Chapter 38
Telling
Buffy and Spike left the comfort of the mansion hand in hand. Both were glad Angel had decided to go on ahead, giving them some time alone. Almost immediately Buffy's eyes widened when she met the cool night air and her senses went into overload. She stopped, taking in her surroundings. The sight, sound and smell of everything around her.
"What is it, luv?" Spike asked, slightly worried when she let his hand go.
"Everything's so clear. So vivid. Everything I see, everything I hear.. it's like they say when you loose a sense and all the rest of them get stronger? Only I didn't lose anything." She took a long, deep inhalation of air. "I can smell the rain coming."
Spike moved to stand in front of her, a smile spread wide on his lips. "Like you're experiencing everything for the first time?"
"Exactly," she answered, still in awe.
"Close your eyes and listen."
She did as told as he placed his hand over her chest.
"Can you hear it?" he asked softly.
"What am I listening for?"
"The sound of your heartbeat."
Buffy concentrated on blocking out all other sounds and listened closely. "I hear it," she whispered, as her eyes opened in surprise.
"Vamp senses, luv. You're feeling what every vampire experiences when they're turned."
"But I'm not a vampire."
"No, you're not. But you just mated with one," he reminded her with a bit of pride in his voice. "Seems you gained a bit of demon after all."
"I figured I'd get something from it. More strength, speed... but this isn't what I expected. I'm not gonna start craving a liquid diet, am I?" she halfheartedly joked.
He smiled back. "You get used to it. Things aren't as amplified after awhile. You learn to tone it out a bit. And no, I think pizza and doublemeat burgers are probably more your taste, luv."
"The thought of being part demon... somehow that doesn't seem like such a bad thing anymore. It used to scare me. When I came back...and thought..."
"I know what you thought, Buffy. I was the one who put the idea in your head, remember? Tried to convince you that you came back wrong. Less than human." His eyes traveled everywhere except where they could rest on hers. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly.
"No, Spike. Don't say you're sorry. This is a new start, right? No more apologizing for things that happened back then. We both said and did things that were wrong and I think we've both faced the consequences."
"I just never meant to make you feel like you were less than what you are."
"Spike," she leaned in to pull him against her. "You were the only one who made me feel 'anything'. You didn't make me feel like less...I was the one doing it to myself. Now, with this, you've given me a gift. Whether it's demon or not, it's you. The demon is a part of you and I can accept that now."
"I hope so, luv. Cuz you're stuck with me. No turning back." His lips made their way down the side of her neck, stopping at the place where he'd bitten her. He lapped at the spot with his tongue, circling and nipping at her skin with blunt teeth.
Buffy shivered at his touch and felt an instant wave of heat invade her body. A breath escaped her as she bent her head back to allow him better access. "Why do I feel like this when you touch me there?" She pulled him further in, urging for more contact. His lips, his body, anything to lesson the almost painful need for him.
"A vampire bite is a powerful thing, Buffy. It's what connects us, the blood and the acceptance. The trust involved. It's almost more intimate than sex."
"I can feel you. Like you're still inside me."
"I am. We're a part of each other."
"Does it work the same way with you and Angel?" she asked, reaching out to rub his scar that was now barely seen.
"The ritual you and I did makes it different. I can still feel him but not the same way. A sire bond isn't quite the same thing."
"So why'd you let him...I don't get you and Angel and the whole sex thing..." she trailed off, almost blushing at her question.
"It's all about dominance, pet. When you're turned, you're taught to learn your place. And Angelus being who he was at the time used that to his advantage as often as he could. After awhile, it becomes expected...almost a show of affection as much as it can be. It's not about sex the way you're thinking."
"I just can't get over you letting him..."
"Not really a choice, luv. Just the way things are."
"Did you ever..I mean...did he ever let you...?"
His eyebrow rose. "Did I shag him? Doesn't work that way. At least not with Angelus. He'd never give up that much control. He played his role as sire to the hilt."
"I guess I just don't understand the whole bond between sire and childe."
"You probably won't cuz you're not a vamp. It's something you have to experience to know. I denied it for a long time, but Angel made me...turned me into what I am. It's as simple as that."
"I can't believe I never knew that. That Angel was your sire."
He shrugged, lighting a cigarette he'd fished from his pocket. "We weren't best friends. You threatened to kill me, I told you what I wanted you to hear."
"You lied."
"And your point is? Wasn't like you cared, slayer. You were too busy snoggin' soldier boy to pay attention to anything I said. I was bending over backwards tryin' to get you to notice me."
Buffy sighed deeply, pushing her hands in her pockets. "I always noticed you, Spike. That was my problem. I knew it was wrong to be attracted to you and I hated myself for wanting you...even back then."
He flicked the finished cigarette away and glanced at her curiously. "You did?"
"Don't act so surprised. It's always been there between us. Even when we were trying to kill each other."
"Considered that foreplay, luv," he answered, his tongue curling against his teeth.
She batted her eyelashes coyly and smiled. "I think it started for me after Will's spell."
"Which spell?"
"You know which one," she answered. "When we were engaged. If anyone actually knew what was going on when they weren't looking..." She giggled at the memories of the first time she'd ever felt Spike's arousal. The seductive way she'd squirmed and pushed against him on his lap as they discussed their wedding plans just to get a rise from the lovesick vampire.
"Your watcher would have had my head on a stick if he'd known what you actually let me get away with."
"It wasn't that much!" she complained as she remembered quick caresses on bare skin and naughty comments behind turned backs. "And besides, we were engaged. That's what almost married people do!"
"I would have shagged you silly if we'd had half a minute alone together."
She smiled, stealing a soft kiss. "I would have let you."
"Too bad it was just a spell. Then you went back to hating me."
"As much as you hated me. Face it, we weren't meant to be friends back then."
"Have we ever been?" He raised a curious eyebrow at her.
"Been what?"
"Friends."
She gave a troubled look in his direction. "I don't know. Maybe...when I came back. Before all the crazy sex stuff got in the way. You were the person I wanted to be around...tell things to."
"I just figured since I knew how it was...being dead and all..."
"I enjoyed talking to you. That's what friends do, right? Enjoy each other's company?"
"Suppose so. It'd been so long since I'd had one. Niblet was about the closest thing to it, I guess."
"I never said thank you. For taking care of her. It meant a lot."
He shrugged. "No sweat, slayer. Told you I would. Made a promise, right?"
"And vamps always keep their promises," she joked sarcastically.
"Always to you," he answered seriously.
She shivered, knowing he 'would' always be there for her. "Well, we'd better get back to the house. I'm sure everyone's waiting."
"And so the fun begins..."
They walked silently back to Revello Drive. Approaching the house, they found most of the lights on and caught glimpses of movement from beyond the opened blinds. Buffy walked through the door first with Spike following close behind. All actions stopped when everyone turned their attention to the pair standing in the doorway holding hands.
"Are you guys ready for a fight?" Buffy asked, putting on a show of bravery for the others as well as for herself.
"Where have you been, Buffy?" Giles asked, glancing between the woman and the vampire on her arm.
"We had some things to do," she answered defensively.
"Some things to do," he repeated. "Right before an attack that you yourself are planning."
"Yes," she countered, ignoring his sarcasm. "Okay, everyone has a job to do."
"Except us," Xander spoke accusingly gesturing between himself and Anya.
"I told you, I want you here, safe. Just in case." She hesitated. "You can hand out weapons," she added, pointing toward the large, wooden box in the corner.
Xander rolled his eyes, knowing that would always be his job. Weapons boy, doughnut, boy, glorified bricklayer. He knew Buffy wanted to keep him out of harm's way, but still felt he had more to offer.
"Willow," Buffy said, turning toward her best friend. "Come upstairs and I'll explain your part."
The red head nodded and moved to follow. Buffy turned toward Spike and kissed him, oblivious to the curious looks they were receiving, then retreated upstairs.
Spike made his way to where Xander was lifting the lid on the weapons chest.
"I told you to leave her alone," the boy spoke hatefuly.
"And I told you to piss off," came the reply.
"Whatever." Xander shook his head and began rifling through the trunk, mumbling to himself. 'Nasty vampires...what to get to fight nasty vampires...' He eyed an object and glanced at Spike. "Here, hold this."
Spike reached without question. "Bloody hell!" he shouted, dropping the cross from his grasp. "Wanker," he added for good measure before noticing the awed expression on Xander's face. Spike's forehead rumpled as he brought his hand up to inspect it.
"What the hell?" Angel asked, moving in closer.
Spike reached for the cross again, wearily picking it up. Everyone had now joined them, watching the new discovery play out. Spike flipped the object over, flipping it from one hand to the other, unharmed. His eyes found Angel's, silently questioning the other vampire's.
"What's going on?" Xander asked, again scrounging around inside the trunk. "What about this?"
Before Spike could protest, the other man already had the cap off and was flicking the bottle of water toward the vampire. The blonde flinched, but stilled when he realized nothing had happened.
"Spike?" Giles asked with eyeglasses and handkerchief already in hand.
Xander pulled out a stake and turned back toward the confused vamp. Spike immediately reacted and stood in full game face. "Try it and lose some parts, Harris," he growled.
The piece of wood found its way back into the trunk and Xander's hands found his pockets.
After a moment of silence, Giles finally spoke. "Holy water? Crosses? Spie, what did you do?!"
"It's the ritual," came the answer from across the room. Buffy walked over to her mate, pushing her way through Angel, Giles, Kennedy and Anya. "It has to be."
"Ritual?" the watcher asked, his voice filled with worry.
Buffy took Spike's hands, turning them over in her own to see for herself. A smile curled on her lips.
"I guess you're a little less demon now."
A look of knowing passed between them. Forgetting everyone else, Spike pulled her to him to nuzzle her neck, running his tongue along the two puncture marks. They both immediately felt the connection, igniting the sparks between them.
"My lord, Buffy! What were you thinking?!"
The sound of Giles' voice pulled them away from their focus on each other and they reluctantly pulled apart.
"What thinking? Who? Huh?" Xander asked in confusion.
Through a look of fatherly concern, Giles answered. "Buffy let Spike claim her."
"Huh?" the boy repeated.
The older man shook his head and backed up until he reached the sofa, clumsily sitting. Buffy sighed nervously. "Giles."
"Have I not taught you anything?!" he snapped.
Her nervousness turned toward anger. "You taught me plenty! You taught me how to fight! You taught me how to follow my instincts! I'm doing exactly what you taught me!"
"I did not teach you to be foolish!"
"Hey! Watch it, Rupert!" Spike scolded.
"And you...stay out of this!"
"Spike is a part of this!" Buffy interrupted.
"What were you thinking?! Do you have any idea what you've done? This isn't the movies, Buffy. This is real life. This is forever!"
"And what happened to 'I'll stand behind you if it makes you happy'? Huh? Do you remember telling me that yesterday?"
"Yes, well..."
"No. You're right. This is forever and I know that. Spike and I did the ritual. We knew exactly what we were doing. I'd think you'd be curious. Don't you want to write it down somewhere in your watcher journal or something? I don't think a slayer has ever mated with a vampire before."
"Mated?! Did you say mated?!" Xander asked, his face full of panic.
Giles sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before replacing his hand with his glasses. He finally looked toward the boy who was waiting to be answered.
"Yes, Xander. Buffy and Spike took part in a mating ritual. Quite dangerous and it quite possibly could have been life threatening."
"But it wasn't," Buffy interrupted. "We were careful and everything is fine. All it can do is help us. Then maybe when this is over, you just might want to research the effects from the bonding."
"Effects?"
"Well, you've seen Spike all immune to crosses and holy water and we don't even know what else."
"And what about you, Buffy? What have you noticed?" Giles asked, tired of fighting and deciding to go into full watcher mode.
"I feel alive. Sharper instincts... vampire senses I think is what we figured out. That, combined with slayer strength can only be good, right?"
"Possibly."
"Giles. It's what I wanted. What I needed."
"Guess there's not anything else that needs to be said. We'll just have to see how things turn out, won't we?"
"I guess so. But right now, we have a war to win. Everyone ready?" Buffy asked, turning toward the others, preparing them to do battle.
"As ready as we'll ever be," Angel answered, placing several weapons throughout his coat. "Let's go."
Telling
Buffy and Spike left the comfort of the mansion hand in hand. Both were glad Angel had decided to go on ahead, giving them some time alone. Almost immediately Buffy's eyes widened when she met the cool night air and her senses went into overload. She stopped, taking in her surroundings. The sight, sound and smell of everything around her.
"What is it, luv?" Spike asked, slightly worried when she let his hand go.
"Everything's so clear. So vivid. Everything I see, everything I hear.. it's like they say when you loose a sense and all the rest of them get stronger? Only I didn't lose anything." She took a long, deep inhalation of air. "I can smell the rain coming."
Spike moved to stand in front of her, a smile spread wide on his lips. "Like you're experiencing everything for the first time?"
"Exactly," she answered, still in awe.
"Close your eyes and listen."
She did as told as he placed his hand over her chest.
"Can you hear it?" he asked softly.
"What am I listening for?"
"The sound of your heartbeat."
Buffy concentrated on blocking out all other sounds and listened closely. "I hear it," she whispered, as her eyes opened in surprise.
"Vamp senses, luv. You're feeling what every vampire experiences when they're turned."
"But I'm not a vampire."
"No, you're not. But you just mated with one," he reminded her with a bit of pride in his voice. "Seems you gained a bit of demon after all."
"I figured I'd get something from it. More strength, speed... but this isn't what I expected. I'm not gonna start craving a liquid diet, am I?" she halfheartedly joked.
He smiled back. "You get used to it. Things aren't as amplified after awhile. You learn to tone it out a bit. And no, I think pizza and doublemeat burgers are probably more your taste, luv."
"The thought of being part demon... somehow that doesn't seem like such a bad thing anymore. It used to scare me. When I came back...and thought..."
"I know what you thought, Buffy. I was the one who put the idea in your head, remember? Tried to convince you that you came back wrong. Less than human." His eyes traveled everywhere except where they could rest on hers. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly.
"No, Spike. Don't say you're sorry. This is a new start, right? No more apologizing for things that happened back then. We both said and did things that were wrong and I think we've both faced the consequences."
"I just never meant to make you feel like you were less than what you are."
"Spike," she leaned in to pull him against her. "You were the only one who made me feel 'anything'. You didn't make me feel like less...I was the one doing it to myself. Now, with this, you've given me a gift. Whether it's demon or not, it's you. The demon is a part of you and I can accept that now."
"I hope so, luv. Cuz you're stuck with me. No turning back." His lips made their way down the side of her neck, stopping at the place where he'd bitten her. He lapped at the spot with his tongue, circling and nipping at her skin with blunt teeth.
Buffy shivered at his touch and felt an instant wave of heat invade her body. A breath escaped her as she bent her head back to allow him better access. "Why do I feel like this when you touch me there?" She pulled him further in, urging for more contact. His lips, his body, anything to lesson the almost painful need for him.
"A vampire bite is a powerful thing, Buffy. It's what connects us, the blood and the acceptance. The trust involved. It's almost more intimate than sex."
"I can feel you. Like you're still inside me."
"I am. We're a part of each other."
"Does it work the same way with you and Angel?" she asked, reaching out to rub his scar that was now barely seen.
"The ritual you and I did makes it different. I can still feel him but not the same way. A sire bond isn't quite the same thing."
"So why'd you let him...I don't get you and Angel and the whole sex thing..." she trailed off, almost blushing at her question.
"It's all about dominance, pet. When you're turned, you're taught to learn your place. And Angelus being who he was at the time used that to his advantage as often as he could. After awhile, it becomes expected...almost a show of affection as much as it can be. It's not about sex the way you're thinking."
"I just can't get over you letting him..."
"Not really a choice, luv. Just the way things are."
"Did you ever..I mean...did he ever let you...?"
His eyebrow rose. "Did I shag him? Doesn't work that way. At least not with Angelus. He'd never give up that much control. He played his role as sire to the hilt."
"I guess I just don't understand the whole bond between sire and childe."
"You probably won't cuz you're not a vamp. It's something you have to experience to know. I denied it for a long time, but Angel made me...turned me into what I am. It's as simple as that."
"I can't believe I never knew that. That Angel was your sire."
He shrugged, lighting a cigarette he'd fished from his pocket. "We weren't best friends. You threatened to kill me, I told you what I wanted you to hear."
"You lied."
"And your point is? Wasn't like you cared, slayer. You were too busy snoggin' soldier boy to pay attention to anything I said. I was bending over backwards tryin' to get you to notice me."
Buffy sighed deeply, pushing her hands in her pockets. "I always noticed you, Spike. That was my problem. I knew it was wrong to be attracted to you and I hated myself for wanting you...even back then."
He flicked the finished cigarette away and glanced at her curiously. "You did?"
"Don't act so surprised. It's always been there between us. Even when we were trying to kill each other."
"Considered that foreplay, luv," he answered, his tongue curling against his teeth.
She batted her eyelashes coyly and smiled. "I think it started for me after Will's spell."
"Which spell?"
"You know which one," she answered. "When we were engaged. If anyone actually knew what was going on when they weren't looking..." She giggled at the memories of the first time she'd ever felt Spike's arousal. The seductive way she'd squirmed and pushed against him on his lap as they discussed their wedding plans just to get a rise from the lovesick vampire.
"Your watcher would have had my head on a stick if he'd known what you actually let me get away with."
"It wasn't that much!" she complained as she remembered quick caresses on bare skin and naughty comments behind turned backs. "And besides, we were engaged. That's what almost married people do!"
"I would have shagged you silly if we'd had half a minute alone together."
She smiled, stealing a soft kiss. "I would have let you."
"Too bad it was just a spell. Then you went back to hating me."
"As much as you hated me. Face it, we weren't meant to be friends back then."
"Have we ever been?" He raised a curious eyebrow at her.
"Been what?"
"Friends."
She gave a troubled look in his direction. "I don't know. Maybe...when I came back. Before all the crazy sex stuff got in the way. You were the person I wanted to be around...tell things to."
"I just figured since I knew how it was...being dead and all..."
"I enjoyed talking to you. That's what friends do, right? Enjoy each other's company?"
"Suppose so. It'd been so long since I'd had one. Niblet was about the closest thing to it, I guess."
"I never said thank you. For taking care of her. It meant a lot."
He shrugged. "No sweat, slayer. Told you I would. Made a promise, right?"
"And vamps always keep their promises," she joked sarcastically.
"Always to you," he answered seriously.
She shivered, knowing he 'would' always be there for her. "Well, we'd better get back to the house. I'm sure everyone's waiting."
"And so the fun begins..."
They walked silently back to Revello Drive. Approaching the house, they found most of the lights on and caught glimpses of movement from beyond the opened blinds. Buffy walked through the door first with Spike following close behind. All actions stopped when everyone turned their attention to the pair standing in the doorway holding hands.
"Are you guys ready for a fight?" Buffy asked, putting on a show of bravery for the others as well as for herself.
"Where have you been, Buffy?" Giles asked, glancing between the woman and the vampire on her arm.
"We had some things to do," she answered defensively.
"Some things to do," he repeated. "Right before an attack that you yourself are planning."
"Yes," she countered, ignoring his sarcasm. "Okay, everyone has a job to do."
"Except us," Xander spoke accusingly gesturing between himself and Anya.
"I told you, I want you here, safe. Just in case." She hesitated. "You can hand out weapons," she added, pointing toward the large, wooden box in the corner.
Xander rolled his eyes, knowing that would always be his job. Weapons boy, doughnut, boy, glorified bricklayer. He knew Buffy wanted to keep him out of harm's way, but still felt he had more to offer.
"Willow," Buffy said, turning toward her best friend. "Come upstairs and I'll explain your part."
The red head nodded and moved to follow. Buffy turned toward Spike and kissed him, oblivious to the curious looks they were receiving, then retreated upstairs.
Spike made his way to where Xander was lifting the lid on the weapons chest.
"I told you to leave her alone," the boy spoke hatefuly.
"And I told you to piss off," came the reply.
"Whatever." Xander shook his head and began rifling through the trunk, mumbling to himself. 'Nasty vampires...what to get to fight nasty vampires...' He eyed an object and glanced at Spike. "Here, hold this."
Spike reached without question. "Bloody hell!" he shouted, dropping the cross from his grasp. "Wanker," he added for good measure before noticing the awed expression on Xander's face. Spike's forehead rumpled as he brought his hand up to inspect it.
"What the hell?" Angel asked, moving in closer.
Spike reached for the cross again, wearily picking it up. Everyone had now joined them, watching the new discovery play out. Spike flipped the object over, flipping it from one hand to the other, unharmed. His eyes found Angel's, silently questioning the other vampire's.
"What's going on?" Xander asked, again scrounging around inside the trunk. "What about this?"
Before Spike could protest, the other man already had the cap off and was flicking the bottle of water toward the vampire. The blonde flinched, but stilled when he realized nothing had happened.
"Spike?" Giles asked with eyeglasses and handkerchief already in hand.
Xander pulled out a stake and turned back toward the confused vamp. Spike immediately reacted and stood in full game face. "Try it and lose some parts, Harris," he growled.
The piece of wood found its way back into the trunk and Xander's hands found his pockets.
After a moment of silence, Giles finally spoke. "Holy water? Crosses? Spie, what did you do?!"
"It's the ritual," came the answer from across the room. Buffy walked over to her mate, pushing her way through Angel, Giles, Kennedy and Anya. "It has to be."
"Ritual?" the watcher asked, his voice filled with worry.
Buffy took Spike's hands, turning them over in her own to see for herself. A smile curled on her lips.
"I guess you're a little less demon now."
A look of knowing passed between them. Forgetting everyone else, Spike pulled her to him to nuzzle her neck, running his tongue along the two puncture marks. They both immediately felt the connection, igniting the sparks between them.
"My lord, Buffy! What were you thinking?!"
The sound of Giles' voice pulled them away from their focus on each other and they reluctantly pulled apart.
"What thinking? Who? Huh?" Xander asked in confusion.
Through a look of fatherly concern, Giles answered. "Buffy let Spike claim her."
"Huh?" the boy repeated.
The older man shook his head and backed up until he reached the sofa, clumsily sitting. Buffy sighed nervously. "Giles."
"Have I not taught you anything?!" he snapped.
Her nervousness turned toward anger. "You taught me plenty! You taught me how to fight! You taught me how to follow my instincts! I'm doing exactly what you taught me!"
"I did not teach you to be foolish!"
"Hey! Watch it, Rupert!" Spike scolded.
"And you...stay out of this!"
"Spike is a part of this!" Buffy interrupted.
"What were you thinking?! Do you have any idea what you've done? This isn't the movies, Buffy. This is real life. This is forever!"
"And what happened to 'I'll stand behind you if it makes you happy'? Huh? Do you remember telling me that yesterday?"
"Yes, well..."
"No. You're right. This is forever and I know that. Spike and I did the ritual. We knew exactly what we were doing. I'd think you'd be curious. Don't you want to write it down somewhere in your watcher journal or something? I don't think a slayer has ever mated with a vampire before."
"Mated?! Did you say mated?!" Xander asked, his face full of panic.
Giles sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before replacing his hand with his glasses. He finally looked toward the boy who was waiting to be answered.
"Yes, Xander. Buffy and Spike took part in a mating ritual. Quite dangerous and it quite possibly could have been life threatening."
"But it wasn't," Buffy interrupted. "We were careful and everything is fine. All it can do is help us. Then maybe when this is over, you just might want to research the effects from the bonding."
"Effects?"
"Well, you've seen Spike all immune to crosses and holy water and we don't even know what else."
"And what about you, Buffy? What have you noticed?" Giles asked, tired of fighting and deciding to go into full watcher mode.
"I feel alive. Sharper instincts... vampire senses I think is what we figured out. That, combined with slayer strength can only be good, right?"
"Possibly."
"Giles. It's what I wanted. What I needed."
"Guess there's not anything else that needs to be said. We'll just have to see how things turn out, won't we?"
"I guess so. But right now, we have a war to win. Everyone ready?" Buffy asked, turning toward the others, preparing them to do battle.
"As ready as we'll ever be," Angel answered, placing several weapons throughout his coat. "Let's go."