Second Reality | Chapter 5
A Harry Potter Fanfiction by Majokai Yukiko
Pairing: Sirius + Remus
Warning: Romance; Angst; Alternate Universe; Slash
This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J K Rowling, Scholastic Books and their associates.
A/N: Here's Chapter 5, peeps! Enjoy and review...promote it to your friends, whatever...I screwed up RL. Go on, remind me that life is still worth enjoying...*sighz*
Reviews and RepliesScribbler: Whoa...long review. Anyway, the lyrics are from this band called 'blank page'. Pretty decent music, in my opinion. But nope, I'm not a fan. As for Remus going to the doctors...next chapter…I promise ya…alright?
Sarah: I'm surprised nobody has thought of this yet though. Thanks for the compliments, there's no way I'm chucking this off, not when I'll have it completed within 10 chapters.
Blue Tears07: We might jolly well be thinking the same way. But don't spoil the surprise for others. If you see it, you see it...you can email me privately though, if you want to have it confirm.
A.L. Lorraine: I've been there before. The depression, that is. I'm rather familiar with the entire put yourself down thing...^^" Didn't want to do that to Remus...but he's just too pretty not to make him cry, yanno?
Mystical Witch: Now this is one question that I have no idea how to answer. Or at least, I can't answer. You'll just have to wait and see, I guess.
My Current Favorite Review [From LJ]"I wondered what would be worse, complete amnesia or memories mismatching your current reality.. I think it is the second. For no matter how perfect your world gets, you can't let go of the feeling that it is not yours - it must be another's life you're leading.
I love your story. Please continue^_^
Greets from Miki."
I started this fic a few months back and posted regularly on FF.net. This is the best review I've received so far! You just summarized the very essence of this story. What happens, when you are given a perfect world, and the choice to choose between that and the real world?
Thank you for that review~~ I was so afraid nobody will see this and you did!!
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Sirius Black trudged up the stairs wearily, feeling like seventy-three instead of the thirty-seven he was. It was as if he was living two lives. That fiasco at the studio had shaken him tremendously. Harry's screams, that scar, Remus' stricken look, all of which he had seen clear as day and felt as though he had lived every moment of it, dying a little each time.
Cold claws of fear, anxiety and confusion had dug into an integral part of him and were tearing him into two. What was real and what was not? He could not differentiate anymore. All he really wanted then was a good hot bath and a peaceful sleep that could hopefully take away the growing migraine in his head.
"Why are you so late?" A familiar voice demanded.
Sirius looked up and saw Remus at the top of the stairs, arms akimbo and fury flashing in his golden eyes. If he were not so tired, he would have noticed the slight tremor in Remus' shoulders, the cold sweat on his forehead and the glazed sickly eyes. But he was, and in no mood to deal with any thing else. Sirius sighed.
"I don't have time for this, Remus." Sirius replied, pushing past Remus gently to reach for the door. But the brunette would have none of it. He grabbed his lover by the shoulders and none-too-tenderly swerved him around to face him. Sirius winced. Despite the deceptively slender build Remus had, Sirius knew (and was reminded so that) his lover used to be the best fighter in Hogwarts' martial arts club, complete with black belt in both karate and judo.
"I asked you a question, Sirius."
"And I said I didn't have time for this nonsense!" Sirius snapped, his frustration and pain breaking the dams while he shouted and raved, screaming words that he would have never voiced given otherwise, words that would hurt Remus without doubt.
"WHO ARE YOU TO ASK ABOUT MY NOCTURNAL ACTIVITIES? WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOU USED TO DO!"
Sirius gasped in shock, not believing what he had just said in a moment of anger. Remus' past was a taboo that both of them would rather avoid mentioning. Who wished to be reminded that their lover had been a cheap two-pence whore, used for other men's pleasure?
But he never had the chance to apologize. Remus' instinctive reaction kicked in. A slight push was all it took to throw Sirius off his balance. His face was contorted in surprise and a slight tinge of regret. The dark haired man held out his hands, at the same time where Remus realized his mistake and tried to do the same. Their hands never meet.
Red. Red-hot pain zapping through his chest like magic, like death…(like Bellatrix…)
White. White light burst into shimmering crystals around him. He no longer saw Remus at the top of the stairs, as he fell through the veil of reality into another dimension. Then, he heard a voice. A soft maternal voice speaking to him, telling him that he must be strong, that he needed to make a choice.
He had to make a choice between reality and make-believe.
***
He sat bolted up right on his leather arm chair, staring out wide-eyed and confused at the bright city lights shining at him from the neighboring buildings. Sirius rubbed his eyes. A dream…just a dream again. But just like any other dream he had since he had waken up in the hospital that day, it seemed to be trying to tell him something. Something important that he should have noticed by now; something that he was subconsciously refusing to concur with.
Sirius spun around in his chair, and rest his elbows on his desk, his head propped up by his hands. He was trying to make sense of what his dreams were saying. Mirrors, bright lights and a strange sense of living two lives, everything that happened to him seemed so unreal. His dreams were taking on such intensity that Sirius could no longer tell the difference between what was real and what was not.
He cocked his head to one side, and stared at the phone on his table. It was Tuesday night. Remus usually had extra lessons with his students on Tuesday nights, helping to tuition those students who were weaker in their work. Which means, if he rushed now, he could still catch Remus at school before the brunette hop onto the next train home. Sirius smiled to himself. That was one good way to keep his mind off things: quality time with his lover.
He picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.
***
Remus sighed inwardly to himself when his student looked up at him with such confusion and puzzlement in her eyes. Lavender Brown was a sweet girl in his class, he gave her that, a little ditzy sometimes but Remus could tell she was intelligent. Then why on earth did he just have the déjà vu feeling of trying to explain science concepts to Peter?
Even Peter was not that bad. At least he was only weak in his Sciences and Maths and Languages. He could do humanities…in the minimum.
"I'm sorry, Professor Lupin. But I still don't understand how the population pyramid can show if the population's aging or not." Lavender whined.
No, anything but whining. Damn, remind me again why I'm gay? Remus closed his eyes briefly and thought about how to explain the acumen of interpreting population pyramids to Lavender for the seventy-fifth time that night. He cast a quick glance at his watch and sighed again. What he would not do to be home in bed with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate by his side.
"Still at it? Boy, Moony, didn't know you are that hardworking. Dumbledore's not paying you enough for this."
Remus' head snapped up in shock. Leaning against the doorframe of the classroom was his lover, still in his full band paraphernalia, dressed in a white open shirt with Victorian cuffs and leather pants, looking absolutely edible. Remus licked his lips unconsciously. Beside him, Lavender let up a squeak.
"Si…Sirius Black?" The teenage girl continued to stare at what she thought was her dream come true. God's-gift-to-humankind, sex-on-legs Sirius Black was at the door of her room. Fine, it was her classroom, but nope, she would not say no to a little kink with school uniforms.
Remus heard the squeak and rolled his eyes in exasperation. There we go again.
"The one and only," Sirius announced grandly, pushing himself off the frame and strode over to Remus, slinking into the seat beside the professor.
"Hi, I'm Lavender Brown. Er…I'm a student from Professor Lupin's geography class. And…mayIhaveyourautographplease?"
Sirius smirked. "Hey yourself. I'm Sirius Black, thirty-seven and gay. And yes, you may." The model-turned-rock-star picked up a pen from the table and signed on the back of a little bus ticket Lavender was nervously pushing his way. A quick movement of the pen, and he was done, wrapping an arm around Remus' shoulders affectionately.
"Dinner?"
Remus cocked his head to one side and turned to smile apologetically at his student. She waved him off.
"It's okay, Professor. I'll just see if I can ask Parvati for help. She's a genius at the subject after all."
The professor nodded, still could not help feeling guilty at leaving his student alone despite the fact that his stomach was growling. The warmth from Sirius' arm and the fact that his lover traveled all the way to Hogwarts to ask him out for dinner had not helped in his debate with his guilt either.
Remus packed his things back into his bag and stood up, tugging Sirius out of the classroom before Lavender began drooling, which was about to happen soon if they remained.
The girl watched her teacher and her idol walk out of the room hand in hand. A lazy smile creeping up her lips when she realized what Sirius Black said when he introduced himself.
Oh well, she shrugged mentally. At least Sirius and the professor looked cute together. Sirius and Lupin doing the nasty…Lavender giggled girlishly and began packing her books too.
***
"What do you think you were doing, Sirius?" Remus hissed as soon as they walked into the school's car park. Sirius arched an elegant eyebrow.
"Taking you to dinner, why?" He asked, honestly confused.
Remus frowned. After last night, he was afraid. He feared that whatever that had changed for the better would vanish into the dust with the morning light. Even after he woke up, spooned against Sirius and protected in his arms, he was afraid it would not last. It was too good to be true. Too good to be real even, such that some part of him had refused to believe in it at all; in this way, it would not hurt as much when it was time for happiness to be once again taken away from him.
"You never did this, you know? Not since…" and he trailed off.
Sirius' eyes softened at the pain on his lover's face, upset that he was the one who had caused it in the first place. He might have not remembered what he had done, but that was no excuse not to make up to Remus for it.
"Not since too long. I booked a place at that…" he almost said 'muggle'. "…Diner that you liked. So we had better hurry."
Remus left it at that and stepped into the red convertible, Sirius' choice of transport for that evening. When he was done buckling his seat belt, he found Sirius grinning at him while starting up the engine. The top of the convertible folded itself, exposing the interior of the car to the elements. But it was not raining that night, just rather windy.
Sirius reached out his hand and tugged the rubber band off Remus' tiny ponytail, that pathetic lock of hair the latter had insisted tying it up because long and ruffled cut hair did not sit well with the 'Professor Lupin' image. Light brown hair fell loose, framing the heart-shaped face softly.
"Let the wolf free, Moony." And they sped off into the night.
***
Sirius never thought he would see Remus the way he looked then. In the moonlight, the silver shine tinting his hair, giving it a slightly golden glow to it. The soft brown hair, so perfectly styled usually was ruffled, swept into a wild dance by the wind and the speed of his car. The grin on his lips, and the narrowed eyes against the London chill gave a feral touch to his boyish face. Sirius could not remember the last time he saw Moony look so…wolf-like.
"Look, Sirius! The Dog Star!" They had decided to forgo dinner for a comfortable quiet night outside. There were nobody in sight, no buildings either. The sweet scent of grass and wilderness calmed their senses. The only evidence of civilization was the soft carnival music in the air. There was a fun fair somewhere near them. But the music and voices of the people were so soft that it seemed to belong to another dimension.
The dark haired man leant back against the leather seat of his car, stretching his arms across Remus' shoulders lazily and looked up at the night sky where Remus was pointing. Sure enough, the Dog Star was hanging bright against the black velvet of the skies.
Remus settled warmly into Sirius' arms, smiling up into his lover's face.
The star looked strange in Sirius' eyes, though he could not for the hell of him understand why. He was named after that celestial object; his Uncle Alphard had pointed it out to him many times before when he was a young boy. Just as he had done the same for his younger brother, the Regulus star in the Leo constellation, before they began to drift apart.
Then it hit him.
The Sirius, Dog Star, was the name given to the pair of binary stars, the two brightest stars in the night sky. Two stars…bound to each other, so different yet so alike. Two parts of the same…two sides to the same coin…
"Padfoot?" Sirius caught Remus' hand and pressed it against his face, nuzzling the smooth skin softly. Remus' hands were never so soft; the skin on them was never so smooth. The monthly transformation had put him through hell over and over again. His body was full of scars, his fingers filled with calluses from twelve years of working in the muggle world, doing menial work because no wizarding employment would take a werewolf in.
Sirius looked up again at the sky, at the big round orb hanging against the obsidian stage curtains of the night.
"It's a full moon tonight…Remus?"
"Yes, isn't it beautiful? The moon…"
"You are not supposed to be out in the full moon, Remus…Moony…the wolf…this is not real, not real…" Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck protectively, burying his face into the crook of his lover's neck.
"Does it matter?" Remus whispered, his hot breath burning Sirius' cold skin. "Isn't this more real than anything else? More real than magic? Stay with me Sirius; please…just don't say anything else. You can stay here forever, as long as you don't say anything."
Sirius shook his head, his world suddenly turned upside down, exploding into a kaleidoscope of colors that made no sense to him at all. He pushed Remus off him and jumped out of the car, escaping, running away from the man who never was the one he loved.
***
End of Chapter 5