Coming to Terms
Chapter one - Trance
Disclaimer: I don't own Andromeda, if I did Harper would be the main character and . well that need not be said.
This fic sits just after the episode when Harper tries to off himself after the incident with Rommie, I don't know the episode title and I should do but you should all know which I mean! I hope. Having just seen the third episode of the season I must say that it left some questions, namely, 'why is Harper himself again so quickly after trying to kill himself?' So this is a fill in fic.
Authors Note: I am not the biggest fan ever of Andromeda but the story line with Harper and his Magog eggs is angsty and I like writing angst stuff. So please forgive me my errors, which are probably frequent, I hope I do credit to the character I have stolen for now.
Enjoy the ride people
~*~*~
He lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling for the longest time, one of his legs was raised and the other one was rested on it. He had tried to sleep, yet every time he tried to the cruel nightmares assailed his mind. He was not sure how long he had laid there too afraid to turn off the lights to make the room darker. Someone knocked on the door and he was prepared to ignore it, not really wishing for company as much as he wished to escape the waking nightmares. The person outside tried again to gain his attention, not knowing that they all ready had it; in a way, it was fun to try to work out who was there. It could not be Tyr; as much as the Nietzschean had helped, they still were not the best of friends. Dylan was probably off being busy somewhere and usually just got Rommie to contact him if he were needed. Beca was on the Moru, trying to sort out the craft and seemingly wanting time alone too. Rev Bem was praying, spending time alone also; apparently, no one really seemed to want to speak to one another. This only left one possible person who could be standing at the door, "Harper, it's me, let me in." Her voice cut through to him.
He could hear the worry in her voice and for all his fears; he could not leave her outside alone. He went to open the door, meeting her keen smile with exhausted eyes. "I just wondered if you were hungry," She attempted brightly, the word hungry made him think illogically of the ever-hungry Magog and in turn of the Larvae. He shook his head without words, "You've not eaten in days, that's not right."
Whilst he knew what she meant, he was not one to turn down a meal, he still felt angry. "Yeah, well, this isn't right either is it Trance?" He half snapped at her, she did not seem to be angry at his outburst letting him vent his frustration at her.
When she knew he was feeling worst she offered up a smile, "Please, just come and have something to eat." This made him flinch again, "It's pointless to starve yourself." She told him honestly; she was worried about him in all honesty; he was not sleeping or eating and he looked awful. "When we find a way to make you better you're not going to want to be half starved,"
"If,"
"Pardon?"
"If we find a way Trance,"
He suddenly realised that she was steering him towards where the food was kept. "Don't be such a pessimist, every ailment has a cure, and it's just a case of finding it." She assured him brightly.
"I'll remind you of our limited time frame here,"
Dylan was sitting eating, he looked up as they entered and greeted them with a smile that convinced Harper that he and Rommie had spoken about what had happened. "Rommie told me what you did for her, I hear you're the reason we have a ship to return to."
"No problem," 'I had to do it, to prove I could' "I've still got a lot to do,"
"Take the rest of today off,"
Harper lowered his head, chiefly so that he was not in an infuriating eye lock with Dylan Hunt, thinking for a moment; usually the idea of a break would be relished but then there would be nothing to divide his attention. "I'd prefer to get on with it," 'To keep active is not to think' "There's so much to be done." 'And I don't mean with the ship' Trance made sure that he sat down, going to fetch some food for them both.
Dylan's eyes locked with the engineers, he could see how tired Harper looked and tried to imagine just what was going through his head, what the man had to be feeling. He spent far too long in his ponderings, unable to place himself into the situation; all he knew was that he would be very scared and confused. "Well I'd best go," He said standing, knowing on some level how uncomfortable he was making Harper.
Harper looked slowly towards Trance who was now sitting besides him. Nothing was said and the silence lingered uncomfortably as he tried to bring himself to eat, yet all he could seem to do was look at the plate. Trance was very quiet; he could feel the shift of the air as her tail affected its flow near to his feet. "Please say something." Her soft comment broke the silence and drew his eyes slowly back to hers; she gave a small sad smile. "Please, anything."
"What are my chances?" 'Do I want to know?' "How many million to one? It's hopeless, I feel hopeless having to sit here and wait for the inevitable." 'Broken and unfixable.' "I'm an engineer, I can't fix this, I can't see a way around it!"
She looked down from him; she had expected this to be his answer the two had been friends long enough for her to know just what he was thinking most of the time. She thought for a long time, she knew that he knew how worried they all were about everything going on with him. "Want a game of Basket ball?" She asked at last, whilst he was not the most active person on the ship the distraction would serve him well.
"I appreciate the effort Trance but it's not going to work."
"It won't if you keep being so determined to think on it." She insisted, "Some people think forgetting is a state of mind, all you have to do is to not think about it." She stood, not waiting for him to say something sarcastic in reply, her sinuous tail curling about his wrist pulling him up.
~*~*~
Chapter one - Trance
Disclaimer: I don't own Andromeda, if I did Harper would be the main character and . well that need not be said.
This fic sits just after the episode when Harper tries to off himself after the incident with Rommie, I don't know the episode title and I should do but you should all know which I mean! I hope. Having just seen the third episode of the season I must say that it left some questions, namely, 'why is Harper himself again so quickly after trying to kill himself?' So this is a fill in fic.
Authors Note: I am not the biggest fan ever of Andromeda but the story line with Harper and his Magog eggs is angsty and I like writing angst stuff. So please forgive me my errors, which are probably frequent, I hope I do credit to the character I have stolen for now.
Enjoy the ride people
~*~*~
He lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling for the longest time, one of his legs was raised and the other one was rested on it. He had tried to sleep, yet every time he tried to the cruel nightmares assailed his mind. He was not sure how long he had laid there too afraid to turn off the lights to make the room darker. Someone knocked on the door and he was prepared to ignore it, not really wishing for company as much as he wished to escape the waking nightmares. The person outside tried again to gain his attention, not knowing that they all ready had it; in a way, it was fun to try to work out who was there. It could not be Tyr; as much as the Nietzschean had helped, they still were not the best of friends. Dylan was probably off being busy somewhere and usually just got Rommie to contact him if he were needed. Beca was on the Moru, trying to sort out the craft and seemingly wanting time alone too. Rev Bem was praying, spending time alone also; apparently, no one really seemed to want to speak to one another. This only left one possible person who could be standing at the door, "Harper, it's me, let me in." Her voice cut through to him.
He could hear the worry in her voice and for all his fears; he could not leave her outside alone. He went to open the door, meeting her keen smile with exhausted eyes. "I just wondered if you were hungry," She attempted brightly, the word hungry made him think illogically of the ever-hungry Magog and in turn of the Larvae. He shook his head without words, "You've not eaten in days, that's not right."
Whilst he knew what she meant, he was not one to turn down a meal, he still felt angry. "Yeah, well, this isn't right either is it Trance?" He half snapped at her, she did not seem to be angry at his outburst letting him vent his frustration at her.
When she knew he was feeling worst she offered up a smile, "Please, just come and have something to eat." This made him flinch again, "It's pointless to starve yourself." She told him honestly; she was worried about him in all honesty; he was not sleeping or eating and he looked awful. "When we find a way to make you better you're not going to want to be half starved,"
"If,"
"Pardon?"
"If we find a way Trance,"
He suddenly realised that she was steering him towards where the food was kept. "Don't be such a pessimist, every ailment has a cure, and it's just a case of finding it." She assured him brightly.
"I'll remind you of our limited time frame here,"
Dylan was sitting eating, he looked up as they entered and greeted them with a smile that convinced Harper that he and Rommie had spoken about what had happened. "Rommie told me what you did for her, I hear you're the reason we have a ship to return to."
"No problem," 'I had to do it, to prove I could' "I've still got a lot to do,"
"Take the rest of today off,"
Harper lowered his head, chiefly so that he was not in an infuriating eye lock with Dylan Hunt, thinking for a moment; usually the idea of a break would be relished but then there would be nothing to divide his attention. "I'd prefer to get on with it," 'To keep active is not to think' "There's so much to be done." 'And I don't mean with the ship' Trance made sure that he sat down, going to fetch some food for them both.
Dylan's eyes locked with the engineers, he could see how tired Harper looked and tried to imagine just what was going through his head, what the man had to be feeling. He spent far too long in his ponderings, unable to place himself into the situation; all he knew was that he would be very scared and confused. "Well I'd best go," He said standing, knowing on some level how uncomfortable he was making Harper.
Harper looked slowly towards Trance who was now sitting besides him. Nothing was said and the silence lingered uncomfortably as he tried to bring himself to eat, yet all he could seem to do was look at the plate. Trance was very quiet; he could feel the shift of the air as her tail affected its flow near to his feet. "Please say something." Her soft comment broke the silence and drew his eyes slowly back to hers; she gave a small sad smile. "Please, anything."
"What are my chances?" 'Do I want to know?' "How many million to one? It's hopeless, I feel hopeless having to sit here and wait for the inevitable." 'Broken and unfixable.' "I'm an engineer, I can't fix this, I can't see a way around it!"
She looked down from him; she had expected this to be his answer the two had been friends long enough for her to know just what he was thinking most of the time. She thought for a long time, she knew that he knew how worried they all were about everything going on with him. "Want a game of Basket ball?" She asked at last, whilst he was not the most active person on the ship the distraction would serve him well.
"I appreciate the effort Trance but it's not going to work."
"It won't if you keep being so determined to think on it." She insisted, "Some people think forgetting is a state of mind, all you have to do is to not think about it." She stood, not waiting for him to say something sarcastic in reply, her sinuous tail curling about his wrist pulling him up.
~*~*~