Out of the darkness Kagome saw to figures in a fog. As the fog lifted
her saw it was Sesshoumaru carrying her unconscious body toward his palace.
In his eyes there was intense concern, and she felt a rush of something
new. His feelings. She almost doubled over with the sickening feelings of
helplessness and guilt. His pain was so intense that her heart ached that
she could take some of the pain from him.
The images changed. She saw herself lying in his mother's bed with him laying by her side. There were no lecherous thoughts in him, though, only that intense pain and a new feeling. It sprang forth from him and was almost more terrible than the pain because of its intensity. It was a pull toward something a connection she couldn't seem to fathom. He stroked her hair, and at once she felt the wind blowing in her hair, as in the dream. The emotions swelled again and she saw blood-red tears drop from his eyes onto her face. The rain. The was the wind and rain. He had made her feel safe while she floated so high above the world.
Again the images changed and she saw the scene from only a few moments before. The pain that radiated from Sesshoumaru had gone, but the pulling feeling had not. She saw herself begin to attack him. The first attack hit him and threw him off guard. She could see how he had seen nothing wrong with the things he had said, he was confused that she would just go off on him without merit. And deeply hurt. As her insults grew more vile the pull itself began to wrench at her heartstrings as though it wanted to kill her. Pain, grief, and anger swarmed around her until she wept with his emotion.
Gently Kali removed her hands from Kagome's face, and held her.
"I hurt him, Kali. I never meant to hurt him like that. Never like that," Kagome sobbed.
"I know child, but it is not me who you should be telling this to," Kali said softly.
"I can't face him again," Kagome whimpered. "He must hate me now."
"Did you feel hatred there?" Kali asked.
"I felt a lot of anger."
"But anger isn't hatred," Kali whispered into her hair.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kagome hesitated at Sesshoumaru's door. Taking a deep breath she knocked lightly. "Leave," came Sesshoumaru's reply. She knocked a little harder, and the door flew open. Before Sesshoumaru knew what to think Kagome embraced him sobbing and apologizing. He was baffled. One minute she yelled the most hateful things to him, and the next she embraced him like a hurt child.
But the pull was still there, and he knew where it was pulling him. It was taking him closer to her. She intrigued him in spite of himself. As a general rule he had written off love long ago. To him war had been more important. He refused to marry into the youkai court at the age of 2100 years old as youkai tradition prescribed.
But still his heart ached over what she had said before. He did not return her embrace but gently pushed her away.
"Why change your mind so suddenly?" he asked her softly.
"I. . . I thought about what I had said, and I realized how horrible it was of me to say those things," she whispered.
He said nothing, but fixed his icey stare on her as if trying to read her thoughts.
"And I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry," she whispered. Sesshoumaru's heart broke more to see her in pain than it had when she inflicted pain on him. He almost lost his control and grabbed her up near him as her tears began to fall. He almost confided in her his feelings.
But instead he said nothing and watched her turn and walk out to the gardens with her arms wrapped around herself. He turned slowly and walked back into his chambers. Kali stood near the window. "What do you want, Kali?" he asked.
"To see the true extent of foolish demon pride. I have always wondered how far it could stretch," She answered calmly.
"You think I, Lord Sesshoumaru, should bow down to a mortal girl and permit her to shout lies at me at whim? Never!" he said firmly.
"You said you care for her more than you care for Rin, and I ask you, would you take Rin prisoner when her heart was breaking then not forgive her when she lashed out in confusion and frustration?"
"No," he whispered after a long time.
"Then I suggest going out to her," Kali suggested.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sesshoumaru found her sitting by a mirror pond with her face in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Silently he sat down near her an put his arm around her. Kagome startled a little then relaxed against his shoulder now only whimpering. She kept saying softly, between sobs, that she was sorry, until he put his finger up to her lips.
Somewhere from within him a voice came out. "Shh, my dearest," he whispered into her hair. "You have not hurt me. Please don't hurt yourself."
He wished he could pick her up like a lady and carry her to the palace. Inwardly he cursed his half-brother again. This time for chopping off one of his arms. Never before in battle or otherwise had his handicap bothered him, but now sitting with his beloved, unable to lift her up like he wished he felt weak. Then suddenly, he became horribly self-conscience. "What if she finds me hideously ugly and deformed?" he thought. The wretched thought made his stomach twist in knots.
But then he looked down at her, resting so lovingly on his shoulder, her arms wrapped around his waist, and he realized she was not appalled by him at all.
They sat like that for a long time, simply enjoying the feeling of holding and being held. It wasn't until the sun was at noon that Sesshoumaru suggested they walk back to the palace. Before they entered the iron doors, he turned to her and lifted her chin up gentle with his hand so that she looked him in the eyes.
"Are you happy here with me?" he asked her.
She looked up at him and nodded. The sunlight shone off her hair and made her even more radiant than before. "Will you stay here with me? After we retrieve the jewel and the sword?" he asked her.
She flustered, "I can't." Tears welled in her eyes, but his pain was greater. She did not want him. All his control began to crumble.
"You can't or you don't want to?" he asked her as he turned from her.
Before she could answer him a young fox youkai stumbled before them. He appeared about Inu-Yasha's age. He was bloody and covered in mud; his hands clutching his stomach as blood oozed out. "The Northern fort, my lord," he muttered. "They have taken the Northern fort." As he said the last words he crumbled to the ground. Sesshoumaru ran to him, but the young youkai was already dead. He called for servants and they came to retrieve the body.
"Keep his body in the burial chambers. I will revive him with the healing sword when I return." He ordered one man.
"Where are you going?" Kagome asked him as his servants left.
"My lands are under attack. I go to defend them. Come with me," he beckoned as he walked quickly into the palace. She followed almost running to keep up with him.
"Call the guard," he ordered one servant. To another, "Ready the armory."
Sesshoumaru led Kagome to his chambers and shut the doors behind them. "Kagome," he said, his voice softening once more, "I know you don't love me, perhaps you don't even care for me, but I must ask a favor of you."
Kagome was taken aback. The great Lord Sesshoumaru, ask a favor of her? But she nodded and he continued, "I must ask you to run the palace in my absence. I will instruct my servants to obey you. There is a young girl here, Rin. Explain things to her gently. Take care of her. She is very dear to me. Will you do these things for me?"
Kagome nodded and Sesshoumaru smiled slightly at her. "I would walk though the gates of hell, if I thought it would make you love me," he said almost to himself as looked down at her.
Kagome looked down. "Why can't I say I love him? He is going to war. Why can't I just lie and say I love him?"
From the wall Sesshoumaru drew his armor and put it one, then began to place weapons on a canvas cloth. Carefully he folded the cloth and rolled it up then tied it with a silk cord. He drew a sword and put it in the empty sheath at his side.
"Kagome, I ask you one more thing. Do not attempt to go through the barrier. Many youkai will try to seize my palace in my absence, and I could not live if one of them harmed you," he said to her, his voice rich with emotion. "I am not sure when I will return." He handed her a jade box. "Open it," he urged her.
As she opened it she gasped. Inside was a beautifully carved amulet with a golden crescent moon in the center. It hung from a golden chain inlaid with jewels.
"Wear this and all will know I have given you control of the palace."
"But Sesshoumaru. . ." she started.
"Shh, my love," he said softly. "I assure you, it will not be a difficult task. Kali will help you in all you need to know."
She smiled weakly because the confusion of the last few hours was very overwhelming. "Thank you," she managed to say. He hugged her again and hissed her lightly on the forehead. "I must go," he said and walked out the room into the hallway.
"Sesshoumaru," Kagome called and ran after him. He turned around smiling at her as she embraced him. "Be careful," she said softly and slipped her opal ring onto his pinkie. Love, joy, and wonder filled Sesshoumaru's whole being, and he ran his fingers through her hair.
"My dearest, I will always come back to you," he said "I promise." Then he turned and hurried off to gather his army.
The images changed. She saw herself lying in his mother's bed with him laying by her side. There were no lecherous thoughts in him, though, only that intense pain and a new feeling. It sprang forth from him and was almost more terrible than the pain because of its intensity. It was a pull toward something a connection she couldn't seem to fathom. He stroked her hair, and at once she felt the wind blowing in her hair, as in the dream. The emotions swelled again and she saw blood-red tears drop from his eyes onto her face. The rain. The was the wind and rain. He had made her feel safe while she floated so high above the world.
Again the images changed and she saw the scene from only a few moments before. The pain that radiated from Sesshoumaru had gone, but the pulling feeling had not. She saw herself begin to attack him. The first attack hit him and threw him off guard. She could see how he had seen nothing wrong with the things he had said, he was confused that she would just go off on him without merit. And deeply hurt. As her insults grew more vile the pull itself began to wrench at her heartstrings as though it wanted to kill her. Pain, grief, and anger swarmed around her until she wept with his emotion.
Gently Kali removed her hands from Kagome's face, and held her.
"I hurt him, Kali. I never meant to hurt him like that. Never like that," Kagome sobbed.
"I know child, but it is not me who you should be telling this to," Kali said softly.
"I can't face him again," Kagome whimpered. "He must hate me now."
"Did you feel hatred there?" Kali asked.
"I felt a lot of anger."
"But anger isn't hatred," Kali whispered into her hair.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kagome hesitated at Sesshoumaru's door. Taking a deep breath she knocked lightly. "Leave," came Sesshoumaru's reply. She knocked a little harder, and the door flew open. Before Sesshoumaru knew what to think Kagome embraced him sobbing and apologizing. He was baffled. One minute she yelled the most hateful things to him, and the next she embraced him like a hurt child.
But the pull was still there, and he knew where it was pulling him. It was taking him closer to her. She intrigued him in spite of himself. As a general rule he had written off love long ago. To him war had been more important. He refused to marry into the youkai court at the age of 2100 years old as youkai tradition prescribed.
But still his heart ached over what she had said before. He did not return her embrace but gently pushed her away.
"Why change your mind so suddenly?" he asked her softly.
"I. . . I thought about what I had said, and I realized how horrible it was of me to say those things," she whispered.
He said nothing, but fixed his icey stare on her as if trying to read her thoughts.
"And I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry," she whispered. Sesshoumaru's heart broke more to see her in pain than it had when she inflicted pain on him. He almost lost his control and grabbed her up near him as her tears began to fall. He almost confided in her his feelings.
But instead he said nothing and watched her turn and walk out to the gardens with her arms wrapped around herself. He turned slowly and walked back into his chambers. Kali stood near the window. "What do you want, Kali?" he asked.
"To see the true extent of foolish demon pride. I have always wondered how far it could stretch," She answered calmly.
"You think I, Lord Sesshoumaru, should bow down to a mortal girl and permit her to shout lies at me at whim? Never!" he said firmly.
"You said you care for her more than you care for Rin, and I ask you, would you take Rin prisoner when her heart was breaking then not forgive her when she lashed out in confusion and frustration?"
"No," he whispered after a long time.
"Then I suggest going out to her," Kali suggested.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sesshoumaru found her sitting by a mirror pond with her face in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Silently he sat down near her an put his arm around her. Kagome startled a little then relaxed against his shoulder now only whimpering. She kept saying softly, between sobs, that she was sorry, until he put his finger up to her lips.
Somewhere from within him a voice came out. "Shh, my dearest," he whispered into her hair. "You have not hurt me. Please don't hurt yourself."
He wished he could pick her up like a lady and carry her to the palace. Inwardly he cursed his half-brother again. This time for chopping off one of his arms. Never before in battle or otherwise had his handicap bothered him, but now sitting with his beloved, unable to lift her up like he wished he felt weak. Then suddenly, he became horribly self-conscience. "What if she finds me hideously ugly and deformed?" he thought. The wretched thought made his stomach twist in knots.
But then he looked down at her, resting so lovingly on his shoulder, her arms wrapped around his waist, and he realized she was not appalled by him at all.
They sat like that for a long time, simply enjoying the feeling of holding and being held. It wasn't until the sun was at noon that Sesshoumaru suggested they walk back to the palace. Before they entered the iron doors, he turned to her and lifted her chin up gentle with his hand so that she looked him in the eyes.
"Are you happy here with me?" he asked her.
She looked up at him and nodded. The sunlight shone off her hair and made her even more radiant than before. "Will you stay here with me? After we retrieve the jewel and the sword?" he asked her.
She flustered, "I can't." Tears welled in her eyes, but his pain was greater. She did not want him. All his control began to crumble.
"You can't or you don't want to?" he asked her as he turned from her.
Before she could answer him a young fox youkai stumbled before them. He appeared about Inu-Yasha's age. He was bloody and covered in mud; his hands clutching his stomach as blood oozed out. "The Northern fort, my lord," he muttered. "They have taken the Northern fort." As he said the last words he crumbled to the ground. Sesshoumaru ran to him, but the young youkai was already dead. He called for servants and they came to retrieve the body.
"Keep his body in the burial chambers. I will revive him with the healing sword when I return." He ordered one man.
"Where are you going?" Kagome asked him as his servants left.
"My lands are under attack. I go to defend them. Come with me," he beckoned as he walked quickly into the palace. She followed almost running to keep up with him.
"Call the guard," he ordered one servant. To another, "Ready the armory."
Sesshoumaru led Kagome to his chambers and shut the doors behind them. "Kagome," he said, his voice softening once more, "I know you don't love me, perhaps you don't even care for me, but I must ask a favor of you."
Kagome was taken aback. The great Lord Sesshoumaru, ask a favor of her? But she nodded and he continued, "I must ask you to run the palace in my absence. I will instruct my servants to obey you. There is a young girl here, Rin. Explain things to her gently. Take care of her. She is very dear to me. Will you do these things for me?"
Kagome nodded and Sesshoumaru smiled slightly at her. "I would walk though the gates of hell, if I thought it would make you love me," he said almost to himself as looked down at her.
Kagome looked down. "Why can't I say I love him? He is going to war. Why can't I just lie and say I love him?"
From the wall Sesshoumaru drew his armor and put it one, then began to place weapons on a canvas cloth. Carefully he folded the cloth and rolled it up then tied it with a silk cord. He drew a sword and put it in the empty sheath at his side.
"Kagome, I ask you one more thing. Do not attempt to go through the barrier. Many youkai will try to seize my palace in my absence, and I could not live if one of them harmed you," he said to her, his voice rich with emotion. "I am not sure when I will return." He handed her a jade box. "Open it," he urged her.
As she opened it she gasped. Inside was a beautifully carved amulet with a golden crescent moon in the center. It hung from a golden chain inlaid with jewels.
"Wear this and all will know I have given you control of the palace."
"But Sesshoumaru. . ." she started.
"Shh, my love," he said softly. "I assure you, it will not be a difficult task. Kali will help you in all you need to know."
She smiled weakly because the confusion of the last few hours was very overwhelming. "Thank you," she managed to say. He hugged her again and hissed her lightly on the forehead. "I must go," he said and walked out the room into the hallway.
"Sesshoumaru," Kagome called and ran after him. He turned around smiling at her as she embraced him. "Be careful," she said softly and slipped her opal ring onto his pinkie. Love, joy, and wonder filled Sesshoumaru's whole being, and he ran his fingers through her hair.
"My dearest, I will always come back to you," he said "I promise." Then he turned and hurried off to gather his army.