For author's notes, disclaimers, etc., please see chapter 1.

******

Tuesday 3:00 PM

 Session Two


"And that's it. She just left, didn't say good-bye or anything."

Jay was playing with his ring again, twisting it around and around. "And how did that make you feel, Chloe?"

She sighed and tucked her knees up under her chin. "Angry."

He fixed her with his no-nonsense stare. "Uh-uh. You know you're not getting off that easily."

She frowned, staring at the ceiling in concentration. "OK, frustrated because I sort of wanted to talk to her. And just -- tired, I guess." Jay cocked an eyebrow questioningly and she went with the thought. "I mean, I'm tired of the whole game. It's like her whole entire pattern, she acts all concerned and stuff, and I finally decide to talk to her. And then there's always some crisis. She gets paged or called or Bailey shows up at the door. There's always something more important."

Jay propped his chin on his hand. "Well, she does have a pretty big job, after all. She helps hunt down the bad guys, right? I'm sure whatever it was had to be pretty important to tear her away right at that moment."

"Yeah, but it's always that way with her. It's not like she's the only person in the whole FBI either, you'd think that once in awhile she could take some time out for her own daughter."

The odd half-smile was tugging at his lips again as he stood up and walked away from her toward the window. "I don't know, Chloe. Your mother's job is awfully crucial to be interrupted by the complaints of an eleven-year-old. And her paycheck from those long hours helps buy you CDs and pizzas and all those pretty clothes. Is it possible that you're being a bit unreasonable?"

Her head snapped up at his words. "I'm unreasonable? Who the hell are you supposed to be helping here, anyway? The job was her choice, not mine, but I'm affected by it every day! I live in a jail, I have guards! And I wouldn't care if she never bought me stuff ever again, I'd rather have a real mother who actually spends time with me." She stopped abruptly and clapped a hand over her mouth in shock as the heat washed over her face in waves. "Ohmigod, Jay, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say those things to you."

Jay turned back toward her and she saw the satisfied smile beaming from his face. "I know you didn't. But you did say them, didn't you? And -- surprise! -- nothing bad happened to either one of us." He smoothed the front of his sweater and sat beside her again.

She stared at him in amazement. "You wanted to make me angry, didn't you? You wanted me to yell at you."

He inclined his head slightly. "I knew you were smart, most people don't catch onto that trick right away. Yes, I wanted you to say the first thing that came to your mind, before Good Girl Chloe stepped in and told you to pretend everything was all right. Because it's not all right, Chloe, and you're not being unreasonable."

"Really? You don't think so?" She searched his eyes for any signs of disapproval. "Then why does it feel so bad when I say those things?" She placed a hand over her stomach, where the guilt ball was steadily bouncing away.

"It feels bad because you're letting Good Chloe take over." Jay tucked his knees up under his chin as she'd done and gazed steadily at her. The steely undercurrent had returned to his words. "Good Chloe is the proper little girl who never says or does anything bad. She never hurts anyone's feelings, even if she has good reason to. And she always believes everything her mother tells her, even if deep in her heart she suspects that some of what she hears isn't the truth. You'd like to have a mother who spends more time with you, wouldn't you?"

Caught in the depths of his dark stare, she nodded wordlessly.

"Other girls at school have mothers that volunteer at conferences and bake sales. And in the malls they're all over the place, mothers and daughters just hanging out, having fun. You'd like to do those things with your mother too, right?"

Another half-nod.

"And yet your mother isn't there for you. Why do you think that is, Chloe?"

"We already talked about it, her job is –"

"Mm, the job." Jay half-frowned as he said the last word. "Well, she does have a busy, important job, yes. But you've wondered sometimes, haven't you, Chloe? You can tell me – haven't you been afraid that the real reason she spends more time at work isn't because she's after some bad man, that it's actually to get away from you? That you must have done something awful, something you don't even remember doing, for her to want to avoid you so much?"

Her lower lip began to tremble as she nodded again.

"That's when it really starts to hurt, right? Deep inside you, late at night, when you toss and turn and wonder what you possibly could have done to deserve this? Don't you want to know what you did, Chloe? Don't you want the truth at last?"

"Yes," Chloe whispered and then burst into tears. He pressed a handkerchief to her cheek and she found herself suddenly leaning into his shoulder, sobbing against the soft fabric of his sweater as though her heart would break. Jay continued to dry her tears as they fell, gently patting her back until she was able to calm herself enough to quiet her sobs. She breathed in the smoky floral scent of his skin as he bent his head close to her; he was near enough for his breath to tickle her ear as he spoke.

"It's nothing, Chloe," he whispered. "That's the whole truth -- you've done nothing to deserve any of this. You're an innocent bystander. Your mother may tell you that things are going to change, that any day now everything will be different and better, but it's not true. That's because everything she does is her choice, even if she doesn't know it herself -- it's just who she is, it's in her nature. And you can never change a person's true nature -- trust me on that point." He grinned wryly and broke gently away from her as he dried the final tears from her cheeks. "That's why I want you to forget all about Good Chloe. She exists only to give comfort to the adults in your life, the ones who'd rather not be confronted with the fact that they've disappointed and abandoned you. Good Chloe wants you to feel that big ball of guilt, she wants you to think it's all your fault. But none of this is your fault, is it, Chloe?"

"No?" She tested the word gingerly.

"You can do better than that, Chloe."

She took a deep breath, let it out slowly. "No. It's not my fault."

"Smart girl. Now, I want you to toss Good Chloe away. Tell her you don't need her lies anymore and show her the door. Because it's not wrong to be angry, is it, Chloe? It's not wrong to admit that you're disappointed in your mother for not being there for you. And it's not wrong to just be good to yourself for a change."

His eyes burned into her as he spoke the words, and she felt his indignation; he was angry for her. A swell of gratitude and affection rose in her chest.

"I'm not sure I know how to do that -- I mean, to just say those things and think of myself," she admitted.

He covered her hand with his, and the warmth of his skin seared into her, something real and tangible and steeped in the moment that gave her hope.

"I know, Chloe," he whispered with an encouraging smile. "But you'll learn exactly how to do it. That's why you're here."

The wall clock chimed the four o'clock hour. Chloe stood automatically, then realized what she'd done and grinned in response to Jay's knowing chuckle.

"I know, I should tell Good Chloe to chill out, that Angel can wait a couple more minutes. It's just...hard to change all at once."

Jay smiled. "I never said it would be easy. That's why you're going to be stuck with me for a few more sessions."

"I can deal with that, you're actually kind of cool. Even if I should be mad at you 'cause you made me cry like a dumb little kid."

She could swear that he looked a little guilty. "Yeah, well. Sorry about that part." He ran a hand through his hair self-consciously, causing a few blonde spikes to stick out at an odd angle. "But sometimes, you know, you can learn the most about yourself when you're forced to stop thinking and just go with your gut. I think it worked pretty well today, don't you?"

"Yeah, except for that gut thing sounding kind of gross." He groaned into his hands and she giggled.

"OK, I guess I deserved that." Jay sighed as he slumped back onto the sofa. "C'mon, I helped you a little bit today, though, didn't I?"

"Yeah, it was actually kinda good. Although I was disappointed that you didn't use any of your Evil Words today." She wondered briefly if she were crossing the line in actually teasing an adult, but Jay just grinned gamely.

"Hey, I have other very important skills that I have to use once in awhile. Otherwise they get all rusty. All right, kiddo, Good Chloe has been held back long enough for the day – I'll let you escape from me now."

"OK, see you tomorrow then." She paused at the doorway, trying to figure out how to say the next words as intelligently as possible. "Um, thanks for, you know – sticking up for me. With what you said, I mean."

"Why, of course, Chloe. Why wouldn't I stick up for you?"

"It's just that – you're really different from all the other grown-ups I'm around. You listen to me and you tell me the truth. And—" she hesitated, then decided to take the plunge. "Jay, you were like me, weren't you?"

He stopped in mid-twist of the ring, head snapping up as he stared at her. "What do you mean?" he asked in an odd tone.

"I mean...when you were a kid, you felt alone and all wrong, didn't you? You missed your parents just like me. And you – you'd cried like that too."

"How could you kn--" Jay bit back the last word with a half-cough. "Why would you say that, Chloe?" His voice had roughened and his eyes had darkened almost to black; for a moment it was as though a mask had shattered and she was looking into the face of a completely different man. Suddenly frightened, she pressed back against the office door.

"I just sort of knew you were like that, I could…y-your voice just felt like that. I'm sorry, Jay, I didn't mean to upset you or anything."

"No." The unfamiliar man had vanished behind Jay's personable face. "It's OK, you didn't upset me, you just -- surprised me. No one has ever said....You surprised me, that's all." He stared at his left hand as he twisted the gold ring.

She glanced uneasily at the wall clock. "Well, I should go before Angel comes looking for me. Um, Jay -- I'm not sure who's supposed to take the place of Good Chloe. I mean, you don't want me to become Bad Chloe, right?"

He smiled, still a bit distractedly. "No, I want you to become just plain Chloe."

"But how do I know who just plain Chloe is?"

"Oh, it'll take awhile, but you'll know her when you meet her. We can't fight our true natures, remember? I think you'll find that just plain Chloe is a very special young lady."

She was suddenly aware of an odd sensation, or more specifically the lack of one; at some point over the last hour, the guilt ball had stopped bouncing in her stomach for the first time in weeks. The smile on her face was genuine as she walked away from the office, whose remaining occupant sat motionless and stared at the closed door until the sun went down and the shadows painted him black.

******to be continued******