TITLE: THE ONE CONSTANT
AUTHOR: MINN
DISCLAIMER: I don't own nothin' - mores the pity - just playing. No character was really harmed during the typing of this nonsense. The creators of Third Watch are, of course, gods. And so are the actors who play the characters!
CHEERS! to all the kind folks who said such nice things about my maiden outing "Grace", and about the follow-up-story-that-isn't-really, "The Replacement".
EXPLAINATION: This here tale gets into the nuts and bolts of how Gracie came to be. If you have no idea who Gracie is, it might pay you to have a wee looksee at my other stories "Grace" and "The Replacement", which basically lead up to this here offering.
FORGIVE ME!: Everything I write I can guarantee is the work of my own sick and twisted little mind - but if anything I write does resemble something that's gone before I can assure you it's pure coincidence - (hangs head in shame) because I don't actually READ much fic (sorry to all the wonderful authors on this site!) But have had occasion to catch up with a few stories recommended by others and have enjoyed them immensely. (Can I stop greasing now?) Also, if you see a phrase or a word that seems a bit odd it's because I'M FOREIGN!!! New Zealand English is a WHOLE different animal - but I've tried to be careful.
SOMETHING ELSE TO NOTE: Season Four of Third Watch hasn't started screening in New Zealand yet so I haven't actually seen the 'new improved' Fr*d or The Anti Cruz. I promise I will do rewrites the MINUTE I do get the opportunity to see them, but in the meantime I beg your collective indulgence on this - if these two characters sound a little "off" in this fic, don't worry - I'll fix the blighters eventually! And so on with the show...
********
THE ONE CONSTANT
Part 5
The lights were on but the place was deserted.
Faith stood in the entranceway of her apartment and looked around, straining to hear any sounds of occupation.
Nothing.
She glanced at her watch - 11.45pm. Nearly midnight on a Friday.
Faith had hoped Fred would be up waiting for her, but his customary place on the couch was empty. A quick sortie of the apartment revealed she was most definitely alone. She returned to the main room and stared at the couch, feeling slightly cheated. She could have done with someone to talk to. She needed to talk. And Fred had become a wonderful listener.
She trailed into the kitchen and flipped the jug on. Rifling through the cupboards for something to eat, her mind wandered. Yeah, Fred was a good listener...but there was a look about him sometimes, a look of...it was hard to explain. She hadn't noticed it at first but lately it had begun to bug her.
Faith headed for the couch with her hot drink and chewing on a cookie meditatively stared at the blank screen of the television. There was no doubt in her mind that Fred listened because he knew she needed him to. He listened because he cared, because he loved her. Fred was there for her now, in a way he hadn't been before. But along with the good intent and the love she could clearly see, there was something else. Pondering the look she found she could in no way describe it as disturbing. Far from it. Yet there was an aspect to it that left her unsettled.
Words roamed through her mind and one after the other Faith tested them against the look she sought to label. One after the other she discarded them. Nothing seemed to fit.
In the past Fred had listened to her with an 'I'm doing this because I have to if I want sex' expression on his face. Now that was something she could understand, and, after years of practice, even live with. It hadn't really mattered whether he wanted to listen or not, she had just needed to get things off her chest, have someone to at least acknowledge her.
But this new look - it was an unknown quantity, something beyond her understanding. And that was the aspect that made her most uncomfortable. It was just something else about her husband that she didn't quite get any more.
Fred was Fred - but he wasn't. In many ways the new Fred pleased her beyond measure. In other ways it felt like being in the presence of a stranger. Whatever he had gone through it had been a transformative experience for him.
All of a sudden there was something in his life that hadn't been there before, a something Faith and the children could barely understand and then only on the most basic intellectual level. It was a something so profound it had altered the man she had known for so long almost overnight. That in itself had taken a lot of getting used to.
At first Faith had prepared herself for reactions from Fred that she was accustomed to dealing with. So when peace and words of wisdom issued forth instead it had thrown her off balance. And she hated being caught off guard. Well, maybe that was just the cop talking. But the defences she had built around her in order to be Fred's partner in life now no longer seemed useful or even relevant. Yet part of her still stood on alert, vigilant to any signs that they might be needed once more. She felt on edge in spite of the pool of calm Fred made every attempt to envelop her in.
The intensity of Fred's beliefs now had her questioning her level of commitment to her own and to her dismay Faith found herself wanting. Fred's surety, his trust in things unseen seemed to anchor him, whereas Faith felt herself continually tossed about by life. He wanted to be her anchor; she knew that, she felt that intensely. But she didn't know how to let him play the role. It was all too new. Too...strange. Too unlike that to which she had become accustomed.
Change is the one constant in the Universe, Manny had told her. Despite the fear and trauma of watching her husband battle for life, it had turned out to be the kind of change that could be welcomed into their lives. But Faith was fast coming to realise that change in any shape or form sometimes took a bit of adjusting to.
The sound of the door bursting open accompanied by laughter stirred her from her thoughts. She stood up to greet her family.
"Hey Faith, you're home," Fred said, looking surprised to see her.
"It's nearly midnight," she replied.
"Midnight?" Fred looked at his watch and tapped it. "My watch must've stopped."
For some reason Charlie and Emily thought this was the funniest thing they'd ever heard.
"We knew it was later than you kept saying it was Dad," Charlie giggled.
"You could've said something," Fred grinned.
The children exchanged a look and began to laugh again.
"Yeah right, Dad," Emily drawled.
"Where've you been?" Faith asked.
"The movies - and there's this new arcade thing at the cinema complex. We checked that out too."
"Dad sucks at air hockey!" Emily announced gleefully.
"Yeah, but I kicked both your butts at that table soccer whatever you call it game," he smiled, winking at Faith.
"I bet I could beat you in a real game!" Charlie declared confidently.
"Yeah, well, we'll see about that one day," Fred smiled, turning his son towards his room. "Bed. The both of you.
Trading jibes about how each sucked at this game or that the children hugged their father and headed for bed.
Faith told herself that it was through force of habit and their excitement over a good night out that they didn't hug her too. After all, she wasn't usually home for their bedtime, though Emily had been making a habit of staying out later than she should. She couldn't help noticing too that only Charlie wished her goodnight, and that was an afterthought yelled at her from down the hall.
It was not the first time she had felt it but a creeping sense of alienation from them niggled at her.
"I thought you and Bosco would be out drinking or something?" Fred said, placing a rather perfunctory kiss on her cheek.
"We haven't done that for a while now," Faith replied.
"He's got a girlfriend or something now hasn't he?"
Faith shrugged. "If he has he ain't sayin'."
Fred sat himself on the couch and beckoned his wife over.
"Had a good shift?" he asked, sliding his arm across her shoulders.
Faith gazed into her husband's eyes. There was the love, and the caring...but there was that something else too, that irritating, undefinable something.
"The last call was a bit rough," she murmured.
The look intensified.
"Wanna tell me about it?"
"We got called out to this old lady's apartment. The neighbours were complainin' about the smell and they'd finally decided to do something about it. God, you should have seen the place. It was disgusting." Faith shook her head. The memory of the stench filled her nostrils. "Turns out no one had been checkin' up on her and she wasn't coping."
"Didn't she have family?" Fred asked softly.
"That's the worst part. There were family photos everywhere," she replied.
Fred frowned. "That's sad," he murmured. "Is she alright?"
Faith gazed at him. She loved to see the caring and compassion there. "The old lady? We found her dead in her bed - she'd probably been there a good month or so."
Fred leaned over and took his wife in his arms. "I'm sorry you had to see that," he murmured.
There was something almost brotherly about the hug, Faith thought. "Why would someone's family just abandon them like that?" she asked.
Fred sat back and gazed into her eyes. "Sometimes only God knows the answers to questions like that, Faith. Whatever the reason, she doesn't have to suffer any more. She's gone to a better place."
Faith could feel a small charge of irritation niggling at her as Fred took her in his arms once more. What kind of answer did you expect him to give? she asked herself. Anything but 'God's gonna make it all better', she thought.
They retired to bed. Fred lay beside her, his head propped on one hand, gazing fondly at his wife.
Faith's mind could not tear itself from the memory of the old woman's corpse rotting away in her double bed, alone, apparently unloved and unmourned.
"What kind of loving God would allow someone to die like that Fred?" she asked suddenly.
Fred smiled benignly and kissed her forehead. Gazing steadily into her eyes he murmured: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."
Faith glared at him but he returned the look calmly, his trust in Divine order unshakeable.
As she stared at him, the unfathomable look that had defied description suddenly began to stir in her a sense of recognition. Finally it had a name, but that only served to intensify the disquiet she felt.
The look was one of pity.
Fred lay his head upon her pillow and pulled her close, as if by doing so he could make all her cares and concerns just melt away. There was love, but no passion. There was caring, compassion, pity - but no real comprehension of how or what she felt.
Her world was still as much a stranger to him as his now was to her.
-----
TBC - persistence will be rewarded. Eventually.
AUTHOR: MINN
DISCLAIMER: I don't own nothin' - mores the pity - just playing. No character was really harmed during the typing of this nonsense. The creators of Third Watch are, of course, gods. And so are the actors who play the characters!
CHEERS! to all the kind folks who said such nice things about my maiden outing "Grace", and about the follow-up-story-that-isn't-really, "The Replacement".
EXPLAINATION: This here tale gets into the nuts and bolts of how Gracie came to be. If you have no idea who Gracie is, it might pay you to have a wee looksee at my other stories "Grace" and "The Replacement", which basically lead up to this here offering.
FORGIVE ME!: Everything I write I can guarantee is the work of my own sick and twisted little mind - but if anything I write does resemble something that's gone before I can assure you it's pure coincidence - (hangs head in shame) because I don't actually READ much fic (sorry to all the wonderful authors on this site!) But have had occasion to catch up with a few stories recommended by others and have enjoyed them immensely. (Can I stop greasing now?) Also, if you see a phrase or a word that seems a bit odd it's because I'M FOREIGN!!! New Zealand English is a WHOLE different animal - but I've tried to be careful.
SOMETHING ELSE TO NOTE: Season Four of Third Watch hasn't started screening in New Zealand yet so I haven't actually seen the 'new improved' Fr*d or The Anti Cruz. I promise I will do rewrites the MINUTE I do get the opportunity to see them, but in the meantime I beg your collective indulgence on this - if these two characters sound a little "off" in this fic, don't worry - I'll fix the blighters eventually! And so on with the show...
********
THE ONE CONSTANT
Part 5
The lights were on but the place was deserted.
Faith stood in the entranceway of her apartment and looked around, straining to hear any sounds of occupation.
Nothing.
She glanced at her watch - 11.45pm. Nearly midnight on a Friday.
Faith had hoped Fred would be up waiting for her, but his customary place on the couch was empty. A quick sortie of the apartment revealed she was most definitely alone. She returned to the main room and stared at the couch, feeling slightly cheated. She could have done with someone to talk to. She needed to talk. And Fred had become a wonderful listener.
She trailed into the kitchen and flipped the jug on. Rifling through the cupboards for something to eat, her mind wandered. Yeah, Fred was a good listener...but there was a look about him sometimes, a look of...it was hard to explain. She hadn't noticed it at first but lately it had begun to bug her.
Faith headed for the couch with her hot drink and chewing on a cookie meditatively stared at the blank screen of the television. There was no doubt in her mind that Fred listened because he knew she needed him to. He listened because he cared, because he loved her. Fred was there for her now, in a way he hadn't been before. But along with the good intent and the love she could clearly see, there was something else. Pondering the look she found she could in no way describe it as disturbing. Far from it. Yet there was an aspect to it that left her unsettled.
Words roamed through her mind and one after the other Faith tested them against the look she sought to label. One after the other she discarded them. Nothing seemed to fit.
In the past Fred had listened to her with an 'I'm doing this because I have to if I want sex' expression on his face. Now that was something she could understand, and, after years of practice, even live with. It hadn't really mattered whether he wanted to listen or not, she had just needed to get things off her chest, have someone to at least acknowledge her.
But this new look - it was an unknown quantity, something beyond her understanding. And that was the aspect that made her most uncomfortable. It was just something else about her husband that she didn't quite get any more.
Fred was Fred - but he wasn't. In many ways the new Fred pleased her beyond measure. In other ways it felt like being in the presence of a stranger. Whatever he had gone through it had been a transformative experience for him.
All of a sudden there was something in his life that hadn't been there before, a something Faith and the children could barely understand and then only on the most basic intellectual level. It was a something so profound it had altered the man she had known for so long almost overnight. That in itself had taken a lot of getting used to.
At first Faith had prepared herself for reactions from Fred that she was accustomed to dealing with. So when peace and words of wisdom issued forth instead it had thrown her off balance. And she hated being caught off guard. Well, maybe that was just the cop talking. But the defences she had built around her in order to be Fred's partner in life now no longer seemed useful or even relevant. Yet part of her still stood on alert, vigilant to any signs that they might be needed once more. She felt on edge in spite of the pool of calm Fred made every attempt to envelop her in.
The intensity of Fred's beliefs now had her questioning her level of commitment to her own and to her dismay Faith found herself wanting. Fred's surety, his trust in things unseen seemed to anchor him, whereas Faith felt herself continually tossed about by life. He wanted to be her anchor; she knew that, she felt that intensely. But she didn't know how to let him play the role. It was all too new. Too...strange. Too unlike that to which she had become accustomed.
Change is the one constant in the Universe, Manny had told her. Despite the fear and trauma of watching her husband battle for life, it had turned out to be the kind of change that could be welcomed into their lives. But Faith was fast coming to realise that change in any shape or form sometimes took a bit of adjusting to.
The sound of the door bursting open accompanied by laughter stirred her from her thoughts. She stood up to greet her family.
"Hey Faith, you're home," Fred said, looking surprised to see her.
"It's nearly midnight," she replied.
"Midnight?" Fred looked at his watch and tapped it. "My watch must've stopped."
For some reason Charlie and Emily thought this was the funniest thing they'd ever heard.
"We knew it was later than you kept saying it was Dad," Charlie giggled.
"You could've said something," Fred grinned.
The children exchanged a look and began to laugh again.
"Yeah right, Dad," Emily drawled.
"Where've you been?" Faith asked.
"The movies - and there's this new arcade thing at the cinema complex. We checked that out too."
"Dad sucks at air hockey!" Emily announced gleefully.
"Yeah, but I kicked both your butts at that table soccer whatever you call it game," he smiled, winking at Faith.
"I bet I could beat you in a real game!" Charlie declared confidently.
"Yeah, well, we'll see about that one day," Fred smiled, turning his son towards his room. "Bed. The both of you.
Trading jibes about how each sucked at this game or that the children hugged their father and headed for bed.
Faith told herself that it was through force of habit and their excitement over a good night out that they didn't hug her too. After all, she wasn't usually home for their bedtime, though Emily had been making a habit of staying out later than she should. She couldn't help noticing too that only Charlie wished her goodnight, and that was an afterthought yelled at her from down the hall.
It was not the first time she had felt it but a creeping sense of alienation from them niggled at her.
"I thought you and Bosco would be out drinking or something?" Fred said, placing a rather perfunctory kiss on her cheek.
"We haven't done that for a while now," Faith replied.
"He's got a girlfriend or something now hasn't he?"
Faith shrugged. "If he has he ain't sayin'."
Fred sat himself on the couch and beckoned his wife over.
"Had a good shift?" he asked, sliding his arm across her shoulders.
Faith gazed into her husband's eyes. There was the love, and the caring...but there was that something else too, that irritating, undefinable something.
"The last call was a bit rough," she murmured.
The look intensified.
"Wanna tell me about it?"
"We got called out to this old lady's apartment. The neighbours were complainin' about the smell and they'd finally decided to do something about it. God, you should have seen the place. It was disgusting." Faith shook her head. The memory of the stench filled her nostrils. "Turns out no one had been checkin' up on her and she wasn't coping."
"Didn't she have family?" Fred asked softly.
"That's the worst part. There were family photos everywhere," she replied.
Fred frowned. "That's sad," he murmured. "Is she alright?"
Faith gazed at him. She loved to see the caring and compassion there. "The old lady? We found her dead in her bed - she'd probably been there a good month or so."
Fred leaned over and took his wife in his arms. "I'm sorry you had to see that," he murmured.
There was something almost brotherly about the hug, Faith thought. "Why would someone's family just abandon them like that?" she asked.
Fred sat back and gazed into her eyes. "Sometimes only God knows the answers to questions like that, Faith. Whatever the reason, she doesn't have to suffer any more. She's gone to a better place."
Faith could feel a small charge of irritation niggling at her as Fred took her in his arms once more. What kind of answer did you expect him to give? she asked herself. Anything but 'God's gonna make it all better', she thought.
They retired to bed. Fred lay beside her, his head propped on one hand, gazing fondly at his wife.
Faith's mind could not tear itself from the memory of the old woman's corpse rotting away in her double bed, alone, apparently unloved and unmourned.
"What kind of loving God would allow someone to die like that Fred?" she asked suddenly.
Fred smiled benignly and kissed her forehead. Gazing steadily into her eyes he murmured: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."
Faith glared at him but he returned the look calmly, his trust in Divine order unshakeable.
As she stared at him, the unfathomable look that had defied description suddenly began to stir in her a sense of recognition. Finally it had a name, but that only served to intensify the disquiet she felt.
The look was one of pity.
Fred lay his head upon her pillow and pulled her close, as if by doing so he could make all her cares and concerns just melt away. There was love, but no passion. There was caring, compassion, pity - but no real comprehension of how or what she felt.
Her world was still as much a stranger to him as his now was to her.
-----
TBC - persistence will be rewarded. Eventually.