~Page 1 of Watari's World of Wonders Experiments Log Book~
Subject: How important is the free food (a.k.a free sweets and coffee) in Meifu?
Notes: Hmm… Sounds uninteresting right? But I thought, everybody seems to love the sweets and some has practically lived beside the coffee machine. So I was thinking, what if all of these were taken away? Would we have some violent reactions? Some would cry, maybe? Or they won't even notice?
That's plenty enough reason for me, I mean just to find out the reactions of these people, to continue on with this endeavor. So here are results which I find most satisfying.
Experiment number 1. Remove the coffee machine.
This simple task took awhile. As I mentioned above, a few people has stationed themselves near the machine because they get refills every 5 minutes. (Don't ask me, I don't know where they put all that coffee either!) So I had to create a diversion.
I've been working on this little darling of a mini bomb. Its causes a terrible, loud banging noise but doesn't emit smoke and doesn't cause fire. It just causes a ruckus because of its noise. So I discreetly got one from my pockets and threw it unceremoniously at Kachou's office.
WHAM!!! Within contact on the table it exploded. I thought I had made it far greater than I had thought it would be because it continued screaming, screeching and belching for 5 minutes. I only made it to last for 3. I realized that the extra 2 minutes was Kachou screaming, so I had to work quickly while I had the chance (The three occupants near the machine, Bon, Tatsumi and Wakaba had poked their noses inside the office to find out if Kachou needed help…), I grabbed the coffee machine plus the beans and dashed inside my lab.
With a snort of laughter I placed it at the top most cabinet for safe keeping and winked at 003. "You keep an eye on it for me!" I had said and she hooted indignantly as if saying it was a small job. To avoid being caught, I strode out of my lab and whistled when: WHAM!!! Kachou's fist had made contact with my head.
"I-Itai!!"
"Watari!!!" Kachou's unnatural loud voice was magnified ten times. I looked at him and yelped. He was madder than a deranged bull! His eyes were wide and red and his complexion was near purple… and was it just me? I swear I saw steam coming out of his nose and ears!!
"Ka-ka-Kachou!!!"
"Watari!! How dare you…" He said so fast that flecks of spit were flying in my face. I would have loved to point this out, but I don't think I can possibly make Kachou anymore madder. He raised a shaking hand to my eye level, for a moment there I thought he was going to hit me, but then he produced a long, green, saggy film.
"I found this, this remnant of your experiment…"
"It's not mine!!" I lied quickly.
"And don't you dare lie to me!!! Look it's patented under your name!!" Kachou spat out as he stretched what was left of the green film. It read: Watari's world of great inventions.
"Uh, Uh…" I stammered as I eyed all exits. How stupid of me!! It completely left my mind that I always patent my works!!!
"I'm going to kill you. I'm really going to!!!" Kachou yelled madly as he lunged for my neck. I stumbled and closed my eyes and waited for the blow and prayed: Should I die again and be thrown in heaven or hell, one wish I only have, could I please bring my lab with me?
Then as if a miracle had happened Kachou never did reached my neck. I opened my eyes and saw Bon struggling with all his might.
"Ka-Kachou!! The coffee, it's gone!!" Bon yelled as he restrained Kachou from getting me, or so I thought. Truth was he's pleading on his knees and was clutching at Kachou's leg as if asking him to get it back for him, PRONTO!
"So? And will you please let go off me? I have to finish him!!!" He said as he continued to trash around, throwing off blind kicks and punches and curses at me.
"No! Don't let go off him Hi-chan! I hadn't had my refill and I need one!! You find that machine or replace it!! I would just die!!" Wakaba shrieked as she stomped her feet on the ground forcefully. Tatsumi meanwhile was seated atop his table and was clutching his face. I went to him, seeing this as a chance to escape the still enraged Kachou who was luckily still being held by a pleading Bon.
"Tatsumi?" But he didn't hear me.
"Coffee, I need… Coffee, I need… I need" He repeated over and over again. I looked at him in worry. He hasn't gone out of his mind didn't he? I was pondering that when a loud crash was heard in my lab.
"What was that?" Kachou snapped and calmed down. Then he eyed me triumphantly.
"I'm going to get you for this one Watari!!! If I can't kill you then I'll destroy your lab!!! AHAHAHAHA…" Kachou said as he heaved himself and Bon and was fast approaching my lab.
"Kachou no!!! Please don't do this to me!! Just kill me if you will…" I pleaded as I trudged along them, Tatsumi and Wakaba on my trail.
"Need coffee. Get budget from treasury. Buy new one. Coffee…"
"Kachou if you don't get one I swear I'll hunt you down till the ends of the earth!!!" Wakaba threatened Kachou as she waved her index finger about. Kachou pried the lab door open and…
"What the?!!!" 003 was on the ground flying over the remnants of the coffee machine and the beans were scattered all over the floor.
"WATARI!!!" 3 pair of bulging red eyes came my way and all I could do was run. I didn't even reach the stairs when I felt Tatsumi's shadows engulf me. I was cornered.
"Look… I can explain…." I stammered as I looked into their revenge-hungry faces.
"Oh no, Watari-san, you've been very bad and you need to be taught a lesson." Tatsumi said.
"Yes, yes, yes. Teach him a lesson we will." Hisoka said menacingly as he cracked his knuckles.
"So we do it on three?" Kachou asked who was looking very pleased with himself.
"Oh hell yeah…" Wakaba said as he winked at me.
"One, two…" They didn't even reach three when I fainted dead from fright.
Conclusion. Coffee is a major source of life. Take it away from them and you will unwittingly commit suicide. (Oooh… and yeah I found out that Kachou had an indirect lineage with The Hulk!!! That explains the bull like thingie… good thing he doesn't turn into that great, big, green monster!! But he's close enough!!)
Result/s. Concussions, contusions, three bumps on the head, two black eyes and heck of a lot bruises.
Experiment number 2. Hide the sweets tray.
You would have thought that after the incident with the 'gruesome three' and 'The Hulk', I would stop this experiment. But it's me and I'm persistent and I firmly believe that in the name of science, brutality such as, are but a small price to pay.
And besides, I had reasoned with myself, the next experiment does not include the aforementioned three. I would be dealing with Tsuzuki, Terazuma and Kachou. Yes, Kachou. I know, you're thinking that I'm fucking stupid for trying another round of mischief with Kachou. But think of it this way. I know what he's capable of doing and I could watch out for that. So that's all taken care of.
This is a particularly easily task as compared to hiding the coffee machine. No one has had the nerve to move in beside the tray because Kachou had warned that if he found anyone, anyone at all, near his sweets tray they wouldn't receive their month's salary. I don't really understand it either, I mean, if I was Tsuzuki or Terazuma, I wouldn't mind that threat. After all, Tatsumi is in sole control of the budget and concerns on salaries don't depend on Kachou. Oh well, Tsuzuki and Terazuma don't have my brains, so that explains a lot!!!
So anyway, Kachou's being really greedy. The real reason why he didn't want any intruders near the sweets tray is because he wants to have the first pick!! The one who gets the first pick literally gets the best sweet in the selection, And Kachou's office is the farthest… The cheat!!
I went there before lunch time. Nobody really cared coz they knew I don't have the sweet tooth and I basically eat whenever I want or can, depending on how long I'd been working on my lab. So it's natural for me to have my lunch at 10 in the morning or have my dinner at 12 midnight.
I had absolutely no problem getting the tray. I went there grabbed it and voila!! I had it. The only trick was getting the tray, which was enormous!! It has three tiers and it weighed a lot, back to my lab… Wait!! Not my lab!! I'll be dead meat if Kachou find it there for the second time.
I thought for awhile and thought of the best place!!! Tsuzuki's desk!!! Sure it's his desk but he rarely sits on it and it's worse that the dumpster. There's a mountain of crumpled papers on his trash can which isn't paper work but doodles and drawings, which overflowed and occupied the space under his desk, five stack of real paperwork on his desk which was so high that it toppled and fell on the floor and the best indicator that you must back off was… Rotten food. Yup, that lazy Tsuzuki has lots of hidden food in his drawers which was hidden so well, he himself forgot where he put it, which had rotten.
So I put it under his desk, along with the crumpled papers and went to the sweets room to investigate…
Kachou was already there. He had his back on me and I could see that he's shaking slightly. His fists are clenched on his sides and when he whirled around I gasped in terror. The return of the Incredible Hulk!!! His eyes are all red and bulgy, he had purple complexion and his face is contorted with rage and veins were popping here and there.
"WATARI!!!! DON'T TELL ME…" He said through clenched teeth and it was obvious he was holding back some mighty temper as much as he can.
"Of course not Kachou!!! You know I don't have much use for sweets." I said as I sat down on a table and made a show of bringing out my packed lunch of tuna sandwich, an apple and a jug of orange juice. Do I look like a health nut? Well… I am!!
"If not you, then… TSUZUKI!!!! TERAZUMA!!!" Kachou yelled at the top of his lungs. The two bumbling idiots appeared on the door, looking dazed and drooly.
"Made your selection yet, Kachou?" Tsuzuki asks as he wipes the drool on his chin and looked behind Kachou as if he was the one who hid the tray when he didn't spot them.
"I…"
"Kachou. Where is the food?" Terazuma asks his eyes narrowing on dangerous slits. Kachou's eyes bulged even more on Terazuma's tone.
"Are you implying that I, that I, ate all of it?!" Kachou asks enraged, I watched their encounter in silence; they were acting as if I wasn't around and that suits me just fine.
"Well, you came in here first." Terazuma said his voice now deadly.
"You… You... You won't get your salary this week you insolent, ungrateful… " Kachou sputtered angrily but Terazuma just bristled.
"You cant threaten me with that shit!! I know Tatsumi is in sole charge of that!!!"
"Why you little brat!! I'm going to get you!!!!!" Kachou made grab for Terazuma's neck, just like he did with me, guess he died with choking… Kachou seems to favor that maneuver, but Terazuma evaded the attack just in time, as he leapt aside he drew his sword out and positioned for fight.
"You greedy old fool!!! I didn't say anything when you said you wanted the first pick but this… This is too much!!!!" He lunged for the boss and whacked him in the head using the reverse side of the blade.
"Ouch!! You mongrel!!!"
"WAAAAAHH!!! FOOOOOD…. HUNGRY!!!!! WAAAAAH!!!!" Tsuzuki wailed so loud that Kachou forgot to hit Terazuma using the chair I was sitting on, damn finally spotted!!
"Stop whining!!!" Kachou said as he put his hands on his ears. Terazuma grinned as Kachou let his guard down. He whacked him on the head again.
"Ouch… What did you do that for?!" Kachou asked as his eyes brimmed with tears. His rage has burned down and Kachou now looks so frustrated.
"WAAAAAHHH…. SWEETS… WHERE?!!" Tsuzuki wailed again, this time banging the floor with his fists as he did so. He looked like a baby… An oversized baby…
"WAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!" Kachou joined Tsuzuki in crying when he finally gave up the pretense of trying to stop crying. He was sniffing like mad a moment ago…
Terazuma eyed the babies, I mean Kachou and Tsuzuki, and then sighed. He sheathed his sword back in place and looked at them, contemplating. Then a moment later he sunk to the floor and…
"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH………" They all cried pitifully as fountains and fountains of tears surged from their red rimmed eyes.
Conclusion. I'm a big, bad meanie… A bully, a jerk, an asshole name it, I am it.
Results. A guilty conscience.
Notes to Self: Return the sweets… Discreetly though… As much as I wanted to return it to them on the spot… The incident with Tatsumi, Hisoka and Wakaba were still clear on my mind and knowing Kachou and Terazuma… I just shudder at the thought of what may become of me after they finished…
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A/N: what do you think? Comments please!! And if you have any suggestions on what you want Watari to tackle next, just tell me okay?! *grins*