Second Reality

by Majokai Yukiko

COMPLETED! Sirius Black woke up from a coma, after he fell through a veil in his dreams. He was not a wizard, but instead, he was a ...?

4. Chapter 4

Second Reality | Chapter 4

A Harry Potter Fanfiction by Majokai Yukiko

Pairing: Sirius + Remus

Warning: Romance; Angst; Alternate Universe; Slash

This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J K Rowling, Scholastic Books and their associates. The song 'Second Reality' belonged to blank page.

A/N: I'm in a band, vocalist, and I love every minute of that job. Walking into the jam studio, grabbing the mike, humping the stand, losing myself in that music, singing out all the shit I get from school…I love it!

I love this chapter…finally I'm getting where I had wanted to go from the beginning.

Reviews and Replies

jaded*angel7: "Just a coma dream"? Boy, aren't you in for a big surprise...*evil cackles*

A.L. Lorraine: It's just that this is somewhat AU, that's why I had him as a whore. I do wonder about the years he had when Sirius was in Azkaban. He's not accepted by any wizarding community, he does not have the qualifications for a job in the Muggle world...well, some argue that he can just be a waiter or something like that, but which muggle employer will employ a waiter that gets sick every month and appear at work with bruises all over himself? Kinda suspicious, isn't it?

Joey Potter: There you go, chapter 4! ^_____^ I can't help torturing Remus...sorry, I just slot him under the category of "boys who are pretty when they cry"...*shrugs* I'll try to keep the torture down, alright...only that right now, I'm researching on that illness Remus have got...*smirks* Okay, okay, this chapter is about Sirius, happy?

OMG!: you are responsible if me head gets too big for me shoulders, savvy?

---

The house was dark when Remus returned. And silent. Not that he was expecting anything more. It was wistful thinking that Sirius would be waiting for him at home.

The smell of cigarette smoke was heavy in the air. Remus wiped his shoes on the welcome mat with irritation, as he thought about the amount of work he would have to do to get the smell out of the carpets and cushions the next day. Perhaps he should start tonight. He certainly was not in the mood to sleep, especially not after what he saw occurring on that bed.

He placed his shoes neatly on the rack next to the door and flicked the light switch on. A soft murmur came from the couch as Sirius threw a hand over his face to block out the light. Remus stood at the door, startled with shock that Sirius was indeed waiting for him.

The figure on the couch stiffened for a moment, and then peeked a look from under his arm at the door.

"You are back!" Sirius exclaimed, relief flooding his tired face. He quickly uncurled himself from the cushions, and hurried to the door, taking care not to step on the overflowing ashtray and various empty beer cans he had left on the floor.

Gingerly, Sirius took Remus into his arms, giving the other man enough space either to stay or to push him away again. Remus hesitated for a moment, before embracing his lover as well.

Sirius almost cried. He was forgiven. Remus might still walk out of the house again, but at least right now, Sirius knew he was coming back.

"I didn't expect you to wait up," Remus said softly, enjoying the sensation of being held so protectively in his lover's arms. Sirius had not done that for years…the gesture reminded him of how it was like between them years ago.

"I was afraid," Sirius confessed, knowing that Remus probably needed this moment as much as he did. "I was afraid that you are not coming back."

Remus nodded. He sensed sincerity in Sirius' words. Perhaps things would change for the better. Sirius had not been behaving like himself since his coma. He seemed nicer, somehow. More like how he was like when they were still in school, when he still looked at and treated Remus like he was God's gift to him, like he was unworthy of the affections of such an angel.

Or perhaps they would return to square one when morning comes. The dawn might break this spell as the sun rises. But at least they could have this moment in time for love.

They remained in each other's arms for a long, long time.

***

Sirius Black loved his life. He entered the building in the morning, not particularly early, just late enough to make Remus frown slightly, and was currently enjoying the attention he was receiving. All around, people were staring at him and whispering behind his back, looking as if they were withholding the impulse to throw themselves at his feet, spread a red carpet on the floor for him and beg for a chance to lick his boots clean. All this attention should have make him a little more than uncomfortable, but on the contrary, he felt good. He felt very good. In his dream (or nightmare, he have yet to figure out where to slot that one, seeing that it had both its good and bad times) he had been a runaway convict, making use of his magical ability to morph into a huge bear-like dog to avoid capture.

Sirius shook his head bemusedly. He must have been reading too many of Harry's books…what series was that called? Animorphs?

He had only the most vague memories of this building, but thankfully, his legs could remember what his mind could not. Soon he found himself in front of a black door with his name on it. His office, he would assume.

He put his hand on the knob, was about to enter when he heard someone, or a couple of someones behind it.

"Don't you ever get tired of this, Regulus? Appearing at Sirius' office and generally making a pest of yourself?" A female voice sighed in exasperation, as if its owner was truly sick and tired of dealing with Regulus all these while.

"Maybe, maybe not. What really baffles me is why my brother would give up the entire family business to pursue this crass entertainment nonsense."

Sirius knew that voice. He smiled to himself, turned the knob and walked into the room.

"Oh, Regulus, what an unpleasant surprise to see you here." He grinned at his brother before giving the lady in the room a polite nod. "Enough, Nymphadora, I'll take over from now on."

Nymphadora Tonks breathed a sigh of relief and made her way to the door. "Sirius, you have a session at Studio 7 at eleven later. Don't be late again," she warned, although the cheerful smile on her face had spoilt the intended effect totally. "And by the way, the name is Tonks!"

She slammed the door.

"Woman," Sirius shrugged. "Remind me again why I'm gay?" He slumped down onto his office chair, leant back and began exploring the paraphernalia on his desk with his eyes, waiting for his brother to speak up.

"Brother, when are you going to see the folly of your ways?" Regulus started.

The model-turned-rock-star picked up a framed photo from his desk, smiling at the two familiar faces in the photo. For some reason he had half expected to see the picture moving, and then realized he was being silly about that dream of his again.

"When are you going to see the folly of your ways, Regulus?" Sirius did not even look up to see the expression on Regulus' face. He traced his finger across the clay canines locked in a playful battle at the end of the frame, staring into Remus' warm honey gold eyes from the picture. It was a photo of them two, he with his arms around his lover's waist, hugging him tightly from behind and Moony trying to feed him his ice cream cone when all he was interested in licking was a perfectly curved seashell ear.

That frame…Remus made that frame, insisting on making it with his bare hands the Muggle way instead of using magic…

The hand on his shoulders startled him back into reality. Sirius blinked repeatedly, trying to clear the mist in his head while deep blue eyes so similar to his own stared into his worriedly.

"Brother? Sirius?" Regulus asked, shaking the other man gently. "You there?"

Sirius shakily nodded, still rather disoriented with where his mind had drifted. Magic? Muggle? Where had that come from?

"I think I should leave now." Regulus picked up his briefcase from the chair where he had left it and walked to the door. "Brother," he said, back facing Sirius. "Come home for dinner some day, alright? We… I missed you."

Sirius leant his head against the armchair, watching his younger brother exit his office. "I know you do, Regulus. But they don't."

***

He entered the studio at twelve. Sirius swore he was expected to turn up late and it was not good to do things against expectations. When he swaggered into that studio, the rest of his band mates were standing around, drinking coffee and indulging in idle chitchat.

"Hey, chap, glad you're back!" Bill Weasley was the first one to notice Sirius. The redhead swung himself off the high leather stool and pulled Sirius into a brotherly embrace. His long red hair was tied in a wispy ponytail, dark red kohl lining his eyes, giving them a dangerously seductive look. He smirked when he released the vocalist and went straight to where the bass guitar was.

"Now that our dear Sirius is finally back, can we get on with it!" It was a command, not a question. Tonks shook her head at the bandleader, grabbed her drumsticks and tested a 16 beat on the drums.

Sirius looked around the studio and marveled.

The studio was totally carpeted, from the floor to the walls to the ceilings, to keep out the noise, except for a single full-length mirror on the wall furthest in the room, facing the door. From the left of the entrance was a full set rock drums, with its bass, snare and high hats, and Tonks sitting behind it, hands raised with the sticks leisurely clenched. The Weasley brothers were on the right, fiddling with their guitars and amplifiers, making the routinely check on their instruments to make sure they were tuned the way they wanted it. It was hard to tell the twins apart, when both of them were playing the guitars, until they started playing. Fred played rhythm and George took the lead.

Bill Weasley was the bandleader, with a guitar strapped over his shoulders. He was playing the bass guitar, unlike his brothers; his instrument was longer, sleeker and had two strings less than the twins'.

In the middle of the room was a mike fixed on its stand. Sirius moved towards it almost automatically, his right hand rising to wrap its fingers around the cold metal surface. This was familiar. If he had closed his eyes, he would have remembered himself doing this, over and over again. This was what he loved, this was his passion, and this was music.

"All right, gentlemen and lady," Bill bowed his head slightly at Tonks. " 'Second Reality.'"

Sirius closed his eyes. The beat was on.

"I can not hear but I'm not deaf

I find the sense between the lines

I don't even understand what I hear

I cannot tell but I'm not dumb

I use more than words to speak

I don't even understand what I say"

"How can I live this identity?"

"When I look into the mirror

I see myself sometimes I see me twice

The one that grows the other dies

But who am I now?

I don't even know myself

So how could I distinguish from someone else?

I can not tell this pain with words"

"How can I leave this identity?

Inside I live"

"Deep inside of me - second reality

Live beside my dreams - my own reality

Deep inside of me - I am lost with my fantasy

Live inside of me - my destiny"

"Now I see the blind man said, there is a light at the end of the floor. Someone sits right there in the corner. I look at him, he looks at me, he looks like me, and he is I. I'm no longer afraid. I found what I searched for so long. I found myself... I live "

"There has my world gone. I feel you..."

"Deep inside of me - second reality

Live beside my dreams - my own reality

Deep inside of me - I am lost with my fantasy

Live inside of me - my destiny"

" To feel, to see, to smell, to taste, to hear,

These are my senses, I need no words "

"This is my world where words are nothing worth

I have my mind where I find that words make blind

I am myself no one else - my reality

This is my world where words are nothing worth"

"Now that I've found myself

I'm more than someone else

I don't need any words

Now that I've gone this far

I break out of my jar

I tell you without words

The uselessness of words"

The instrumental continued, Sirius continued, swaying to the music, losing himself with the magic, the misty lack of reality and paradisiacal quality of his life. Perfect, this was perfection; nothing could be as perfect as this. A life with no Dark Lords, no magic, no deaths and betrayals, no Azkaban… he never wanted to wake up from this dream.

"SIRIUS!! HE'S NOT DEAD, NO! LET ME GO! I TELL YOU—HE'S NOT DEAD!"

Sirius's eyes flew open in shock. He was looking into the mirror, facing the mirror and not seeing himself. He saw Harry, dressed in black wizarding robes, a wand in his hand while Remus was holding him back frantically, hiding the unshed tears in his eyes. Remus… he looked older than Sirius remembered seeing him that morning. The silver hair that marred his otherwise youthful appearance, and the thin body that had seen too much sorrows and monthly tortures; Sirius remembered that Remus better than he had ever remember the lover he had left at home. His lycanthropy had taken much out of him, but it had also made him who he was. It made him Moony.

In the mirror… that perfect dream, or that flawed existence, which was real and which was not? Which was the image and which was its reflection?

Around him, the music stopped. Sirius reached out towards the mirror. Harry inside that mirror was screaming, still screaming, distraught tears running down his childish face. The scar on his forehead was flushed red, as if it was going to reopen and bleed any moment.

That scar! Harry had gotten that scar when Lily and James died… but they were not dead, were they?

The mirror splintered into many pieces before his eyes. Each of the shards was carrying the image of a crying Harry and a Remus trying to save himself and his godson from breaking.

***

"Sirius! What are you doing?"

Sirius turned at the sharp tug at his elbow. Bill was shaking him frantically. "Earth to Sirius!"

He blinked. "Bill?" He glanced at the mirror again. There was nothing. The mirror was not broken, and all he saw was just his reflection. Just a normal mirror, just a normal reflection… just normal…

"Yea? Sirius, you okay? You looked like you blanked out there for a moment."

The vocalist swallowed an imaginary lump in his throat and looked at the mirror again. "I guess I did."

His ears were still ringing. Not from the incessant loud violent beat of Tonks' drunks, but from Harry's tormented screams…

"SIRIUS!!"

***

End of Chapter 4

Continue to Chapter 5