Chapter 7

NEVER

Oh, well. That was then, thought Raven. He had found his way back to what was left of LC 086. The Corporate Sector Authority had cleaned up whatever damage the Lucifer Dragon wrought after the LMC was decimated under its might. A lone colonel saw Raven, almost dead as he was, trying to climb into a damaged MT. The colonel brought Raven to a nearby hospital (Raven, of course, resisted as he tried to explain his situation) where they treated his wounds. They were amazed at how he could survive this far; if he truly came from Avalon Hill without a transport.

Raven was kept under observation in the CSA headquarters until they could learn as much as possible about the attack from LC 386's corporation of Kisaragi. Raven was told about how Kisaragi has started to monopolize the Eurasian continent, as well as the status of the no-longer-existing LMC. Considering the circumstances, Raven took it rather well; only two suicide attempts before he was reinstated as a Raven.

Soon after, he was introduced to the B-rank arena opponent Reese. They became sound friends rather swiftly. Raven took up another raven call-sign as Fiore, started to create a new AC, and tried to get back up to speed on his skills. After, he acquainted himself to a Mishima general named Kargin, and Reese's father, Mission Supervisor Rein.

After the most recent mission of his, Raven took the wounded Reese back to the CSA. She survived, although is currently going through psychological trauma recovery; which could take a while. After all, her father did die as she was betrayed by her long-time ally Kargin.

Now Raven was overlooking the main highway below CSA's main building, his attention immediately directed at a single civilian, driving an outdated motorcycle, who just happened to stop at the building's main gate. So many emotions flooded Raven's soul as he saw his long-lost sister, all grown up, alive.

He made a request earlier to let her pass; his colonel friend that saved his life did Raven a favor by keeping tabs on Kaori and Lexington (which Raven was also glad that he was alive), and so as soon as Raven learned that she was at the Guardian Temple with his dear friend Lexington, he sent out a job offer. Knowing Kaori, she would obviously take it. Thank God that she did. Through all of his problems, Raven could still crack a smile.

***

Christov and Gustave were having a conversation... when something painful struck his mind. He grabbed his head as he got out of his chair. Christov tried to assist, "Sir, are you alright?"

Kill... Kill them all...

Gustave looks up, startled.

"W-who speaks?"

It is bitter...lonely... They must join us... Kill them!

Gustave looks around frantically, thinking he's hallucinating. "...the walls! The walls speak!?"

Your allies, they dream of killing you. They would steal your body, your soul! Kill! Kill them, Gustave!

"CEASE! Silence!"

Christov looks to his associate, "Who does he talk to...?"

Would you suffer this alone? Would you be alone, Gustave?

"I..... Stop..."

You will be alone among thousands of souls... Alone... Your 'allies' see your pain and abandon you to it...

"...you lie..."

The associate whispers to Christov, "He talks to no one..."

Christov raises an eyebrow, "Is he growing even more insane?"

...kill them... Why must they enjoy life when you are damned? ...are they better than you? More deserving? They should join you... Join US... Kill them. The pain...your pain...it will lessen when they are silenced.

Gustave laughed out loud at the voice. A very weak and forced laugh. "HA! Blood cannot soothe this... I'd drown in it first."

...You would be hurt more... You allies will kill you. They see naught but the cold hearted monster you are... ...they will kill you and butcher your flesh, Gustave. They will rip your soul from your body...carve you with their weapons...leave your dead husk for the nearest soul to steal... Even now they crowd around, waiting for your flesh.... See them, feel them.... They smother you even now....

Christov reaches for the alarm, the associate radios in the guards.

You see? You SEE?! They will cleave your soul from your flesh and leave it for the scavenging souls. They will steal your life once again! Your allies DAMN you! They despise you, they would kill you! Save your soul and KILL them! KILL THEM ALL!!!

"Thieves..." shouts Gustave, "my soul...is mine and mine alone!!"

Gustave runs up to Christov and the associate, pushing them aside. The associate is slammed rather hard into the wall, injuring her shoulder. They lose their balance for a second while he runs out the door. Christov runs after him. "Gustave!!!"

***

Gustave comes to a halt in a blackened hallway. The black stone has a great reflection to it. Out of breath, Gustave stares to his left.

"So... how's your faith these days?" Gustave glares at his reflection, the reflection's face twitched with a sneer.

"I'll k-kill you...I s-swear to God I will.... Get out of my damn head!"

"Ah, he speaks. It's amazing that you haven't become another brainless zombie. And don't even think about drugging yourself, every drop of science and every ounce of strength you possess could not kill me. I asked you in the regeneration pod if you heard them, what do they say to you now...?"

"What do you speak of?!"

"You're truly too stubborn for your own good, Gustave. Too stubborn to listen to me in the engagement against Mirage, too stubborn to die... You are dead, your soul is dead. You want to kill me, the Corporations too.... Everyone should suffer for your pain. You've been wronged, you've been hurt, so everyone should pay for it. Is that what you tell yourself?"

"Hold yeeeeuu--...your t-tongue or I'll cut it from my own head!"

"Take heed Gustave, or you shall wish you'd never stumbled over your bloody mind's eye. You could have died again just now. Your new allies would have butchered your flesh so that it would not be fit for the most desperate of alter-personalities. You'll not survive here. You already lose yourself and you're too blind to see. Who can I take you to, to make you listen? Alicia? She'd cleave you into dog meat without a thought. Christov perhaps, you got along with the worm well enough. He'd kill you or laugh at you. Your former comrades maybe? They will kill you. Mirage? Bah, they wouldn't waste their time even to kill you. I'm sorely tempted to drag your worthless corpse to one of them, gods know you'll not listen to me."

"Begone... or... you... burn."

"Death hasn't taught you any humility, I see. Perhaps the voices can. (A slight smile appeared when Gustave looked up sharply.) I like to listen sometimes, they have such an interesting song. What do they say to you, Gustave?"

"...I hear nothing."

"I expected as much. Were you praying back there in your new office? Surely you know your clan's spirits are not going to answer you. You're wasting your efforts. You may as well talk to your AC, or myself. At least we'll talk back."

"I'll have nothing to do with you... you OR this schizophrenia."

"No choice. The drugs...or more accurately, Fate...owns you."

"And you?"

"Believe it or not, you interest me. None of us are going anywhere yet, you may as well learn to accept it."

"What do you WANT, shadow?"

"I told you, you interest me. You know you are meant to be dead. Yet you cling to this life, if you can call it such. Why do you not die? Your comrades would be willing to give it to you."

"I'm not dead..."

Gustave's reflection laughed quietly, "Is that so, now?"

"...my soul, my honor is not. That's life enough."

"It is not life, it is pain. In the pod you were in agony, and you foolishly continued that thought for revenge. It killed you. That thought made you cling to the dark prowess within you. You cursed yourself before you knew it. Will you hold onto pain now? Be not the fool, Gustave. Die."

"If you do this to convince me to die, don't waste your time. I have unfinished business."

"You have no idea. I've some time, the afternoon is early yet."

"Spend it elsewhere."

"Nothing but ire... You are a hypocrite. A mercenary of the raven order who hates the Corporation, yet uses it freely. A soldier damned to be a demon of Fate for the rest of your existence–"

"I am no DEMON!!"

"Denial, You're so full of denial it's sickening. You are a demon by every definition of the word. Hypocrite, outcast, damned, demon, monster, and you deny every one of them. You even deny your soul is DEAD."

"My honor–!!"

"–is little better than a parasite, clinging to a corpse and refusing to let go until every ounce of use can be sucked from it."

"Words. Meaningless WORDS!"

"Do not shrug them off. I know far more than you about the workings of the mind. And–"

"Silence, worthle–"

" --AND I know more about you than you'd guess. Do you want me to tell you about yourself, Engelhaft clan leader? Will that move your stubbornness aside and allow you to listen? I don't need to invade your filthy mind to know you are stubborn, I've seen that. You killed yourself with it."

The thought of his alter self searching through his deepest thoughts disturbed him. The expression in the reflection took notice and smirked. "I seem...to remember...You and your pet scientist...taking turns carving me."

"If you had not fought–" Gustave's reflection is clenching his teeth, trying to stay patient. "I was trying to speak civilly with you, you hypocritical walking science experiment. Maybe you want to be treated as what you are. Demon, damned, hypocritical ZEALOT-- ...gah, your soul is black enough for any of them."

"Begone, I'll not speak to you or any other sides of me."

"'Tis you who's the wretched one...I'd take advantage of this meeting, dear Gustave, You shall be alone all too soon. You are naught but a wand'ring spirit. No home, no family, no LIFE, body or soul. You have no purpose. No excuse for living other than you can. You. Have. NOTHING. You should be bloody thankful I'd speak to you at all, else you'd still be cowering in your office like a frightened rabbit waiting for your merciful followers to hack you apart. Or better yet you'd be screaming as Mirage gutted you. Humor me for a few moments, mercenary king. When I finish, you are free to wander this wretched planet as much as you like. You are confused, I saw that much. This is all new to you, and you haven't the knowledge of psychology or this life to understand it. Humans are frightened by that which they do not understand, fear is making you blind. Can you not see how irrationally you are acting? Even when you encountered me in that pod you gave me an earful before ever raising a suppressant thought against me. Heh, I couldn't wait for you to STOP thinking then. I've seen wounded dogs acting exactly as you do now. You do nothing but cower in pain and self-pity and bite anything that comes near you, friend or foe. Look at yourself Gustave, surely you can see...them...feasting on your hate and confusion. Your mind is not so far gone that you cannot sense it. You know, I enjoy learning about others. I could look at your soul and know all your secrets and shames and fears." that made Gustave shiver at the thought, "But I'd much rather hear about you in your own words. Tell me about yourself, Gustave. I am not tricking you. There is nothing I can do to you that someone else cannot. If I wanted you 'dead' I'd leave your comrades to the task. Perhaps I may help you understand your pain. Wouldn't you rather that than to be wand'ring in confusion? A fair deal.

"...why should I?"

"Do you really have anything better to do?"

"...I want to leave."

"'Live', you mean."

"Both."

"Don't delude yourself. Dead is dead. You cannot breathe life back into a corpse, only...animate it. As for leaving... Fate seals you in the circle of conflict. That includes the bravest of warriors."

"I'll not stay here."

"Fool. You think Fate will make an exception for you? Mayhaps you'll ASK it, and it will take pity on your poor pious soul and give you pass? How strong your delusions are."

"Hope, It is HOPE."

"Misplaced hope." Gustave's reflection raised one hand and thoughtfully tapped his chin. "Hypothetically, if you did manage to leave the city without losing your reputation or your sanity...what would you do? The Engelhaft have no place on the countryside. You'd be torn apart by corporate fanatics the second you showed yourself, and living in exile would be no better than staying here."

"Do not tell me what would be BETTER, Ridding myself of those damned voices would be BETTER. Leaving the life of a raven would be BETTER!"

Gustave's reflection waved his hand to motioned for his silence. "Shh, calm yourself. I know what you hear."

"Spare me your lecture."

"...Why do you continue to live?"

"Because I can... Because my soul lives. What does it matter that the body does not in a metaphoric sense?"

"You only continue to 'live' because you will not let go of life. Did you ever think you might be able to die if you wanted to? If you released that useless flesh you might be able to complete your death. Think of it Gustave, you needn't stay here. You killed yourself with stubbornness, you needn't torture yourself further. All that awaits you here is endless wand'ring and the pointless existence of damned souls. Die, mercenary. Go to that god you adore if 'tis something for you to look forward to. Die and leave this cursed place. Or you might sink into the whirlwind of souls and scream for eternity. I'd think it worth the risk, myself. Blind, You're naught but a misguided little boy, too blind to see your fate and too stubborn to accept any help offered... I think you enjoy your pain, mayhaps I should leave you to it. It will never stop, not until you die a complete death. No life is worth that, least of all this semblance of life you endure.

"Any fate is better than death."

"Is that what you believe? Is that honestly what you tell yourself? Such lack of faith from a lamb of the Engelhaft... What are you thinking?"

"Are you my confessor now?"

"If you wish it."

"...B-bastard."

Sighing, "Perhaps it might be necessary."

"As necessary as leading us all to our deaths."

"By the Gods, I have never met a more negative, stubborn, infuriating creature than yourself. You make it your personal mission to thwart every effort of civility and kindness towards you."

"And my insanity was the height of your 'kindness'."

"Must we repeat this subject? I know I tire of it. I did NOT want you to loose sanity and stability, Gustave. I can not put it any more simply than that. I did not want a single thread of purpose to die here today–with one or two worthy exceptions--but circumstances do not allow for compassion and kindness. You, sir, played with fire and were burned."

"Do not speak as if you had no PART in it! You aided in–"

"You did not need my aid to slay you! You're naught but a naive little child who– who doesn't take the time to THINK before he acts. You have no idea what is truly happening in this world; none of you do, not even that Corporation you so passionately hate."

"Why should I not HATE it? It murdered my clan and murdered me and you share every bit of the BLAME! God is my witness, I would kill the BOTH of us if I could. Torture and slow death. Gutted and hung out to–"

The reflection burst out of the wall, wrapping it's hand around Gustave's neck, shoving him into the other wall and speaking through clenched teeth. "You....you shut your mouth before I tear your tongue out.... fortunate I don't take your tongue anyway! If you despair so over losing your honor, it should be a much smaller loss. Does the mere loss of a heartbeat truly make a man change so? Wake up, and LOOK at yourself. Is Commander Gustave truly going to reduce himself to sniveling, dead wretch, reaching and reaching and REACHING to find someone to blame for his woes? I did NOT want you insane. If you value the rest of your mind you'll not accuse me of it again. Never. I did NOT kill you. Mirage killed you because you attacked them, you blind man. NOT because they sought you out, but because you sought THEM. Did you expect them to SPARE you– No, of course you didn't, you expected to kill them. You honestly expected to take on an entire army and come out alive. Of all the foolish, suicidal things, you did THAT with no hesitation. So forgive me if I don't weep for the terrible injustice of your untimely instability. I tried to save you. You were wounded, angry, and any other fool would have fled. I told you that charge would kill you, and it did in the end. The rest of your conscience objected to the action as well. You have absolutely no one to blame for your foolish insanity but yourself, your pig-headed stubbornness, and your complete disregard for common sense, if you've any at all-- No, you mustn't. Who will you blame next, when screaming your hatred at the world and I becomes tiresome? Blame your God, Gustave; for all your loyal service–because of it– you are DAMNED. Alicia herself would find no mercy from your God, not here. Blame your CEO, blame Mirage, blame your incompetent clan members, blame...blame... you blame your brother. You blame..." A small laugh. "I wouldn't have believe your were the most selfish soul in this world. Now I do. And you'll continue to blame everything but yourself. You would blame the weather if you could find a way. Well. Far be in from ME to deny an insane man his petty delusions. Wrap yourself in them like a blanket if they comfort you so...You'd think you've a monopoly on misery, Or that everything happens for the sole purpose of making YOU suffer. Fate worse than death by torture, to wander as one of the corporate scum, the unholy demons you Engelhaft have appointed yourself to cleansing.... You are the most infuriating creature in this city, but if you insist you're the most miserable person here, I promise you, I will show you just how miserable you CAN be. I could have you tortured in more ways than your corporate assassins could ever imagine. Seal you in the Kisaragi training grounds, perhaps, the pilots down there would make short work of one pathetic, mewling schizophrenic. I could leave you blind, crippled, stake you out in the lobby like a scarecrow and let the lawyers take your remains. All of THIS–" He gestured with his free hand, taking in the dusty chamber, ghostly sunbeams, neglected vases. "--is a field of daisies and sunshine compared to what some of the unfortunate ravens in this city have endured. So you're insane. So you're a hypocrite. So are half the people within these walls, and the other half wish they COULD be. If you do not like it, you can end it any time you wish. Steal a nuke from one of your fellow ravens, plunge it into your throat. Have it burn your flesh from your bones. I can cut your head off for you if you insist. You would find life as a wailing ghost more agreeable than inhabiting a rotting mind. Then you can scream all you wish, and you'll have thousands of other poor bastards to listen. So what will it be? What will it BE, Gustave? What will it be...?" a pause. Gustave's expression remains emotionless. "I needn't even waste my time guessing, you'll do the same no matter what I say. Wander with your damned, rotting honor, 'tis all you care for anyway. Keep it until the worms eat it, keep it until it rots away. Or give it up. Simple. Choice. If you ever accuse me of causing your insanity again, I will choose FOR you. You want to wallow in misery? Do it out of my sight." Gustave's reflection releases Gustave, "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Well...stop looking so bloody incoherent. So you went crazy. So does everything. Perhaps it wasn't your time, or perhaps it was, but there's nothing to be done about that now."

"So I stay. Here."

"So it would seem."

"No purpose."

"If you choose so."

Gustave starts to walk away, the reflection disappears. "No... I choose to stay as I really am; a Raven," he says as he opens a door to an AC garage. Before him is his new prototype AC that his alter-ego created, and next to it... Raven's Dalriadan.

"It is the beginning, and it is the end..."