A/n: Before this chapter gets started, I'd like to clarify a few things for y'all so I don't look stupid. 1) I realize that in the HP universe most of the stuff in here isn't possible/wouldn't happen because Mulder and Scully are Muggles-such as they wouldn't be able to see Hogwarts, etc. I've read all the HP books several times through (except 5-only once) and know the rules but for the sake of comedy we're going to pretend, alright? Ok, good. 2) We're also going to pretend that there are no X-Files or HP timelines. Yes, I have the powers to warp time and space, I'm the author. 3) Thanks for all the great reviews! It scares me to know that people read this insanity…but keep it up!! 4) Yes, I know I should be committed…but on the bright side, it's my insanity that fuels the humor!! Now, let's get on with this….I've rambled enough for now…
Harry Potter and the Alien Abduction
Ch.2: Snape's New Look
Scully groaned and pulled the Chudley Cannons bedspread over head as Mulder pounded on the bedroom door, saying, "Scully! Wake up Scully!" The last thing Scully wanted to do was wake up. Waking up meant that all this wasn't a dream; that she really had let Mulder drag her to England to search for UFO with his wizard buddies. Mulder pounded on the door even harder and Scully dragged herself out of bed, yelling, "Alright, alright, I'm up!"
"Good! I'll see you downstairs for breakfast!" Mulder said through the door. Scully quickly got dressed and descended to the kitchen to join the Weasleys and Mulder for breakfast. Soon Arthur, Mulder and Scully were off to Hogwarts.
After another horrifying car ride, the trio arrived a Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Arthur led them inside and was greeted by a several red-headed kids.
"Scully, Mulder, I'd like you to meet a few of my kids. The twins are Fred and George, that's Ron, and this is Ginny. These are Ron's friends, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger."
Fred and George grinned, shaking hands with Mulder. "Are you the UFO expert Dad's been going on about?"
"That's me," Mulder said then turned to Harry. "And you're THE Harry Potter? I know all about you!"
"But you're a Muggle!"
"Yes, but a Muggle who happens to know quite a lot about unexplained phenomena and the unknown. I know quite a few wizards."
"Wow…"
"Pleased to meet you, Ms. Scully," Hermione was saying.
"Nice to meet you too. You can just call me Scully."
At that exact second Severus Snape can charging down the stairs. The group gathered there all looked at him and burst into hysterical laughter. He was wearing a frilly pink dress and a very angry look on his face.
"POTTER! WEASLEY!" He shouted. "I know you did this!"
Arthur could barely contain his laughter long enough to spit out, "I assure you, Snape, that Ron and Harry have been right here with me. What happened?"
Snape, still looking extremely angry, yet quite pretty, said, "I was sitting in my office when all the sudden I saw a bright flash of light. The next thing I know I was wearing THIS!" He cast a furious downward glance at his apparel.
"Oh but Professor, it's really your color!" Fred said.
"Yeah, it's quite you! You'll be the bell of the ball in that! All the girls will be jealous!" George said through his laughter.
"I feel pretty, oh so, pretty…" Fred began. George joined in and the two sang loudly until Snape shouted, "WEASLEY!!!"
They stopped and Arthur turned to Mulder, "Well, Mulder, unexplained phenomena is your area of expertise…any thoughts?" He jerked a thumb towards the oh-so-pretty in pink Snape.
"Well…" Mulder stared at the pink clad professor thoughtfully for a moment before snapping his fingers and saying, "Aliens!"
"Aliens?" The rest of the group echoed in surprise.
"Of course!" Mulder said as if it were as plain as the ugly nose on Snape's face. "A bright flash of light, lost time, strange clothing, it all points to one obvious solution. Extraterrestrials abducted him."
"Are you saying that aliens abducted Professor Snape and dressed him in a frilly pink dress just for the heck of it?" Hermione questioned, looking up at Mulder.
"Yes, I must certainly am." Mulder grinned. "I could explain it if we had some place to sit down."
"Well…" Arthur thought for a moment. "Perhaps we should all go over to the Three Broomsticks. Yeah, that should be good."
"Alright," said Mulder, "lead the way."
The trek to Hogsmead was short but interesting. In the front, Arthur was talking excitedly to Mulder about the possibility of UFO's at Hogwarts. Trailing slightly behind Mulder and staring at him in a love-induced trance was Ginny, who seem to be quite taken with his dashing good looks. Behind her, Snape, still in his lovely attire slumped along staring at the ground. Fred and George followed him, chorusing "I Feel Pretty" once more at the top of their lungs. Harry and Ron weren't far behind and could barely stop from falling over in hysterical laughter. Bringing up the rear were Scully and Hermione who were discussing the what seemed to them to be the logical, scientific explanation of the Snape situation. Scully grinned a bit, she felt a little more grounded now that she had finally found another voice of reason. Little did she know what insanity was waiting just inside the Three Broomsticks…
TBC of course!!!
A/n: Much more insane that the first chapter, no? REVIEW!! The more you review the more motivated I become to write the next chapter faster!! ^.^ So…what next? Well, old Snape's going to keep the dress, of course, Tonks, Lupin and Sirius are going to show up, Ginny's going to "put the moves" on Mulder and Hermione, Tonks and Scully are going to find out what it's like in Margaritaville. Keep reviewing!
~Mulder
Chapter 3: Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo--coming soon to a computer screen near you!
Disclaimer: X-Files--Chris Carter Harry Potter--JK Rowling
Snape's dress--Martha Stewart