Please note I do not own Harry Potter, all characters are copyright to J.K. Rowling unless stated otherwise. If any other sources are used I will cite them a the end of the chapter
Prologue
Throughout our lives, there are things we lose and there are things we gain. Sometimes the things we lose are for the better...but sometimes we miss them like crazy. I think the one thing in my life I truly miss having a grip on is myself. I miss the young wild Narcissa who existed only until she got married to Lucius Malfoy. I suppose thats the purpose of writing this out, I would like to gain myself back in some way. I want to relive every memory, every feeling, I want to remember the sense of the Hogwarts breeze blowing the hair away from my face as I smiled coyly, mischieviously. Unable to be tied down. Still living only for herself, without a sense of the future. Just relishing the fact of being young, beautiful, and full of life.
Now I wear my hair up everyday, and the only time I leave the house is when I'm attatched to Lucius' side. Don't get me wrong. I do love the man, I love him more than I love myself most of the time. But that's not to say I always did, when I was at Hogwarts I did what I wanted to whomever I wanted and I enjoyed it. I got high marks, and won over Prefect status in my fifth year which gave me more leniency when it came to breaking rules. Now if I wanted to wander at night I had an excuse. I was simply patrolling, or looking for a student who'd gone missing from the dormitories. Reminescing, however useless it is...is a way to keep me alive.
I traced the design on my coffee mug with a perfectly groomed finger, despising the way the red nailpolish never chipped, how my nails never broke. How everything was always perfect. Every hair in place, every eyelash curled, not a bit of lint on my black robes lined with silver. The Malfoy family robes, they were what we were supposed to wear whenever we went out. Draco had his own set as well, although lately my son had taken to sulking in his room. There were many prices to Lucius' imprisonment. One being Draco's overwhelming and newly developed distate for his father. His claims that we were being abandoned, that his father was an idiot. I didn't even bother to disagree anymore.
Lately I'd gotten so lost in my daydreaming that I barely heard what anyone was saying. I spent hours on end sitting in the Greenhouse, eying the roses that bloomed black and remembering everything. Remembering more specifically him, and the way I doubted he even thought of me anymore. But it didn't really matter. I could do nothing about the position I was in. There was no way to get myself back without losing my pride and my family. This is in fact the only way. I suppose I should spend no more time on worthless introductions, so without further adu. This is the account of my young life, starting at age eleven when I began my schooling at Hogwarts and ending at age seventeen when I finished with top marks and moved on to the next cycle of my life. Aware that everything was about to change drastically.
Prologue
Throughout our lives, there are things we lose and there are things we gain. Sometimes the things we lose are for the better...but sometimes we miss them like crazy. I think the one thing in my life I truly miss having a grip on is myself. I miss the young wild Narcissa who existed only until she got married to Lucius Malfoy. I suppose thats the purpose of writing this out, I would like to gain myself back in some way. I want to relive every memory, every feeling, I want to remember the sense of the Hogwarts breeze blowing the hair away from my face as I smiled coyly, mischieviously. Unable to be tied down. Still living only for herself, without a sense of the future. Just relishing the fact of being young, beautiful, and full of life.
Now I wear my hair up everyday, and the only time I leave the house is when I'm attatched to Lucius' side. Don't get me wrong. I do love the man, I love him more than I love myself most of the time. But that's not to say I always did, when I was at Hogwarts I did what I wanted to whomever I wanted and I enjoyed it. I got high marks, and won over Prefect status in my fifth year which gave me more leniency when it came to breaking rules. Now if I wanted to wander at night I had an excuse. I was simply patrolling, or looking for a student who'd gone missing from the dormitories. Reminescing, however useless it is...is a way to keep me alive.
I traced the design on my coffee mug with a perfectly groomed finger, despising the way the red nailpolish never chipped, how my nails never broke. How everything was always perfect. Every hair in place, every eyelash curled, not a bit of lint on my black robes lined with silver. The Malfoy family robes, they were what we were supposed to wear whenever we went out. Draco had his own set as well, although lately my son had taken to sulking in his room. There were many prices to Lucius' imprisonment. One being Draco's overwhelming and newly developed distate for his father. His claims that we were being abandoned, that his father was an idiot. I didn't even bother to disagree anymore.
Lately I'd gotten so lost in my daydreaming that I barely heard what anyone was saying. I spent hours on end sitting in the Greenhouse, eying the roses that bloomed black and remembering everything. Remembering more specifically him, and the way I doubted he even thought of me anymore. But it didn't really matter. I could do nothing about the position I was in. There was no way to get myself back without losing my pride and my family. This is in fact the only way. I suppose I should spend no more time on worthless introductions, so without further adu. This is the account of my young life, starting at age eleven when I began my schooling at Hogwarts and ending at age seventeen when I finished with top marks and moved on to the next cycle of my life. Aware that everything was about to change drastically.