Kenshin the Door to Door Salesman (That he is)

Chapter 6: Between Spirit World and a Hard Place (Part I)

One again, our unwilling hero continued on his hellish journey to sell his fellow animated characters a mystery product. Due to the author coming to his own senses, we finally know what Kenshin will be selling!

The curious rurouni slowly opened the box and saw two big, yellow eyes. The inside of the box was entirely dark aside from the huge eyes that stared back at him. After an awkward silence her heard something quite familiar.

"Nyao!" said the creature as it hopped out, revealing itself to be Kuroneko, the famous cat in Trigun known for popping up at random moments. Kenshin raised an eyebrow in irritation at the author who somehow got a kick out of that. But, unfortunately, that was not it the mystery product. What was really the item Kenshin was to sell was a....

"Rusty trash can lid?" Kenshin blinked as he held it up, considering the idea that there might have been more to it. An interesting idea, indeed. Unfortunately, it wasn't THE idea the author had in mind. It was just a normal, everyday trash can lid. The only powers it might have had would be the ability to seal a garbage can or be used as a frisbee, maybe. Kenshin sweat dropped and placed it inside the box with an utterly irate look on his face.

He thought maybe that chapter four wasn't a good enough revenge idea. It had to be bigger than just a severe beating. But, he'd just do this route first. Walking toward his next street, 'Rei-gun Drive' Kenshin decided that the author needed mental help as he, himself needed help of the more physical kind. Maybe an army of 10 million men, each one riding his/her own tank. Or maybe an old U.S.S.R. war head.

This time, there weren't any houses. Just a big apartment building. It looked like it was at least 50 floors. The sight of it made Kenshin shake his head in disbelief, "This SUCKS, that it does!"

Just then, a piece of paper appear in his hand. Kenshin lifted it up to his face with an 'oro?' and slowly read the contents of it. Fortunately for Kenshin, it was a small list of apartments to visit. But, that bad news was each one was 10 floors apart. Kenshin was getting fed up with the author's crap by now. He would have much rather have been trapped in some dementedly desperate fangirl's basement who's downloaded every hentai pic of him on the net. Like the time some whacko fan girl named psychoticfangirlodoom846 locked him in her bedroom and redid the movie "Misery". All accept the sledgehammer, Kenshin would rather be back there.

Kenshin went inside to the lobby of this large apartment complex and came to see that a baby with a pacifier sat at the front desk, unattended. For the record, Kenshin loves kids, folks. He lifted up the baby and greeted him with baby talk before asking, "Your parents should know better than to leave you alone like this, that they should."

Kenshin noticed that his clothing was a bit unusual for a child, but as he thought about it, the child jumped from Kenshin's arms, landing gracefully on the ground with an outraged look on his face. He angrily pointed up at Kenshin and said, "How dare you?! Watch who you speak to in that manner, LITTLE man! I'm 100 times your age and I get to decided where you go when you die!"

"Oro?" replied Kenshin. Mostly confused about how a baby could speak so clearly with a pacifier in its mouth, let alone speak clearly at all.

The 'baby' then stood straight with his hands behind his back and said, "I am Koenma, ruler of spirit world. What the hell do you want?"

Kenshin, keeping back his urge to freak out, whipped out his trust box, and gave his little company introduction. Of course, the author was too lazy to retype all of it, so if you don't know, go back a few chapters. He won't deny being a lazy bastard, that's for sure.

Koenma's face lit up as Kenshin opened the box, revealing the rusty trash can lid, "Wooooow! An old model Yusuke Urameshi Whacker™! I'll take it!"

The shock knocked Kenshin to the floor in the form of a face fault.

Koenma poked Kenshin a couple time with the tip of his shoe and held up a gold plated 'Spirit Charge' card, "Hey. Do you take credit?"

Kenshin sweat dropped.

-----------------------------------------

Kenshin moved up the staircase with his body drenched with sweat and a vocabulary full of.....unhappy words. When he finally made it to the tenth floor, he collapsed at the top of the flight of stairs. He tried catching his breath as another piece of paper appeared in his hand.

Author's note: :-O NO SLACKING, BOY! ^^Thanks.

Kenshin balled up the piece of paper and threw it down the hall in complete frustration. He stood there and took a deep breath before letting out a stress filled scream which caused the entire building to vibrate. Unfortunately, that caused one of the tenants to come out with an unhappy look on his face. The muscular figure with dark pants and an olive greet wife beater came marching over to Kenshin and towered over him.

The man lifted up his black shades and sneered, "I don't like it when people come here and wake me up. I have things to do in the morning. Like making ice demons cry by killing birds, killing old women I used to be partners with, and beating up school kids with special powers! Do you know how hard that is?! Well, it's not hard at all, really, but it's the PRINCIPLE!"

Kenshin quickly bowed, "I apologize, that I do."

The man smirked, "I think twenty percent should be more than enough for you...."

"Oro?"

Moments later, Kenshin's body had been knocked down through all ten floors and he was back in front of Koenma's desk, battered and draped with injuries. Koenma looked down and said, "Oh, hi again. I know we don't have elevators, but for a quick way down, please use the windows. It's less costly."

Kenshin promptly passed out.

-----------------------------------------

Weeks later, after hospitalization, Kenshin was back on the tenth floor of the apartment complex. Careful not to make the slightest peep, he made his way to the proper apartment. He softly knocked on the door. Almost immediately, it slowly opened. There stood a pale man in a business suit with long hair. Kenshin smiled nervously and said, "Hello! I'm Kenshin Himura, authorized by my company to sell you this new product."

The man looked at Kenshin quizzically and then turned back inside, "Brother, it's for you! Another salesman!"

Kenshin, for some reason had a very foreboding feeling when he heard those footsteps. When the person in question finally came to the door, he realized it was the same man who put him in the hospital. He sneered at Kenshin and said, "Not only are you noisy....you're a salesman, too?! I think it's time to show him what it means to annoy the Toguro brothers...right, brother?"

The first guy gave out a stupid sounding scream as he nodded in agreement. Kenshin slowly backed up into a wall, "Get away from me! Stop! I've got powerful lawyers! I'll sue! I'LL SUE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

-----------------------------------------

At the hospital, Kenshin rested in a full body cast as a red haired nurse with a crab shaped hair style came into the room, wheeling a huge, weird looking machine. She moved it right next to Kenshin's bed and smiled grandly, "Hello! My name is Washu! The greatest scientific mind in the universe! I would like to congratulate you on becoming by new guinea pig! You must be very honored!"

Kenshin let out a muffled "nuh-uh!" as he lacked the ability to move his neck, let alone shake his head. Washu began to hook what looked like jumper cables to Kenshin's bed. Kenshin screamed in complete fright as Washu's machine began to whir, crackle and power up.

Washu, still smiling explained, "This is my instant health restoration machine! It works by vaporizing a person into ashes and then piecing the ashes together one by one, then restoring the ashes into flesh and so on, bringing the person into a completely healthy state. Of course, it also doubles as a torture device that thirty billion space terrorists have been begging me to sell to them being that the process is so painful! But, that's neither here or there! In fact, forget I mentioned that last part, 'kay?"

Kenshin screamed even louder this time. Washu looked over and giggled, "Wow! You must be really excited to test out this baby! Well, let's begin!"

From outside of the hospital room, the sounds of crackling energy, a screaming Kenshin and a cackling Washu could be heard....all through the night.

-----------------------------------------

Weeks later, Kenshin returned to the complex and decided that it was best that he skip to the twentieth floor. Once again, he was drenched with sweat and a bigger reason to slaughter the author without the courtesy of being quick, nor clean about it. He came to the next door and knocked. The door swung open, and there stood an irate looking man with spiked hair, wearing all black.

The man spat "What is it, human?! I'm busy!"

Kenshin held out his open box to him and said, "I'm selling this new product. It's a...uh, Yusuke Urameshi Whacker™?"

The man rubbed his chin, "Interesting....how much?"

Suddenly, yet another piece of paper appeared in Kenshin's hand. He reluctantly read the contents of it.

Author's note: One billion yen!

The short, man in black stared Kenshin down and sighed, "Well, I suppose you do drive a hard bargain, you stupid, foolish weakling human, you. I'll take it. Let me make a phone call."

He suddenly whipped out a cell phone and hit some speed dial numbers, "Kurama. It's time to go....banking."

A split second later, Kenshin felt a presence behind him. When he spun around, he saw a tall guy with long white hair and fox ears. If that wasn't weird enough for Kenshin, the guy had bundles upon bundles of money held in his arms. Not to mention, he had the most terrifying grin Kenshin had ever seen. And Kenshin has seen many a-terrifying grin.

"O-oro?" asked Kenshin.

The guy suddenly dropped all the money a Kenshin's feet. He walked by Kenshin and petted his head as he walked into the apartment with the short man in black, closing the door behind them. Kenshin sighed as he looked down at the money that....wasn't there anymore. Once again, a piece of paper materialized into his hand.

Author's note: : ) YOINK!

Kenshin then noticed his belt felt kind of light. He sighed in frustration as the battousai began to surface.

Meanwhile, inside the previous apartment, the white haired man shoved a sheathed samurai sword in the short man's face, "Hiei! Look what I got! Look what I got!"

Hiei shook his head, "Grow up, Yoko..."

Yoko Kurama frowned up his face, "Sure thing, Captain Killjoy....." he then unsheathed his latest prize.

Outside the apartment, as Kenshin looked desperately for his sword, he heard a voice from behind a door shouting, "This is some bullshit!" Suddenly, the door to Hiei's apartment opened as the reverse blade sword came flying out with the speed of an arrow, smacking the wandering salesman upside his head with the hilt.

Quote the Kenshin..."Oroooooo..." And a thud promptly followed.

-----------------------------------------