A Harry Potter Fanfiction By Majokai Yukiko
Pairing: Sirius + Remus
Warning: Alternate Universe.
Rating: R for implied sex.
This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J K Rowling, Scholastic Books and their associates.
A/N: Very long chapter over here, compared to what I usually write. Well, I just moved into a new house and the phone line was not connected yet (meaning, my Internet connection was gone!!). Almost a week without my precious connection, what else can I do?
Deirdre of the Sorrows: Still currently thinking about what I should do to him, really. I promise I won't make him HIV+. I didn't even think about it until you mentioned it, really.
Joey Potter: Well, let's just say it doesn't really matter whose perspective I put it in. This story is set in a "second reality" where the characters aren't really themselves. Sirius is probably the only one who knows anything about the wizarding world. It's just fun to write about Padfoot's confusion, yea?
Forfirith: In Singapore, we still refer to it as O Levels. ^^" Perhaps we are just slow.
---
"There you are!" Remus did not look back, knowing who it was that just found him sitting on the ledge of the roof, wondering if he should jump off this very instance and end his miserable existence.
A click and the feel of cold metal around his wrist got his attention though.
"There!" James shouted triumphantly, brandishing their cuffed hands with a smirk on his face. "Now you can't just jump without pulling me down with you. I'll have to warn you against that though: Lily will be very, very upset with you if you do."
"Knew it was bad news the day they let you into the force." Remus let out a bitter chuckle, and went back to looking at the dark night, at the bright star twinkling mockingly at him.
"How did you find me?" He asked.
James' smile melted from his face. He was worried for his friend. Sirius had called him, sounding terribly frantic and possibly in tears, yelling at him to help search for Remus. Here he found his childhood friend, literally sitting at the edge of life and death.
"Sirius called me. I just thought I'd find you here. We used to sit out here at the roof of the Gryffindor Tower and talked the night away, remember? "
Remus nodded. "Both of us, Sirius and Peter." The young man attempted a reluctant smile. Things had changed so much between them. Once they had been young, so full of hope. Now, he could not even cry when he had wanted so much to. Sirius and he had been lovers for years. He loved the man. He loved his bad boy attitude, his impulsivity, and his clean-cut good looks that had once sent so many hearts fluttering and as a matter of fact, still do. He loved that charming smile that had wheedled the four friends out of a teacher's wrath almost all the time.
He loved Sirius Black. But was it returned?
"Why don't you leave him, Remus?" James suddenly said. He had seen how Remus had willingly made a doormat of himself when Sirius was around. After they graduated, James and Peter joined the force while Sirius jumped straight into modeling. There was no news of Remus. The boy had not kept in contact with them at all. It was almost as if Remus Lupin had been wiped off the surface of the earth totally. Even when Peter died in crossfire, Sirius and he had no idea how to invite Remus to the funeral.
They used to think Remus was happily in France with his parents, working alongside with his father in the Cabinet. It was until a few years later when they realized the entire family had been discredited in a political scandal, the Lupins executed while their only son remained missing. Sirius was distraught then. It was a good one-month before the man could get back to his feet and continue working again.
Then, two years later, Sirius announced his engagement to Remus Lupin.
"I can't, James." Remus lowered his head, amber eyes bright from unshed tears. "I owed him everything I have. I can't leave him."
James cocked his head and eyed his friend suspiciously.
"You know, Moony, you never told us what happened during the time when you were lost to the world."
A tear trickled down Remus' well-defined jaw line. It was silent.
***
It was getting late. Remus pulled his jacket closer to himself and leaned back against the cold grimy alley wall. It was late and he was desperate. It was a cold winter night and unless he fancied sleeping on a park bench that night, he had better find himself a trick. Quick.
Five years on the streets had taught him humility. He was a wanted man; that fact had not changed even after crossing the English Channel. He could not turn to his friends for help. No, he had not much of a career choice if he truly wanted to feed himself. Pride was definitely not edible.
Drunken laughter and unsteady footsteps echoed down the alleyway. Remus tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear, forcing himself to smile as invitingly as he could while the stranger approached him. When had you degrade yourself to this level, Remus Lupin? He mentally chided himself. Valedictorian of Hogwarts whoring himself on the streets, what would Dumbledore say to that?
His potential 'client' had long dark hair, but his face was still hidden in the shadows. Reminding himself of his job, Remus cocked an eyebrow seductively and was about to offer him his 'services' when the stranger stepped into the light.
Oh God! Amber eyes widened in shock. It was Sirius Black.
Relax, Remus. He told himself that and stared straight into those deep blue orbs he had not seen for so long. Sirius was looking back at him with half lidded eyes. He's totally smashed, Remus realized.
It was a consolation of some sort. Whatever that happened or would happen that night; it was unlikely that Sirius would remember it the next morning. Just treat it as a brief respite.
"How much for a night?" Sirius' speech was slurred. He hung his arm around Remus' shoulders, his free hand caressing those soft lips before he captured them with his mouth. He pressed himself up against the brunette and plundered that gorgeous mouth relentlessly.
Too good, that was the thought that ran through Sirius' mind then. Alcohol had dulled his senses enough to let him see the hooker as his childhood friend. The shy, but intelligent boy he had fallen in love with so many years ago.
Can't stop…God, I missed you, Remus…
~~~
They tumbled onto the mattress together, frantically pulling their clothes off, hands touching whenever they could reach. At the back of Sirius' mind, it was as if Remus was indeed there with him. It was not a whore he paid to share his bed that night. It was Remus Lupin. No whore would or could respond to his touches with as much passion as this man was doing.
He pushed this stranger onto the moth-eaten mattress and crawled up onto of him. Sirius attacked the throat that was bared for him with the ferocity of a predator. It had been too long. He had kept this burning feeling he held for his friend for too long. He inhaled the musky scent deeply. Beneath the cheap cologne, it was Remus.
They made love as if there were no tomorrow. This was only one stolen night in an hourly rate cheap motel that would dissolve into vague memories the next day.
"I love you, Remus Lupin," Sirius whispered, not noticing the tension in his lover at his words before collapsing beside the warm body on the bed, giving in to drunken oblivion.
Remus pushed himself up on his elbows and looked down at his friend. Black fine strands of wayward hair framed that beautifully innocent face in sleep. Remus reached out his hand to trace his fingers across closed eyelids tenderly.
"I love you too, Sirius Black." He whispered. But only the night was there to hear him.
~~~
After that night, Remus never really expected to see Sirius again. But his friend returned the next day to the alley, cold sober and smiling at him with a look of wonder and relief spreading across his handsome face.
"So, it was really you," Sirius breathed. Remus backed towards the wall like a trapped animal. He had no idea what to say to this, how to respond to this new unexpected change in his life. He told himself he would survive this, this life of sex, alcohol and drugs if Sirius and James would not find him. But how could he survive this now?
So, Remus did the only thing he knew how. He pretended.
He cocked his head to one side, leaning his weight on one leg seductively. He smiled.
"Hi, Sirius. Glad you came. You forgot to pay me last night."
Sirius was shocked. But he played along. If Remus did not want to face up to whatever that was confessed the night before, Sirius would wait.
"How much…?" Sirius asked, taking out his wallet and shoved a wad of cash into Remus' outstretched hand. "How much can this get me?"
Remus took a quick count of the bills. "The rest of this week. I get to be your rent boy for the next three days." He answered reluctantly. He did not want to stay so close to Sirius. He wanted the other man to look at him with disgust in his eyes and walked away from him. They would both then return to their life the way they had been.
He was afraid. He was afraid by the end of the week; he did not want to leave. He still had that amount of pride left. There was no way he would beg for help from Sirius, no matter how much he wanted to.
Sirius nodded and held out his hands.
"Come on," he pulled Remus along to the main street. "My car's out there."
"What happened to Shadow?" Remus could not help but ask. That bike had been Sirius' pride and joy. He once said if he could make the bike fly, he would. He would never sell that.
"At home." Sirius tossed a grin at his old friend. It was like back where they were in school, understanding what the other meant with no words, only a small gesture, or a look in the eyes. Remus watched Sirius' face fall when the message could no longer get through.
They had changed. How he wished they had not.
~~~
Just like what Remus had suspected, by the end of that week, he did not want to leave. Sirius had been nothing if not loving for those three days. He took leave off work to bring Remus around London, doing normal things like visiting amusement parks, doing grocery shopping etc. Never once was Remus reminded of the real reason why he was there. Sirius kept to his side of the bed at night, but when morning comes, Remus would either find himself enjoying breakfast in bed or having a pair of strong arms holding him, making him feel secure, protected, as if nothing would go wrong.
It was the last day of their agreement. Remus sat silently on the couch, watching the flames flickered and licked at the fireplace. He did not want to leave. For these three days, Sirius had shown him how his life could have been, if only he gives in and accept his friend's charity. But no, his pride would not allow it.
"I have a gift for you, Moony," Remus looked up and smiled at his friend. It was a genuine smile. Sirius held out a small jeweler's box in his hand and sat down on the couch beside Remus. The brunette took it over with trembling hands, and hesitantly opened the box. He gasped.
There, resting on the soft white cushions, were two identical rings made out of white gold. The ring was simple, but beautiful in its simplicity. A thin black ring of obsidian was encased around the band, running between the white gold. On the inside, the same words were inscribed: 'Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow and Forever"
"Stay with me?" Sirius pleaded earnestly.
***
"You could have came to Lily and I for help, Remus?" James asked. It was no wonder why Remus could not leave Sirius. Not after he saved him from such a life.
"You would have to arrest me first. I was an illegal immigrant, remember?" Remus replied bitterly. There were more reasons why he could not leave Sirius.
Sirius was the one who persuaded Dumbledore not to question his sudden disappearance for five years and to hire him as a teacher in Hogwarts. Sirius was the one who pulled strings so that he could have a legal identity and leave his life in peace in England. Sirius was the one who had given his life back to him. In the same away, Sirius could take it away from him.
He was a coward. So much for being an adult, Remus thought. He could not even walked out of the house knowing that he had the choice of not returning.
In these years that they had been together, Remus turned a blind eye to Sirius' philandering ways. It was part and parcel for being in the entertainment circle, Remus reminded himself. Sirius still loved him, despite his actions.
But that did not erase the fact that he was a whore, that his first meeting with Sirius after they graduated was a loveless transaction. The only difference between now and then was that he was only a whore to one man instead of many.
"Go back, James. I'll be fine."
"You sure?"
Remus nodded. "I'll just sit out here for a while longer."
***
End of Chapter 3
Continue to Chapter 4