A/N: This chapter takes place three and a half years after Rachel left.
"Please Rachel." Phoebe heard a sigh and knew she was going to get the same answer she had already been given more than a thousand times.
"I can't."
"You don't want to be there, you miss us."
"Of course I miss you Pheebs, all of you. But I can't come back, not now not ever not after everything that's happened."
"I think you're scared. Scared your friends won't, accept you back, or whatever but they will and Ross will be mad but he'll accept you back because you have his little girl."
"Phoebe please, they probably think I don't care."
"But you do care all you have to do is tell them how you showed you still cared."
"Monica has wanted a baby for longer I can remember, and I wasn't there how will she forgive me? How will any of them? No Phoebe I can't come back. I have to go bye."
"Rachel wait!" But she didn't, the dial tone greeted Phoebe and she flung the phone away in frustration.
"Hello?" Rachel frowned at the phone.
"Phoebe?"
"I'm sorry she doesn't live here anymore. Is this Rachel?"
"Yes it is."
"She left a message for you, she said she was really sorry and she hoped you'd be able to forgive her."
"What does she mean?"
"She said you'd understand."
"Thank you, bye." Rachel hung feeling thoroughly confused. She grabbed the magazine from the top of the mail pile and stared dumbstruck at the front page. It was Joey and his new girlfriend, Phoebe! She frantically flipped through clutching the magazine while reading the article, they were living together in Joey's upscale New York loft! Rachel's whole world was thrown into orbit. All this time they had been talking and Phoebe had never once mentioned anything about her and Joey, she had even been trying to get her to come back. She'd succeeded too! Rachel slowly picked up the phone and dialled the number she still remembered so well.
"Estelle."
"Hi it's Rachel Green."
"What do you want?"
"I need to get a message to Phoebe, it's very important, please Estelle. It's not bad I swear."
"Why?"
"I just need to."
"What is it?"
"Tell her I'll forgive her on one condition, that she forgives me. I called her to tell her I was going to, face the music, she'd already left."
"Is that it?"
"I only wish it were."
* * *
"Chandler."
"Rachel?"
"Hi. Emma this is Uncle Chandler."
"Hey Uncle Chandler." Chandler was stunned by the sight of the woman who had once been part of their close-knit group, the woman who had managed to rip said group apart with her actions and then sudden departure, the daughter she had taken from one of his best friends. He couldn't believe his eyes, she'd been a baby when she left and here she was now, the most enchanting little four-year old he had ever seen. She strongly resembled her mother, which even in his daze he managed to tell himself that was probably lucky for her. But even luckier was she didn't have Rachel's original nose!
"Chandler, this is my son." Chandler's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he finally noticed the small boy whose hand was safely encased in his mother's. "He's called Aaron." She paused. "Aaron Tribbiani." Chandler hadn't needed the name to know the parentage of the dark haired boy. Chandler suddenly became aware of the length of time he'd been stood there when the child in his arms began to move. He moved away form the door, leaving room for Rachel to come in before closing it.
"Your daughter is lovely."
"Thanks, took a while for Monica to leave her, you know being worse for her and all with how desperate she, we, were for a…" He stopped short as if realising this wasn't something he should be discussing with Rachel. They were both now sat down in the living area, Rachel noticed nothing had changed since her departure, though there were significant additions showing that a baby was now present. Chandler rested his daughter in her bassinet and watched over her briefly, before sitting down again. Joey's son was now in Rachel's lap, huddling up to her in his child's sleep. Emma however was exploring the apartment, as if she owned the place, Chandler took a moment to realise how like her mother she was.
"Where have you been?"
"San Diego."
"We thought you were still somewhere in New York. The letters."
"I know, I didn't want to risk being found."
"How could you? Ross has been….you took his daughter and Joey god he was such a mess."
"In the long run it was best I went. When I spoke to Ross about Joey and me, the future we could have. He freaked. If he'd known I was pregnant he would have tried to take her away from me."
"So you took her away from him."
"Chandler Joey hit Ross, in the street! Because of me. If I'd have stayed it would have torn us apart. God you think Monica would have supported it. No way, she would support Ross, and you'd have to. I couldn't do that to your marriage and I couldn't do that to the friendship between you and Joey. And poor Phoebe, what would she have done. She'd have been right in the middle, having to choose between two groups of her best friends."
"I guess I can see why you thought it was best. I…"
"Rachel!" The two turn to find the door wide open revealing a very obviously angry Monica. The two stand up, Joey's son is pushed roughly onto the sofa and wakes up. He peers over the top of the sofa at the person then shies away seeing the anger on her face. He trembles as he hides away. Chandler notices, being not only the son of one friend but also Joey his best friend, he takes pity on the poor child and leads him onto his own lap, trying his best to comfort him, settle him from the argument that is about to explode and also trying to figure out the best way of dealing with the situation. "What the hell are you doing here? After everything you've done!"
"Monica I had to."
"Had to steal my niece from my brother, make him chase all over New York for three god damn years. He's a broken man because of you. And Joey what about him, he honestly believed that selfish Rachel Green had changed that she thought about someone else boy was he wrong."
"Now hold on Monica, you don't know. If I'd have stayed things would have been a million times worse. Your brother and your friend fighting over me, me and Ross fighting over our daughter. I was pregnant and afraid, don't you dare judge me. You have no idea how hard it was to walk away but if I'd have stayed do you honestly think you'd all be friends still, that Joey and Ross would be able to be near each other, without wanting to kill each other. I couldn't put my children through that!"
"So you leave and just forget about us."
"I never forgot, not for one second. I look at my beautiful son and all I see is the love I had to walk away from. My daughter, the man that would have destroyed it all. I sent letters, pictures, I told her who he was. I never let my feelings interfere. She loves her daddy and if she saw him in the street, she wouldn't shy away because she knows who he is and that he loves her as much as I do. I know everything that was going on in your lives because I couldn't leave them. The only person I knew I could talk to about this, was Phoebe. She told me about your baby and I sent flowers, I sent Joey the big food hamper when he got best actor. I stayed in your lives, I just didn't let you know I was!" Rachel's tears flowed freely down her face as she squared off against the person who had once been her best friend. "I missed you all so much, but you cannot tell me that leaving you guys to sort this mess out wasn't better in the long run. You've all healed. And you can't tell me you haven't because I can see you have. I'm not back to take my place again, I'm back because time heals things and you are healed enough to know that I have a son to Joey and that Ross can see his daughter."
"It's late, the kids are tired. You can sleep on the couch, the kids can go in Abby's room. Just tonight until you speak to Ross…and to Joey."
"Monica…"
"Leave it, for now just leave it. We can talk later." Monica made her way through the apartment to her bedroom, stopping for a moment to contemplate the sleeping form of her niece on her floor. She'd come home, thinking that tonight might be the night that they could just be. Joey and Phoebe were happy, Ross was finally accepting the loss of his daughter and didn't need them tonight and then she saw Rachel, the woman who destroyed their lives, but in truth did she? If Ross had accepted her relationship with Joey would she still have left? Monica didn't honestly think she would have. But then if she hadn't fallen pregnant with Joey's child would she have left. She didn't know the answer to that one, she supposed that in truth blame didn't lay with just Rachel but with all of them. She shouldn't have supported Ross' wild actions, should have reasoned with him but she never did.
* * *
"Morning."
"Hey Chandler." Chandler pulled out the chair next to Rachel's and sat.
"How long have you been nursing that cold looking cup of coffee?"
"About an hour."
"Couch that uncomfortable?"
"Situation is, couch wasn't. I have to go and see Ross today, I know I do but I don't want to. He'll hate, does hate me. I took his daughter away from him for three years. He'll never forgive me that."
"Rach, Ross is wrong about a lot of things and hating you is wrong too. Don't take all the blame for this, if you had have stayed, would you have Emma with you? Emma would still suffer not having a parent. And she would also suffer arguing parents and that is no fun, trust me. He'll be mad yeah but sooner or later he's going to have to stop thinking he's the perfect son who can do no wrong and accept that he is a grown man who makes mistakes."
"What about Joey?"
"You've seen the papers?" Rachel nodded, finding the tears clogging her throat making speech impossible. "Well we didn't even know it was going to happen. When you left Monica of course was there for Ross, being his brother-in-law meant I had to be as well. I found little time for Joey, who was devastated, Phoebe became his confidante. Spent a lot of time together. He changed so much when you left. When we were all finally able to be together again we'd all talk but half the time I don't think Joey was listening. He'd get this look, Phoebe jokingly named it his Rachel look. And so in turn she developed her own…anti-Rachel look. That made him stop day-dreaming and come back to reality. The reality being you weren't here. Then one day we're all here and Phoebe announces she's moving in with Joey. I'm not saying you two still have a chance but he still hasn't got that unique Joeyness back, the one that made us all love him, don't get me wrong we still do but he's much more serious now. I'll tell you this when I walked in and saw you two together I've never seen him look like that."
"I want to see him, but I'm scared of seeing him in love with someone else."
"You have to go and see him."
"Will you watch them, while I go see Ross?"
"Go ahead."
* * *
Rachel knocked at the door, remembering the last time she'd been here. The door was opened by a thin, pale man who vaguely resembled the Ross she'd left behind.
"Rachel?"
"Can I come in?" he opened the door wider and she slipped in.
"Where is she?"
"She's with Chandler, you can see her, but I thought it would be better if we talked first."
"I wanna see her!"
"I know Ross but…."
"No buts Rachel you took my daughter away from me for two years and now when you show up again you won't even let me see her!"
"I will let you, but we need to talk." Ross turned to her, shock wearing off, he was now fully aware of the situation and his eyes were full of hate and anger.
"Talk." Rachel cringed as Ross almost snarled the word at her.
"I'm sorry."
"Not good enough!"
"Ross you threatened to take her away."
"You actually did it!"
"You were just jealous! You couldn't accept that I could move on, but it was alright for you to! You lost her when you dared say to me what you did. You said that you'd take her, just to prove you beat me down. You thought it would make me come to you but it didn't! It never would have worked!"
"Yeah I was jealous, but for now all I care Joey can have you!"
"I should never have come back!"
"Well leave then, but when you walk out leave her here!"
"God Ross this is not what I came for!"
"What did you think I'd welcome you back with open arms, wake up Rachel you stole my little girl!"
"You stole my life!" Ross advanced on her taking her by the throat and pining her to the door.
"Bring her here now." He let go and Rachel scrambled out the door. She sunk back against it once she was out, trying to clam herself by taking deep breaths. She fled from the apartment block. Ross punched his door. Even in his fury he hoped he hadn't hurt Rachel that was the core of the situation, even after she had done this to him. He still partially loved her.
* * *
Rachel clasped the hand that was held in her own tighter as she awaited the opening of the door. She wasn't ready for this, not for another argument. The door was opened, she noticed that it wasn't flung open, like Joey used to. And the look of greeting on his face was unlike any she'd received from him before. It was a look of amazement and shock combined with disbelief. Yet no where could she find anger. He said no words as he let her into his apartment, his eyes never leaving her face, not noticing the child that came with her.
"I'm sorry." Rachel waited for a reaction and yet found none. "Joey?" he motioned for her to sit down and she noticed how different this place was from the place where they had lived together as a couple for all too short a time. She pulled her son onto her lap and for the first time Joey noticed the child.
"Tribbiani?" She nodded and unwrapped her arms from round the child. She would never understand how a son of hers and Joey's could be so shy, had it been her daughter she would have launched herself into those strong arms, much like she herself longed to do. She gave her son a gentle push, when she had been pregnant she had recounted tales to her unborn child of it's father, this had continued even when he'd been born. She'd shown countless pictures to her son of Joey, she was sure he knew who Joey was. Her son slipped onto his unsteady feet and wobbled his way over to Joey. Joey was on his knees in an instant ready to hold his arms open to the son he'd never known of, the son he now realised he longed for. She watched, content for the moment to see her son relish the attention of the father she'd tried to bring to him through pictures, stories and TV, she realised now how none of those mediums could ever catch the true essence of Joey, of the man she loved. She watched the emotions flit across Joey's face simultaneously feeling regret she had taken his son from him and yet gladness that she had for she could only imagine what the fight that staying would have caused between herself and Ross and also Joey and Ross. She knew that she had caused Joey unhappiness by leaving, but by staying she feared he would have resented her taking his friends away from him, even if she had provided a son for him. "Thank you." Rachel looked up at him, brought from her thoughts by the quiet words. "For bringing him here. It has obviously taken a lot of strength and courage to come back and face…everyone." Rachel was near tears at the change she assumed her leaving had brought about in Joey. She was in truth so thankful that he hadn't reacted as Ross had, she feared she'd be unable to cope with seeing such hatred in Joey's eyes.
"Maybe staying would have been the strong thing to do."
"Maybe, maybe not. Maybe having the courage to leave the only life you know, your friends and family is what is strong. Deciding what is for the best and then having the courage of conviction to carry it out." Rachel could have wept for his words, maybe he was in truth the only one understanding of her motivation. She marvelled that her Joey had changed so much so that he was now the serious man in front of her.
"I'll be staying in New York now. Until I get a place and more organised I…can't arrange times for you to see Aaron."
"I never gave up the lease, you can stay there. Our home." For the first time Joey let Rachel get a glimpse into the pain she had caused him by just saying those two simple words.
"Thank you." The rest of the visit went by without words, the silence deafening her until the point where she had to find something to say.
"I'm sorry Joey, but you were never far from my thoughts. I promise you that. When Phoebe told me about the Best Actor award, I sent a small gift. The food hamper, I just wanted to send a token to show how proud I was of you."
"Phoebe told you?"
"I couldn't just cut you all from my life, so I called her every now and then to find out how you all were."
"Phoebe still talked to you, knew about my son?"
"Yes." The room went silent until 15 minutes later Rachel announced she had to leave, Monica and Chandler were expecting her for lunch.
"They knew were you where too?"
"No, only Phoebe. And technically she didn't know where I was, I just talked to her."
"So you went there first?"
"I arrived late last night and I didn't think it was fair to come and the children were tired. I felt it would be the place where I was hated least and most likely to find a bed for the night."
"Oh, so they have Emma then?"
"No she's with Ross."
"Ross…so I'm last to know you're back then. Nice to know where I stand with you."
"No Joey it's not like that, but Ross knew he was missing his child and I was staying with his sister, I felt I had to go there first."
"Oh, ok then. I'll just go find the key for the apartment. It's still fully furnished so…" Rachel didn't know whether she'd imagined the flash of hurt on his face of not, maybe she had imagined it to convince herself he still cared for her. Joey returned seconds later, his son in his arms and a key in his hand. He handed the key to Rachel, yet seemed reluctant to part with his son, she guessed that he didn't really believe he would see him again.
"I'll bring him round tomorrow, bring the things he'll need for overnight?" Joey's eyes lit up at the prospect and he smiled the first genuine smile since she'd been there at her. She took her son back and went to the door. Before she went through it she turned back. "I am sorry Joey."
"I know." In her heart she wished he showed some of the anger Ross had, she had no idea how to deal with Joey as he was, anger she could have.
"Bye. I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Phoebe I said hi."
"So you do know?"
"Yes, I know and I hope you're happy together. You deserve to be happy Joey." She left then, not daring to turn and see the expression on his face.