A/N: Ah, an author's note from Fishface. I just wanted to share with the
world that when Shortstack wrote the end of the last chapter (9, with all
that darned fluff), and I read it, I literally stopped breathing. Why is
this? I'm not quite sure, but I did turn purple for a few seconds.
Shortstack killed me with the fluff. LOL. Yeah so anyways.. COOKIES!
They're yummy, right? *hands them out to the multitude of reviewers* Kelly,
of course, Anna C., MegabeeAthlete, Angela, Nicole, Lady Elwen (oh I still
love the name!), Merideth, and Deannie! Oh! *hands out Fluff-Boy T-shirts*
*giggles*
It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing.. :-D
On to the fic..
***
The next day had been unbearably sticky out from the rain over the night, but nothing could get my spirits down. Nothing that is, except for Spot Conlon. Sure, I didn't hate him, and I even verged on the thought that maybe I hadn't been lying when he had me pinned to the mattress and forced me to tell him I loved him. He was just the way he had been before that day, not like the day before, when we had watched the sunset together. when we had kissed.
I was sitting out at the edge of the dock when I felt his hand on my shoulder; once again, he had snuck up on me. I didn't quite understand how he did that, but he was starting to scare me with it.
"Hey Kerry," I said lightly, looking up at him briefly then back to the river, "How's Fishface?"
Kerry sat down next to me, "She's," He paused, "Alright considering. I mean, if the girl I loved ever went away," He paused, "I'd be worse than her about Jack leavin'."
I nodded, "If I were in love," I paused, "Which I'm not, I would be crushed by it too." He nodded as well, as far as I could tell, this conversation wasn't going anywhere.
Kerry suddenly put his fingers softly on top of mine. I didn't mind all that much, it just took me aback a bit. It was just a friendly gesture, that's all. I smiled. Secretly, for a moment, I wondered what had happened to Kerry. Why he lived in Brooklyn, why he and his sister lived like this. But then again, so did I, and no one had ever asked me, so perhaps it was considered rude to ask.
He smiled sheepishly, leaning back on one arm, his other hand still on top of mine. I couldn't help but smile at his expression. But the fact of the matter was, Kerry was getting to be more difficult for me to read than Spot Conlon.
"You know," He said quietly, "When I'm with you, nothing seems wrong." He laughed, "Pretend that was normal of me to say, Alright Bonnie?"
I smiled at him again, "Alright, I'll pretend it was." I winked at him.
"So um.. what's goin' on between you and Conlon today? Can't remember a day you two haven't started with an argument."
He was right, Spot and I hadn't talked at all. I had seen him that morning before he went to sell his papers, but we hadn't said a word. He'd barely looked at me. I hoped that he wasn't going to pretend nothing had happened, but it certainly seemed like he was. Sometimes I just couldn't stand that boy. I guess I looked angry suddenly, because Kerry burst out laughing.
"What?" he couldn't keep me from laughing along.
"I'm sorry, it's just you suddenly looked furious at somebody..." he stopped laughing but not grinning. "What were you thinkin' about?"
"Conlon," I replied. Saying his name, my mind drifted back to the night before, when he had kissed me under the streetlight. It had been wonderful when I had kissed him, but when he had willingly pressed his lips to mine, the feeling was indescribable. Obviously, I had unintentionally smiled.
"Now what are you thinkin' about?" Kerry asked me again, still grinning widely.
"Conlon..."
His grin faded, and he gave me a look that I couldn't place. He looked hesitant and yet confident at the same time. I was confused, until he leaned in closer to me a bit. Oh, no... I didn't want Kerry to kiss me, but I couldn't stop him. With everything happening to him and his sister, I just didn't have the heart to stop him. His kiss was gentle and soft, it felt like a butterfly had landed upon my lips. So I let him kiss me, my mind beginning to see a pair of green eyes staring at me, weakening every muscle in my body. I suddenly pulled back from Kerry, angry at myself. It wasn't fair to let him kiss me while I thought of Spot.
I couldn't look him in the eyes, I glanced over Kerry's shoulder, and my mouth fell open in shock. Standing there like a statue, he didn't move as he glared at me with those fierce eyes, making me feel ashamed.
"Spot..." was all I could choke out. Kerry turned and looked at him, and Spot just stared me, I could tell he was fuming by the way he was breathing loudly. We all stayed frozen, Kerry looking nervously at Spot, Spot glaring furiously at me, and me struggling not to let tears come to my eyes. What had I done? Thinking about it, I really hadn't done anything wrong, but I just felt terrible.
Spot finally turned and stomped off towards the clubhouse. I gave Kerry a quick look, begging him with my eyes to understand, and got up and followed Spot. Entering the clubhouse, I looked around, and saw him standing with his back to me, still breathing heavily as if trying to contain his anger.
"I... I don't know what happened..." I tried to find an explanation for what had happened, but there really wasn't one.
He didn't turn around. "Makin' up for sixteen years in a convent, are ya?" His voice was hateful, and I knew I didn't deserve that. Why was he even angry at me? He had kissed me, and then pretended nothing had ever happened.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
Now he turned around. "What's wrong is that first you kiss me, then you kiss him, like it's nothing at all."
"So you're saying it WAS something?" I raised an eyebrow at him mockingly. "Besides, you've been ignoring me all day, why should I be sorry?" I sighed, "Look, Kerry kissed me, there wasn't anything I could do about it."
"I didn't see you fighting HIM off, either," I couldn't stand that boy sometimes. "And... last night, that was just something that happened."
"Really? Who were you pretending I was that time?"
Spot stood right in my face again, but I didn't flinch. "Will you shut up about that already? That's over, okay? It was a mistake," his hand twitched a bit and he swore under his breath.
"A mistake? That's what I was?" I was really hurt, but I couldn't show him that.
He turned around, "Don't you go twistin' my words, Anabeth."
"Yeah well that's what you said, Spot," I said as icily as I could, trying my best not to start crying. He shot me a glare.
"Didn't they teach you not to mess around with guy's heads at the damned convent of yours?" He snapped, then he turned and walked coolly out, step, step, thump.
I closed my eyes. His last comment hadn't stung as much as his usually did. It lacked his usual fire. I turned and walked out of the clubhouse. Not exactly after him, but over to Kerry.
He turned and stared at me, wide eyed, "I'm sorry, Shortstack, I really am," It was odd; Kerry didn't call me by my real name like Spot did. It made it seem so much less informal. I gave him a little half-wince.
"That's okay Kerry," I said quietly. He looked completely crushed. I wondered why but then it dawned on me, I didn't exactly kiss him back. I nodded quietly at him, then said, "I need to go. think for awhile, I'll see you later, okay?" I said, then I went back into the clubhouse and up to the top floor.
All was quiet except for the breathing of Fishface, who was absentmindedly staring out the window. She looked up when I walked in and then went back to looking out the window. Her looking away made me want to murder her. Spot loved her. if it had been her, it wouldn't have been a mistake. With me, everything was a mistake for him. I was just like the dirt under his fingernails. Dirty and annoying, yet impossible to get rid of. Trust me, if I could have left, I would have.
Kerry. my thoughts trailed back to him as I lay down on my mattress, he was the only real friend I had in Brooklyn. Sure, no one but Spot had been particularly mean to me, yet no one had offered their friendship like Kerry had. I didn't even know his last name. I sighed and covered my face with my pillow, trying to block out the now steady sobs coming from Fishface's side of the room.
I heard the door open. I didn't even pretend to be interested in who it was, I just buried my head farther under my pillow and blended in with my corner mattress. Then I heard his voice, "Hey, you alright?" I looked up to snap at him, 'No' but I realized that he was talking to Fishface, and had either not noticed I was in the room or was purposely ignoring me. Either way, he paid me no mind as he sat down next to Fishface on her mattress and put his hand lightly on her arm. "Maybe if you eat somethin'," He said. Inwardly, I thought, 'No Fishface! Don't do it! It'll make you sick! Then he'll come in and-' I stopped my thoughts as Fishface's voice interrupted.
No thanks Spot," She said shakily, I watched them for a moment. Spot looked genuinely concerned about her, I wished he was that concerned about me, "Have you seen Kerry? How come he hasn't been up to see me?" She asked him quietly, but I could still hear her. She knew I had come in. Maybe she thought I was sleeping.
Spot looked at her softly, I hated that he did that to her, hated that he cared about her, more than he cared about me. I was just his mistake. I fought back a few tears. "I asked the boys not to come up and bother ya." He said to her caringly. He hadn't cared enough about me to ask them to leave me alone. Just Fishface.
I sighed, closing my eyes, but I couldn't block out their conversation. "Spot, can you send my brother to see me?" Spot looked a little frustrated, but eventually, he agreed that Kerry would be the only one of 'his men' to go to the upper room of the clubhouse. Of course, this didn't keep Spot Conlon himself from intruding.
Luckily, Spot left soon, and I didn't have to deal with his whining anymore. What was this obsession he had with Fishface? Clearly she wasn't interested in him, but he just wouldn't give up.
Laying in bed a few hours later, I pondered why it was that Spot was hell- bent on trying to convince Fishface to leave Jack for him. I wondered if it secretly annoyed her, because she never seemed to have much of a reaction. Perhaps she was used to it. But I had never known anyone to strive so hard for attention from the woman he loved, and I wasn't even sure if he really loved her or he just thought he did.
Maybe I was just angry. I mean, just the night before he had been with me, kissing me gently under a streetlight. Now he had gone right back to Fishface, making me feel used and discarded. I felt tears begin to form in my eyes, and I squeezed the edge of my mattress trying to force them to disappear. Spot Conlon wasn't worth my tears, not after the way he was treating me. Why did he play games with me? What kind of sick pleasure did he get from twisting me in the palm of his hand and throwing me down to the floor? Rolling over on my mattress, I remembered when he had kissed me on it, and tried even harder to keep from crying, knowing that if Fishface heard me she would ask what was wrong. I couldn't tell her what it was that had me crying late at night. I remembered what Kerry had said, that Spot wasn't worth my time, and tried to make myself believe it. After what seemed to be years, I managed to find sleep. All night I envisioned that someone's arm was draped over me, keeping me safe and warm and comforting me.
When I awoke, I rolled over on my mattress, trying to adjust my eyes to the sunlight. It was incredibly bright, so I knew it must be near noon. I could hear the newsies outside, most of them back from selling their morning papers. Glancing around sleepily, I saw that Fishface had already left. As my eyes drifted to the floor next to my mattress, I saw a beautiful bouquet of flowers resting there. Mostly white daisies, the arrangement smelled freshly cut and wonderful. Inhaling the scent, I sat up and picked them up off the floor curiously. There was a small scrap of paper folded under them, and I opened it and read the scratched handwriting.
"Hope you slept well, you look beautiful when you're asleep. I wanted to apologize for yesterday. Please forgive me, I really am sorry. I love you."
I closed my eyes without reading the name at the bottom of the paper, half of me not wanting to know who it was from. But after a moment, I opened them and read his signature and smiled. Of course, who else could it be from? Inside, I think I had known that he cared for me all along, but I didn't realize that he loved me, the way he had seemed to be trying to hide it. Thinking back, I remembered how we kissed, and recalled all the affection that he had poured into it.
Standing up, I walked over to the window, clutching the flowers in my small hands. Looking out over the docks, I searched for him with my eyes. As I found him, I smiled and breathed in the flowers' fragrance again. For a few minutes, I wondered over what to do now. What would I say the next time I talked with him? Making up my mind, I decided that it didn't matter. I wasn't going to wait around anymore, now that I knew how he felt about me. Remembering the looks in his eyes that I managed to catch occasionally, I thought that perhaps he'd felt this way since we'd met my first night in Brooklyn. Still smiling, I ran towards the door.
Any doubt I still had faded as I descended the stairway, not being able to get outside fast enough. Reaching the doorway of the clubhouse, I stood there and watched him. He looked wonderful. After a second, he turned around, and stared back at me standing there with his flowers in my hands. I walked up to him slowly, grinning like a child. He looked down at me as I stood in front of him, his eyes repeating everything I'd read in his note. I glanced around quickly, everyone was watching the two of us standing there, as if they didn't believe it. But I didn't care who saw. One more quick glance around, my eyes meeting with another pair for an instant. Reaching up and pressing Kerry's lips to mine, the last thing I saw was Spot Conlon a few feet away, his eyes going wide with surprise.
It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing.. :-D
On to the fic..
***
The next day had been unbearably sticky out from the rain over the night, but nothing could get my spirits down. Nothing that is, except for Spot Conlon. Sure, I didn't hate him, and I even verged on the thought that maybe I hadn't been lying when he had me pinned to the mattress and forced me to tell him I loved him. He was just the way he had been before that day, not like the day before, when we had watched the sunset together. when we had kissed.
I was sitting out at the edge of the dock when I felt his hand on my shoulder; once again, he had snuck up on me. I didn't quite understand how he did that, but he was starting to scare me with it.
"Hey Kerry," I said lightly, looking up at him briefly then back to the river, "How's Fishface?"
Kerry sat down next to me, "She's," He paused, "Alright considering. I mean, if the girl I loved ever went away," He paused, "I'd be worse than her about Jack leavin'."
I nodded, "If I were in love," I paused, "Which I'm not, I would be crushed by it too." He nodded as well, as far as I could tell, this conversation wasn't going anywhere.
Kerry suddenly put his fingers softly on top of mine. I didn't mind all that much, it just took me aback a bit. It was just a friendly gesture, that's all. I smiled. Secretly, for a moment, I wondered what had happened to Kerry. Why he lived in Brooklyn, why he and his sister lived like this. But then again, so did I, and no one had ever asked me, so perhaps it was considered rude to ask.
He smiled sheepishly, leaning back on one arm, his other hand still on top of mine. I couldn't help but smile at his expression. But the fact of the matter was, Kerry was getting to be more difficult for me to read than Spot Conlon.
"You know," He said quietly, "When I'm with you, nothing seems wrong." He laughed, "Pretend that was normal of me to say, Alright Bonnie?"
I smiled at him again, "Alright, I'll pretend it was." I winked at him.
"So um.. what's goin' on between you and Conlon today? Can't remember a day you two haven't started with an argument."
He was right, Spot and I hadn't talked at all. I had seen him that morning before he went to sell his papers, but we hadn't said a word. He'd barely looked at me. I hoped that he wasn't going to pretend nothing had happened, but it certainly seemed like he was. Sometimes I just couldn't stand that boy. I guess I looked angry suddenly, because Kerry burst out laughing.
"What?" he couldn't keep me from laughing along.
"I'm sorry, it's just you suddenly looked furious at somebody..." he stopped laughing but not grinning. "What were you thinkin' about?"
"Conlon," I replied. Saying his name, my mind drifted back to the night before, when he had kissed me under the streetlight. It had been wonderful when I had kissed him, but when he had willingly pressed his lips to mine, the feeling was indescribable. Obviously, I had unintentionally smiled.
"Now what are you thinkin' about?" Kerry asked me again, still grinning widely.
"Conlon..."
His grin faded, and he gave me a look that I couldn't place. He looked hesitant and yet confident at the same time. I was confused, until he leaned in closer to me a bit. Oh, no... I didn't want Kerry to kiss me, but I couldn't stop him. With everything happening to him and his sister, I just didn't have the heart to stop him. His kiss was gentle and soft, it felt like a butterfly had landed upon my lips. So I let him kiss me, my mind beginning to see a pair of green eyes staring at me, weakening every muscle in my body. I suddenly pulled back from Kerry, angry at myself. It wasn't fair to let him kiss me while I thought of Spot.
I couldn't look him in the eyes, I glanced over Kerry's shoulder, and my mouth fell open in shock. Standing there like a statue, he didn't move as he glared at me with those fierce eyes, making me feel ashamed.
"Spot..." was all I could choke out. Kerry turned and looked at him, and Spot just stared me, I could tell he was fuming by the way he was breathing loudly. We all stayed frozen, Kerry looking nervously at Spot, Spot glaring furiously at me, and me struggling not to let tears come to my eyes. What had I done? Thinking about it, I really hadn't done anything wrong, but I just felt terrible.
Spot finally turned and stomped off towards the clubhouse. I gave Kerry a quick look, begging him with my eyes to understand, and got up and followed Spot. Entering the clubhouse, I looked around, and saw him standing with his back to me, still breathing heavily as if trying to contain his anger.
"I... I don't know what happened..." I tried to find an explanation for what had happened, but there really wasn't one.
He didn't turn around. "Makin' up for sixteen years in a convent, are ya?" His voice was hateful, and I knew I didn't deserve that. Why was he even angry at me? He had kissed me, and then pretended nothing had ever happened.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
Now he turned around. "What's wrong is that first you kiss me, then you kiss him, like it's nothing at all."
"So you're saying it WAS something?" I raised an eyebrow at him mockingly. "Besides, you've been ignoring me all day, why should I be sorry?" I sighed, "Look, Kerry kissed me, there wasn't anything I could do about it."
"I didn't see you fighting HIM off, either," I couldn't stand that boy sometimes. "And... last night, that was just something that happened."
"Really? Who were you pretending I was that time?"
Spot stood right in my face again, but I didn't flinch. "Will you shut up about that already? That's over, okay? It was a mistake," his hand twitched a bit and he swore under his breath.
"A mistake? That's what I was?" I was really hurt, but I couldn't show him that.
He turned around, "Don't you go twistin' my words, Anabeth."
"Yeah well that's what you said, Spot," I said as icily as I could, trying my best not to start crying. He shot me a glare.
"Didn't they teach you not to mess around with guy's heads at the damned convent of yours?" He snapped, then he turned and walked coolly out, step, step, thump.
I closed my eyes. His last comment hadn't stung as much as his usually did. It lacked his usual fire. I turned and walked out of the clubhouse. Not exactly after him, but over to Kerry.
He turned and stared at me, wide eyed, "I'm sorry, Shortstack, I really am," It was odd; Kerry didn't call me by my real name like Spot did. It made it seem so much less informal. I gave him a little half-wince.
"That's okay Kerry," I said quietly. He looked completely crushed. I wondered why but then it dawned on me, I didn't exactly kiss him back. I nodded quietly at him, then said, "I need to go. think for awhile, I'll see you later, okay?" I said, then I went back into the clubhouse and up to the top floor.
All was quiet except for the breathing of Fishface, who was absentmindedly staring out the window. She looked up when I walked in and then went back to looking out the window. Her looking away made me want to murder her. Spot loved her. if it had been her, it wouldn't have been a mistake. With me, everything was a mistake for him. I was just like the dirt under his fingernails. Dirty and annoying, yet impossible to get rid of. Trust me, if I could have left, I would have.
Kerry. my thoughts trailed back to him as I lay down on my mattress, he was the only real friend I had in Brooklyn. Sure, no one but Spot had been particularly mean to me, yet no one had offered their friendship like Kerry had. I didn't even know his last name. I sighed and covered my face with my pillow, trying to block out the now steady sobs coming from Fishface's side of the room.
I heard the door open. I didn't even pretend to be interested in who it was, I just buried my head farther under my pillow and blended in with my corner mattress. Then I heard his voice, "Hey, you alright?" I looked up to snap at him, 'No' but I realized that he was talking to Fishface, and had either not noticed I was in the room or was purposely ignoring me. Either way, he paid me no mind as he sat down next to Fishface on her mattress and put his hand lightly on her arm. "Maybe if you eat somethin'," He said. Inwardly, I thought, 'No Fishface! Don't do it! It'll make you sick! Then he'll come in and-' I stopped my thoughts as Fishface's voice interrupted.
No thanks Spot," She said shakily, I watched them for a moment. Spot looked genuinely concerned about her, I wished he was that concerned about me, "Have you seen Kerry? How come he hasn't been up to see me?" She asked him quietly, but I could still hear her. She knew I had come in. Maybe she thought I was sleeping.
Spot looked at her softly, I hated that he did that to her, hated that he cared about her, more than he cared about me. I was just his mistake. I fought back a few tears. "I asked the boys not to come up and bother ya." He said to her caringly. He hadn't cared enough about me to ask them to leave me alone. Just Fishface.
I sighed, closing my eyes, but I couldn't block out their conversation. "Spot, can you send my brother to see me?" Spot looked a little frustrated, but eventually, he agreed that Kerry would be the only one of 'his men' to go to the upper room of the clubhouse. Of course, this didn't keep Spot Conlon himself from intruding.
Luckily, Spot left soon, and I didn't have to deal with his whining anymore. What was this obsession he had with Fishface? Clearly she wasn't interested in him, but he just wouldn't give up.
Laying in bed a few hours later, I pondered why it was that Spot was hell- bent on trying to convince Fishface to leave Jack for him. I wondered if it secretly annoyed her, because she never seemed to have much of a reaction. Perhaps she was used to it. But I had never known anyone to strive so hard for attention from the woman he loved, and I wasn't even sure if he really loved her or he just thought he did.
Maybe I was just angry. I mean, just the night before he had been with me, kissing me gently under a streetlight. Now he had gone right back to Fishface, making me feel used and discarded. I felt tears begin to form in my eyes, and I squeezed the edge of my mattress trying to force them to disappear. Spot Conlon wasn't worth my tears, not after the way he was treating me. Why did he play games with me? What kind of sick pleasure did he get from twisting me in the palm of his hand and throwing me down to the floor? Rolling over on my mattress, I remembered when he had kissed me on it, and tried even harder to keep from crying, knowing that if Fishface heard me she would ask what was wrong. I couldn't tell her what it was that had me crying late at night. I remembered what Kerry had said, that Spot wasn't worth my time, and tried to make myself believe it. After what seemed to be years, I managed to find sleep. All night I envisioned that someone's arm was draped over me, keeping me safe and warm and comforting me.
When I awoke, I rolled over on my mattress, trying to adjust my eyes to the sunlight. It was incredibly bright, so I knew it must be near noon. I could hear the newsies outside, most of them back from selling their morning papers. Glancing around sleepily, I saw that Fishface had already left. As my eyes drifted to the floor next to my mattress, I saw a beautiful bouquet of flowers resting there. Mostly white daisies, the arrangement smelled freshly cut and wonderful. Inhaling the scent, I sat up and picked them up off the floor curiously. There was a small scrap of paper folded under them, and I opened it and read the scratched handwriting.
"Hope you slept well, you look beautiful when you're asleep. I wanted to apologize for yesterday. Please forgive me, I really am sorry. I love you."
I closed my eyes without reading the name at the bottom of the paper, half of me not wanting to know who it was from. But after a moment, I opened them and read his signature and smiled. Of course, who else could it be from? Inside, I think I had known that he cared for me all along, but I didn't realize that he loved me, the way he had seemed to be trying to hide it. Thinking back, I remembered how we kissed, and recalled all the affection that he had poured into it.
Standing up, I walked over to the window, clutching the flowers in my small hands. Looking out over the docks, I searched for him with my eyes. As I found him, I smiled and breathed in the flowers' fragrance again. For a few minutes, I wondered over what to do now. What would I say the next time I talked with him? Making up my mind, I decided that it didn't matter. I wasn't going to wait around anymore, now that I knew how he felt about me. Remembering the looks in his eyes that I managed to catch occasionally, I thought that perhaps he'd felt this way since we'd met my first night in Brooklyn. Still smiling, I ran towards the door.
Any doubt I still had faded as I descended the stairway, not being able to get outside fast enough. Reaching the doorway of the clubhouse, I stood there and watched him. He looked wonderful. After a second, he turned around, and stared back at me standing there with his flowers in my hands. I walked up to him slowly, grinning like a child. He looked down at me as I stood in front of him, his eyes repeating everything I'd read in his note. I glanced around quickly, everyone was watching the two of us standing there, as if they didn't believe it. But I didn't care who saw. One more quick glance around, my eyes meeting with another pair for an instant. Reaching up and pressing Kerry's lips to mine, the last thing I saw was Spot Conlon a few feet away, his eyes going wide with surprise.