Second Reality | Chapter 6

A Harry Potter Fanfiction by Majokai Yukiko

Pairing: Sirius + Remus

Warning: Slash, Alternate Universe.

Timeline: After Order of the Phoenix

This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J K Rowling, Scholastic Books and their associates.

A/N: This is the last chapter, peeps. Don't think I will be writing a sequel to this, until Rowling decides to bring Sirius back to life in cannon. Sweet Merlin, I can only hope she will.

***

"They say home is where the heart is."

Edward Hyde, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen movie

His heart was beating frantically from the run. Sirius placed his hand on his chest to calm his breathing. The slight but hurried pulses reminded him that Remus would not have survived this run. His lover could not drink coffee, or indulge in chocolates lest they caused him the palpitations that would leave him cold in the limbs and weak in bed all day, unable to do anything else but sleep. This was the reason why he had to visit the doctor month after month for cardio treatment.

Another set of his memories, however, told him that things were different. The only thing that could render Remus bedridden was his monthly transformation from man to wolf. And that chocolates and coffee were probably one of the few things, outside of air and water, Remus could not live without.

Two sides of a coin, each telling him different and conflicting stories about his life. Remus' medical condition would make a more logical explanation to anyone, but not him. Deep in his heart, he felt that lycanthropy, imaginative and fantastical as it might seemed, had been more real to him than ever.

The man at the gate stuck out a hand at him. Sirius dug into his pockets, not bothering to count the amount of money he had given the man for an entrance ticket to the carnival.

Bright colors, strange confusion…Sirius only regretted paying after he realized he had walked into a world brighter and more chaotic than the one he had just ran away from. He ducked into the nearest tent he could find.

Mirrors. Mirrors were lined everywhere, from wall to wall, ceiling to floor. Sirius took another step deeper into the maze. It was dark, and there was no one else in the maze with him. He was alone; every mirror was casting his reflection back at him. Except for one.

Young Sirius Black glanced around nervously as he sneaked into the room. It was the library. Or at least, it was the extra room in the library that he was not allowed in. After bullying a couple of house elves, those frightened buggers told him that the room was filled with books with great and mysterious information about the Dark Arts and other forms of magic. The hidden and forbidden section of his house, of course, enthralled Sirius. His family was the noble and most ancient bloodline among wizards. Surely the library would hold many secrets that he could boast about with the Marauders back in school.

He looked around the shelves of books around the room. Nothing special around there…nothing that had caught his eye particularly, other than the book that had been left on the only desk in the room by its previous reader who obviously had not bothered to return it. Sirius tiptoed across the wooden floor, careful not to wake his parents who were sleeping in the room below.

It was a book about magical artifacts in the wizarding world, including the Philosopher's Stone and the Veil of Afterlife. Sirius had heard about the Philosopher's Stone. Who had not, especially if it involved the two most prominent figures in the community: Nicholas Flamel and Albus Dumbledore? But as for the Veil…Sirius squinted his eyes and then took out his wand in frustration.

"Lumos," he whispered, trying to read the scrawling script by the faint light.

Sirius watched in amazement as the scene in the mirror rippled and dissolved into another one. It was James, Lily and he, sitting in the couple's sitting room at Godric's Hollow. Lily was cradling baby Harry in her arms, while James and Sirius put their heads together to read from the same newspaper.

"I'm so glad they decided to seal the Veil," James finally commented. Sirius nodded his agreement.

"Can't say I blame those who threw themselves into the archway voluntarily. With such dark times ahead of hers, being trapped eternally in a make-believe world seems far more tempting than staying here and waiting for the Deatheaters to show up."

"But Sirius! That world is not real! I've heard that the Lovegoods were the last to throw themselves in!" Lily exclaimed. "Pity their daughter Luna. She's about the same age as Harry, isn't she, James?"

James smiled grimly back at his wife. "Yes she is. But I have to agree with Padfoot over here though." The two friends sighed and went back to reading, knowing full well that, if not for their lovers they would have tossed themselves in long ago too.

The scene faded back into his reflection again. Sirius frowned at the mirror, spun around and exited the tent.

***

The door to their apartment opened with a resounding creak. Sirius knew the truth now…was no longer blinded by an unnaturally realistic dream. The carpet under his feet was false, the sweet aroma of hot cocoa in the air was imagined, and so was the lover who had walked into the living room from the kitchen to greet him with a tearstained smile.

"Welcome back, Sirius. I made cocoa."

"I'm leaving, Remus." The brunette stiffened, and then relaxed as he sat down on the couch by the coffee table, taking a deep sip of his cocoa. The Sirius in this alternate reality would probably make some protest regarding Remus and his unhealthy chocolate obsession. But right now, this Sirius simply did not care.

"But you just got here." Remus pointed out, his fingers clenching around his mug tighter than usual, obviously trying to keep his calm. Unshed tears were threatening to fall any moment, clear crystals of precious teardrops clung on to his long eyelashes. Sirius suddenly felt the impulse to take Remus into his arms, and whispered sweet nothings into that perfect shell-shaped ear, telling him that he was only joking, that he would never leave. But it was not true. He had to go.

This might have been the perfect life that he had been searching for, but he could not live with himself if he stayed. He would never love this Remus, nor this life as it deserved. He had spent twelve years in Azkaban wasting away for a lie, for a crime he had not committed, and he would not, and could not; continue to live a lie any longer. He would never be able to spend the rest of his life here, knowing what he knows. If Sirius were given a choice, he would rather live a harsh life in reality, than a peaceful one in a world full of deceits and lies.

"No, I've been here too long." Sirius mouthed a 'sorry', wondering for a moment why he was apologizing to a phantom Remus. This Remus had too many emotions attached to him to believe him false; in comparison, his Remus' calm composure seemed artificial. That made it even tougher to tell the difference between reality and fantasy.

Sirius turned to face the door. Much as he wanted to, he knew he could not look at this Remus... he was not real. Nothing was ever real. Although it would be perfect to stay in his dream and live out his life the way he wanted, he knew duty hold him away. He had a promise to keep.

"When are you coming home?" He heard Remus ask. He could hear the tears in that voice. Fabricated tears from a fabricated dream...

"This was never home." He replied, and walked out of the door.

Almost magically, Sirius felt as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He smiled at the stairway, took a few steps to the edge of the top step and let himself fall. He had faith, in returning. He had faith, in reality. He had faith, in himself. He had faith that Remus would be waiting for him on the other side.

Bring me home… He prayed and collapsed into a white darkness.

***

Remus always found his calm in this part of the forest. He thought back to the one year he had spent teaching at Hogwarts and smiled. Snape was right about him all the while. He knew exactly where Sirius was. It was here his lover had been hiding in: the other side of the Forbidden Forest, too deep for any student to venture forth, except for the Marauders on full moon nights.

He remembered Harry's tearful eyes when the boy turned towards him. Emerald eyes that were yelling at him, demanding how he could still remain calm after seeing his best friend fall through the Veil into nothingness. Harry lost the father figure he never knew James to be. But Remus lost the only one who had shown him what friendship, companionship and love could be.

Sometimes Remus thought about that too.

How he wished he could be like Harry, crying, stamping his feet and yelling at everyone around him, demanding that they bring Sirius back to him like a spoilt child. How he wished he could show his sorrow and grief openly before others. How he wished the Order could understand his pain, the pain of love found, love lost, love found against after twelve years of misunderstanding, and finally love gone.

He sat down on the soft, almost untouched, ground, watching the stone cave that held so many memories for him. Memories of Padfoot and Moony running in the wild of the night, memories of teenage love and time spent in each other's arms, strong fingers roughened by Quidditch training running through his hair, sweet-nothings spoken into his ear, memories of Sirius, just escaped from Azkaban, huddled in the chilly stone floor of the cave, with nothing but painful memories to haunt him.

Memories of Sirius, not dead, but gone from him forever.

Remus knew enough of the Veil to not despair, but not enough not to fear the power of it. The temptation of being provided with a perfect life. How could he ever compete with that? He wondered, in that other perfect fabrication, would Sirius even think about him? Would he exist in that world? Would he be different? Would his doppelganger be so different from him that even Remus could not recognize his own reflection in the mirror? Or would his other self be different because the true him was not what Sirius wanted?

Would Sirius dream about the lover he left behind on the other side of the Veil? Or would he be drawn so deep into that perfection that he could no longer tell reality from dreams?

Remus played with the dark green grass and sighed. If he close his eyes and imagine, perhaps he could smell the musky scent of Sirius beside him. Like the way it was after Quidditch practice where they would sneak here and enjoy the pleasant comfort of their shared love. Sirius would plop down next to him and lay with his back flat against the ground, watching the clouds pass by above them, listening to the songs of the wind, the stories they had to tell from places faraway.

He inhaled deeply. Nothing. The air was void of has-beens. The wind no longer whispered their tales into his shell-shaped ears. Remus pushed himself off the ground and made his way into the cave, not wanting to spend any more time in the nature that reminded him so much of his lost love. Not wanting to be reminded that he could not cry.

Tears no longer came to him as easily as they used to be. Twelve years alone had hardened him, took away his ability to show his emotions outwardly. He buried a vital part of himself so deep within that no one else could find. The only one who could was gone.

He kept walking, until he bumped into something solid. Something that had not been there before. Remus narrowed his eyes suspiciously and took out his wand, muttering 'lumos' under his breath. The tip of his wand lit up, providing the barest illumination in the dark cave. There was a fog before him, white swirls of thick mist, but the mist was solid. Out of curiosity, Remus placed his hand against the cloud, pulling away quickly when he felt something warm grab at him.

On the other side of the fog, somebody lurched, and crashed headfirst into Remus. The brunette struggled valiantly against the weight, and then buckled as he fell to the ground.

The familiar musk of the forest green assaulted his senses. Long black hair tickled his cheeks. Remus blinked, not wanting to believe his eyes. Sapphire eyes smiled down at him. The vision blurred.

Strong calloused fingers that spoke of days long past reached down to wipe the tears from his amber eyes.

"I'm back," Sirius whispered, leaning down to brush his lips against Remus'.

"Welcome home," Remus replied, before capturing his lover's lips in a kiss.

Home, indeed.

***

The End