Spotlights
By Nerwen Calaelen
Disclamer: I don't own LotR. I (possibly) own the characters that I invented and the plot of the story, nothing else, so don't sue me!
A/N (general): Whilst I've been writing 'Changing Perceptions' some of the characters and aspects of the culture have inspired me to write short stories that do not fit into 'Changing Perceptions' but provide more of the background for that story.
For anyone who's not read it, these stories are set in Khand and are my trying to answer the question of how these mysterious allies of Sauron were and why they fought for him and what happened to them after the War of the Ring.
Replies to reviewers: Lasse-Lanta1: Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it and that it made sense without having read 'Changing Perceptions'. I find the Nazgul very interesting character(s) (one in particular – I've got the whole background to this but not yet in a form that I can post).
Soledad: Thank you. No more about the Nazgul at the moment, but another little story.
A/N (this chapter): This was not what I had intended to write next, but the idea wouldn't go away, and then when I started writing it, it took a totally different direction to where I thought it was going to go. I had hoped to have a lighter story next, but this was the loudest plot bunny.
I'm rather stuck on 'Changing Perceptions' at the moment, but have been writing another story called 'These Men So Unafraid To Die', the first part of which is posted here, but as part of the Dunadan Project. There is a link to it from my profile.
***
I never had the chance to say a proper goodbye. My brother left at dawn, summoned back to defend the borders against the ever present threat of Harad. We had always been close and I am always so afraid for him when he goes into danger. He is the most important person in my world and I do not want to have to live without him, not now, not ever. But I would never try to stop him going to war, for it is his life.
I struggle to stop the tears failing, they will damage the wool. Numbly I continue weaving, I must not let the others see how upset I am. Their chatter flows over me, I do not listen to it, but return to my despair.
I hardly see him anymore, every leave is shorted than the last. Every army that marches west leaves more work for him to do. I should be thankful that he has not been called upon to lead one of those armies, but Azklash will not let him. I know Grubzar pleads with him every time but the answer is always no. Sometimes I wonder why Azklash does not let him go, but I can not follow his thoughts. He says that his best general is too valuable to send with an army than needs numbers, not skills, but is that the whole reason? I wonder if he fears that if my brother were to come to Sauron's attention as the great leader that he is he would not dispose of Azklash, who is so pathetic and install my brother as Emperor instead. Maybe I am being too devious, but I can never understand the Emperor.
He is about the same age as me, but sometimes he seems old, as if worn down by something I can not see or know. I spend my life in his court and most of it watching him, as I know he holds my life and the lives of everyone in his hands. No one is safe, for he could execute or banish anyone he chooses. I fear him but am determined never to show that fear.
I can be as strong as Grubzar can. I will survive for now. I will not despair, there is always hope that he will come home safely, and by that hope I must live. I only wish that I had had the chance to say goodbye to him this time, for something tells me that he will not return safely. I brush tears from my cheeks and return to my weaving. I will not let anyone see my fear, I can be strong.
Why must he go into so much danger? I always fear for him, knowing that someday he will not come back. Then I will be forced to live on. I did not have the chance to say goodbye.
It worries me that he may already be dead, that I may not know. How can I face this? He is my brother, my protector. How could I survive life without him? He was always the one to look after me, is that why I feel unsafe at the court, because he is not there to protect me?
I did not have the chance to say goodbye. He can not die, I could not face it if he died when I had not say goodbye to him.
I know I am being irrational, but I am afraid that because I did not say goodbye he will die this time.
***
Perhaps Skrabada was right in her worries, as she would not see her brother again, but it was she who would die.
***
A/N: The idea just wouldn't go away, so in the end I decided to write it up and post it.