It seemed like hours had passed since Sesshoumaru had been taken from them.
When Kagome asked Kali why the man had wanted to speak to Sesshoumaru, Kali
acted as if she had no idea. The old woman sighed internally, "In the
master's own time, perhaps he will tell this girl, but I will not be the
one to drive him to it."
Kali smiled down at Rin, who was asleep on her lap. Again she looked back at Kagome. "It is odd," she thought, "how all this time, Kagome reminded me of Istar, and Istar had been living in the same palace with me. The resemblance of Kagome to Istar when she left is remarkable." It was Kagome's wide blue eyes that haunted her the most. So like those of this young girl. It was her eyes that had marked her as a wind youkai. They were eyes of the air and mist, of the sky and the heavens. It was not like a mortal to be born with the goddess.
Kagome was sitting on under a large shade tree apart from the group when Sesshoumaru suddenly appeared in front of her. His head was cast down and he did not look up as she ran to him and embraced him. "Sesshie-sama, what happened? What's wrong?" she asked, her voice full of concern. As she looked up at him, she noticed traces of blood tears on his cheeks. What had the man done to her love? Was it possible that the great Lord Sesshoumaru would cry in front of a weak mortal man?
"What did Kali tell you?" he asked her softly as he held her closer to his chest.
"She said she didn't know anything. What did that man do?" she asked.
"That was no man," he whispered. Kagome was shocked, the person on the roadside had certainly appeared to be a man. "What you saw was only a disguise," he continued. "That was my mother, she came to guide me. . . us on our journey, and to forgive me."
"Forgive you for what, my love?" Kagome asked gently.
He took her hand and led her farther from the group, even though they had not seen him yet. Sitting down near a small creek he pulled Kagome onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. "Do you remember, dear one," he started, "the first day you were revived, in the bathing room, when you accused me of killing my mother."
Kagome was taken aback. Of course she had known that Sesshoumaru was a ruthless killer, but was he really about to tell her that he was truly so cruel as to kill his own mother. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable in his arms, Kagome nodded nervously and scooted carefully off his lap.
Sensing what she was thinking, Sesshoumaru's heart broke. "I deserve this, though," he thought to himself. "No amount of forgiveness will undo what I was not strong enough to do. No amount of love can make her see me as anything but a monster now." He was planning on telling her the whole story, of how his mother had died, but seeing her pull away made him reconsider. Instead he got up quickly and apologized, his face retaking it cold appearance. Without looking at her he bent down and washed his face in the creek then turned and walked back to the group.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
All day long Kagome and Sesshoumaru walked in utter silence. Kali was worried about him, but did not want to make him look weak in front of the group, who all thought that Sesshoumaru was acting very much like his normal self. Kagome was also worried. Exactly what kind of demented youkai had she fallen in love with?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
As most of the people slept, Kali walked quietly over to Sesshoumaru. He was leaning against a tree with his eyes closed, but Kali knew that he was only deep in thought. "My lord," she said, placing her hand lightly on his shoulder. His eyes opened slowly. "What do you want, Kali?" he asked dryly.
"I noticed that you and Kagome were more distant than usual today ever since you came back from seeing your mother. You must tell Kagome the truth, my lord," Kali said softly. "I sense her thoughts, and they are full of fear, don't you think that what she imagines may be worst that what really happened?"
"How could it be worse. My mother is dead and it is my fault," he said without changing his expression or tone.
"But, my lord, you were only a child. . ." she started.
"Enough," he said firmly. "I will tell her tonight. Go back to sleep, Kali, in the morning you will see if she still is by my side."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sesshoumaru looked down at Kagome who was sleeping peacefully with Shippo in her arms. He took a deep breath. How was he supposed to tell her this?
Careful not to awaken the sleeping fox kit, Sesshoumaru picked up Kagome and cradled her in his arms as he ran into the woods.
"Sesshoumaru?" Kagome asked sleepily as she began to wake up. He stopped as he heard her speak.
"Yes, my dearest," he said, relishing he feeling of her body near his. "Kagome, I want to explain something to you. It's about my mother. When I am finished you can do as you please, but until then I wish you to only listen." Kagome nodded and he began. "My mother was a wonderful youkai, full of beauty and power. I am not sure if Kali told you, but my mother had the power to heal. My father and mother were very benevolent rulers of the Western Lands, although humans rarely saw them. One day when I was young word came that there was a plague in nearby village, and the people called for my mother's aide. Everywhere she went I went too. I adored her as a mortal adores a goddess. That day I remember the sick smell of death hanging over the village. Mother went to each house healing the sick. We were at one of the last homes. Mother had her hands over a little girl who looked about the same age as me, when the doors fell open. There stood a strange miko, her arrow pointed at my mother's heart. I remember the anger in her voice as she shouted to the crowd of villagers behind her, 'Here is the cause of your plague! Youkai only bring death and destruction, you should have never allowed them into your village!' I was frozen in fear, clinging to my mother like a little girl. I still hear the sound of the arrow piercing mother's heart. Her cries. I saw the life leave her eyes. Then an awful pain. My first transformation. I killed them all, from the miko to the little girl my mother died saving. I was drenched in blood, curled up next to my mother's lifeless body when Kali and my father found me. It is my fault my mother died. I should have transformed before the miko could fire her damned arrow."
Thoughts swarmed in Kagome's head. So that was why Sesshoumaru hated humans. Had he gone through life all this time truly believing that he was to blame for his mother's death? Hadn't he himself said that he was only a child? Kagome looked at him. He was looking down as if to say, "do as you will to me, I deserve it all." The sight of him tore at her heartstrings. She tenderly lifted his chin so that he was looking at her. "It is not your fault, my love," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around him tightly. He didn't say anything, but relaxed in her embrace and felt a foreign comfort that he could not explain.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The words of Sesshoumaru's mother rang in his head. "You know what you must do, son. I know this will not be easy, but I also know you are strong." Looking up to the stars he sighed. "I am strong," he said almost in a whisper, "but I am not sure if I can endure this trial you've given me."
Kali smiled down at Rin, who was asleep on her lap. Again she looked back at Kagome. "It is odd," she thought, "how all this time, Kagome reminded me of Istar, and Istar had been living in the same palace with me. The resemblance of Kagome to Istar when she left is remarkable." It was Kagome's wide blue eyes that haunted her the most. So like those of this young girl. It was her eyes that had marked her as a wind youkai. They were eyes of the air and mist, of the sky and the heavens. It was not like a mortal to be born with the goddess.
Kagome was sitting on under a large shade tree apart from the group when Sesshoumaru suddenly appeared in front of her. His head was cast down and he did not look up as she ran to him and embraced him. "Sesshie-sama, what happened? What's wrong?" she asked, her voice full of concern. As she looked up at him, she noticed traces of blood tears on his cheeks. What had the man done to her love? Was it possible that the great Lord Sesshoumaru would cry in front of a weak mortal man?
"What did Kali tell you?" he asked her softly as he held her closer to his chest.
"She said she didn't know anything. What did that man do?" she asked.
"That was no man," he whispered. Kagome was shocked, the person on the roadside had certainly appeared to be a man. "What you saw was only a disguise," he continued. "That was my mother, she came to guide me. . . us on our journey, and to forgive me."
"Forgive you for what, my love?" Kagome asked gently.
He took her hand and led her farther from the group, even though they had not seen him yet. Sitting down near a small creek he pulled Kagome onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. "Do you remember, dear one," he started, "the first day you were revived, in the bathing room, when you accused me of killing my mother."
Kagome was taken aback. Of course she had known that Sesshoumaru was a ruthless killer, but was he really about to tell her that he was truly so cruel as to kill his own mother. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable in his arms, Kagome nodded nervously and scooted carefully off his lap.
Sensing what she was thinking, Sesshoumaru's heart broke. "I deserve this, though," he thought to himself. "No amount of forgiveness will undo what I was not strong enough to do. No amount of love can make her see me as anything but a monster now." He was planning on telling her the whole story, of how his mother had died, but seeing her pull away made him reconsider. Instead he got up quickly and apologized, his face retaking it cold appearance. Without looking at her he bent down and washed his face in the creek then turned and walked back to the group.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
All day long Kagome and Sesshoumaru walked in utter silence. Kali was worried about him, but did not want to make him look weak in front of the group, who all thought that Sesshoumaru was acting very much like his normal self. Kagome was also worried. Exactly what kind of demented youkai had she fallen in love with?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
As most of the people slept, Kali walked quietly over to Sesshoumaru. He was leaning against a tree with his eyes closed, but Kali knew that he was only deep in thought. "My lord," she said, placing her hand lightly on his shoulder. His eyes opened slowly. "What do you want, Kali?" he asked dryly.
"I noticed that you and Kagome were more distant than usual today ever since you came back from seeing your mother. You must tell Kagome the truth, my lord," Kali said softly. "I sense her thoughts, and they are full of fear, don't you think that what she imagines may be worst that what really happened?"
"How could it be worse. My mother is dead and it is my fault," he said without changing his expression or tone.
"But, my lord, you were only a child. . ." she started.
"Enough," he said firmly. "I will tell her tonight. Go back to sleep, Kali, in the morning you will see if she still is by my side."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sesshoumaru looked down at Kagome who was sleeping peacefully with Shippo in her arms. He took a deep breath. How was he supposed to tell her this?
Careful not to awaken the sleeping fox kit, Sesshoumaru picked up Kagome and cradled her in his arms as he ran into the woods.
"Sesshoumaru?" Kagome asked sleepily as she began to wake up. He stopped as he heard her speak.
"Yes, my dearest," he said, relishing he feeling of her body near his. "Kagome, I want to explain something to you. It's about my mother. When I am finished you can do as you please, but until then I wish you to only listen." Kagome nodded and he began. "My mother was a wonderful youkai, full of beauty and power. I am not sure if Kali told you, but my mother had the power to heal. My father and mother were very benevolent rulers of the Western Lands, although humans rarely saw them. One day when I was young word came that there was a plague in nearby village, and the people called for my mother's aide. Everywhere she went I went too. I adored her as a mortal adores a goddess. That day I remember the sick smell of death hanging over the village. Mother went to each house healing the sick. We were at one of the last homes. Mother had her hands over a little girl who looked about the same age as me, when the doors fell open. There stood a strange miko, her arrow pointed at my mother's heart. I remember the anger in her voice as she shouted to the crowd of villagers behind her, 'Here is the cause of your plague! Youkai only bring death and destruction, you should have never allowed them into your village!' I was frozen in fear, clinging to my mother like a little girl. I still hear the sound of the arrow piercing mother's heart. Her cries. I saw the life leave her eyes. Then an awful pain. My first transformation. I killed them all, from the miko to the little girl my mother died saving. I was drenched in blood, curled up next to my mother's lifeless body when Kali and my father found me. It is my fault my mother died. I should have transformed before the miko could fire her damned arrow."
Thoughts swarmed in Kagome's head. So that was why Sesshoumaru hated humans. Had he gone through life all this time truly believing that he was to blame for his mother's death? Hadn't he himself said that he was only a child? Kagome looked at him. He was looking down as if to say, "do as you will to me, I deserve it all." The sight of him tore at her heartstrings. She tenderly lifted his chin so that he was looking at her. "It is not your fault, my love," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around him tightly. He didn't say anything, but relaxed in her embrace and felt a foreign comfort that he could not explain.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The words of Sesshoumaru's mother rang in his head. "You know what you must do, son. I know this will not be easy, but I also know you are strong." Looking up to the stars he sighed. "I am strong," he said almost in a whisper, "but I am not sure if I can endure this trial you've given me."