School's out and it's all the rage!
KEY Torture
By: Lease
Disclaimer Haiku
I do not own them
These characters are not mine
Please do not sue me
^^
Author's Note: My god! I have returned! Please forgive my worthless soul that I have not updated it months. Here are the following reasons why: soccer, musical, romantic interest (eheheh….), friends (yes, I actually have some friends now! Yay!) I GOT MY WISDOM TEETH OUT. Owwwwwwww…..*sniffles*
Now….
Time for KEY TORTURE!!!!
Johnny C (Why the fook am I here? I need a brainfreezy!!! CHERRY DOOM!)
Jack Skellington (Is there any particular reason why I'm stuck with a homicidal maniac and a Christmas tree decoration?)
Jarlaxle Baenre (….it could be worse.)
-Back at the Secret Underground Lair Thingie-
Jack: (sitting on the coach with a can of skettios in his hand) I wonder if these things are any good…
Nny: MINE! (jumps onto the couch and wrestles the can away from Jack) How dare you touch my precious! My precious…(strokes the can, not noticing the strange look from Jack)
Jack: By any chance Nny, have you seen The Lord of the Rings?
Nny: My precious…my preciousssss….
Jarlaxle: (strolls into the room with a towel around his waist and a glass of champagne in his hand) I see our friend has finally lost his sanity. (shakes his head and walks to the room relabeled Office of Queen of the Universe!!! and grins at Jack) Aluve!*
The TV screen flickers and a familiar blonde appears on the screen.
*Hi guys!!!! (waves and grins) Lookie! No more braces!*
Jack: Hoorah…(absentmindedly watches Nny stroke his skettios)
*(glares at the Pumpkin King) You know, there's always that pink tutu…*
Jack: Uh…no. No thanks. I'm good. (smiles nervously)
*That's what I like to hear. Well, people have been asking for more of KEY Torture, and I'm been so busy I didn't even check my reviews. Silly me! (giggles) *
All: (look at her, their expressions blank)
*(blinks) Well…..anyway….I have a new file! And it's really stupid. In fact, it's so stupid I read the whole novel length thing, punching my head as I did so.*
Jarlaxle: (grins) Sounds like a nasty piece of work. (gives Nny an incredulous stare as the homicidal maniac continues to stroke his can, sniggering with glee)
Jack: Exactly what is this head punching story about…?
*(laughs) I think that's for your wife to explain, Jackie dear!*
The screen goes blank, then flickers back on again.
Nny: No evil laughter this time? Surely that was a restrainment for all of you.
Devi: (rolls her eyes) At least I don't have a Spaghettio obsession, Johnny….
Nny: Huh?! (looks around frantically) What is this skettio expression you speak of? It is not true, I tell you. Lies, all LIES!!!! (dives into the couch coushin, still holding his can of skettios with his eyes staring out from the darkness)
Sharlotta: I believe that's blatant denial. I like that in a man…(licks her lips)
Jarlaxle: Shar dearest, you're making me ill…
Sally: Don't you three want to know about the file you'll be enjoying today? (smiles sweetly)
Jack: Sally, stop giving me the stare…
Jarlaxle: (laughs) I wonder who's on top in this relationship? (quiets after a warning "ahem" from the authoress, located in unknown territories)
Devi: Nny, put down the skettios…
Nny: NEVA!!!! (burrows deeper into the couch)
Sally: (looks at them impatiently) Would everyone please be quiet so I can announce the next story?! Thank you.
Jarlaxle: (mutters) Bitch…
Sally: I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Now, this lovely piece is entitled End of a Villain, Start of a Legacy. It's a Nightmare Before Christmas fanfiction and I don't think Jack will appreciate it much. (grins)
Devi: All right, let's just leave and let them get on it. (looks at Nny with almost pity)
Sharlotta: (waves seductively) Bye boys.
The screen flickers off.
Jarlaxle: (looks at the now fidgeting Jack and shakes his head, then goes over to the couch and yanks Nny out, dragging him over to the White Room) Let's go, Mr. Mighty Pumpkin.
Jack: (swallows hard, then enters, sitting down in one of the swivel chairs) This is will be great fun…(sighs)
The screen flickers on.
End of a Villain, Start of a LegacyNny: (in an announcer voice) And, if the title isn't large enough, here's some oversized and overbudgeted ads from our sponsors!
Jarlaxle: You learn new things every day….
Jack Skellington stood in the center of Town Hall, watching as everyone worked.
Jack: D'oh!
Halloween this year was going to turn out great, he could tell. Being the Pumpkin King, it was his duty to make sure it would.
Jarlaxle: This really could be much worse…
And even though he had been somewhat distracted recently, he was determined to set things right once again. For a while recently he had been quite depressed,
Jarlaxle: What pills did they put you on, prozac?
Jack: (mutters) Shut up.
wanting a change in his life. Something more. That had been when he'd discovered Christmas Town, a happy little holiday situated in the North Pole. He had loved it,
Nny: Oh baby, oh baby, oh baby.
proceeding to kidnap old Saint Nick and take his place. Halloween had created toys of their own, little creations that ate their owners whole and chased litttle children around the house. Sandy Jack
Jack: I never recall myself ever being called "Sandy Jack." Never. That's wrong.
had flown in his coffin sleigh with three skeletal reindeer to deliver them to the children of the world, feeling confidant that it would all go off without a hitch. His efforts had gone unappreciated, however, as the armies used their modern-day weapons to blast him out of the sky. Even now, he could feel the heavy emotional scars that had come with the sudden shock of realizing how badly he had failed. Not only had he ruined Christmas, but he had let down the holiday. He hadn't even planned on any consequences, didn't take into consideration the seriousness of the task he was undertaking. He had fixed everything though; saved Sandy Claws from the horrible Oogie Boogie (the former town villain) and set everything right once more.
Nny: And in case you didn't see the movie, you now have a complete summary to guide you by!
Jarlaxle: That announcer voice is beginning to scare me…
Now that everything was settled back down once again, things were back to normal. Well, almost, save for the daily surprises of living in this place. Vampires and werewolves were a common things,
Jack: I'm going as low as to criticize the grammar…
as were witches and winged demons. It wasn't unfamiliar around here to have others casting horrible hexes on you just for the fun of it.
Nny: Personally, I don't think they would mess around with the Pumpkin King anyway.
Then there were Lock, Shock, and Barrel, another story altogether.
Jack: Quite they are.
Formerly Oogie Boogie's henchmen, the siblings were now left on their own in the treehouse home they shared above the lair belonging to their former master. Their past was shrouded in mystery, perhaps one of the most baffling in Halloween history. Nobody knew quite how they had gotten to where they were, and the three weren't talking.
Nny: Ever heard of paraphrasing?
Jarlaxle: Lease can't stand overwinded stories…(smirks)
Jack suspected they knew, but he felt no need to interfere with their private lives. It was none of his buisness. Besides, he had no intention of meddling with them. The three were the town's worst trouble makers, always causing mischief and mayhem.
Jack: Well, at least I'm me.
Jarlaxle: For the moment.
They played awful pranks on everyone; stealing the blueprints, smashing jack-o-lanterns, even slipping deadly nightshade into the town's water supply. Numerous times Jack had tried to ban them from Halloween Town, but it never worked; they always found their way back in. Finally he had given up on them, asking them to please keep their destruction down to a minimum. They had just smiled sweetly, continuing on their merry way. Of course, they had been lying.
Jack knew though that there was a good side to these three kids; he had seen it before.
Jack: If maybe I've been stiffing too much deadly nightshade.
Sometimes they would stop for a friendly chat with him, and other times help out with the holiday. He knew they were good inside; he just had to find out how to get to that good part. But perhaps he never would; until then, he would try to find a way.
Nny: (looks around, sharing a smirk with Jarlaxle) I sense I contradiction here!
Jack: Long winded…(groans)
Still though, he often wondered what the story behind them was. He knew some basic facts about the three, but not much to go by. Shock was the eldest at 11 years of age. Lock was the middle child at 9, and Barrel was the youngest at 8. All three had once had parents, he knew that as well, but then they had teamed up with Oogie Boogie for some reason. He never knew exactly why, and neither did anyone else. It was just another mystery to add to the many that made up Halloween.
Jack: Is there going to be a plot anytime soon?
Jarlaxle: Probably not. (starts to draw runes on his arms with silver gel pen)
Jack often found himself thinking about the three, but there was someone else he thought of even more.
Nny: Oh wait, let's see here…his miserable exsistence?
Jarlaxle: His dead sex life?
Jack: My dog?
His girfriend, Sally.
All: Damn! (hang their heads and sigh)
Having been seeing her for just over a month, he loved her a great deal. Having fallen in love on that fateful Christmas Eve not too long ago, Sally was the creation of Dr. Finklestein, the town's resident Evil Scientist. Having been created no more then 6 months ago she was fairly new to the world, but her knowledge of the place said otherwise.
Jarlaxle: I think I might be sick…(gives a reproachful glance at The Office)
Jack: Having been-
Brilliant at all that she did, Sally was truly made for Halloween; a born natural. She scared humans with the grace and agility of the Pumpkin King himself.
Nny: Doesn't she walk like a cow with it's hind legs severed?
She spoke of things that even Jack himself didn't know about, which was odd, because Jack was over 500 years old (504, to be exact).
Jack: (his eyes widen and look at Jarlaxle) If that were true I believe I would've hung myself by now.
It stunned him the rate at which she had absorbed the information she knew; indeed she was a highly intelligent creature. As well she showed signs of telepathic abilities
Nny: (cough) Smoking pot! (cough)
and was quite skilled in the area of sewing. Which was why she was often placed in charge of repairing people's Halloween outfits; the vampires capes, the witches hats, the suit Jack would wear as the scarecrow.
Jack: This is starting to get monotonous…
She was obviously the best choice, and everyone knew it.
As he stood here in Town Hall now thinking about all these things, he didn't notice somebody approaching him. "Jack!" someone cried. "Jack, snap out of it!"
Jack: Yes, please! You are now waking up from a nightmare full of superfluous shite.
Jarlaxle: I'm proud of you Jack. (grins)
He blinked, seeing his good friend The Mayor standing before him. A short and obese little man, he was only half of Jack's 7 feet and four times as fat. Rail thin and abnormally tall, the Pumpkin King severly contrasted against the little man, who was second-in-command only to him. To make up for his height the Mayor wore an outrageously tall hat, which just made him look ridiculous. He was a two-faced politician, quite literally. His head had the ability of spinning back and forth to show emotions; one side of his head revealed happiness, the other fear, anger, sadness, surprise, and any other feeling imaginable. And it was this one that was most often displayed. Right now, he was looking at Jack with an expression of impatientness.
Nny: Thank you, Department of Description.
"Jack, what are you doing standing around like this? We have so much work to do! That whole Christmas thing left us so far behind, we have so much to do..."
Jack: Whine whine whine, that's all he can do. (grunts and folds his arms)
Nny: Someone's getting indignant.
"I know, I just got slightly distracted there.
Jarlaxle: I was remembering one of those sex dreams I had with Carmen Electra and Pamela Anderson. My apologies.
Sorry. I believe we were just about to go check on the jack-o-lanterns, right?"
Jack: It's almost as bad as a 19th century novel, isn't it?
Jarlaxle: Charles Dickens, here we come.
"According to schedule, yes," he replied as they headed off. "I actually believe that we'll be pretty well caught up by the time the big night rolls around, if we work quickly."
"Good. I believe that this year is going to be a hit. I have tons of more ideas to give those humans a good fright." They stopped, having arrived at their destination. The vampires were in charge of carving this year, and appeared to be doing quite well.
Nny: If I don't see a plot soon, I'm going to kill myself.
Jarlaxle: That's exactly what they want you to do. Don't lose hope quite yet.
The King picked up one of the completed products, observing it closely. He nodded slightly. "Looks good," he said at last. "You're doing a good job. Nice smile to them, sends a good shiver down the spine. The mortals will hate it."
Nny: Unless you're a deranged homicidal maniac. Then you'll love it.
Jack: Do I really act like this?
The mayor marked this down on his clipboard. "Wonderful then, one last thing to worry about." Giving a nod to the vampires, he led Jack away. "So," he said casually. "I've noticed that things seem to be heating up between you and Sally, eh?"
Jarlaxle: To be taken as: How's the sex life, Jack?
Jack: (sighs) Embarrassing.
A smile. "Definately. I think she's the one, my friend. I really do."
"Really? Wow, that's wonderful. Think you'll propose to her?"
Jack: The biggest mistake of my life…
He shrugged. "Who knows? I just might. I wanted to keep the relationship going for a while yet, see if this is what I truly want. But at this point, I think that eventually we will be married."
Jarlaxle: (singing) You're mine now, but you're not my sister…
Jack: If you continue your Oingo Boingo escapade it will not end well.
"Stupendous! I wish you the best then. Imagine, a Queen. I think that she'll make a fine match for you."
A nod. "I think so, too Mr. Mayor. I really do."
Nny: (scribbles notes down on a piece of paper)
Jarlaxle: What are you doing?
Nny: Counting the number of times a character repeats themselves.
Jack: (mutters) Wonderful.
Jack and Sally had a date already made for that evening, dinner at a local resturaunt. When the King got there she was already seated at a table waiting for him. He smiled to himself upon seeing her; dressed in a long, black dress, her beauty shone through wonderfully.
Nny: (gags himself) ….
Jarlaxle: It's almost like the beginning of a porn…
Jack: (glares at the mercenary)
Her long, brown hair flowed elegantly across her shoulders, her large black eyes wandering around the room. Her small frame was complimented by the dress, and her tiny hands were folded upon the table.
A little sigh escaped his throat as he gazed at his love.
Jarlaxle: (glances at Nny) That's starting to look tempting.
Jack: Push the right buttons, and you might find yourself in that position.
Since that first fateful evening together upon the spiral hill just over a month ago, the both of them had been inseperable. He loved her more then his own life, more then all the money in the world. She was a very important woman, and he wanted to make sure she knew that.
Jarlaxle: By giving her the "bling bling!" Oh yeah! (starts dancing to an imaginary rap beat)
Nny: You make me sick.
Putting on a smile now he headed over to her, kissing her delicate hand.
Jack: (mildly amused) How sweet.
"Good evening, my dear," he said.
"My darling," she grinned. "I missed you."
Jarlaxle: I wonder if that grin had implications behind it.
Nny: Trust no one, bitch.
"As I've missed you," came the reply. "Sorry I'm late..."
"Don't worry about it," she chuckled. "As long as you're here."
A smile.
Jarlaxle: Eh heh. Heh.
"Thank-you." A little cough.
Jack: A little cough? That's so sweet. (makes a face)
Jarlaxle: Someone didn't take their happy pills today, did they?
"So, um....any word from your landlord?" Sally currently lived in a run-down apartment not far from his home. The place was a piece of crap, run-down and hardly worth living in.
Jack: Oh yeah. I'm sure she did.
Nny: Story. Remember it's just a story.
He had often offered to get a better place for her, but she had refused. He was already helping pay for this place, she insisted. She would not allow him to pay any more, despite what the living conditions were like.
Nny: For some reason, I feel no pity.
Jarlaxle: None whatsoever.
But Sally, he had protested, this is pure filth. "I'll send a complaint letter," she had replied. And so she had.
Jarlaxle: But no one answered.
Jack: Because the request was idiotic.
Nny: I bet her idea of filth is not have valet parking.
She shook her head now. "No, Jack, nothing. Not so much as a word."
A growl.
Jack: (shakes his head and sighs) Why in hell am I growling?
Jarlaxle: And no one believed it was going to become a porn.
"You submitted that thing to him over two weeks ago, Sally, it's not good enough. Oh, please let me go talk to him."
Nny: (imitating Jack) Oh please, Sally. We haven't had sex in two days.
Jack: This is sad. Almost to the point of making me look like a dependent bastard who read too many romance novels and helped cleaning with mother.
Jarlaxle: I thought that was a fairly accurate description to begin with. (snickers as a pillow hits the side of his head)
"No.
Nny: Take that, you bastard!
Jarlaxle: There's a difference between embellishing and overwriting, and the fine line between them is beginning to make me twitch.
You may be the Pumpkin King, but I'm not going to let you use your authority to help me out, Jack. Absolutely not."
"Oh, Sally," he sighed. "Please, I love you, I want you to be happy."
Jack: I'm such a pansy.
Jarlaxle: A pansy with morals. (shakes his head sadly)
"But I am happy," she insisted as she took his hands. "I've got you."
Jarlaxle: And your money.
Nny: And your position.
Jack: And my gullibility.
"No, that's not what I mean. I want you to have a nice home and lots of food..." He paused. "Sally, move in with me," he proclaimed suddenly. "Come live in the Skellington mansion with me."
Jack: ….and my house.
Jarlaxle: The Pumpkin King's been…pussywhipped!
Nny: (sings) Whip it. Whip it good.
She was stunned.
Nny: As in "by a stungun"?
Jarlaxle: We can only hope.
"Jack, so soon? We've barely been seeing each other a month..."
Jack: Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?
"And I love you, Sally!" he cried. "Sweet lord, I love you! Please Sally, say yes. We can get your stuff tomorrow and we can both be happily settled in by nightfall. Oh, it's such a wonderful idea, do say yes...."
All: (snicker)
"What will Zero think?" she said with a smile, referring to Jack's pet ghost-dog.
Jack: That's right, ask what the dog thinks, because the dog can talk.
"Zero will think whatever I want him to," he replied.
Nny: Using mind control on the dog, are we now, Jack?
Jarlaxle: That was entirely too obvious. (absentmindedly examines his rings)
"Come on, Sally, say it. Say the word I want to hear."
Jarlaxle: Just say no to Jack, Sally. Just say no.
Jack: Excuse me?
"I don't know, Jack. I mean, I can just as easily make a few repairs on the apartment myself...."
"Sally," he growled, growing annoyed.
Nny: I smell an abusive relationship!
Jack: Am I mentally disabled or just a prick?
Jarlaxle: I'd have to go with…both. Yes. Definitely both.
A little chuckle. "Oh, alright. Yes. I'll move in with you."
"Yes!" he cried, leaping up from his chair and knocking it over. A few people glanced over at him, and he blushed with embarrasment.
Nny: (twitches) You know, Jack, if you really acted like this we would have killed you a while ago.
Jack: I know, Johnny, I know.
"Sorry," he smiled as he took his seat once more. Immediately he turned back to his love, taking her fragile hands into his own. "Oh, this is wonderful, Sally!" He kissed her over the table. "I love you so very much, you know that?"
Jarlaxle: It's almost as bad as Drizzt Do'Urden.
Nny: (laughs maniacally) I'm going to kill the bastard!
Jack: The bastard is right here.
Another kiss. "Yes, I know. I love you too, my King."
"Ahem," came a voice suddenly. They looked up, to see
Nny: Me holding a knife, proceeding to then stab them to death.
Jarlaxle: Oprah Winfrey! (sips from a glass of ijuild)
Jack: Somehow I have a sick feeling it's my mother.
a waiter standing over them.
Nny: Pooh.
He appeared uncomfortable.
Jarlaxle: He was getting off from the hot love action.
Jack: Have I ever told you you're the most perverted being I've ever met?
Jarlaxle: (grins smoothly) Yes.
"I am most sorry to interrupt, your Kingship, but..."
Jack: Your kingship? Who the calls me "your Kingship?"
Nny: Apparently the "waiter" does. (makes a face at the Pumpkin King)
"Yes, don't worry about it," Jack said with a wave of his skeletal hand. "My darling, what shall you be having?"
"I've been craving the Fried Rat Tails, personally," she said, gazing at the menu she had been given earlier.
Jarlaxle: Not bad, actually.
Nny: Ech. Just ech.
Jack: (mocking himself) ….my darling…(mutters)
"Two plates of that, then," Jack told the waiter as the menu was taken from them.
"I'll be back in a moment, sir," he replied before hurrying off to the kitchen.
Screen flickers off, then back on.
*(half asleep, scrunching up her nose at random objects on her desk) Heh, taquito…(jolts up) Hey guys! (waves and smiles)*
Nny: I hate you.
Jack: That was the most boring thing I've ever read.
*Isn't it? I'll be giving you more in intervals due to the fact it does tend to cause suicide attempts. I don't want that to happen now, do I?*
Jack: (looks around frantically, trying to find some rope)
*Oh, it isn't that bad. It gets progressively worse. (grins) Sharlotta and them are off in Calimport somewhere, but they'll be back soon. Talk to you later boys!*
The screen flickers off for the final time.
Jarlaxle: Oh, the raging horror.
End transmission.
Author's Note: I know this installment has been delayed due to a lot of things, and I know I chose a fanfiction that people may like, and I apologize ahead of time. ^^; End of a Villain, Start of a Legacy belongs to tiff@burtonelfman.zzn.com and I am sorry if I offended her in any way.
Anywhoo, I have some other business to attend to. If anyone out there wants to see a certain fic "reviewed" by the boys (guest characters are negotiable) please email me at mangabunny@suscom.net. Thanks, and see you next time!
*Aluve = hello (in drow)