"Step by step. Heart to heart
Left right left. We all fall down
Like toy soldiers.
Bit by bit. Torn apart
We never win
But the battle wages on
For a toy soldier"
("Toy Soldier" by Martika)
How innocent my brothers and I were when we were sixteen; innocent and stupid because we fought over the most petty and childish of things. I don't think it ever really occurred to us that there might be a day when one of us would die. It was possible, of course, considering we were ninja and that was part of the territory, but it wasn't something we dwelled on or even seriously thought about. If we had I know that we could have been a little more tolerant of each other and not waste such precious time on arguing. But I guess that's what brothers do.
It was mid-December and extremely cold. I hate the cold. It tended to slow down our metabolism. Some reptiles, I think, hibernate in the winter, and we did that a couple of times when we were really little, but once we got older we managed through the snowy months. And because our reflexes are so sluggish, meeting up with the remainder of the Foot Clan or even some common street thugs could mean disaster. So we stayed below for the most part and I think it only took about half a day before we started to get on each other's nerves.
My brothers and I tried to keep ourselves occupied and our master, Splinter, added some additional training sessions. He said it was to help keep us warm, I say it was to give us a release valve so we wouldn't kill each other. Either way, after three weeks it had pretty much lost its effectiveness.
Not surprisingly, it was Raphael and Leonardo, my two oldest brothers, who brought the tension to its exploding point. They had been aggravating each other without end for the better part of a week now and Splinter had to step in between them on more than one occasion. Raph and Leo were like oil and water or more accurately like fire and gasoline. Put them together and the result is damaging, both to themselves and anyone or anything around them. If they had only learned years ago to tolerate each other a little better, none of this would have happened. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
I cooked a wonderful dinner that night, considering the ingredients I had to work with. (April wouldn't be down with supplies for another few days and we had to make do on what we could find) And we all sat down at the table to eat, which was something we hadn't done for awhile. It only took about five minutes to remember why.
Raphael shoveled in the food as fast as he could and in between mouthfuls stated that he was going out that night.
Leonardo glanced at Master Splinter worriedly. "I do not think that is the best idea, Raphael," Sensei said softly. I think he knew where Raphael wanted to go. I knew. There was this little dive of a bar he frequented and I sensed that after several weeks of being coped up below, Raphael felt the urge to get completely wasted.
Raph looked up annoyed. "Why not? What? I got a curfew now?"
I exchanged a glance with my brother, Donatello, who rolled his eyes. Here we go again, he mouthed.
Leonardo drummed his fingers on the table. "You know, the cold slows us down, Raph. And it's supposed to drop down below zero tonight. And with the weather, muggers and thieves are out full force trying to score some extra cash."
"Your concern is touching, Leo," Raph said sarcastically. "I can take care of myself."
"Alcohol tends to dull the reflexes too," Donny muttered.
Raphael kicked him under the table. "Screw off, Donatello."
"Enough of this," Splinter said with a touch of anger. "Raphael, the discussion is closed. You will stay here tonight."
Raphael glared at him and pointed to Leo. "What about him? He went out last night and it was just as cold. I didn't see you stopping Leo."
I had to fight back a smile. Seems to me I've heard this argument before. Not that I can blame Raphael. Leonardo pretty much had free run of things and could do what he wanted. The rest of us not only had to answer to Splinter, but a lot of times, to Leo too.
"I went out," Leo began agitated. "To get some supplies to last us until April comes next week. I did not go out to get drunk."
Raphael stood up and pushed his chair so far back, it slammed into the wall behind him. "So you a mind reader now, Leo? Maybe I wanna go get some supplies too."
I even had to laugh at that one and then coughed to try to cover it up.
Raph turned to Splinter. "You always assume the worst of me and the best of him. Christ, Splinter, at least try to hide your favoritism a little bit."
I held my breath and there was shocked silence in the room. I wouldn't have been surprised if Sensei literally knocked my idiot brother through the wall for such disrespect. Only once, years ago, had I seen Splinter strike one of us in anger. And let me tell you, I never talked back to him again after that. But to my surprise, he just sat there. I think he was as stunned as the rest of us.
I glanced up at Raphael and fought back another wave of laughter. Raph's expression reminded me of Wylie Coyote's right before he was hit by a train. I almost expected him to hold up a sign that said, "help."
It was Leonardo that recovered first and he stood to glare at Raphael. "How dare you.." He began but Splinter cut him off.
"Sit down, Leonardo," he said. As Leonardo reluctantly sat, Sensei looked up at Raphael. "Raphael, you will go to the training room and begin to work on your katas. I will be there momentarily to finish this conversation."
"Busted,' I heard Donatello whisper softly. He motioned to me and we quietly began clearing the table. I noticed that Raphael still hadn't moved and he and Splinter's eyes were still locked.
I knew what was going through Raphael's mind. He felt as though he was being treated like a child and that combined with being stir crazy made him completely forget common sense. "I'm going."
At first I thought he meant to the dojo, but Raphael turned and without another word left the lair.
One of us should have gone after him. I should have gone after him, because I might have been able to make him see reason and come home. Even if I couldn't I would have been there and between the two of us might have changed the outcome in some way. But as usual, we let him go to blow off steam and come home when he was ready.
Raphael didn't come home that night or the next or the next. We searched for him in shifts to avoid over exposure to the cold. It was on the third night during Donny's shift that we got our first clue as to what happened to Raphael. The message was the beginning of the end for our family.
Left right left. We all fall down
Like toy soldiers.
Bit by bit. Torn apart
We never win
But the battle wages on
For a toy soldier"
("Toy Soldier" by Martika)
How innocent my brothers and I were when we were sixteen; innocent and stupid because we fought over the most petty and childish of things. I don't think it ever really occurred to us that there might be a day when one of us would die. It was possible, of course, considering we were ninja and that was part of the territory, but it wasn't something we dwelled on or even seriously thought about. If we had I know that we could have been a little more tolerant of each other and not waste such precious time on arguing. But I guess that's what brothers do.
It was mid-December and extremely cold. I hate the cold. It tended to slow down our metabolism. Some reptiles, I think, hibernate in the winter, and we did that a couple of times when we were really little, but once we got older we managed through the snowy months. And because our reflexes are so sluggish, meeting up with the remainder of the Foot Clan or even some common street thugs could mean disaster. So we stayed below for the most part and I think it only took about half a day before we started to get on each other's nerves.
My brothers and I tried to keep ourselves occupied and our master, Splinter, added some additional training sessions. He said it was to help keep us warm, I say it was to give us a release valve so we wouldn't kill each other. Either way, after three weeks it had pretty much lost its effectiveness.
Not surprisingly, it was Raphael and Leonardo, my two oldest brothers, who brought the tension to its exploding point. They had been aggravating each other without end for the better part of a week now and Splinter had to step in between them on more than one occasion. Raph and Leo were like oil and water or more accurately like fire and gasoline. Put them together and the result is damaging, both to themselves and anyone or anything around them. If they had only learned years ago to tolerate each other a little better, none of this would have happened. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
I cooked a wonderful dinner that night, considering the ingredients I had to work with. (April wouldn't be down with supplies for another few days and we had to make do on what we could find) And we all sat down at the table to eat, which was something we hadn't done for awhile. It only took about five minutes to remember why.
Raphael shoveled in the food as fast as he could and in between mouthfuls stated that he was going out that night.
Leonardo glanced at Master Splinter worriedly. "I do not think that is the best idea, Raphael," Sensei said softly. I think he knew where Raphael wanted to go. I knew. There was this little dive of a bar he frequented and I sensed that after several weeks of being coped up below, Raphael felt the urge to get completely wasted.
Raph looked up annoyed. "Why not? What? I got a curfew now?"
I exchanged a glance with my brother, Donatello, who rolled his eyes. Here we go again, he mouthed.
Leonardo drummed his fingers on the table. "You know, the cold slows us down, Raph. And it's supposed to drop down below zero tonight. And with the weather, muggers and thieves are out full force trying to score some extra cash."
"Your concern is touching, Leo," Raph said sarcastically. "I can take care of myself."
"Alcohol tends to dull the reflexes too," Donny muttered.
Raphael kicked him under the table. "Screw off, Donatello."
"Enough of this," Splinter said with a touch of anger. "Raphael, the discussion is closed. You will stay here tonight."
Raphael glared at him and pointed to Leo. "What about him? He went out last night and it was just as cold. I didn't see you stopping Leo."
I had to fight back a smile. Seems to me I've heard this argument before. Not that I can blame Raphael. Leonardo pretty much had free run of things and could do what he wanted. The rest of us not only had to answer to Splinter, but a lot of times, to Leo too.
"I went out," Leo began agitated. "To get some supplies to last us until April comes next week. I did not go out to get drunk."
Raphael stood up and pushed his chair so far back, it slammed into the wall behind him. "So you a mind reader now, Leo? Maybe I wanna go get some supplies too."
I even had to laugh at that one and then coughed to try to cover it up.
Raph turned to Splinter. "You always assume the worst of me and the best of him. Christ, Splinter, at least try to hide your favoritism a little bit."
I held my breath and there was shocked silence in the room. I wouldn't have been surprised if Sensei literally knocked my idiot brother through the wall for such disrespect. Only once, years ago, had I seen Splinter strike one of us in anger. And let me tell you, I never talked back to him again after that. But to my surprise, he just sat there. I think he was as stunned as the rest of us.
I glanced up at Raphael and fought back another wave of laughter. Raph's expression reminded me of Wylie Coyote's right before he was hit by a train. I almost expected him to hold up a sign that said, "help."
It was Leonardo that recovered first and he stood to glare at Raphael. "How dare you.." He began but Splinter cut him off.
"Sit down, Leonardo," he said. As Leonardo reluctantly sat, Sensei looked up at Raphael. "Raphael, you will go to the training room and begin to work on your katas. I will be there momentarily to finish this conversation."
"Busted,' I heard Donatello whisper softly. He motioned to me and we quietly began clearing the table. I noticed that Raphael still hadn't moved and he and Splinter's eyes were still locked.
I knew what was going through Raphael's mind. He felt as though he was being treated like a child and that combined with being stir crazy made him completely forget common sense. "I'm going."
At first I thought he meant to the dojo, but Raphael turned and without another word left the lair.
One of us should have gone after him. I should have gone after him, because I might have been able to make him see reason and come home. Even if I couldn't I would have been there and between the two of us might have changed the outcome in some way. But as usual, we let him go to blow off steam and come home when he was ready.
Raphael didn't come home that night or the next or the next. We searched for him in shifts to avoid over exposure to the cold. It was on the third night during Donny's shift that we got our first clue as to what happened to Raphael. The message was the beginning of the end for our family.