The Ladies of the rings
Chapter 11- The books that talk. Lin loses it more. I KNOW I KNOW! MAIL TIME!
A/n.I been so out of it. There been a fight over the fact if we are going to type up this Snape love story. I think it is a go, if I get the word from Rei. Anyhoo, I been, Like I said, out of it. To make up for that, this chapter will be the longest yet. The weird rhyme things are from Rei, btw. And there are three writers on this end of the pc.
"Purple plucky pony Pat paced a pacific pearl," Rei said, and Kazuko laughed.
"Sloppy soldiers sleepily saddled saddened slugs!" She giggled out. Aragorn looked at them. This was sad, and need to be stopped, now!
"KAZUKO! REI! Get yer crap! We're moving out!" Aragorn shouted, and you want to know something, with him sounding like a hick, got them moving faster.
Kazoo (it's funny how I know too am calling myself Kazoo. And I answered to it.) had finally met her hot elf guys, and it wasn't Legolas, as Rei had thought. It involved twins, Elrond's twins, Elladan and Elrohir.
The path of the dead was longer than anyone had thought, for it when on for what felt like miles. If you thought that was long, you didn't want to know how long the long way was. Kazoo had gotten bored, so she began to bitch, like she does when she gets that way. Aragorn was not in the mood.
"LISTEN!" He snapped, "KAZUKO SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANY MORE! IF WE RUN OUT OF FOOD YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON WE ARE EATING!!" He growled.
Kazuko looked at him funny, "Why?"
"Because!" Aragorn sighed. "Because I said so and I am a going to be king!" He added, and stuck out his tongue at her.
"Oh no." Rei said, "Now we have two Kazoos."
Elladan looked at her, "This has happen before I take it?"
"Not with Aragorn, but yeah, it has."
"So there are two kazoos." Legolas started.
Rei finished it for him, "Don't worry, Kazoo will beat him. When She does this, she always does." Rei said, and opened a copy of Johnny the Homicidal Manic.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lin popped her hand for the fifth time. There was nothing keeping them from Mount doom, save the Black Riders. Lucky for them, they were somewhere else at the monument. That had to be a good thing. Right? Lin wasn't sure. "A few more steps.." Sam said, "And we will been done with this whole messy campaign. And then we can go back to the Shire."
"And sit in the bar owned by the Cottons'" Frodo said.
"And Get drunk!" The two said together. "And forget about this whole damn thing."
"Not if I drink it all first."Lin sighed, it was going to be a long trip.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"FECK OFF!"
"YOU ARSEFACE!"
"BUTT MONKIES!" Aragorn said, slamming his fist into the wall. Which was not smart, for it hurt a whole f'ing lot. He began to cuss so that would make a sailor blush. Rei was busy taking notes. The twins were looking around the place with Legolas, and Gimli got the idea that they were doing "elf things". The probably involve some hair gel, and other make-up items.
Kazoo looked at the twenty pages of cuss words that Rei had. "Can I see those?" she asked, reaching for them. Rei growled and read a few pages to her. Kazoo paled significantly, and then attacked her viciously.
"Shouldn't somebody stop them before they kill each other?" one of the twins asked.
"Wanna try it?" Legolas offered, grinning maliciously. He quickly shook his head and watched the two girls rolling around on the ground, shrieking and pulling the others' hair. Kazoo had a scrap of Rei's sleeve in her mouth.
"My money's on the biter," Aragorn whispered to Gimli.
"Ten to one that the other one kicks her ass," he hissed back.
The girls stopped and looked at each other, then burst into tears and embraced. "I'm sorry, Kazoo!" Rei bawled.
"I'm sorrier," Kazoo wailed, wiping snot on Rei's tunic. Rei whacked her around the head, and then wailed some more.
Aragorn shook his head. "Females, I swear." Kazoo and Rei looked to, glaring at Aragorn in a way that made him want to hide behind a couch for the rest of his life. With another shriek, the two girls leapt at him.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey Frodo?"
"What, Sam?"
"Whatever happened to those Orcs?"
Lin turned around. "Yeah. Where did they go?"
Frodo cupped his hands and drummed his fingers against each other. "Plot device, my dear friends. Plot device." Lin whacked him across the head, and then shook her head.
"Dumb ass."
"I AM NOT!"
~*~*~*~*~*~
Legolas and the twins were carrying the broken body of Aragorn as Kazuko and Rei smiled sinisterly now quite satisfied.
"Now you see why I just let them drive me crazy," Legolas pointed out.
Aragorn looked up at Legolas and growled, hit him on the head, and took the second to last Johnny comic just to read the last couple pages (if you know Johnny it would be a lot funnier). "If I'm needed, which I better not be, I'll be over here," Aragorn raised both arms in opposite directions and began to walk backwards.
Rei rummaged through Kazuko's backpack and pulled out a notebook full of tally marks.confusing Legolas, but at the moment he was confused about a couple things due to the nice lump on his head; courtesy of Aragorn.
"Ok, so now what?" The twins asked Rei and Kazuko.
"Now we wait," Rei answered.
Both the twins cocked their heads in different directions out of confusion.
"Then the fun begins.."
~*~*~*~*~*~ Lin looked over at Frodo, "There is something on your head." She said.
"What?" Frodo asked, half asleep.
"There is something on your head." Lin said again.
"There what on my what?"
"FRODO! THERE SOMETHING ON YOUR HEAD!" Sam yelled, then paused. "YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE!"
"AAHHH! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!"
Lin rolled her eyes.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The fire had died down to warm embers as Aragorn, the twins, Rei, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, and Kazuko (notice how Kazuko and Legolas are listed together in the list of the sleeping group). Anyway, everyone was sleeping when two whispering voices could be heard.
"John Jacob Jinglehimmershmit, his name is my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout..JOHN JACOB JINGLEHIMMERSHMIT! NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!" Kazuko and Rei said then immediately faked sleep.
Aragorn jumped up startled, "Oh, it's nothing Aragorn, just go back to sleep."
The twins giggled softly. Rei smirked to herself, and kicked Merry, "Get your hand off my ass." She growled softly to him.
"Sorry." Merry voice was higher than a mouse's squeak.
Kazuko was worst off when Legolas rolled over on top of her. "Help...Someone.."
But some how, a few seconds later, something was sung thought the air.
"John Jacob Jinglehimmershmit, his name is my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout..JOHN JACOB JINGLEHIMMERSHMIT! NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!" Kazuko and Rei said then immediately faked sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"How the hell did your hair get on fire?" Lin asked, gawking at Frodo's smoldering head.
"I don't know. I was sleeping farthest away from the fire pit."
Lin looked around, confused. "Hey, where's Sam?"
"Huh?" Frodo looked around. "Huh. He's not here."
"No fucking kidding."
"Hehe. Hey guys, y'all come look at this he'ar."
"Oh crap."
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Where's my Johnny comics?" Kazuko demanded, searching thru her backpack.
"Whaddya mean 'where are my Johnny comics'?" Legolas asked, trying to sound stupid (which, to tell you the truth, didn't seem to be that hard).
"I mean 'where's my Johnny comics'!"
Legolas edged away at the very tone of Kazuko's voice. "Uh.I-I-I t-think I- I s-saw Aragorn t-take them." He pointed with a trembling finger towards the trees. With a low growl, Kazoo stormed thru the trees.
There was a series of loud noises. First a shuffling from the brush, then a warrior scream, then a girlish shriek that was definitely Aragorn and some loud bitch slaps and fist slams. Kazoo emerged, happily holding her comics close to herself. Aragorn emerged a few seconds later, with a bloody nose, black eyes, and there were a few cuts on his scruffy cheeks.
Everyone who witnessed this spectacle broke into wild applause.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lin, Frodo, and Sam walked up to the fires of Mount doom. They all stopped, sighed, and began to walk again..except for Lin.
Frodo looked behind him, "Lin?"
"Wow, have we really come this far?"
Frodo smiled warmly at her, "Yes, that we have."
Lin hugged Frodo and Sam joined in too.
Ok Sam we all know you love Frodo.the book spoke in the voice of Kazuko. Lin pulled Frodo closer to her, "No.he's mine," she turned her voice creepiest, "My precious."
Frodo raised his hands, "Ok, I'm officially freaked out now."
"KAZUKO!" Sam cried, "How could you say that?"
"It's the truth isn't it?" Kazuko asked.
"Yeah." Rei answered.
Sam blushed embarrassed, "Master Frodo.? Master Frodo!"
Lin and Frodo were.uh.well.let's just say they needed to come up for air.soon.
Sam turned away and talked to Kazuko and Rei through the book, "Can't pick on me no more now can ya?"
"No." Kazuko admitted. "But now we can pick on Lin!" Rei added.
Lin hearing this stormed over to Sam, "Gimme that!"
Rei and Kazuko were laughing their asses off. "You missed Kazoo kicking Aragorn's ass." Rei said, through her laugher.
"Aw, dammit."
~*~*~*~*~
Kazoo slammed the book shut, "Aragorn said we are moving out. That's good right?" She asked Rei.
"Not for us. Why?"
"It appears..Someone has left us some mail." One of the twins said. Everyone leaned in.
"There the mail, it never fails, it makes me want to wag my tail, when it comes, I want to wail MAIL!" Kazoo and Rei sang.
"Now that.." Aragorn said, "Was scary."
~*~*~*~*~
Lin, Sam, and Frodo stood on the edge of Mount doom. "You know what." Frodo said, in an unearthly voice, "I think I will kept this ring.."he said, and laughed the evil villain laugh. (You know the one, from Saturday morning cartoons. No, not that kind, more like-)
Lin glared at Kazoo, the one who was typing, "Get on with!"
(Oh, sorry..)
Frodo held up the ring, and Gollum appear out of nowhere, biting Frodo's finger off. The one holding the ring, and it was not a sad sight to see that damn thing falling into the fires of mount doom. (Yes, I know, very anticlimaxes, but I am sick of this damn story, and haven't slept in days. So-)
"MY LORD!" Frodo snapped at the author, and held on to his hand, which was bleeding.
(Fine, that is it! You are gonna be in drag in my next story!)
"HAHAHA!" Sam laughed.
(You too.)
They all past out.
*~*~*~*~*~
Lin woke up slowly. "Where am I?" She asked.
"HI LIN!" Kazoo yelled.
"What happen? Wasn't I on mount doom?" Lin asked, "What are we doing here. In the video store?"
Kazuko smiled, "Plot device. Well, we destroyed the ring, so I guess we get to be back to normal. Why?"
"Wait a second, where is Rei."
"Move your arse." Rei growled, under Lin.
"Well, let not rent lord of the rings.I have had my fill.." Lin said, uneasy. "How was your all quest?"
"Pretty cool, and-"
And that was the end of that unspeakable wonder.
A/n: IT'S DONE! And that is a great feeling. Sorry about the ending, it did kinda suck, didn't it? I kinda wanted it to end, so I could write the next one, and that one deals with toasters. This one was taking up as much time as another, which we have almost finished. Now we have to type it, and that is gonna be hell.
And now, the last time, I will sell you crap, for a while.
The one ring cleaner system, for your entire ring cleaning needs.
Stay tuned for the next one: Don't play with the toaster!
Chapter 11- The books that talk. Lin loses it more. I KNOW I KNOW! MAIL TIME!
A/n.I been so out of it. There been a fight over the fact if we are going to type up this Snape love story. I think it is a go, if I get the word from Rei. Anyhoo, I been, Like I said, out of it. To make up for that, this chapter will be the longest yet. The weird rhyme things are from Rei, btw. And there are three writers on this end of the pc.
"Purple plucky pony Pat paced a pacific pearl," Rei said, and Kazuko laughed.
"Sloppy soldiers sleepily saddled saddened slugs!" She giggled out. Aragorn looked at them. This was sad, and need to be stopped, now!
"KAZUKO! REI! Get yer crap! We're moving out!" Aragorn shouted, and you want to know something, with him sounding like a hick, got them moving faster.
Kazoo (it's funny how I know too am calling myself Kazoo. And I answered to it.) had finally met her hot elf guys, and it wasn't Legolas, as Rei had thought. It involved twins, Elrond's twins, Elladan and Elrohir.
The path of the dead was longer than anyone had thought, for it when on for what felt like miles. If you thought that was long, you didn't want to know how long the long way was. Kazoo had gotten bored, so she began to bitch, like she does when she gets that way. Aragorn was not in the mood.
"LISTEN!" He snapped, "KAZUKO SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANY MORE! IF WE RUN OUT OF FOOD YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON WE ARE EATING!!" He growled.
Kazuko looked at him funny, "Why?"
"Because!" Aragorn sighed. "Because I said so and I am a going to be king!" He added, and stuck out his tongue at her.
"Oh no." Rei said, "Now we have two Kazoos."
Elladan looked at her, "This has happen before I take it?"
"Not with Aragorn, but yeah, it has."
"So there are two kazoos." Legolas started.
Rei finished it for him, "Don't worry, Kazoo will beat him. When She does this, she always does." Rei said, and opened a copy of Johnny the Homicidal Manic.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lin popped her hand for the fifth time. There was nothing keeping them from Mount doom, save the Black Riders. Lucky for them, they were somewhere else at the monument. That had to be a good thing. Right? Lin wasn't sure. "A few more steps.." Sam said, "And we will been done with this whole messy campaign. And then we can go back to the Shire."
"And sit in the bar owned by the Cottons'" Frodo said.
"And Get drunk!" The two said together. "And forget about this whole damn thing."
"Not if I drink it all first."Lin sighed, it was going to be a long trip.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"FECK OFF!"
"YOU ARSEFACE!"
"BUTT MONKIES!" Aragorn said, slamming his fist into the wall. Which was not smart, for it hurt a whole f'ing lot. He began to cuss so that would make a sailor blush. Rei was busy taking notes. The twins were looking around the place with Legolas, and Gimli got the idea that they were doing "elf things". The probably involve some hair gel, and other make-up items.
Kazoo looked at the twenty pages of cuss words that Rei had. "Can I see those?" she asked, reaching for them. Rei growled and read a few pages to her. Kazoo paled significantly, and then attacked her viciously.
"Shouldn't somebody stop them before they kill each other?" one of the twins asked.
"Wanna try it?" Legolas offered, grinning maliciously. He quickly shook his head and watched the two girls rolling around on the ground, shrieking and pulling the others' hair. Kazoo had a scrap of Rei's sleeve in her mouth.
"My money's on the biter," Aragorn whispered to Gimli.
"Ten to one that the other one kicks her ass," he hissed back.
The girls stopped and looked at each other, then burst into tears and embraced. "I'm sorry, Kazoo!" Rei bawled.
"I'm sorrier," Kazoo wailed, wiping snot on Rei's tunic. Rei whacked her around the head, and then wailed some more.
Aragorn shook his head. "Females, I swear." Kazoo and Rei looked to, glaring at Aragorn in a way that made him want to hide behind a couch for the rest of his life. With another shriek, the two girls leapt at him.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey Frodo?"
"What, Sam?"
"Whatever happened to those Orcs?"
Lin turned around. "Yeah. Where did they go?"
Frodo cupped his hands and drummed his fingers against each other. "Plot device, my dear friends. Plot device." Lin whacked him across the head, and then shook her head.
"Dumb ass."
"I AM NOT!"
~*~*~*~*~*~
Legolas and the twins were carrying the broken body of Aragorn as Kazuko and Rei smiled sinisterly now quite satisfied.
"Now you see why I just let them drive me crazy," Legolas pointed out.
Aragorn looked up at Legolas and growled, hit him on the head, and took the second to last Johnny comic just to read the last couple pages (if you know Johnny it would be a lot funnier). "If I'm needed, which I better not be, I'll be over here," Aragorn raised both arms in opposite directions and began to walk backwards.
Rei rummaged through Kazuko's backpack and pulled out a notebook full of tally marks.confusing Legolas, but at the moment he was confused about a couple things due to the nice lump on his head; courtesy of Aragorn.
"Ok, so now what?" The twins asked Rei and Kazuko.
"Now we wait," Rei answered.
Both the twins cocked their heads in different directions out of confusion.
"Then the fun begins.."
~*~*~*~*~*~ Lin looked over at Frodo, "There is something on your head." She said.
"What?" Frodo asked, half asleep.
"There is something on your head." Lin said again.
"There what on my what?"
"FRODO! THERE SOMETHING ON YOUR HEAD!" Sam yelled, then paused. "YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE!"
"AAHHH! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!"
Lin rolled her eyes.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The fire had died down to warm embers as Aragorn, the twins, Rei, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, and Kazuko (notice how Kazuko and Legolas are listed together in the list of the sleeping group). Anyway, everyone was sleeping when two whispering voices could be heard.
"John Jacob Jinglehimmershmit, his name is my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout..JOHN JACOB JINGLEHIMMERSHMIT! NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!" Kazuko and Rei said then immediately faked sleep.
Aragorn jumped up startled, "Oh, it's nothing Aragorn, just go back to sleep."
The twins giggled softly. Rei smirked to herself, and kicked Merry, "Get your hand off my ass." She growled softly to him.
"Sorry." Merry voice was higher than a mouse's squeak.
Kazuko was worst off when Legolas rolled over on top of her. "Help...Someone.."
But some how, a few seconds later, something was sung thought the air.
"John Jacob Jinglehimmershmit, his name is my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout..JOHN JACOB JINGLEHIMMERSHMIT! NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!" Kazuko and Rei said then immediately faked sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"How the hell did your hair get on fire?" Lin asked, gawking at Frodo's smoldering head.
"I don't know. I was sleeping farthest away from the fire pit."
Lin looked around, confused. "Hey, where's Sam?"
"Huh?" Frodo looked around. "Huh. He's not here."
"No fucking kidding."
"Hehe. Hey guys, y'all come look at this he'ar."
"Oh crap."
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Where's my Johnny comics?" Kazuko demanded, searching thru her backpack.
"Whaddya mean 'where are my Johnny comics'?" Legolas asked, trying to sound stupid (which, to tell you the truth, didn't seem to be that hard).
"I mean 'where's my Johnny comics'!"
Legolas edged away at the very tone of Kazuko's voice. "Uh.I-I-I t-think I- I s-saw Aragorn t-take them." He pointed with a trembling finger towards the trees. With a low growl, Kazoo stormed thru the trees.
There was a series of loud noises. First a shuffling from the brush, then a warrior scream, then a girlish shriek that was definitely Aragorn and some loud bitch slaps and fist slams. Kazoo emerged, happily holding her comics close to herself. Aragorn emerged a few seconds later, with a bloody nose, black eyes, and there were a few cuts on his scruffy cheeks.
Everyone who witnessed this spectacle broke into wild applause.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lin, Frodo, and Sam walked up to the fires of Mount doom. They all stopped, sighed, and began to walk again..except for Lin.
Frodo looked behind him, "Lin?"
"Wow, have we really come this far?"
Frodo smiled warmly at her, "Yes, that we have."
Lin hugged Frodo and Sam joined in too.
Ok Sam we all know you love Frodo.the book spoke in the voice of Kazuko. Lin pulled Frodo closer to her, "No.he's mine," she turned her voice creepiest, "My precious."
Frodo raised his hands, "Ok, I'm officially freaked out now."
"KAZUKO!" Sam cried, "How could you say that?"
"It's the truth isn't it?" Kazuko asked.
"Yeah." Rei answered.
Sam blushed embarrassed, "Master Frodo.? Master Frodo!"
Lin and Frodo were.uh.well.let's just say they needed to come up for air.soon.
Sam turned away and talked to Kazuko and Rei through the book, "Can't pick on me no more now can ya?"
"No." Kazuko admitted. "But now we can pick on Lin!" Rei added.
Lin hearing this stormed over to Sam, "Gimme that!"
Rei and Kazuko were laughing their asses off. "You missed Kazoo kicking Aragorn's ass." Rei said, through her laugher.
"Aw, dammit."
~*~*~*~*~
Kazoo slammed the book shut, "Aragorn said we are moving out. That's good right?" She asked Rei.
"Not for us. Why?"
"It appears..Someone has left us some mail." One of the twins said. Everyone leaned in.
"There the mail, it never fails, it makes me want to wag my tail, when it comes, I want to wail MAIL!" Kazoo and Rei sang.
"Now that.." Aragorn said, "Was scary."
~*~*~*~*~
Lin, Sam, and Frodo stood on the edge of Mount doom. "You know what." Frodo said, in an unearthly voice, "I think I will kept this ring.."he said, and laughed the evil villain laugh. (You know the one, from Saturday morning cartoons. No, not that kind, more like-)
Lin glared at Kazoo, the one who was typing, "Get on with!"
(Oh, sorry..)
Frodo held up the ring, and Gollum appear out of nowhere, biting Frodo's finger off. The one holding the ring, and it was not a sad sight to see that damn thing falling into the fires of mount doom. (Yes, I know, very anticlimaxes, but I am sick of this damn story, and haven't slept in days. So-)
"MY LORD!" Frodo snapped at the author, and held on to his hand, which was bleeding.
(Fine, that is it! You are gonna be in drag in my next story!)
"HAHAHA!" Sam laughed.
(You too.)
They all past out.
*~*~*~*~*~
Lin woke up slowly. "Where am I?" She asked.
"HI LIN!" Kazoo yelled.
"What happen? Wasn't I on mount doom?" Lin asked, "What are we doing here. In the video store?"
Kazuko smiled, "Plot device. Well, we destroyed the ring, so I guess we get to be back to normal. Why?"
"Wait a second, where is Rei."
"Move your arse." Rei growled, under Lin.
"Well, let not rent lord of the rings.I have had my fill.." Lin said, uneasy. "How was your all quest?"
"Pretty cool, and-"
And that was the end of that unspeakable wonder.
A/n: IT'S DONE! And that is a great feeling. Sorry about the ending, it did kinda suck, didn't it? I kinda wanted it to end, so I could write the next one, and that one deals with toasters. This one was taking up as much time as another, which we have almost finished. Now we have to type it, and that is gonna be hell.
And now, the last time, I will sell you crap, for a while.
The one ring cleaner system, for your entire ring cleaning needs.
Stay tuned for the next one: Don't play with the toaster!