TITLE: The One Constant
AUTHOR: Minn
DISCLAIMER: Wells/Chulack/Bernero et al are the rightful owners of Third Watch - God Bless You! I am merely borrowing and intend no disrespect or harm. None of us do. This is fun. No character was actually harmed in the typing of this nonsense. Nothing I say or do will probably ever make a blind bit of difference to what happens on the screen - dammit!
I'M FOREIGN! If you don't understand anything, it'll be 'cos I'm using a uniquely Kiwi expression, something I do try to avoid, but hell, t'ain't easy!
A SQUILLION THANX to the following folks who took the time and effort to say nice things about this here little epic: Jess, Patty, Kim1989, SVUandTWfan, Angel, Maartje, Winterwolf, SSS, Kellycas, Martina, Kerrip43, Lifesaver55, SarBear, Kate Anderson, Nyna Boscorelli, Marlessa 17 (welcome!), Juls, and a very special mention and thanx goes to AnnaDelAmico who has helped me out with the medical side of this wee drama. Cheers!!!
I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!!
----
THE ONE CONSTANT
PART 30
They clung to each other like two frightened children in a storm.
Emily watched from a distance, her eyes tracing every emotion that played across their faces, every movement they made. When the doctor turned to them she saw how they stared at him wide-eyed and tremulous. Bosco's face alone spoke volumes for the anguish they both clearly shared.
Her stomach turning somersaults, Emily shrank back as Gracie was rushed away from the ER, away from her distraught, ashen-faced parents.
A hand on her shoulder startled her.
"Are you hurt?"
One of the paramedics who had tended Gracie stood by her side. Emily gazed at the woman, confused.
"Are you hurt?" Kim asked again, indicating the blood on Emily's clothing.
"I was holding her..." Emily mumbled dazedly, slowly letting her eyes travel to the woman next to her. "I'm not hurt...somehow..."
Emily looked back just as her mother caught sight of her standing there. Her heart began to race as she watched Faith come at her. She saw Bosco reach for his partner and in spite of Faith's determined resistance, pull her up several feet short of her eldest child.
"Mom, I'm sorry," Emily pleaded, "I didn't mean for..."
"What the hell were you thinking?" Faith wailed. "You had no business taking her like that!"
Emily felt as if all eyes were upon her. "I'm sorry, I didn't think it..."
"She's just a baby, Emily!" Faith sobbed. "What the hell were you thinking?"
Emily took a step back. "I didn't do it on purpose..."
"You didn't THINK!" Faith snapped. "You never THINK, Emily, you just do and too bad if someone else gets hurt along the way..."
"C'mon Faith," Bosco murmured quietly, drawing Faith's trembling body to him. "Leave it for now, OK?"
"What were you thinking?" Faith whimpered, slowly succumbing to her partner's consoling embrace.
Emily flinched at the look on Bosco's tear stained face, that dangerous, only-just-holding-it-together look she had seen before and which made her uneasy. She watched as he guided her sobbing mother away.
When Isabelle arrived with Charlie they found Emily hovering restlessly near the entrance to the ER, seemingly undecided as to whether to stay or go. She refused to meet Isabelle's stern gaze.
"Emily? Are you OK?" Isabelle asked in the most even tone she could muster.
Emily nodded dejectedly.
"And Gracie?"
"In surgery I guess," Emily replied. Her voice was small and childlike.
Isabelle regarded the teenager silently for a moment. "Come on, you can take us to your mom and Maurice."
"I'm pretty sure they don't want me anywhere near them," Emily protested.
"You're probably right, but I think a little bit of air clearing would be in order right about now," Isabelle replied knowingly.
Emily looked at her blankly.
"Better toughen up," Isabelle said, tugging on Emily's arm to get her moving, "because you have some explaining to do. And I'm betting this isn't going to be pretty."
Bosco stood watching Faith prowl the corridor outside the waiting room.
Every once in a while his partner would hover into range, close enough so he could reach out to her, stroke her back, take her hand, offer up whatever small gesture of support he could before she broke away again and resumed her restless pacing.
When Isabelle appeared with Charlie, Emily trailing miserably in their wake, Bosco watched Faith's face light up with relief.
Charlie ran to his mother as Isabelle paused to gather Bosco in a warm, sympathetic embrace.
"Is Gracie gonna be alright?" Charlie asked gazing earnestly at his mother.
"We hope so honey," Faith answered shakily, hugging her son to her.
When Isabelle approached her, fresh tears began to course Faith's cheeks. She reached for her friend and sank thankfully into Isabelle's gentle, comforting embrace.
"I can't believe this is happening," Faith wailed in despair. "After everything we've been through..."
Charlie, disturbed to witness his mother's obvious distress, hesitantly wandered over to Bosco.
"How come Gracie got shot?" he asked.
Bosco flicked an angry glance in Emily's direction and placed his arm around Charlie's shoulders. Charlie didn't flinch and in fact, Emily noted sourly, drew closer.
"Gracie was somewhere she shouldn't have been Charlie," Bosco answered quietly.
"How come?"
Bosco looked up and nailed Emily with a sharp stare. "How's about you enlighten us on that?"
Emily's gaze plunged to the floor.
"I wasn't gonna be long," she murmured eventually. "I was just gonna take her to see Carly."
"You had no business taking our baby out of the apartment at all Emily!" Faith said bitterly, her voice ragged with emotion.
Isabelle and Bosco exchanged a worried glance as Faith broke suddenly and sharply away from Isabelle's arms and stormed towards her daughter.
Emily stared mutely at the floor and her silence only served to enrage Faith further.
"Was this part of your little plan?"
"Faith..." Bosco murmured.
Emily looked up sharply. "What are you talking about?"
Faith advanced on her. "You think we're stupid Emily? You think we couldn't figure out what the story was with you bringin' those two porn recruits to the apartment?"
Bosco stepped forward. "Faith..."
Glaring at her mother, Emily began to back up. "They're just friends of mine..."
"Bullshit!" Faith snapped.
"I didn't get Gracie hurt on purpose if that's what you're thinking!" Emily protested loudly. "Carly wanted me to drop by...I didn't think it'd hurt..."
"How the hell did you end up at that intersection?" Faith demanded.
"Carly's brother...he wanted to show us his new car..."
Faith was incredulous. "You took my baby out on a joy ride?"
"We weren't gonna go far," Emily pleaded pitifully, "but we got stuck in traffic 'cos of that accident...then we just went to have a look...I didn't know some maniac was gonna start shooting the place up..."
"Well some maniac did and somehow MY baby gets to pay for YOUR stupidity, Emily!" Faith raged. "Why the hell were you even at our apartment?"
"I thought I left my cell phone there," Emily whined, "And then I thought it'd be nice to spend some time with Charlie and Gracie..."
Faith glared at her. "You're a piece of work Emily, you know that?"
Emily's expression darkened. "That's great coming from the likes of you!" she spat back.
"Excuse me?"
"You make me sick!" Emily snarled. "First you screw around on dad, then you try to pass your boyfriend's baby off as his and the minute Dad's out of the way you're off playing happy families like he never even existed!" Tears began to flood Emily's eyes. "You're nothing but a selfish, lying bitch!"
Bosco was between them in an instant.
"Faith, leave it," he said quietly, taking her hands in his.
Faith stared at him, her green eyes blazing. Bosco returned the look as evenly as he was able. After some moments of strained silence, a quiet understanding passed between them.
"I wanna have a word with her alone," he said softly.
Faith gazed at him some more, her eyes still sparking with the fury and anguish she felt. Eventually she nodded, mutely stepping away to where Isabelle stood waiting.
"In there," Bosco said sharply to Emily, indicating an empty office not far from where they stood.
Albeit reluctantly, Emily obeyed the directive.
"I don't need a lecture from you," Emily growled sourly as she turned to face him.
"Why would I waste my time Em? Huh?"
She glared at him.
"I just think there's a few things you should know," he said. His tone was even enough, but Emily could tell it was an effort for him to keep his anger in check.
"What's to know?" she mumbled. "You came along and ruined our lives..."
Bosco took a deep, steadying breath in. "I know you're pretty pissed with me and your mom," he began, the dangerous look hovering in the shadows of his eyes. "What we did was wrong. You'll get no argument from either of us there. But let's get one thing straight, Emily," he said, fixing her with a sharp gaze, "Gracie is MY daughter, and that means I have a say in all this whether you like it or not."
Emily glowered at him.
"As for Faith runnin' off to play happy families with the boyfriend?" he mused. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about."
Emily moved to say something but Bosco cut her off with a glance.
"I wake up sometimes Emily, and I can hear Faith crying," he began grimly, fixing her with a look of such irritation it made her squirm. "I try to comfort her but sometimes she won't let me. You know why?"
Trying to feign disinterest, Emily shrugged. She flinched as the look of irritation intensified.
"Faith's crying because she thinkin' about Fred. I know she is 'cos she has this way of lookin' at me...like she wishes I was someone else."
Emily averted her eyes to the floor and shifted uncomfortably, disturbed by the raw intensity of Bosco's gaze.
"Every week Faith visits your Dad's grave. And when she comes back it's like we're back to square one again. 'Cos I lose her, Emily." His voice wavered slightly. "She goes all distant on me for hours, like Fred's there in the room with us watchin' every move we make. And your mom's way of dealing with stuff like that is to push people away. So I lose her. But I'm not the only one - Gracie loses too. We both lose her, Emily."
The emotion in his voice deepened Emily's discomfort. She watched as Bosco prowled tensely around the office for a moment, his eyes glued miserably to the floor.
"Your mom and me, we don't discuss the future, ever," he said stiffly after a while, a hint of bitterness creeping into his tone. "I live from day to day thinkin', any minute now, this could all be over. I don't wanna believe it but I can't kid myself I'm the love of Faith's life, 'cos I'm not. We're together because of Gracie, because Faith wants our daughter to know who her father is."
He paused and shook his head grimly. "Your mom didn't choose me, Emily. She chose Fred - but he died. It wasn't my baby she wanted to have, but that's how it worked out. Yeah, we have moments when everything's workin' well and we're happy - but there's just as many times when..."
Bosco's voice faltered suddenly and Emily could see the glimmer of the tears gathering in his eyes. He stepped closer to her and leaned forward. "If Gracie dies..." He paused, not sure if he could trust himself to continue. "If we lose Gracie, I'll lose the closest thing I've ever had to real happiness. But I don't suppose you care too much about that, do you Emily?"
Emily stared at him, conflicting emotions battling within her. The look of misery that mingled with the bitter anger Bosco clearly felt reached out and touched her in unexpected ways.
"You love her," she murmured, a small note of surprise in her voice. "Mom, I mean."
He seemed to consider the notion carefully. "I've never wanted to be with anyone as much as I wanna be with Faith," he replied softly.
"Even though you don't think she feels the same?"
He shrugged. "Maybe I'm livin' with the hope she will one day," Bosco murmured. "Right now, Faith's still missing your dad Emily. And I've just gotta deal with that."
Emily stared at the floor and a long silence ensued. When she finally struck up the courage to speak again, her voice was small and hesitant.
"I'm really sorry, Uncle B," she said carefully. "I never meant to get Gracie hurt."
Bosco stared at her. "Whatever's goin' on in your head, Emily, we don't need it," he said stiffly. "We've got enough to deal with. I get that you're pissed with us and that's fine - I just don't want you and your crap anywhere near my daughter. You hear me?"
Emily watched in abashed silence as Bosco shuffled moodily to the door and flung it open. She followed reluctantly, but found him paused just outside, held firmly in place by Faith's hurt and penetrating gaze. Her mother's wounded expression told Emily she had heard every word.
It was a wordless exchange. After a moment Bosco turned away and trudged wearily to the seat at the end of the corridor.
Emily watched her mother stare helplessly after her partner, Faith's eyes following his every move as Bosco settled heavily on the seat, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. The sheer intensity of her mother's stare disturbed Emily on some level she couldn't explain. It was as if hearing Bosco's side of the story had stirred something within Faith that was bleak and overwhelming.
As Faith stared, Bosco began to rub his hands together in a vain attempt to keep them from trembling. She became aware of a small quaking in her own being, somewhere near her stomach, a discomfiting tremor that grew steadily stronger with every passing moment. A strange new tightness in her chest and in her throat made breathing a more complicated chore than she needed it to be.
"Bos?" she called softly.
He didn't give any indication that he heard.
"Bosco?"
When Faith tried to take a step forward she found her legs unwilling to co-operate. She stared down at them like they were evil, traitorous things. The heavy pounding of her heart filled her ears and suddenly there just didn't seem to be enough air in the room. The shivering that had begun in the pit of her stomach had reached itself out over her entire body now and a keen sense of panic pricked at the edges of her consciousness.
As she stood imprisoned by the strangeness of it all, images began to clutter Faith's fragile mind. The thin veneer of coping that had covered her emotional turmoil from a time even before Gracie's conception began to crack. Every hurt, every drama large and small that had visited itself upon her life rose up now and demanded its share of her, insisted upon acknowledgment and examination. No more hiding, they said - face us now.
"'Cos I lose her..." Bosco had said. "We both lose her."
Faith stared helplessly down the hall to where her partner sat and it seemed as if he were a million miles away, locked in his own private world of torment.
She needed him so desperately but Bosco's belief that she did not had suddenly revealed a distance between them Faith had not realised was there. A newer, rawer sense of guilt began to prick at her overburdened conscience.
"Mom?" she heard Emily say. "What's wrong with your hands?"
Faith shifted her attention to her hands and found them curled into claw-like immobility. They felt as if they were no longer part of her. Her breath was coming in short, quick bursts now and with each one, her panic intensified.
"Faith? What's wrong?" Bosco heard Isabelle ask in a voice so heavy with concern it immediately attracted his attention.
"Everything..." was the reply, and Faith's voice was frail and edgy.
When he looked up he found Faith staring at her hands, a look of utter despair etched upon her face.
He rose quickly and went to her.
She dissolved into tears the minute he drew near, melting into his arms as her trembling body became racked with heavy sobs. Every tear Faith should have cried but had not spilled forth as Bosco cradled her to him and murmured her name. He let his own tears mingle with hers and quietly witnessed her pain, shared it, and drew strength from the bond. He made no attempt to diminish the moment by offering up well-meaning but empty platitudes and promises he knew he couldn't keep, just stood strong and let her grief take it's course.
And he told her how much he loved her, in a way Faith knew she could never doubt, and that it was OK if she didn't feel the same because he would wait until she did, however long that took.
She clung to him and let her tears flow.
"Please don't take our baby," she pleaded to something unseen. "Please don't take Gracie from us..."
Emily, Charlie and Isabelle stood back, mute witnesses to the strength of the bond between the two. Faith's older children wrestled silently with their own thoughts and emotions as they observed their mother's distress, saw her seeking solace in the arms of a man who was not their father. Isabelle stood with them, a quiet, reassuring presence.
As Faith's tears began to slowly abate the trembling of her body gradually subsided. After a while Faith leaned back slightly and let her forehead rest against Bosco's as she touched her hand to his cheek.
"I don't want to lose you, Bos," she whispered.
"I'm not goin' anywhere Faith," he assured her gently, "not unless you want me to."
"I don't want you to," she said quickly. "Please don't think that I do. I'm so sorry..."
"For what?"
"For not being able to tell you how I feel," she replied falteringly.
He shrugged. "You once told me I have to learn to be patient - I just figured you were testing me."
A small laugh escaped her. "Yeah, that's it," she murmured, sinking back into his arms once more.
"Thought so," he said softly, and drawing her close, rocked her gently.
---
They had no idea how long they waited.
Emily stood at the entranceway to the waiting room and stared at the scene before her. Enveloped by the rather generous couch the hospital had provided, Bosco sat with Faith curled close next to him, his arm around her, her head resting wearily upon his shoulder. Absently he stroked her hand as it rested upon his chest.
On the two-seater opposite were Charlie and Isabelle, poring through a photography magazine they had unearthed from the shabby little table in the corner.
Charlie seemed to be at ease with the way things had turned out, Emily thought. And he had been closest to Fred...
She watched her mother and Bosco some more. They had a bond. That much was evident. And despite Bosco's protestations to the contrary, Emily sensed it went beyond Gracie.
A small movement some way down the corridor caught Emily's eye.
"Mom?" she said quickly. "Someone's coming."
Faith and Bosco moved as one.
Emily, Charlie and Isabelle remained near the waiting room, looking on as the surgeon spoke with them. A nurse hovered near.
They couldn't hear what was being said but at one point Faith let out a pitiful "Oh my god" that had their hearts collectively skip a beat. The nurse remained with them when the surgeon took his leave as Faith and Bosco dissolved heavily into each other's arms.
"Oh my god..." Emily whispered as the sound of sobbing filled the corridor.
"Mom?" Charlie's voice was thin and full of uncertainty as they approached.
Bosco didn't seem able or willing to face them but Faith stretched out her arm to draw her son to them.
"Faith, what's happened?" Isabelle asked, preparing herself for the worst.
When Faith looked at her Isabelle could see fresh tears streaming her face, but instead of finding an expression of anguish, Isabelle observed a look of relief and delight.
"She's gonna be fine," Faith gasped, turning to touch her forehead to Bosco's in a gesture of infinite tenderness and joy. "Gracie's gonna be fine."
---
TBC - aww, I couldn't bare to torture you any more!
AUTHOR: Minn
DISCLAIMER: Wells/Chulack/Bernero et al are the rightful owners of Third Watch - God Bless You! I am merely borrowing and intend no disrespect or harm. None of us do. This is fun. No character was actually harmed in the typing of this nonsense. Nothing I say or do will probably ever make a blind bit of difference to what happens on the screen - dammit!
I'M FOREIGN! If you don't understand anything, it'll be 'cos I'm using a uniquely Kiwi expression, something I do try to avoid, but hell, t'ain't easy!
A SQUILLION THANX to the following folks who took the time and effort to say nice things about this here little epic: Jess, Patty, Kim1989, SVUandTWfan, Angel, Maartje, Winterwolf, SSS, Kellycas, Martina, Kerrip43, Lifesaver55, SarBear, Kate Anderson, Nyna Boscorelli, Marlessa 17 (welcome!), Juls, and a very special mention and thanx goes to AnnaDelAmico who has helped me out with the medical side of this wee drama. Cheers!!!
I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!!
----
THE ONE CONSTANT
PART 30
They clung to each other like two frightened children in a storm.
Emily watched from a distance, her eyes tracing every emotion that played across their faces, every movement they made. When the doctor turned to them she saw how they stared at him wide-eyed and tremulous. Bosco's face alone spoke volumes for the anguish they both clearly shared.
Her stomach turning somersaults, Emily shrank back as Gracie was rushed away from the ER, away from her distraught, ashen-faced parents.
A hand on her shoulder startled her.
"Are you hurt?"
One of the paramedics who had tended Gracie stood by her side. Emily gazed at the woman, confused.
"Are you hurt?" Kim asked again, indicating the blood on Emily's clothing.
"I was holding her..." Emily mumbled dazedly, slowly letting her eyes travel to the woman next to her. "I'm not hurt...somehow..."
Emily looked back just as her mother caught sight of her standing there. Her heart began to race as she watched Faith come at her. She saw Bosco reach for his partner and in spite of Faith's determined resistance, pull her up several feet short of her eldest child.
"Mom, I'm sorry," Emily pleaded, "I didn't mean for..."
"What the hell were you thinking?" Faith wailed. "You had no business taking her like that!"
Emily felt as if all eyes were upon her. "I'm sorry, I didn't think it..."
"She's just a baby, Emily!" Faith sobbed. "What the hell were you thinking?"
Emily took a step back. "I didn't do it on purpose..."
"You didn't THINK!" Faith snapped. "You never THINK, Emily, you just do and too bad if someone else gets hurt along the way..."
"C'mon Faith," Bosco murmured quietly, drawing Faith's trembling body to him. "Leave it for now, OK?"
"What were you thinking?" Faith whimpered, slowly succumbing to her partner's consoling embrace.
Emily flinched at the look on Bosco's tear stained face, that dangerous, only-just-holding-it-together look she had seen before and which made her uneasy. She watched as he guided her sobbing mother away.
When Isabelle arrived with Charlie they found Emily hovering restlessly near the entrance to the ER, seemingly undecided as to whether to stay or go. She refused to meet Isabelle's stern gaze.
"Emily? Are you OK?" Isabelle asked in the most even tone she could muster.
Emily nodded dejectedly.
"And Gracie?"
"In surgery I guess," Emily replied. Her voice was small and childlike.
Isabelle regarded the teenager silently for a moment. "Come on, you can take us to your mom and Maurice."
"I'm pretty sure they don't want me anywhere near them," Emily protested.
"You're probably right, but I think a little bit of air clearing would be in order right about now," Isabelle replied knowingly.
Emily looked at her blankly.
"Better toughen up," Isabelle said, tugging on Emily's arm to get her moving, "because you have some explaining to do. And I'm betting this isn't going to be pretty."
Bosco stood watching Faith prowl the corridor outside the waiting room.
Every once in a while his partner would hover into range, close enough so he could reach out to her, stroke her back, take her hand, offer up whatever small gesture of support he could before she broke away again and resumed her restless pacing.
When Isabelle appeared with Charlie, Emily trailing miserably in their wake, Bosco watched Faith's face light up with relief.
Charlie ran to his mother as Isabelle paused to gather Bosco in a warm, sympathetic embrace.
"Is Gracie gonna be alright?" Charlie asked gazing earnestly at his mother.
"We hope so honey," Faith answered shakily, hugging her son to her.
When Isabelle approached her, fresh tears began to course Faith's cheeks. She reached for her friend and sank thankfully into Isabelle's gentle, comforting embrace.
"I can't believe this is happening," Faith wailed in despair. "After everything we've been through..."
Charlie, disturbed to witness his mother's obvious distress, hesitantly wandered over to Bosco.
"How come Gracie got shot?" he asked.
Bosco flicked an angry glance in Emily's direction and placed his arm around Charlie's shoulders. Charlie didn't flinch and in fact, Emily noted sourly, drew closer.
"Gracie was somewhere she shouldn't have been Charlie," Bosco answered quietly.
"How come?"
Bosco looked up and nailed Emily with a sharp stare. "How's about you enlighten us on that?"
Emily's gaze plunged to the floor.
"I wasn't gonna be long," she murmured eventually. "I was just gonna take her to see Carly."
"You had no business taking our baby out of the apartment at all Emily!" Faith said bitterly, her voice ragged with emotion.
Isabelle and Bosco exchanged a worried glance as Faith broke suddenly and sharply away from Isabelle's arms and stormed towards her daughter.
Emily stared mutely at the floor and her silence only served to enrage Faith further.
"Was this part of your little plan?"
"Faith..." Bosco murmured.
Emily looked up sharply. "What are you talking about?"
Faith advanced on her. "You think we're stupid Emily? You think we couldn't figure out what the story was with you bringin' those two porn recruits to the apartment?"
Bosco stepped forward. "Faith..."
Glaring at her mother, Emily began to back up. "They're just friends of mine..."
"Bullshit!" Faith snapped.
"I didn't get Gracie hurt on purpose if that's what you're thinking!" Emily protested loudly. "Carly wanted me to drop by...I didn't think it'd hurt..."
"How the hell did you end up at that intersection?" Faith demanded.
"Carly's brother...he wanted to show us his new car..."
Faith was incredulous. "You took my baby out on a joy ride?"
"We weren't gonna go far," Emily pleaded pitifully, "but we got stuck in traffic 'cos of that accident...then we just went to have a look...I didn't know some maniac was gonna start shooting the place up..."
"Well some maniac did and somehow MY baby gets to pay for YOUR stupidity, Emily!" Faith raged. "Why the hell were you even at our apartment?"
"I thought I left my cell phone there," Emily whined, "And then I thought it'd be nice to spend some time with Charlie and Gracie..."
Faith glared at her. "You're a piece of work Emily, you know that?"
Emily's expression darkened. "That's great coming from the likes of you!" she spat back.
"Excuse me?"
"You make me sick!" Emily snarled. "First you screw around on dad, then you try to pass your boyfriend's baby off as his and the minute Dad's out of the way you're off playing happy families like he never even existed!" Tears began to flood Emily's eyes. "You're nothing but a selfish, lying bitch!"
Bosco was between them in an instant.
"Faith, leave it," he said quietly, taking her hands in his.
Faith stared at him, her green eyes blazing. Bosco returned the look as evenly as he was able. After some moments of strained silence, a quiet understanding passed between them.
"I wanna have a word with her alone," he said softly.
Faith gazed at him some more, her eyes still sparking with the fury and anguish she felt. Eventually she nodded, mutely stepping away to where Isabelle stood waiting.
"In there," Bosco said sharply to Emily, indicating an empty office not far from where they stood.
Albeit reluctantly, Emily obeyed the directive.
"I don't need a lecture from you," Emily growled sourly as she turned to face him.
"Why would I waste my time Em? Huh?"
She glared at him.
"I just think there's a few things you should know," he said. His tone was even enough, but Emily could tell it was an effort for him to keep his anger in check.
"What's to know?" she mumbled. "You came along and ruined our lives..."
Bosco took a deep, steadying breath in. "I know you're pretty pissed with me and your mom," he began, the dangerous look hovering in the shadows of his eyes. "What we did was wrong. You'll get no argument from either of us there. But let's get one thing straight, Emily," he said, fixing her with a sharp gaze, "Gracie is MY daughter, and that means I have a say in all this whether you like it or not."
Emily glowered at him.
"As for Faith runnin' off to play happy families with the boyfriend?" he mused. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about."
Emily moved to say something but Bosco cut her off with a glance.
"I wake up sometimes Emily, and I can hear Faith crying," he began grimly, fixing her with a look of such irritation it made her squirm. "I try to comfort her but sometimes she won't let me. You know why?"
Trying to feign disinterest, Emily shrugged. She flinched as the look of irritation intensified.
"Faith's crying because she thinkin' about Fred. I know she is 'cos she has this way of lookin' at me...like she wishes I was someone else."
Emily averted her eyes to the floor and shifted uncomfortably, disturbed by the raw intensity of Bosco's gaze.
"Every week Faith visits your Dad's grave. And when she comes back it's like we're back to square one again. 'Cos I lose her, Emily." His voice wavered slightly. "She goes all distant on me for hours, like Fred's there in the room with us watchin' every move we make. And your mom's way of dealing with stuff like that is to push people away. So I lose her. But I'm not the only one - Gracie loses too. We both lose her, Emily."
The emotion in his voice deepened Emily's discomfort. She watched as Bosco prowled tensely around the office for a moment, his eyes glued miserably to the floor.
"Your mom and me, we don't discuss the future, ever," he said stiffly after a while, a hint of bitterness creeping into his tone. "I live from day to day thinkin', any minute now, this could all be over. I don't wanna believe it but I can't kid myself I'm the love of Faith's life, 'cos I'm not. We're together because of Gracie, because Faith wants our daughter to know who her father is."
He paused and shook his head grimly. "Your mom didn't choose me, Emily. She chose Fred - but he died. It wasn't my baby she wanted to have, but that's how it worked out. Yeah, we have moments when everything's workin' well and we're happy - but there's just as many times when..."
Bosco's voice faltered suddenly and Emily could see the glimmer of the tears gathering in his eyes. He stepped closer to her and leaned forward. "If Gracie dies..." He paused, not sure if he could trust himself to continue. "If we lose Gracie, I'll lose the closest thing I've ever had to real happiness. But I don't suppose you care too much about that, do you Emily?"
Emily stared at him, conflicting emotions battling within her. The look of misery that mingled with the bitter anger Bosco clearly felt reached out and touched her in unexpected ways.
"You love her," she murmured, a small note of surprise in her voice. "Mom, I mean."
He seemed to consider the notion carefully. "I've never wanted to be with anyone as much as I wanna be with Faith," he replied softly.
"Even though you don't think she feels the same?"
He shrugged. "Maybe I'm livin' with the hope she will one day," Bosco murmured. "Right now, Faith's still missing your dad Emily. And I've just gotta deal with that."
Emily stared at the floor and a long silence ensued. When she finally struck up the courage to speak again, her voice was small and hesitant.
"I'm really sorry, Uncle B," she said carefully. "I never meant to get Gracie hurt."
Bosco stared at her. "Whatever's goin' on in your head, Emily, we don't need it," he said stiffly. "We've got enough to deal with. I get that you're pissed with us and that's fine - I just don't want you and your crap anywhere near my daughter. You hear me?"
Emily watched in abashed silence as Bosco shuffled moodily to the door and flung it open. She followed reluctantly, but found him paused just outside, held firmly in place by Faith's hurt and penetrating gaze. Her mother's wounded expression told Emily she had heard every word.
It was a wordless exchange. After a moment Bosco turned away and trudged wearily to the seat at the end of the corridor.
Emily watched her mother stare helplessly after her partner, Faith's eyes following his every move as Bosco settled heavily on the seat, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. The sheer intensity of her mother's stare disturbed Emily on some level she couldn't explain. It was as if hearing Bosco's side of the story had stirred something within Faith that was bleak and overwhelming.
As Faith stared, Bosco began to rub his hands together in a vain attempt to keep them from trembling. She became aware of a small quaking in her own being, somewhere near her stomach, a discomfiting tremor that grew steadily stronger with every passing moment. A strange new tightness in her chest and in her throat made breathing a more complicated chore than she needed it to be.
"Bos?" she called softly.
He didn't give any indication that he heard.
"Bosco?"
When Faith tried to take a step forward she found her legs unwilling to co-operate. She stared down at them like they were evil, traitorous things. The heavy pounding of her heart filled her ears and suddenly there just didn't seem to be enough air in the room. The shivering that had begun in the pit of her stomach had reached itself out over her entire body now and a keen sense of panic pricked at the edges of her consciousness.
As she stood imprisoned by the strangeness of it all, images began to clutter Faith's fragile mind. The thin veneer of coping that had covered her emotional turmoil from a time even before Gracie's conception began to crack. Every hurt, every drama large and small that had visited itself upon her life rose up now and demanded its share of her, insisted upon acknowledgment and examination. No more hiding, they said - face us now.
"'Cos I lose her..." Bosco had said. "We both lose her."
Faith stared helplessly down the hall to where her partner sat and it seemed as if he were a million miles away, locked in his own private world of torment.
She needed him so desperately but Bosco's belief that she did not had suddenly revealed a distance between them Faith had not realised was there. A newer, rawer sense of guilt began to prick at her overburdened conscience.
"Mom?" she heard Emily say. "What's wrong with your hands?"
Faith shifted her attention to her hands and found them curled into claw-like immobility. They felt as if they were no longer part of her. Her breath was coming in short, quick bursts now and with each one, her panic intensified.
"Faith? What's wrong?" Bosco heard Isabelle ask in a voice so heavy with concern it immediately attracted his attention.
"Everything..." was the reply, and Faith's voice was frail and edgy.
When he looked up he found Faith staring at her hands, a look of utter despair etched upon her face.
He rose quickly and went to her.
She dissolved into tears the minute he drew near, melting into his arms as her trembling body became racked with heavy sobs. Every tear Faith should have cried but had not spilled forth as Bosco cradled her to him and murmured her name. He let his own tears mingle with hers and quietly witnessed her pain, shared it, and drew strength from the bond. He made no attempt to diminish the moment by offering up well-meaning but empty platitudes and promises he knew he couldn't keep, just stood strong and let her grief take it's course.
And he told her how much he loved her, in a way Faith knew she could never doubt, and that it was OK if she didn't feel the same because he would wait until she did, however long that took.
She clung to him and let her tears flow.
"Please don't take our baby," she pleaded to something unseen. "Please don't take Gracie from us..."
Emily, Charlie and Isabelle stood back, mute witnesses to the strength of the bond between the two. Faith's older children wrestled silently with their own thoughts and emotions as they observed their mother's distress, saw her seeking solace in the arms of a man who was not their father. Isabelle stood with them, a quiet, reassuring presence.
As Faith's tears began to slowly abate the trembling of her body gradually subsided. After a while Faith leaned back slightly and let her forehead rest against Bosco's as she touched her hand to his cheek.
"I don't want to lose you, Bos," she whispered.
"I'm not goin' anywhere Faith," he assured her gently, "not unless you want me to."
"I don't want you to," she said quickly. "Please don't think that I do. I'm so sorry..."
"For what?"
"For not being able to tell you how I feel," she replied falteringly.
He shrugged. "You once told me I have to learn to be patient - I just figured you were testing me."
A small laugh escaped her. "Yeah, that's it," she murmured, sinking back into his arms once more.
"Thought so," he said softly, and drawing her close, rocked her gently.
---
They had no idea how long they waited.
Emily stood at the entranceway to the waiting room and stared at the scene before her. Enveloped by the rather generous couch the hospital had provided, Bosco sat with Faith curled close next to him, his arm around her, her head resting wearily upon his shoulder. Absently he stroked her hand as it rested upon his chest.
On the two-seater opposite were Charlie and Isabelle, poring through a photography magazine they had unearthed from the shabby little table in the corner.
Charlie seemed to be at ease with the way things had turned out, Emily thought. And he had been closest to Fred...
She watched her mother and Bosco some more. They had a bond. That much was evident. And despite Bosco's protestations to the contrary, Emily sensed it went beyond Gracie.
A small movement some way down the corridor caught Emily's eye.
"Mom?" she said quickly. "Someone's coming."
Faith and Bosco moved as one.
Emily, Charlie and Isabelle remained near the waiting room, looking on as the surgeon spoke with them. A nurse hovered near.
They couldn't hear what was being said but at one point Faith let out a pitiful "Oh my god" that had their hearts collectively skip a beat. The nurse remained with them when the surgeon took his leave as Faith and Bosco dissolved heavily into each other's arms.
"Oh my god..." Emily whispered as the sound of sobbing filled the corridor.
"Mom?" Charlie's voice was thin and full of uncertainty as they approached.
Bosco didn't seem able or willing to face them but Faith stretched out her arm to draw her son to them.
"Faith, what's happened?" Isabelle asked, preparing herself for the worst.
When Faith looked at her Isabelle could see fresh tears streaming her face, but instead of finding an expression of anguish, Isabelle observed a look of relief and delight.
"She's gonna be fine," Faith gasped, turning to touch her forehead to Bosco's in a gesture of infinite tenderness and joy. "Gracie's gonna be fine."
---
TBC - aww, I couldn't bare to torture you any more!