author's note: hey everyone...thanx for the great
reviews...I hadn't really intended on making this a chapter fic...but what
the heck...the hell my roomate is putting me through is ample inspiration...as
i've mentioned in chapter 1...take everything to do with Eriol out and then
you place me in Tomoyo's shoes, and there's my current living situation...::sighs::
only four months left....
Disclaimer: Yeah yah...we all know by now that the characters don't belong to any of us crazy fic writers...if you try to sue...I'll sic Valerie on you!!! hehehehe
Understanding ~ part 2
Why do I bother? What is the point? It doesn't matter what you think, nobody cares. Not even Eriol.
Tomoyo sat on her bed, stuck in a dark place, did not even feel the tear which rolled down her cheek. She didn't know why she felt so sad, but it didn't really bother her, because she didn't really feel like being happy, either. The weather outside seemed understand her mood, as dark clouds loomed low in the sky.
She had returned home from university for Christmas, and though she was glad to be away from Valerie, she just couldn't bring herself to be truly happy.
"What's wrong with me?" she asked herself aloud, her head in her hands.
"Have you ever considered that it's not you, who are wrong?"
"Eriol?! How did you get in here?" Tomoyo looked up in shock, but the shock soon was replaced by anger, anger that he should have been eavesdropping, that he should have seen her in her moment of weakness. "Leave me alone," she hissed, turning her back on him to look out the window.
"Is that what you really want?"
"Yes," she replied quietly, surprised that this was indeed the truth, "I want to be alone."
"She's far away right now. Why do you still let her hurt you?" he asked, walking towards the bed, despite Tomoyo's desire to be alone.
"What's it to you? What do you care, all of a sudden?" she glared at him, tears forming in her eyes. He'd left, three years ago, he'd left, and she'd been alone. Why won't you just let me be alone?
"I'll be honest," he replied, a sad smile on his face, "I'm not entirely sure why I'm here, but–" he paused, tilting her chin up to look him in the eyes, "something told me that, right now, what you needed was a friend, and despite what you may think, I never stopped being yours."
"Desperate, for something to touch. A moment of kindness, like that in a dream," she sang quietly, backing away from Eriol, huddling against the wall, as though it could possibly save her.
"Why do you still sing that? It hurts you more than it does me," he sat on the edge of her bed, slowly edging towards her huddled form, like one would an injured animal.
"Because," she whispered on a sob, "I don't want to be happy. I don't know how anymore. Val was right, I'm not worth the ground on which I sit."
Eriol's expression hardened at the name. Val. Always that heartless monster, destroying everything around her in order to give her own miserable self a sense of power. She should be happy that she has such an effect on Tomoyo. "You're letting her win," he said aloud, sliding his hand up and down her back, in an attempt to comfort the girl.
"So what if I am. Maybe I don't want to fight anymore," she said, finally letting her misery overwhelm her, turning to Eriol and sobbing into his lap.
This stops now, Eriol decided, his anger towards Valerie reaching a new peak.
******
"Why are you doing this to Tomoyo? What did she ever do to you?" Eriol said, carefully keeping his voice level.
"She exists. That's enough. And because I can," Valerie answered with her quietly smug voice, that same voice by which its very design was meant to convey just how self-confident the girl was, even when she wasn't. It was with this same voice that she had stared down many an adversary. This voice which says 'I am all and know all and you are nothing, not even worth that I should waste my breath on you.'
"You're a real bitch," he seethed, still struggling to keep his tone even.
"I know," she smiled smugly, enjoying that she should have such control over anyone.
"You are also slowly destroying yourself, as much as Tomoyo. People aren't stupid and nobody buys your innocent act. They aren't blind."
Valerie did not deem him worthy of a answer after that, she merely turned on her heel and walked away, slamming the door behind her.
"Checkmate," Eriol smiled sadly to himself. He may have won this one, but on some level, he knew that things were about to get a whole lot worse for Tomoyo now.
*******
"Aren't you cute?!" Tomoyo looked at the kitten in her arms, bringing it up the steps to her room. The pot-heads downstairs had adopted it, and she thought that maybe she should rescue it from the pot-fumes for a little while. She knocked on Valerie's door, certain that the girl would think it cute as well, last she remembered, Val liked cats.
Not having gotten an answer, she knocked again, "Val?"
She knew that she was in there, the music was playing. Slowly she cracked open the door and peaked in. "Val?"
Her roommate was jumping rope in the middle of her room, she turned to glare at Tomoyo as she entered the room. Tomoyo ignored the glare and showed her the kitten.
"Isn't she cute?" she asked, smiling brightly.
Val glared for a long time, seriously considering just ignoring the nuisance in her room until she finally took the hint and left, but Tomoyo seemed to be indifferent to the glaring. Finally, she answered, "No," and started looping the rope around her hands.
Feeling thoroughly uncomfortable, Tomoyo backed out of the room, joking "Maybe I should just leave, before you decide to beat me with your rope."
Valerie raised an eyebrow and began to swing the rope, "Yes, maybe you should," her voice was deadly serious. Tomoyo was barely clear of the door jamb when the door slammed behind her, with such force as to knock the white board off unto Tomoyo's head.
*******
Tomoyo's eyes watered at the memory. Why Val? What happened? I thought we were friends...
Tomoyo shook her head to clear the memory. She was exhausted from the long drive back to her apartment and university. Eight hours on the road, but she was almost there. She was, somewhere in the back of her mind, dreading what she would find when she returned. Would Val have changed the locks? Would she have destroyed her stuff?
Finally, pulling into her driveway, she immediately went upstairs to see. Much to her relief, nothing seemed disturbed. All was as it should have been. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of this then it really is, she thought to herself, Christmas will help fix this, I know it will. Everything will be okei.
Everything remained peaceful for the next couple of days. Tomoyo continued looking for an apartment for the next school year, a single room. She wished to be alone, to have something that was truly hers, where she didn't answer to anyone. But when she returned home from going to visit one of the apartments, she found that Val was back.
"Hi! How was your Christmas?" she asked cheerfully.
Val, not even looking at the other girl replied flatly, "Fine."
Immediately, Tomoyo's heart sank. Nothing had changed, Val was still the same. Looking around the kitchen, she noticed that the dolphin magnet she had received from her mother at Christmas had been taken off the fridge. She picked it up and defiantly placed it back on, turning to glare at Val, "I don't see how this is hurting anyone by being there."
Val merely glared at her. Tomoyo calmly walked back to her bedroom and gently closed the door. But once inside the sanctity of her domain, she fell to her bed and began sobbing. Why?! she thought to herself, what did I do? Why does she have to be so hateful?!
"Have you ever thought that maybe it isn't you who's wrong?" Eriol's voice echoed through her mind.
"No," she answered bitterly to the air, "it has to be me, that's why everybody hates me."
"I don't hate you," the voice whispered.
--------
That's it for now folks...Val's only been home for an hour...give her a week and I'm sure I'll have a whole whack of chapters to go up....
Wintersama
Disclaimer: Yeah yah...we all know by now that the characters don't belong to any of us crazy fic writers...if you try to sue...I'll sic Valerie on you!!! hehehehe
Understanding ~ part 2
Why do I bother? What is the point? It doesn't matter what you think, nobody cares. Not even Eriol.
Tomoyo sat on her bed, stuck in a dark place, did not even feel the tear which rolled down her cheek. She didn't know why she felt so sad, but it didn't really bother her, because she didn't really feel like being happy, either. The weather outside seemed understand her mood, as dark clouds loomed low in the sky.
She had returned home from university for Christmas, and though she was glad to be away from Valerie, she just couldn't bring herself to be truly happy.
"What's wrong with me?" she asked herself aloud, her head in her hands.
"Have you ever considered that it's not you, who are wrong?"
"Eriol?! How did you get in here?" Tomoyo looked up in shock, but the shock soon was replaced by anger, anger that he should have been eavesdropping, that he should have seen her in her moment of weakness. "Leave me alone," she hissed, turning her back on him to look out the window.
"Is that what you really want?"
"Yes," she replied quietly, surprised that this was indeed the truth, "I want to be alone."
"She's far away right now. Why do you still let her hurt you?" he asked, walking towards the bed, despite Tomoyo's desire to be alone.
"What's it to you? What do you care, all of a sudden?" she glared at him, tears forming in her eyes. He'd left, three years ago, he'd left, and she'd been alone. Why won't you just let me be alone?
"I'll be honest," he replied, a sad smile on his face, "I'm not entirely sure why I'm here, but–" he paused, tilting her chin up to look him in the eyes, "something told me that, right now, what you needed was a friend, and despite what you may think, I never stopped being yours."
"Desperate, for something to touch. A moment of kindness, like that in a dream," she sang quietly, backing away from Eriol, huddling against the wall, as though it could possibly save her.
"Why do you still sing that? It hurts you more than it does me," he sat on the edge of her bed, slowly edging towards her huddled form, like one would an injured animal.
"Because," she whispered on a sob, "I don't want to be happy. I don't know how anymore. Val was right, I'm not worth the ground on which I sit."
Eriol's expression hardened at the name. Val. Always that heartless monster, destroying everything around her in order to give her own miserable self a sense of power. She should be happy that she has such an effect on Tomoyo. "You're letting her win," he said aloud, sliding his hand up and down her back, in an attempt to comfort the girl.
"So what if I am. Maybe I don't want to fight anymore," she said, finally letting her misery overwhelm her, turning to Eriol and sobbing into his lap.
This stops now, Eriol decided, his anger towards Valerie reaching a new peak.
******
"Why are you doing this to Tomoyo? What did she ever do to you?" Eriol said, carefully keeping his voice level.
"She exists. That's enough. And because I can," Valerie answered with her quietly smug voice, that same voice by which its very design was meant to convey just how self-confident the girl was, even when she wasn't. It was with this same voice that she had stared down many an adversary. This voice which says 'I am all and know all and you are nothing, not even worth that I should waste my breath on you.'
"You're a real bitch," he seethed, still struggling to keep his tone even.
"I know," she smiled smugly, enjoying that she should have such control over anyone.
"You are also slowly destroying yourself, as much as Tomoyo. People aren't stupid and nobody buys your innocent act. They aren't blind."
Valerie did not deem him worthy of a answer after that, she merely turned on her heel and walked away, slamming the door behind her.
"Checkmate," Eriol smiled sadly to himself. He may have won this one, but on some level, he knew that things were about to get a whole lot worse for Tomoyo now.
*******
"Aren't you cute?!" Tomoyo looked at the kitten in her arms, bringing it up the steps to her room. The pot-heads downstairs had adopted it, and she thought that maybe she should rescue it from the pot-fumes for a little while. She knocked on Valerie's door, certain that the girl would think it cute as well, last she remembered, Val liked cats.
Not having gotten an answer, she knocked again, "Val?"
She knew that she was in there, the music was playing. Slowly she cracked open the door and peaked in. "Val?"
Her roommate was jumping rope in the middle of her room, she turned to glare at Tomoyo as she entered the room. Tomoyo ignored the glare and showed her the kitten.
"Isn't she cute?" she asked, smiling brightly.
Val glared for a long time, seriously considering just ignoring the nuisance in her room until she finally took the hint and left, but Tomoyo seemed to be indifferent to the glaring. Finally, she answered, "No," and started looping the rope around her hands.
Feeling thoroughly uncomfortable, Tomoyo backed out of the room, joking "Maybe I should just leave, before you decide to beat me with your rope."
Valerie raised an eyebrow and began to swing the rope, "Yes, maybe you should," her voice was deadly serious. Tomoyo was barely clear of the door jamb when the door slammed behind her, with such force as to knock the white board off unto Tomoyo's head.
*******
Tomoyo's eyes watered at the memory. Why Val? What happened? I thought we were friends...
Tomoyo shook her head to clear the memory. She was exhausted from the long drive back to her apartment and university. Eight hours on the road, but she was almost there. She was, somewhere in the back of her mind, dreading what she would find when she returned. Would Val have changed the locks? Would she have destroyed her stuff?
Finally, pulling into her driveway, she immediately went upstairs to see. Much to her relief, nothing seemed disturbed. All was as it should have been. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of this then it really is, she thought to herself, Christmas will help fix this, I know it will. Everything will be okei.
Everything remained peaceful for the next couple of days. Tomoyo continued looking for an apartment for the next school year, a single room. She wished to be alone, to have something that was truly hers, where she didn't answer to anyone. But when she returned home from going to visit one of the apartments, she found that Val was back.
"Hi! How was your Christmas?" she asked cheerfully.
Val, not even looking at the other girl replied flatly, "Fine."
Immediately, Tomoyo's heart sank. Nothing had changed, Val was still the same. Looking around the kitchen, she noticed that the dolphin magnet she had received from her mother at Christmas had been taken off the fridge. She picked it up and defiantly placed it back on, turning to glare at Val, "I don't see how this is hurting anyone by being there."
Val merely glared at her. Tomoyo calmly walked back to her bedroom and gently closed the door. But once inside the sanctity of her domain, she fell to her bed and began sobbing. Why?! she thought to herself, what did I do? Why does she have to be so hateful?!
"Have you ever thought that maybe it isn't you who's wrong?" Eriol's voice echoed through her mind.
"No," she answered bitterly to the air, "it has to be me, that's why everybody hates me."
"I don't hate you," the voice whispered.
--------
That's it for now folks...Val's only been home for an hour...give her a week and I'm sure I'll have a whole whack of chapters to go up....
Wintersama