Oh, one of those love/hate relationships. How cute!
Jack: Sally, why are you here?
Sally: (imitates Jarlaxle) Because it's enjoyable being positively prime evil. Damn, I should try it more often. Now I know what I was missing all those years. No more goody rag doll shit for me anymore!
Devi: Nny, just spit it out.
Nny: D-D-D-D-Devi. I'm. Sorry. I. Didn't. Mean. To. Try. And. Kill. You.
Sharlotta: (smiles inquiringly) A homicidal boyfriend, huh? How adorable.
Jarlaxle: (now sitting in the swivel chair) All right, cut it out. Why are you three here?
Sally: To make your lives miserable.
Jack: (stares at Sally in shock) But why?!
Sally: Do I need a reason, suicidal skeleton?
Sharlotta: Hmmm.a suicidal husband. This could turn out much better than I though. It might involve leather bindings. (licks lips)
Nny: Really?
Devi: It's not what you're thinking Johnny, trust me.
Sally: Anyway, we don't want to miss that sexy Tyrone on that Regis and Kelly Hunkiest Husband competition, so we're going to leave you.
Sharlotta: Goodbye.
Sally: But we'll be back.
All three: For some bad fanfiction torture!
Devi: Bye, Nny.
Nny: B-b-b-b-
(Screen goes blank, then another face reappears.)
*They'll be back in a few hours. Until then, have fun boys!*
Nny: B-B-B-B-B-
Jack: Oh, God.
Jarlaxle: Lloth save us.
End of Part ½
You can go feed your moose now.
Author's Note: Yeah, this one was shorter, but I haven't had any time to get some fanfiction from my friend's three year old sister. *grin* She should have some good ideas. Anywhoo, remember, I'm not dying for reviews, but I do need some bad fanfiction. I will give you credit. Just make sure you tell me what name you want me to give credit to. Remember: either whataboutkimmuriel@yahoo.com or mangabunnysm@aol.com. Please have a title for your story and the subject for your email can pertain to anything about bad fanfiction or torture fanfiction. Tankies! I'm having tacos for dinner!
Jack Jarlaxle Johnny Torture
By: Esyla Lease
Disclaimer: WHY ARE YOU READING THIS?! DAMN MY NAVEL ITCHES!!! Why do you fear the moose of doom? I have done nothing to deserve your cheese ramblings!!! Erm.Jack Skellington isn't mine (he belongs to someone, I know it's not me.), Nny isn't mine (he belong to Jhonen), and ::sigh:: Jarlaxle isn't mine either (he belong to TSR and RAS and.yeah). Neither are all related characters. Hah! Now the nazi lawyers cannot sue me! The ultimate taco has been achieved! GIMME TACOS!!!
Now..time for-
KEY Torture!!!
CAST!!!
Johnny C. (why the fook am I here?! I need a brainfreezy!!! CHERRY DOOM!)
Jack Skellington (Is there any particular reason why I'm stuck with a homicidal maniac and a Christmas tree decoration?)
Jarlaxle Baenre (.it could be worse.)
Part ½ Wives, Ex-girlfriends, and Ex-lovers
(It's been a few hours and everyone is falling into the "rhythm" of things. The big white room now has a hallway that leads into a kitchen, three bedrooms, and all that other house-like stuff. Jarlaxle has visited the author's office, Johnny got a kitchen knife, and Jack.well.he should step into the author's office as well.)
Jack: (at the computer figuring out Yahoo!) What should my Yahoo! email be?
Jarlaxle: (pokes his head into the room) Maybe your name?
Jack: (mutters) no originality.(types in "JackSkellington" and hits enter) What the heck?!
(A kitchen knife flies into the back of Jack's swivel chair)
Jack: (turns around and give one of those glares. Yeah, you know. That kind of glare.)
Nny: If it hadn't been for your sudden increase in volume I would have hit your thick skull with the FUCKIN' KNIFE instead of the chair! FILTHY-
Jarlaxle: (reenters the room, eating a taco) These taco things aren't that bad.
Nny: HUMILIATE-where the hell did you get that taco?
Jarlaxle: The kitchen. There's more.
Nny: (abandons his ranting and sprints off to the kitchen) TACO GOODNESS!
Jack: (yelling profanities at the computer screen that are very unPumpkin King like, so I won't type them here)
Jarlaxle: (walks up behind Jack) What happened? Locked up again?
Jack: (turns around) You're quick at figuring out these things. Anyway-no! I was in Yahoo! mail and since Esyla told us that we should get email addresses I typed in my name as you had suggested into the little box, clicked the enter button, and my name was already taken! How many Jack Skellington's are they?!
Jarlaxle: (ponders this while eating the rest of his taco) Hmmm.(deletes "JackSkellington" from the little box of doom and types in "JarlaxleBaenre") It says my name is already taken too.let's try both of Nny's names (first tries "Nny", then "JohnnyC") Both taken. Something strange is going on.
*(Flicker. Fizzle. Poof!) As always my manipulating mercenary is correct. Hast thou figured out the rest of this intriguing puzzle?*
Jarlaxle: I still need one more piece that shall complete this plot.
*They're in the living room bookshelf.*
Jack: (stands) I'll go. (walks out of the room)
Nny: (enters. Stops and stares at the demonic blonde who looked like she could have been. a. cheerleader.) You again, and I just got my taco.
*(maniac smile) Hi JohNNY!*
Nny: Are you sure you're not a cheerleader?
*(Weird eye popping thing) How.dare.you.suppose.i.am.a.cheerleader.*
Jarlaxle: (nudging Nny) That's the third time you've asked her. She gets provoked very easily.
Nny: What don't you get about "Don't Touch Me"? (eyes up his knife which is still embedded in Jack's chair)
*You will miss your mark Nny. Trust me on that one.*
Jack: (walks back in carrying a DVD and two books. He hands Jarlaxle a small paperback entitled "Servant of the Shard" and Nny a larger paperback that has Z? written on the front. The Pumpkin King is staring intently at the DVD case.)
*You can play it on the computer, y'know.*
(Jack bends down and hits the DVD button, pops the DVD in, and hits play on the main title screen. The narration to The Nightmare Before Christmas begins)
Nny: (stuffing his second taco in his mouth) That's Squee! Heh, I remember that.WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BACTINE?! I really needed it too. (flips through some pages) Oh God, Devi.(blinks) Wait! WHY THE HELL AM I A COMIC BOOK CHARACTER?!
Jarlaxle: Actually I find that being in this book makes me look good, except when I start acting like a piece of shit. (sighs) Sharlotta, almost as good as Malice.
(Halfway through "This Is Halloween" the screen fuzzes out)
Jack: Hey!
*Malice, huh? Well, I have something better that all three of you will enjoy. (Insane cackle. Poof!)*
(All three look at each other.)
Nny: This isn't good. I think.
(Evil laughter starts up.)
Jarlaxle: You are correct.
(Evil laughter gets louder.)
Jack: I'm agreeing with you both.
(Finally three faces appear. The first is a young woman in her early twenties with purple dyed hair put up in high pigtails. The second is a ragdoll with red hair and kind of evil looking black eyes, and the third is a very exotic looking woman with black hair and glittering seductive eyes.)
Nny: Devi!
Jack: Sally!
Jarlaxle: Sharlotta?
Sally: (snickers) Yeah, we though it might be fun. Turned out it is.
Sharlotta: Plus we're getting paid.
Jarlaxle: (puts his chin in his palm and raises a brow) I thought you were dead.
Sharlotta: Don't I still look sexy, though? (flips a lock of hair over her shoulder)
Nny: D-D-D-D-
Devi: (sighs) Don't look like your phone shot you in the head.
Nny: (twitch) But I thought you hated me.
Sharlotta: Oh, one of those love/hate relationships. How cute!
Jack: Sally, why are you here?
Sally: (imitates Jarlaxle) Because it's enjoyable being positively prime evil. Damn, I should try it more often. Now I know what I was missing all those years. No more goody rag doll shit for me anymore!
Devi: Nny, just spit it out.
Nny: D-D-D-D-Devi. I'm. Sorry. I. Didn't. Mean. To. Try. And. Kill. You.
Sharlotta: (smiles inquiringly) A homicidal boyfriend, huh? How adorable.
Jarlaxle: (now sitting in the swivel chair) All right, cut it out. Why are you three here?
Sally: To make your lives miserable.
Jack: (stares at Sally in shock) But why?!
Sally: Do I need a reason, suicidal skeleton?
Sharlotta: Hmmm.a suicidal husband. This could turn out much better than I though. It might involve leather bindings. (licks lips)
Nny: Really?
Devi: It's not what you're thinking Johnny, trust me.
Sally: Anyway, we don't want to miss that sexy Tyrone on that Regis and Kelly Hunkiest Husband competition, so we're going to leave you.
Sharlotta: Goodbye.
Sally: But we'll be back.
All three: For some bad fanfiction torture!
Devi: Bye, Nny.
Nny: B-b-b-b-
(Screen goes blank, then another face reappears.)
*They'll be back in a few hours. Until then, have fun boys!*
Nny: B-B-B-B-B-
Jack: Oh, God.
Jarlaxle: Lloth save us.
End of Part ½
You can go feed your moose now.
Author's Note: Yeah, this one was shorter, but I haven't had any time to get some fanfiction from my friend's three year old sister. *grin* She should have some good ideas. Anywhoo, remember, I'm not dying for reviews, but I do need some bad fanfiction. I will give you credit. Just make sure you tell me what name you want me to give credit to. Remember: either whataboutkimmuriel@yahoo.com or mangabunnysm@aol.com. Please have a title for your story and the subject for your email can pertain to anything about bad fanfiction or torture fanfiction. Tankies! I'm having tacos for dinner!