ok, i luv this chappy! sry 4 not updating in like 4evr, but i've been busy. but since you've been so patient, i've decided 2 make this chappy extra special! thats right, i think this will be the funniest chappy yet! so here it is.
Chapter 7: "Your Horoscope For Today" By: Weird Al Yancovic
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Ficcy*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was Saturday morning, and everyone in the X-Mansion had been up for a while. The Prof. had been acting strange lately, but no one really knew what was going on with him. They just shrugged it off and decided it was nothing.
But little did they know, something strange was going on indeed.
---------------------Prof.'s Office--------------------
Prof. X: *Talking on the phone* Ah yes, Leo? Well lets see. The stars say that today you will get diognosed with cancer, and die by the end of the month. That will be $5.00, how would you like to pay that?..... Mastercard? Oh I'm sorry but we only take Visa..... Ok, send me a check then. Good bye!
He hung up the phone, only to hear it ring once again.
Prof. X: Charels Xavier's Psykick Hotline, how may I help you?..... Todays horoscope?....... Tarus you say?.... Well, the position of Jupiter says a loved one will die at 7:00 P.M. tomorrow night..... $5.00.... No, only Visa. Ok, then, have a great evening! Goodbye!
He once again hung up the phone.
Prof. X: It seems my psykick hotline is a success. *Evil Grin*. And the children think I inherated all this money, HA! Well, what they don't know won't hurt them!
And with that he wheeled out of his office and into the hallway.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Kareoke: A psykick is he? Well lets see what happens when his precious liitle X-Men find this out, MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
She pressed a button and began to watch.
-----------------------------------------------------------
While the Professer was making his way down the stairs, he felt a strange feeling come over him. He wodered what it was but then realized what it must be, according to the recent rumors from his students about magicly starting to sing out of nowhere. He started to hear an unfimiliar tune in his head, and unluckily for him, Bobby walked by just as he started to sing.
PX: Aquarius,here's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus! Fill that void in your life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day!
Bobby: *Speaking* :What in the...... OH NO!!! I MUST SAVE MY TOUNGE!! THE HORROR OF THE WHACK-A-MOLE!!! THE HORROR!!!!!
The prof made his way to Kurt, who was in the kitchen stuffing himself.
PX: Pisces,Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus! You are the tru Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say!
Kurt:*Speaking* Huh? I'm the Lord of dance? COOL!!!!! *Starts to do "The Kurt" dance while the Prof. headed twoards Kitty in the living room with Evan*
PX:(To Kitty) Aries, the look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon! Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep!
Kitty:*Speaking* :...The Hell? MY TOOTHBRUSH, I TELL YOU, MINE!!!!! STAY BACK!!!!!
PX:(To Evan) Taurus, You will never find tru happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep!
Evan: *Speaking* WHAT?!?! NO HAPPINESS?!?! EVER?!!? WAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!!!!
PX: That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today!
He left the room with Kitty screaming and Evan crying. He went off to Amara, who was outside playing some one-on-one with Tabby.
PX: (To Amara) Gemini, Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence! Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest!
Amara: *Speaking* But my birthday isn't until 6 months! I have a fiance? A javelin? My chest? Wait a sec... OH NO!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!! SAVE ME!!!!
PX:(To Tabby) Cancer, The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud! Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test!
Tabby: Mud? Why? Wait, hold on..... My drivers test is tomorrow!!! MUST ESCAPE THE DUCT TAPE!!! AHHHHHH!!!
Prof. X paid no attention to this because he had already come back inside and was searching for Ororo. When he did finally find her walking down the hall, he grabbed her to the side and started to sing once more.
PX: Leo, Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no! Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik!
Ororo: *Speaking* We have a copyer? Tuna-flavored pudding, Yuck! Have you gone insane?
But the Prof. was not there to hear that because he was already down in the med-lab with Beast. (A/N: oooohhhhh, he's MAGIC!!!)
Beast:*speaking* Oh, hello Charles! Can I help you with anyth--
PX:*cutting him off* Virgo, All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you! Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick!
Beast:*speaking* What?!?!? I'm not intelligent?!?!? What do you mean?!?!? My head??!?! OH NO!!!! SAVE ME!!!! SAVE MY HEAD!!!!!
Gambit, Rogue, Logan, and Jubilee had walked in to see what all the rackett was all about, and also to escape the mayhem that was taking place upstairs.
Gambit: You guys should see it up there-- Oh no! Hank, not you too!!! Whats going on , Professer?
PX: That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today!
Jubilee:*speaking* What the...
PX: Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to reaize that every single one of them is absolutely true! Where was I?
The rest of them just stared wide eyed, apart from Beast, who was running around yelling, screaming, and flailing his arms everywhere.
PX: (To Gambit) Libra, A big promotion is just around the corner....For someone much more talented that you! Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week!
Gambit: OH NO!!! MY APENDICS!!! AHHHHH!!!!
He joined Beast and the others up stairs.
PX: (To Rogue) Scorpio, Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window! Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak!
Rogue:*speaking* Hey! Thats not nice! How would you like it if I went around calling *you* a stupid freak, huh? And I have a high self-esteem, thank you very much! I highly doubt I'm gonna fall out of an open window anytime soon!
PX: (to Logan) Sagittarius, All your friends are laughing behind your back, so kill them! Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den!
Logan:*speaking* Huh? What pictures? Who the Hell is Ernest Borgnine? And no friends of mine better be making fun of me! I will kill them, thank you very much!
PX: (To Jubilee) Capricorn, The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying! If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again!
Jubilee:*speaking* Hey! Their not lying! I am a wonderful exiting person, tank you very much!
PX: That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today!
That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! That's your horoscope for today!
By then, everyone had left the med-lab and the Prof. was all alone. He wasn't singing anymore, thank God, and everything was quiet.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kareoke:......o.O........... crazy people.
-----------------------------X-Mansion-----------------------------------
(Later that day)
Xavier sat in his office sipping coffee and watching the news.
News Reporter: A local resident has been diognosed with cancer, and has been said to be dead by the end of this month. In other news, another resident died today around 7:00 P.M. or so, and her son claims that a psykick saw this in the position of Jupiter.
Xavier turned off his TV and wheeled himself down the hall. While doing so, he saw Jubilee locking herself in her room, Logan ripping a bunch of naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine off his wall, and Ororo sitting on the copier photo-copying her ass while eating tuna-flavored pudding.
He made his way downstairs and looked out the window. There he saw: Rogue falling out of her window screaming, Gambit's apendix bursting out, Beasts head impaled on a stick, Tabby taking her drivers test while sticking duct tape up her nose, Sam hurling a javelin through Amara's chest, Evan waking up, doing some stuff, then going back to sleep, Kitty trading toothbrushes with an albino dwarf then giving a hicky to Meryl Streep, who appered out of nowhere, Kurt dancing around like a crazy monkey, and Bobby playing Whack-A-Mole while his tounge was frozen to the back of a bus.
He smiled.
PX: I hate to say I told you so.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*TBC*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
ok, did u like it? i thought it wuz real funny! no, none of them r dead, so don't think beast, rogue, and gambit wont be in the next chappy, cause they will. i wuz just having sum fun. k, R/R!!!
Dark Rogue13
p.s. yes, i did change my user name. it is now Dark Rogue13, as it used 2 be Evil Kitty Kat From Hell. k, PEACE!!!!
Chapter 7: "Your Horoscope For Today" By: Weird Al Yancovic
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Ficcy*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was Saturday morning, and everyone in the X-Mansion had been up for a while. The Prof. had been acting strange lately, but no one really knew what was going on with him. They just shrugged it off and decided it was nothing.
But little did they know, something strange was going on indeed.
---------------------Prof.'s Office--------------------
Prof. X: *Talking on the phone* Ah yes, Leo? Well lets see. The stars say that today you will get diognosed with cancer, and die by the end of the month. That will be $5.00, how would you like to pay that?..... Mastercard? Oh I'm sorry but we only take Visa..... Ok, send me a check then. Good bye!
He hung up the phone, only to hear it ring once again.
Prof. X: Charels Xavier's Psykick Hotline, how may I help you?..... Todays horoscope?....... Tarus you say?.... Well, the position of Jupiter says a loved one will die at 7:00 P.M. tomorrow night..... $5.00.... No, only Visa. Ok, then, have a great evening! Goodbye!
He once again hung up the phone.
Prof. X: It seems my psykick hotline is a success. *Evil Grin*. And the children think I inherated all this money, HA! Well, what they don't know won't hurt them!
And with that he wheeled out of his office and into the hallway.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Kareoke: A psykick is he? Well lets see what happens when his precious liitle X-Men find this out, MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
She pressed a button and began to watch.
-----------------------------------------------------------
While the Professer was making his way down the stairs, he felt a strange feeling come over him. He wodered what it was but then realized what it must be, according to the recent rumors from his students about magicly starting to sing out of nowhere. He started to hear an unfimiliar tune in his head, and unluckily for him, Bobby walked by just as he started to sing.
PX: Aquarius,here's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus! Fill that void in your life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day!
Bobby: *Speaking* :What in the...... OH NO!!! I MUST SAVE MY TOUNGE!! THE HORROR OF THE WHACK-A-MOLE!!! THE HORROR!!!!!
The prof made his way to Kurt, who was in the kitchen stuffing himself.
PX: Pisces,Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus! You are the tru Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say!
Kurt:*Speaking* Huh? I'm the Lord of dance? COOL!!!!! *Starts to do "The Kurt" dance while the Prof. headed twoards Kitty in the living room with Evan*
PX:(To Kitty) Aries, the look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon! Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep!
Kitty:*Speaking* :...The Hell? MY TOOTHBRUSH, I TELL YOU, MINE!!!!! STAY BACK!!!!!
PX:(To Evan) Taurus, You will never find tru happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep!
Evan: *Speaking* WHAT?!?! NO HAPPINESS?!?! EVER?!!? WAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!!!!
PX: That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today!
He left the room with Kitty screaming and Evan crying. He went off to Amara, who was outside playing some one-on-one with Tabby.
PX: (To Amara) Gemini, Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence! Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest!
Amara: *Speaking* But my birthday isn't until 6 months! I have a fiance? A javelin? My chest? Wait a sec... OH NO!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!! SAVE ME!!!!
PX:(To Tabby) Cancer, The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud! Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test!
Tabby: Mud? Why? Wait, hold on..... My drivers test is tomorrow!!! MUST ESCAPE THE DUCT TAPE!!! AHHHHHH!!!
Prof. X paid no attention to this because he had already come back inside and was searching for Ororo. When he did finally find her walking down the hall, he grabbed her to the side and started to sing once more.
PX: Leo, Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no! Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik!
Ororo: *Speaking* We have a copyer? Tuna-flavored pudding, Yuck! Have you gone insane?
But the Prof. was not there to hear that because he was already down in the med-lab with Beast. (A/N: oooohhhhh, he's MAGIC!!!)
Beast:*speaking* Oh, hello Charles! Can I help you with anyth--
PX:*cutting him off* Virgo, All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you! Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick!
Beast:*speaking* What?!?!? I'm not intelligent?!?!? What do you mean?!?!? My head??!?! OH NO!!!! SAVE ME!!!! SAVE MY HEAD!!!!!
Gambit, Rogue, Logan, and Jubilee had walked in to see what all the rackett was all about, and also to escape the mayhem that was taking place upstairs.
Gambit: You guys should see it up there-- Oh no! Hank, not you too!!! Whats going on , Professer?
PX: That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today!
Jubilee:*speaking* What the...
PX: Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to reaize that every single one of them is absolutely true! Where was I?
The rest of them just stared wide eyed, apart from Beast, who was running around yelling, screaming, and flailing his arms everywhere.
PX: (To Gambit) Libra, A big promotion is just around the corner....For someone much more talented that you! Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week!
Gambit: OH NO!!! MY APENDICS!!! AHHHHH!!!!
He joined Beast and the others up stairs.
PX: (To Rogue) Scorpio, Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window! Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak!
Rogue:*speaking* Hey! Thats not nice! How would you like it if I went around calling *you* a stupid freak, huh? And I have a high self-esteem, thank you very much! I highly doubt I'm gonna fall out of an open window anytime soon!
PX: (to Logan) Sagittarius, All your friends are laughing behind your back, so kill them! Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den!
Logan:*speaking* Huh? What pictures? Who the Hell is Ernest Borgnine? And no friends of mine better be making fun of me! I will kill them, thank you very much!
PX: (To Jubilee) Capricorn, The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying! If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again!
Jubilee:*speaking* Hey! Their not lying! I am a wonderful exiting person, tank you very much!
PX: That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today!
That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today! That's your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! That's your horoscope for today!
By then, everyone had left the med-lab and the Prof. was all alone. He wasn't singing anymore, thank God, and everything was quiet.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kareoke:......o.O........... crazy people.
-----------------------------X-Mansion-----------------------------------
(Later that day)
Xavier sat in his office sipping coffee and watching the news.
News Reporter: A local resident has been diognosed with cancer, and has been said to be dead by the end of this month. In other news, another resident died today around 7:00 P.M. or so, and her son claims that a psykick saw this in the position of Jupiter.
Xavier turned off his TV and wheeled himself down the hall. While doing so, he saw Jubilee locking herself in her room, Logan ripping a bunch of naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine off his wall, and Ororo sitting on the copier photo-copying her ass while eating tuna-flavored pudding.
He made his way downstairs and looked out the window. There he saw: Rogue falling out of her window screaming, Gambit's apendix bursting out, Beasts head impaled on a stick, Tabby taking her drivers test while sticking duct tape up her nose, Sam hurling a javelin through Amara's chest, Evan waking up, doing some stuff, then going back to sleep, Kitty trading toothbrushes with an albino dwarf then giving a hicky to Meryl Streep, who appered out of nowhere, Kurt dancing around like a crazy monkey, and Bobby playing Whack-A-Mole while his tounge was frozen to the back of a bus.
He smiled.
PX: I hate to say I told you so.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*TBC*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
ok, did u like it? i thought it wuz real funny! no, none of them r dead, so don't think beast, rogue, and gambit wont be in the next chappy, cause they will. i wuz just having sum fun. k, R/R!!!
Dark Rogue13
p.s. yes, i did change my user name. it is now Dark Rogue13, as it used 2 be Evil Kitty Kat From Hell. k, PEACE!!!!