A/N: Well, I was bored, so I finally took a look at when this story began.
The first chapter was up on October 21, 2002. Because I am appalled at how
long it took, I will strive to have the whole thing finished by October 21,
2003. Wish me luck. By the way, thanks again to my dear reviewers! Hugs and
snugs to all!
Chapter 11: Things I'll Never Say
~~Joey's POV~~
No one was more amazed than I was when Bakura appeared on my doorstep early on Saturday morning.
He was flanked by Ryou and Yugi, both looking shocked, Yugi more than Ryou. Bakura stared at the ground as if the ant dragging a crumb toward an anthill was far more interesting than anything else in the entire world.
"Yami wanted to say something," Ryou said, shoving the tomb robber. Bakura stumbled, looked up, and immediately turned around and tried to get past my friends.
"I've changed my mind, this is stupid."
"Don't be a scaredy-cat," Ryou admonished. "Think what Atenna would say if she could talk."
I was too tired to argue. I mean, it was eight on a Saturday morning. Since it didn't seem like Bakura would be trying to kill me, at least not with Ryou and Yugi there half-dragging him, I let them all come in.
"Be quiet, don't wake my sister," I told them.
"Oh, we won't stay long," Yugi said in a hollow voice. "I, for one, intend to get out of this madhouse as soon as humanly possible."
I couldn't help it; I was interested. Nothing shocks Yugi. Not psychotic ancient Egyptian spirits, not /anything/. But he was very definitely shocked.
"What do you want?" I asked, ushering them into the kitchen.
"Anything but coffee," Yami Bakura said.
I glared at him. "I'm not giving you anything to drink until you explain why you're here."
Ryou sat down at the table and simply stared at his yami until the tomb robber couldn't take any more. "Fine, I'll tell him, just /stop/ it."
Ryou subsided with a look of immense satisfaction.
Bakura began to scrutinize the floor tiles. "I've decided that um. You and Mai um. Should er. Get-back-together-and-I-want-to-help-uh. Although I'm not exactly sure how. All right?"
I knew what he'd said. But the words just didn't seem like they should be said, by him, in that particular order.
**I'm tugging at my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head**
There was silence for a moment, before Ryou said timidly, "Did you hear what Yami said?"
Yugi added, "I don't believe it either. In fact, I'm still not over the fight yesterday. I think we need to save the world again. That makes /sense/. This just...doesn't."
"You're tellin' me." I opened my refrigerator and took out the orange juice, noting absently that my hands were shaking. "Is this some kind of joke?"
"I don't joke!"
I took four glasses out and poured juice into all of them - one of those simple tasks you do when you're trying to process something very complicated. "So you're telling me that /you/ - you who were kissing Mai yesterday, you who've been dating her behind my back for two months - you /want/ me to go out with her again?"
"Please," the tomb robber said. "I'd appreciate it. Because, you see, I've decided that you love her, whereas I am uncertain of my feelings, and she deserves to be loved. And beyond that, I don't owe you any explanations. We're willing to play matchmakers." He paused. "Well, maybe not Yugi."
I gave each of them a glass and started sipping at my own. This was confusing. It felt...wrong, somehow. This had to be some kind of evil plot.
But I liked it. Anything that would give me a chance to prove to Mai that I love her...
**I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah**
"Fine," I said, after I'd thought it over. I tried to conceal my delight. "So, what's the plan?"
"I have no plan," Bakura said ruefully. "Usually, I have a plan. Usually it involves getting all the Millennium Items and taking over the world. This is much harder." He brightened. "You could make a bet with her. That's what I did!"
Resolving to get the full story at some point, I nodded. "Right. Yugi, plan?"
The orange juice had revitalized him. He looked at Bakura. "First, I want to know /why/."
"I already said why!"
"But why the sudden change of heart?"
Bakura shuddered. "Don't remind me. I hate that card. Anyway, it's just...I mean...yesterday." He sat up straighter and assumed a very haughty tone of voice. "Any idiot who would attack a professional thief and potential assassin in broad daylight must /really/ love the woman being fought over."
After a moment, we realized that he was finished. "That's not even an answer, it's just a set of facts," Yugi said.
Ryou gave his yami a sympathetic look. "Should I just tell them?"
"No! Stay out of my head!"
"I can't help it, it's not like I /asked/ for this."
**If I could say what I wanna say
I'd say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I wanna see
I wanna see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say**
We argued for about half an hour more, by which time I was extremely annoyed. "I'll do it myself," I snapped.
Bakura looked panicked. "You're not going to tell her that it was my idea, are you? She'll /hit/ me."
I rolled my eyes. "I'll tell her if she asks. I don't think she will."
I was almost at the door before I remembered. I turned around and went back to the kitchen. "You know, this is my house."
Ryou looked around in astonishment. "Really? I guess we should get out, then." He grinned at me. "Good luck, Joey."
I nodded, and followed them out.
I still didn't know exactly why Bakura /wanted/ this to happen, but who am I to throw away a perfectly good chance at love?
And I do love her. I'd made some mistakes before. I didn't intend to do it again.
**It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What's on my mind?
If it ain't coming out
We're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care?**
I knew that Mai worked the early shift at the restaurant on Saturdays, so I simply met her there. She got off at ten, and accompanied me to the park when I asked her to.
We went to the pond. It's small, but rather pretty, and it was a beautiful day, the sun shining in a bright blue August sky.
"What do you want?" Mai asked finally, looking up at me.
I bit my lip, feeling suddenly nervous. "I just...I missed you."
"You saw me yesterday." She quickly looked away, as if afraid to remind me of yesterday.
"I'm not mad anymore," I told her.
She sighed and brushed a strand of hair back, away from her face. "Look, I know why you're here. You just want to try to make me break up with Bakura. It won't work. I love him." She glared at me, violet eyes glittering defiance.
It took a great effort not to scream in frustration. "What if he doesn't love you?" He doesn't. Not like I love you.
"He loves me."
"What if he hurts you?" I'd never hurt you.
"He wouldn't do that."
In the face of her steadfast loyalty, I decided that the time had come to do something I hate. Well, at least Kaiba wasn't around.
I bowed my head. "Mai, I'm begging you. Don't do this. Please. I love you, more than Bakura does. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'd get down on my knees and beg like a dog if I thought it would do any good."
She smiled. "I'm going to call Kaiba."
Dammit. "Don't. Please. I'll do anything you want. Just..."
**'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah**
I trailed off weakly. Maybe I should've stayed to talk to Ryou and Yugi and Bakura. We could have made a plan.
Mai gently touched my face. "Joey, my dear, dear Joey. I love you. As a friend. But you had your chance."
"So give me a second one!"
She shook her head. "I can't do that, Joey. I can't. Even if you were right - even if he hated me with every atom of his being - I would love him. That's what love is."
I hated myself the moment the thought entered my head. I'd promised, after all. But love makes us do strange things.
"He doesn't know."
She stared at me. "What?"
"He doesn't know what love is." At least, I'm fairly certain he didn't. It was an educated guess. "He's confused, and he wants us to be together. Because..."
And suddenly, I understood. And then I hated everything, because for once I didn't /want/ to understand. But I had to say it.
"He loves you. You're right. And he thinks you're better off with me. That's why I'm here. And I shouldn't have told you, but I love you." I didn't go on - I couldn't. No matter how much I wanted to.
I knew. And knowledge is pain.
Love. It's doing what you know is best, even though it hurts.
And I loved her.
Mai stared at me. "Bakura sent you here? That's ridiculous. You're lying."
"I wish I was." I gazed at her. "I want...I don't know what I want. And neither does he. But I think I can find out on my own. He can't."
**If I could say what I wanna say
I'd say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I wanna see
I wanna see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say**
So, I had my last chance. And I said all the wrong things. But I did the right thing. And that's what counts, isn't it?
She didn't speak again, just stared into the pond and finally turned and walked rapidly off. I watched her go, feeling quite depressed.
"That was a nice thing you did."
I turned, not even remotely surprised to see Tea walk out from behind a large bush. I was also unshocked when Ryou, Yugi, Tristan, and Yami joined her.
"Then how come I feel so awful?"
Tea hugged me hard. "Oh, you boys are so adorable. I mean, Bakura decided to give her to you, and you just gave her back..." I thought she would cry from the sheer irony of it all, but instead she stepped back and fixed me with a glare. "However, I don't like it that you both seem to treat women as objects."
"Oh, don't go all feminist now," Tristan said. He hit me lightly on the shoulder. "It's okay, buddy."
I tried to grin, and failed miserably. "You realize that this solves nothing."
"No," Yugi agreed. "But it's nice, isn't it? To deal with things like this? I mean, after saving the world and all."
"I /prefer/ raving lunatics," I told him.
**What's wrong with my song?
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I've got nothing to say
'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah**
I don't know what Mai said to Bakura, or what he said back. All I know is that I didn't see either of them until September, when school started. Of course, Bakura wasn't there, but Mai was, and I knew immediately that she was content.
That made me happy.
Weeks passed. We were all so busy with schoolwork that we didn't get together often, and when we did, Bakura stayed away. Life settled down, and eventually I found that my heart ached a little less when I saw Mai.
One can get used to anything, it seems. Even the love of your life being only a friend.
Sometimes, I had dreams, where I tried to tell her how much I loved her. But I never could, and I always woke knowing that I never would.
**Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
If I could say what I wanna say
I'd say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I wanna see
I wanna see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say**
Chapter 11: Things I'll Never Say
~~Joey's POV~~
No one was more amazed than I was when Bakura appeared on my doorstep early on Saturday morning.
He was flanked by Ryou and Yugi, both looking shocked, Yugi more than Ryou. Bakura stared at the ground as if the ant dragging a crumb toward an anthill was far more interesting than anything else in the entire world.
"Yami wanted to say something," Ryou said, shoving the tomb robber. Bakura stumbled, looked up, and immediately turned around and tried to get past my friends.
"I've changed my mind, this is stupid."
"Don't be a scaredy-cat," Ryou admonished. "Think what Atenna would say if she could talk."
I was too tired to argue. I mean, it was eight on a Saturday morning. Since it didn't seem like Bakura would be trying to kill me, at least not with Ryou and Yugi there half-dragging him, I let them all come in.
"Be quiet, don't wake my sister," I told them.
"Oh, we won't stay long," Yugi said in a hollow voice. "I, for one, intend to get out of this madhouse as soon as humanly possible."
I couldn't help it; I was interested. Nothing shocks Yugi. Not psychotic ancient Egyptian spirits, not /anything/. But he was very definitely shocked.
"What do you want?" I asked, ushering them into the kitchen.
"Anything but coffee," Yami Bakura said.
I glared at him. "I'm not giving you anything to drink until you explain why you're here."
Ryou sat down at the table and simply stared at his yami until the tomb robber couldn't take any more. "Fine, I'll tell him, just /stop/ it."
Ryou subsided with a look of immense satisfaction.
Bakura began to scrutinize the floor tiles. "I've decided that um. You and Mai um. Should er. Get-back-together-and-I-want-to-help-uh. Although I'm not exactly sure how. All right?"
I knew what he'd said. But the words just didn't seem like they should be said, by him, in that particular order.
**I'm tugging at my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head**
There was silence for a moment, before Ryou said timidly, "Did you hear what Yami said?"
Yugi added, "I don't believe it either. In fact, I'm still not over the fight yesterday. I think we need to save the world again. That makes /sense/. This just...doesn't."
"You're tellin' me." I opened my refrigerator and took out the orange juice, noting absently that my hands were shaking. "Is this some kind of joke?"
"I don't joke!"
I took four glasses out and poured juice into all of them - one of those simple tasks you do when you're trying to process something very complicated. "So you're telling me that /you/ - you who were kissing Mai yesterday, you who've been dating her behind my back for two months - you /want/ me to go out with her again?"
"Please," the tomb robber said. "I'd appreciate it. Because, you see, I've decided that you love her, whereas I am uncertain of my feelings, and she deserves to be loved. And beyond that, I don't owe you any explanations. We're willing to play matchmakers." He paused. "Well, maybe not Yugi."
I gave each of them a glass and started sipping at my own. This was confusing. It felt...wrong, somehow. This had to be some kind of evil plot.
But I liked it. Anything that would give me a chance to prove to Mai that I love her...
**I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah**
"Fine," I said, after I'd thought it over. I tried to conceal my delight. "So, what's the plan?"
"I have no plan," Bakura said ruefully. "Usually, I have a plan. Usually it involves getting all the Millennium Items and taking over the world. This is much harder." He brightened. "You could make a bet with her. That's what I did!"
Resolving to get the full story at some point, I nodded. "Right. Yugi, plan?"
The orange juice had revitalized him. He looked at Bakura. "First, I want to know /why/."
"I already said why!"
"But why the sudden change of heart?"
Bakura shuddered. "Don't remind me. I hate that card. Anyway, it's just...I mean...yesterday." He sat up straighter and assumed a very haughty tone of voice. "Any idiot who would attack a professional thief and potential assassin in broad daylight must /really/ love the woman being fought over."
After a moment, we realized that he was finished. "That's not even an answer, it's just a set of facts," Yugi said.
Ryou gave his yami a sympathetic look. "Should I just tell them?"
"No! Stay out of my head!"
"I can't help it, it's not like I /asked/ for this."
**If I could say what I wanna say
I'd say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I wanna see
I wanna see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say**
We argued for about half an hour more, by which time I was extremely annoyed. "I'll do it myself," I snapped.
Bakura looked panicked. "You're not going to tell her that it was my idea, are you? She'll /hit/ me."
I rolled my eyes. "I'll tell her if she asks. I don't think she will."
I was almost at the door before I remembered. I turned around and went back to the kitchen. "You know, this is my house."
Ryou looked around in astonishment. "Really? I guess we should get out, then." He grinned at me. "Good luck, Joey."
I nodded, and followed them out.
I still didn't know exactly why Bakura /wanted/ this to happen, but who am I to throw away a perfectly good chance at love?
And I do love her. I'd made some mistakes before. I didn't intend to do it again.
**It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What's on my mind?
If it ain't coming out
We're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care?**
I knew that Mai worked the early shift at the restaurant on Saturdays, so I simply met her there. She got off at ten, and accompanied me to the park when I asked her to.
We went to the pond. It's small, but rather pretty, and it was a beautiful day, the sun shining in a bright blue August sky.
"What do you want?" Mai asked finally, looking up at me.
I bit my lip, feeling suddenly nervous. "I just...I missed you."
"You saw me yesterday." She quickly looked away, as if afraid to remind me of yesterday.
"I'm not mad anymore," I told her.
She sighed and brushed a strand of hair back, away from her face. "Look, I know why you're here. You just want to try to make me break up with Bakura. It won't work. I love him." She glared at me, violet eyes glittering defiance.
It took a great effort not to scream in frustration. "What if he doesn't love you?" He doesn't. Not like I love you.
"He loves me."
"What if he hurts you?" I'd never hurt you.
"He wouldn't do that."
In the face of her steadfast loyalty, I decided that the time had come to do something I hate. Well, at least Kaiba wasn't around.
I bowed my head. "Mai, I'm begging you. Don't do this. Please. I love you, more than Bakura does. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'd get down on my knees and beg like a dog if I thought it would do any good."
She smiled. "I'm going to call Kaiba."
Dammit. "Don't. Please. I'll do anything you want. Just..."
**'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah**
I trailed off weakly. Maybe I should've stayed to talk to Ryou and Yugi and Bakura. We could have made a plan.
Mai gently touched my face. "Joey, my dear, dear Joey. I love you. As a friend. But you had your chance."
"So give me a second one!"
She shook her head. "I can't do that, Joey. I can't. Even if you were right - even if he hated me with every atom of his being - I would love him. That's what love is."
I hated myself the moment the thought entered my head. I'd promised, after all. But love makes us do strange things.
"He doesn't know."
She stared at me. "What?"
"He doesn't know what love is." At least, I'm fairly certain he didn't. It was an educated guess. "He's confused, and he wants us to be together. Because..."
And suddenly, I understood. And then I hated everything, because for once I didn't /want/ to understand. But I had to say it.
"He loves you. You're right. And he thinks you're better off with me. That's why I'm here. And I shouldn't have told you, but I love you." I didn't go on - I couldn't. No matter how much I wanted to.
I knew. And knowledge is pain.
Love. It's doing what you know is best, even though it hurts.
And I loved her.
Mai stared at me. "Bakura sent you here? That's ridiculous. You're lying."
"I wish I was." I gazed at her. "I want...I don't know what I want. And neither does he. But I think I can find out on my own. He can't."
**If I could say what I wanna say
I'd say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I wanna see
I wanna see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say**
So, I had my last chance. And I said all the wrong things. But I did the right thing. And that's what counts, isn't it?
She didn't speak again, just stared into the pond and finally turned and walked rapidly off. I watched her go, feeling quite depressed.
"That was a nice thing you did."
I turned, not even remotely surprised to see Tea walk out from behind a large bush. I was also unshocked when Ryou, Yugi, Tristan, and Yami joined her.
"Then how come I feel so awful?"
Tea hugged me hard. "Oh, you boys are so adorable. I mean, Bakura decided to give her to you, and you just gave her back..." I thought she would cry from the sheer irony of it all, but instead she stepped back and fixed me with a glare. "However, I don't like it that you both seem to treat women as objects."
"Oh, don't go all feminist now," Tristan said. He hit me lightly on the shoulder. "It's okay, buddy."
I tried to grin, and failed miserably. "You realize that this solves nothing."
"No," Yugi agreed. "But it's nice, isn't it? To deal with things like this? I mean, after saving the world and all."
"I /prefer/ raving lunatics," I told him.
**What's wrong with my song?
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I've got nothing to say
'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah**
I don't know what Mai said to Bakura, or what he said back. All I know is that I didn't see either of them until September, when school started. Of course, Bakura wasn't there, but Mai was, and I knew immediately that she was content.
That made me happy.
Weeks passed. We were all so busy with schoolwork that we didn't get together often, and when we did, Bakura stayed away. Life settled down, and eventually I found that my heart ached a little less when I saw Mai.
One can get used to anything, it seems. Even the love of your life being only a friend.
Sometimes, I had dreams, where I tried to tell her how much I loved her. But I never could, and I always woke knowing that I never would.
**Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
If I could say what I wanna say
I'd say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I wanna see
I wanna see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say**