Sometimes people feel that they would rather keep something inside than let
it embarrass them. This is what I have been doing. If I let out this
secret, if I admit to it, everyone will know my pain. Yet I keep it inside;
I agonize over it, crying at night. I am obsessed and I cannot let go. I
feel as though I am under a spell, a spell that I both hate and enjoy being
under. My secret has slowly started to take its form on the outside. I no
longer have a healthy glow that I once had; my smile is unnatural, even
more than it once was. My secret has taken away any form of happiness that
I once possessed. I no longer care for the things I once cared for, without
my secret what good are they to me? My secret torments me; everyday it eats
at my heart, taking away my courage. Once fearless, I am now fearful. My
secret is all that matters to me, although I try to forget about it, it
returns to my memory. For my secret is in me and in everything I see. My
secret has hold of my soul holding it in place, causing it to no longer be
free. I am stuck in an unreal world with my secret, stuck in time and no
longer able to go on. My secret took away my being, my humanity. It left me
to drown in a misty lake of sorrow with nothing to hold on to and nowhere
to go but under. My secret is the rock tied to my ankle, pulling me to the
bottom of the lake. There is nothing I can do about it no matter how hard I
struggle by myself in silence, for it controls me. Yet there is hope. In
the distance a light shines feebly through the fog. That light is truth.
Yet truth cannot save me unless I call out to it; unless I cry for help.
Unless I shout out to truth telling it of the rock that pulls me under, it
will never know I am lost; it will never know that I am drowning.