OK, so as I was saying in the previous chapter, before I was interrupted…actually, what was I saying? I'm trying to remember…shut up Draco! I said shut up! Stop hiccupping!

It's your fault you gave me that humongous flask of Butterbeer! You know I love Butterbeer!

Yes, it was just to make you shut up. Anyway. As I was saying. I don't think I should relate the Flourish and Blotts incident, because Draco will keep making rude comments the whole time I do that, and it is terribly distracting. He will keep muttering, "Stupid prat" and "Speccy git" under his breath, and while it is actually quite amusing to see his face turn red when I uh, compliment Harry, I do live in fear that one day he will spontaneously combust.

So instead I will tell about an incident that is, to this very day, still so dear in my heart. I remember it like it was yesterday, the absolute wonder of it, I treat it like it is my own child…

It was the day I hit Draco with the Bat-Bogey Hex.

WHAT?! Oh nonono, you are NOT telling people that! That – That's unfair!

Oh but Draco, dear, don't you think it was so amusing? I still remember the wings and the way you scr-

That's enough! No, you're NOT SAYING ANYTHING FURTHER. NOTHING. NADA. ZILCH.

But Draco, it's one of my fondest memories of you –

EXCUSE ME?!?!

- and I think the people have the right to hear about it. I am sure they will enjoy hearing about it very much. Very much.

Woman, you are downright evil! You are WORSE than evil! You are – are – the bane of existence!

Draco, you're sexy when you get mad.

NO YOU WO – I – what? Sexy? Did you say sexy?

Mm, yes, you look reallyyy sexy when you're angry. Probably one of the reasons I fell in love with you in the first place. 'Cause every time you yelled at me I could admire how sexy you looked.

Of course. I am ALWAYS sexy. Say some more. It is always nice to hear people talk about one's wonderful qualities…

Nah, I think your ego's big enough already.

Hey! I do not have an ego! And if you mean my ass, it is NOT big. I have a great ass, thank you very much.

No you don't. Your ass is too fat.

It is not! Don't be stupid. I have a great ass. End of story.

Fat.

Great.

Fat.

Great.

Fat –

OK, you wanna see it? Here.

…

OK, it is a great ass. I admit it.

Told you so. It is wonderful, isn't it?

Agh, I'm being suffocated by something! It's pressing in on me! It's crushing me, pushing me against the walls, forcing the breath out of me…IT'S DRACO'S EGO!!

Yes, ego, kill Ginny. Kill her now. Squash her like a cockroach.

You weren't meant to take it like that. Hmph. Anyway, you distracted me. Shut up and let me tell my story, otherwise I shall, ah, attempt to relive the past.

You…you…

See, he's speechless. I have stunned him with my wonderful cutting wit, icy sarcasm and biting intelligence. He cowers beneath my feet! He grovels! He kowtows! Bow to the king!…um yes. Anyway. As I was saying.

Draco was a humongous prat in my fourth year whose head was either stuck up his arse or something entirely worse. He was part of the stupid Umbridge-sicced Inquisitorial Squad. Oh, by the way, the DA can beat up the Inquisitorial Squad.

It can not! How could it, with that bumbling fool Potter leading it?! The DA is nothing but a monkey-arsed, tomato juice-filled, squishy, lumpy, hare-brained…STOP POINTING YOUR WAND AT ME, VIRGINIA IRIS MALFOY!! NO! DON'T SAY WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY! NOO!! DO NOT USE THAT HEX ON ME EVER AGAIN, NEVER EVER EVER…FINE!! I APOLOGIZE!!

Good. Now keep quiet.

Anyway, we were all in Umbridge's office (I'm sure you know why). Umbridge, Harry, and Hermione had already left. Draco, that stupid oblivious egotistical man over there (Stop pointing your finger like that at me, Ginny), though still crushed that Umbridge did not deem him important enough to view the 'weapon', was still smirking his goddamned smirk at all of us.

Hey! I like my smirk. Girls are attracted to it.

Yeah, right. Whatever.

Yes, that is right. And - WAIT A SECOND. DID YOU CALL ME STUPID AND OBLIVIOUS AND EGOTISTICAL?!?!?!

Uh. I think it's time for a break right now. I'll prepare some cocoa for you, Draco. Just - just, uh calm down. Don't - don't breathe so heavily! And - don't look so angry, will you? Calm down dear, calm down… AHHHH DRACO! I'M SORRY OKAY! I WON'T CALL YOU THAT AGAIN!

GAGHGHGASHG!!