TITLE: THE ONE CONSTANT

AUTHOR: MINN

DISCLAIMER: I STILL don't own nothin' - mores the pity - just playing. No character was really harmed during the typing of this nonsense. The creators of Third Watch are, of course, gods. And so are the actors who portray the characters!

I'M STILL foreign, so cut me some slack if I use a phrase or two that don't make no sense.

GREETINGS Troops! Sorry about the wait but the beach was just too much fun. No half nekid surfie gods though - more like sons of Fr*d and Fat Bastard on surfboards *shudder* I'm scarred for life...

THIRD WATCH, the fourth season, IT ROCKS! But Sgt Sharkbait (Cr*z)? Would somebody please deport the wench!

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THE ONE CONSTANT
Part 17

Faith was exhausted.

All that had occurred in her life took its toll physically and emotionally and in the first six weeks of Gracie's existence Faith battled tiredness, frustration, and a deep sense of helplessness. Though Grace's sweet disposition made her easy to love, the ever-present guilt and the persistent belief that bringing another child into her world was the worst thing she could have done easily overshadowed the joy and sense of pride she felt for her newborn.

It was the unwavering love and devotion Fred showered upon her that went some way to easing Faith's disquiet. True to his word he made every effort to be there for her, standing steady whenever the burden became too much for her. The guilt she felt for deceiving her husband was not made any easier to bear by his dedication to her and to the little girl he called his daughter. She had wanted so much to believe Fred was Grace's biological father, but it was clear, to Faith at least, that he was not.

"They say he's crazy...I don't think we should have anything to do with him any more."

Emily's words of caution about Bosco haunted Faith. The strength of the bond she and Fred shared was such that Faith became less willing to concern herself with thoughts of her former partner. But ignoring completely the lingering memories of what they had shared proved a more difficult task than Faith ever imagined it would.

Like her father Emily proved to be a godsend to Faith. The teenager helped out with both Charlie and Grace with maturity and consideration way beyond her years. Faith knew Emily acted out of a sense of guilt, but curiously it made her feel closer to her eldest daughter. Finally it seemed they had something in common. Each of them in their own way had hurt and betrayed Fred.

----

"Babies are hard work."

Faith turned to Emily, who sat on the couch next to her. Grace lay on the floor at their feet in her bouncing cradle, wide blue eyes studying them in each turn.

"Children are hard work, Em," Faith replied quietly. "It's the toughest job there is."

"Tougher than being a cop?"

"Way tougher."

Emily gazed thoughtfully at her infant sister. "Is that why you preferred being a cop to being a mom?"

Faith stared at her teenager, a vague look of shame crossing her face. "I had yours and Charlie's best interests at heart when I decided to become a cop, Em. You have to believe that."

They sat in awkward silence for a while.

"You know, even when you think you're acting with the best interests of your kids at heart, sometimes you get it wrong," Faith murmured apologetically.

Emily gazed into her mother's sad eyes and nodded her acknowledgment.

"I know I could have handled things with you and what was going on with you so much better, Em. I'm sorry I didn't. I just didn't wanna see you throw your life away."

Her daughter let her eyes travel to the floor. "Like Dad said, you didn't force me to make the choices I did."

"Your dad's an amazing guy Em."

"I hurt him," she murmured.

"We both hurt him," Faith said softly, her eyes following every small move Gracie made. "And he didn't deserve any of it."

Emily nodded mutely and mulled her thoughts over in the quiet of her mind.

"You didn't really wanna have another baby, did you?"

Faith didn't answer immediately, and her eyes never left her youngest. "I'm just not convinced I'm the best person for the job," she said. "I didn't exactly do a marvellous job with you or Charlie."

Emily shrugged. "There are worse mothers out there..."

"I keep tellin' myself that, but it doesn't make it better. Doesn't change the fact that I wish I could have been a better mother Emily."

The teenager looked away. "You did the best you could. I get that."

There was another moment of awkward silence between them.

"I thought you'd have told me to get back to school by now," Emily said suddenly.

"Would it have done any good to tell you that Emily?" Faith asked. "Would you have listened? You have a mind and a will all your own and attitude to match - just like me." She regarded Emily carefully for a while. "What do you want out of life, Em?"

Emily gazed down at her hands and shrugged. "I thought I just wanted to be free..."

"Free?"

The teenager squirmed under her mother's watchful gaze.

"I was sick of being the responsible one," she murmured finally. "I was tired of being the good girl..."

"You mean you were tired of playing mommy," Faith said, the shame in her tone painfully obvious.

"I just wanted to do something...for me..."

Faith frowned a little.

"So putting me and your father through hell..."

"Mom! I didn't set out to do that! I didn't. I just..."

"What?"

"I just needed to be away from...my life."

Faith watched her daughter thoughtfully. "Was it so bad?"

Emily gazed fixedly at her sister. "No..." she replied, a little uncertainly. "But Matt...he showed me there was more to life..."

"Yeah like..." Faith halted abruptly and considered her words more carefully. "It's not like you, Em. I thought you were more sensible than that."

"Clearly you overestimated me," Emily said sourly and then paused for a moment. "I don't need a lecture, mom. I know how stupid I've been. I don't need you rubbing it in."

Faith regarded her sadly. "This Matt must've really been something else for you to do what you did."

Emily shrugged. "It was great at first," she murmured.

"It always is."

"I thought he really cared...oh god that's so lame. I thought I always knew when people were feeding me bullshit - turns out I'm just as dumb as all the rest."

"We all wanna believe the fantasy, Em," her mother said softly, placing a comforting arm around her daughter's shoulders. "The trick is to want what's left after the fantasy gets blown apart."

"He started yelling at me," Emily murmured after a moment's silence. "And pushing me around..."

Faith took her daughter's hand and held it tightly. "Sometimes the things we think are gonna set us free are the very things that trap us."

Emily nodded. "Trust me to figure that one out the hard way."

"Like mother like daughter Em," Faith smiled. Her daughter smiled back at her and nodded. "You know, sometimes it all words out in the end."

They sat quietly and watched Gracie bounce.

"So," Faith murmured after a while, "What do you want out of life?"

The teenager looked at her with a pained expression on her face.

"If you wanna be something you've gotta decide what that is and then point yourself in that direction --otherwise life's gonna make all your decisions for you and you'll end up just hangin' on for the ride. So what do you want? A string of shithead boyfriends and 3 kids by the time you're 21? Minimum wage till the day you die?"

"Is that your new way of saying: 'get your sad ass back to school, loser?'"

"I don't want you to go back to school," Faith deadpanned. "I want you here as my permanent free baby sitter."

A small smile crept onto Emily's lips.

"Look Em," Faith said seriously. "Your dad and I would love to see you go back to school. I know that's what would make your dad real happy right now, not having to worry about you."

Emily regarded her mother in thoughtful silence for some time, then excused herself and left the room.

That evening Emily informed her parents she intended to return to school.

----

"Oh my god she's so adorable!"

Gracie stared up at the circle of faces hovering above her in wide-eyed wonderment.

"She has your eyes, Faith - not the colour, I mean, but...you know what I mean," Lisa said, silver bangles jangling musically as she waved her hand.

"She doesn't look a thing like Em or Charlie did at her age," Holly mused.

Faith felt a small chill run through her.

"Martin didn't look a damn thing like my other two either," Rosa snapped gruffly "and if I remember rightly, you sayin' that had Phil demanding a paternity test WHICH if you remember, just confirmed what I'd said all along - Martin takes after MY side of the family."

Holly glared sourly at Rosa. "I wasn't suggestin' anything, for chrissake..."

"You've got a way of sayin' things..."

Faith tuned out as Holly and Rosa began to exchange verbal punches.

"They bitchin' at each other again?" Faith whispered to Lisa.

"Oh honey they never stopped," Lisa replied, scooping Grace from the carrycot that sat on the table between them all. "She is just too adorable, Faith. Why've you been hiding her from us?"

Faith shifted uncomfortably and let her eyes trace the flow of the traffic outside the small coffeehouse where her friends had gathered. "I've not been feelin' much like company," she murmured with a shrug.

"Baby blues, huh? Don't worry honey, I know you'll bounce back. So where's the gorgeous Fred?"

"Back at work today. I was actually supposed to be meeting him for lunch across the road..."

"Bring him here!" Lisa enthused.

Faith squirmed.

"Have you forgotten we gotta get back and help your sister with her wedding stuff?" Rosa inquired archly. "You whined enough getting us all on board..."

"Sorry, you're right, I know...another time Faith?"

"Yeah - soon. I promise. I'll call you."

"You better," Lisa smiled, placing Gracie back in the carrycot. "Too adorable."

The bustle of the sidewalk outside felt strangely comforting as Faith walked away from the gathering at the coffeehouse. She had been in no mood for socialising anyway, but the unholy combination of Lisa, Holly and Rosa could be wearing even when she felt on top of the world. Holly's sly observation of how dissimilar Grace looked compared to her older siblings had done nothing for her mood.

Two familiar figures a little way up the street caught Faith's eye. She toyed with the idea of avoiding them but did not act on the notion quickly enough before Ty spotted her and called out.

A big wide grin broke out on Davis' face as he approached, Sully trailing ponderously in his wake.

"Hey Faith, you look great," he said.

"Great to see you Faith," Sully smiled. "How's things?"

"Good. They're good," Faith nodded.

"And this has gotta be the one and only Grace Eve," Ty smiled, leaning down to get a closer look at the little girl in the carrycot Faith held. "Wow."

"Wow?" Sully queried.

Davis straightened up, a vague look of astonishment on his face. "Check this cutie out, Sul'," he said.

To Faith it looked as though Ty was trying hard to mask a look of surprise.

"Babies all look the same to me," Sully grumbled, shuffling forward. He said nothing for a moment, turned to glance up at Ty and then re-focused quickly on Faith. "She sure is...cute."

The same small sense of disquiet that had crept upon her when Holly pointed out Grace's dissimilarity to her siblings intensified at her colleague's appraisal of her daughter.

"So how's it all goin'?" she asked suddenly.

Ty shrugged. "Pretty much the same as it always has."

"Same idiots doin' the same stupid things," Sully grouched. "Especially Boscorelli..."

"Sul'," Ty murmured.

Faith felt her discomfort intensify.

"Is he still..." She let the sentence trail away.

"There's a book running to see who gets to him first - their side or ours," Sully muttered sourly. "My money's on Sgt Sharkbait."

"Sgt Sharkbait?"

"Cruz," Ty smirked.

Faith regarded Sully carefully. "What'd she do to you?"

"Called him a useless fat bastard..."

"Could you yell it louder?" Sully snapped irritably.

Faith felt her jaw clench. "So what's the latest - on Bosco, I mean."

Ty's eyes flicked down to her little girl, but before he had the chance, Sully launched in.

"Would you believe his favourite hooker reported him missing two weeks ago?"
Sully laughed humourlessly. "She didn't like it any when I suggested he'd probably just got sick of her and was getting it somewhere else."

Ty watched Faith's expression carefully. "They think he might have gone to ground for a while."

"Why?"

"'Cos someone's probably fixing to blow his head off," Sully muttered.

"Sul', c'mon man..."

"What, Ty? You want me to have some sympathy for that little son of a bitch? You forgetting there's a guy missing 'cos of him?"

"That's only according to Bartell. There's something about that jerk that makes me wanna not believe a damn word he says..."

"Bartell?" Faith queried.

"Adrian Bartell - the newest hot shot brown nose in a suit," said Sully. "He's with Organised Crime. Bosco managed to screw up one of his operations, now Bartell wants to even the score a bit."

"Bartell's like Christopher only with TWO bugs up his ass," Ty said quietly.

"Bartell? Why's the name familiar?" Faith asked.

"Daddy and Grandaddy all served with distinction. So little Adrian doesn't take too kindly to turncoats - once a cop, always a cop. He's a by-the-book-butt- kissing-flag-saluting pain in the ass."

"Has anyone seen him?" Faith asked.

Ty and Sully exchanged looks. "Who?"

"Bosco."

"The last time anyone saw him was in court - have a guess who was representing him," Sully snarled. "Dominic Masaro."

Faith's eyes widened.

"Got off lightly too," Ty murmured.

"There's a surprise," Sully growled. "When you've got the likes of Masaro batting for you, you don't expect to lose. Bosco's obviously impressed whoever he's working for enough to have them hire the big guns. Which means whatever he's into it ain't small beans - which means when he screws up we'll probably be dragging his sorry ass out of the river."

"Sul'," Ty muttered. He could see a small look of disquiet in Faith's eyes.

Faith watched and listened as their radios jumped suddenly to life. Ty responded, eyeing Sully with a look of disapproval.

"Sounds like our old friend Bubbles has bitten off more than he can chew this time, Sul," he said to his partner.

"Dammit!" Sully snapped. "Did I or did I not warn him that if we heard one more thing from him today I'd kick his ass from here to Toronto?"

"Seems he liked the sound of that, my friend, 'cos we gotta roll. Faith, great to see you and Miss Grace. You take care," Ty said, walking backwards towards the squad as he spoke.

"See you when you come back to work Faith," Sully called over his shoulder.

Faith watched them drive away.

Sully noted the look of anguish on her face as they passed by and his face set grimly.

"Please tell me that baby doesn't look like who I think it looks like," he snarled.

Ty was silent. Sully snatched glances at his partner as he drove.

"Faith and Bosco?!!" he erupted.

"Apparently so, my friend," Ty replied quietly.

"Oh god," Sully drawled disdainfully. "I thought Faith was smarter than that."

Ty said nothing.

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TBC - just when you think it's safe to read fic again...