Disclaimer: No own, no sue. No speak, no eat. No money to speak of, really.
Warnings: Bad words, shonen ai, other stuff. Humor? I hope so.
By gelfling
Vignette:
Shower Musing
***
"What do you think we'll leave behind when we're gone?" Iruka asked absently.
Kakashi's face was as distant and aloof as ever, mask firmly in place, his mind apparently a thousand miles away.
Iruka glanced sideways at him, and tried not to see under the mask, but rather through it. Iruka decided he didn't like it, or the way he'd taken the conversation deeper than it was supposed to go.
Kakashi shrugged.
"Probably more ninjas."
***
Blue eyes slanted dangerously and Naruto swore vividly between his teeth. Why was it, when the exact minute that everything, just fucking everything in the whole damned world was about to make some final freakin' sense that the soap just had to crash on his goddamned foot!
Always!
Damn it!
And it wasn't—Shit!
In a poor show of shinobi grace, Naruto, whilst rubbing his offended and throbbing appendage between his fingers, leaning against the wall and cursing the soap, had the poor fortune to step and put all his weight on the aforesaid soap. Which was quite soapy and wet.
With a muffled scream, slapping of limbs and "fwwmmp!" noises, did Naruto finally cease motion. Not however, thought.
This is all, Naruto decided, Sasuke's Fault.
Which, of course, it was. Sasuke was one of the true and select people that Naruto hated on a personal basis, and not out of a defensive reflex. Most people hated Naruto, so, Naruto reflexively hated them back. Sasuke, however, was not such a case.
The basis for hating Sasuke was simple: He had what Naruto wanted.
People saw him. He was instantly loved by any adolescent girl with eyes and an idea of beauty in their carefully styled heads. Sakura, Naruto's childhood crush and adolescent obsession actually protected Sasuke from Naruto, as if Naruto was going to—contaminate him with his Naruto-ness cooties. Sakura hated, well, no, not hated but certainly disliked Naruto because she liked Sasuke. And that hurt. How much Naruto would never say because he honestly didn't acknowledge the sheer depth of the pain. It was too much.
Adults acknowledged Sasuke, and admired him from afar. That boy's gonna go far someday, you mark my words. Sasuke walked the Konoha streets without fear, without that sneering hatred and disgust constantly sitting on his shoulders and Sasuke—
Naruto's breathing calmed, and his butt and back ached beyond belief. Who the hell made shower floors so hard? And where was the soap? The soap was frickin' homicidal, that's what the soap was! Gingerly, he pulled himself to a sitting position.
Sasuke didn't care. Sasuke didn't give a shit. All that, that—love, and Sasuke didn't care at all.
So Naruto hated Sasuke. Because Sasuke had what Naruto wanted. Because Sasuke was, what Naruto wanted to be.
Seen. Acknowledged. Loved.
Jealously. Admiration. Loneliness.
It was part of what made pissing him off so much fun! Just knowing that he, Naruto, that damned fox and troublemaker, Dead last could kick Mr. Perfect off his pedestal with a few good words and gestures (No, I'm telling you it's this way!) was priceless. Sasuke said Left, Naruto said Right. Sasuke said Go away, then Naruto would say But we're a team.
Petty things, little things. Trying to pull Sasuke down, trying to push Sasuke out of the spotlight so the would be some room for Naruto to stand in. Shamefully, pitiably hoping that maybe, just maybe…some of Sasuke's coolness would rub off on him.
Just hoping. Maybe.
Not trusting the soap to forget it's murderous preoccupation, Naruto decided to rinse off sitting down. At least that way there wouldn't be space to fall. Yeah, not far to fall, because he wasn't all that high up after all…yeah…
Stupid soap. No, wait for it…
Stupid Sasuke! Yeah! Much better.
Mr. Perfect. Dead last.
…yeah.
Naruto's breathing grew slowly heavier, and his eyes distant and empty, and he ran his fingers through his soapy hair absently, not really concentrating or feeling the water. His hands dropped as his heart speeded up, fingers falling rather innocently on the mysterious and deadly bar of soap.
No, he really couldn't worry about falling, could he? He was a demon. He had a demon. And demons were really only fallen angels, angels who had fallen from Heaven's grace to the very, very, very bottom. How much farther could one possibly fall? Realistically speaking? Hell had no mercy after all…and neither did the Konoha villagers, come to think on it. And he always bent to whatever they wanted, right? A target. A scar. A scapegoat.
Naruto's eyes narrowed, and then closed and squinted as some apple shampoo he'd bought on sale fell into them, one hand drifting back up to his hair to push the soap away from his eyes. The other hand fisted tightly. The soap smooshed.
But it wouldn't always be that way. He wasn't always going to be small and short, bendable and expendable to whatever they wanted. One day he'd be…he'd be Hokage. And he'd be in control. And not the other way around. That is…if Sasuke didn't beat him there first.
Sasuke.
If someone had lifted up Naruto's upper lip right then, they would have been very surprised.
Naruto's eyes focused back into the cornflower blue arrangement and he stood up quickly, wiping his hand hurriedly on his thigh to get rid of the soap. Shutting off the water and wrapping himself in a towel, he rushed out to find some suitable clothes.
***
~Naruto POV~
Why the hell does everybody lock their windows? Isn't he hot? Isn't it stuffy in there? Hey, wait—Don't tell me that bastard has air-conditioning! Nobody has air-conditioning! We all have to suffer this damn weather together right?
Ah, there we go… excellent job Naruto, you've impressed everybody yet again. And thus the brave Uzumaki expedition enters the unknown deadly territory: Sasuke's Bedroom.
Tread carefully team, there's no telling what we might find in there.
Slobbering funky dirty laundry that eats feet, infected plates of last years breakfast that have started their own alphabet… huge pits of acidic sticky hair gel—anything could be in here and even now—there's only the floor. And the walls. Hm.
Borrr~ing!
And no air-conditioning. Damn. It's too hot in here, how can he even sleep in here? He's probably cold-blooded or something, some type of giant Sasuke lizard. He's not moving, and his breathing hasn't changed too much…sleeps on his back, that's very good…
Don't think he heard me come in. If he heard me come in, I am so dead. Gotta be quiet, gotta be quick, come on Naruto old boy just get close to him, don't wake him up, scribble on his face with your trusty dusty permanent marker and then run like hell and pretend you were sick all last night because of bad food. Everybody would believe you anyway, after that thing with the milk...
Remember to run like hell. Running like hell is important.
Might have to run like hell for a while.
Now…uncap quietly…*thwop*…good job, no movement, and think about what you want to draw. A happy face? Write "I'm Stupid" on his forehead…no, that would definitely be suicide, and he'd know it was me…he'll know it's me anyway, so I don't see what…no, that would be suicide. Smiley faces are good. Can't go wrong with a smiley face. And it's just girly and cute enough that he won't be sure it was me, it could be a member of his druggie fan girl club.
I hope the tip's not so cold that it wakes him up. Damn, his hair gets everywhere. Actually…the tip is pretty cold, it'd be better if I put it on my fingers and then draw…gonna have to be real careful though, and wash my hands super-ooper good when I get home. All right…just a little dab, very wet…good, and it goes onto his skin great!
There, one right on his forehead, just lightly, don't press into his skin too hard, just enough to get the ink there and keep it there for a while. Good, now one on his cheek…geez, he has no meat at all on his cheeks, I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt my finger, gonna run out ink…Wonder if Sasuke's anorexic. He's crazy and weird enough, he just might be…There's one with happy eyes, and one with regular eyes and one that's smiling and one that's yelling…and here's one blowing a kiss! Right…under his eye. Slow Naruto, slow…listen…his breathing hasn't changed too much, should be all alright, no worries, step carefully…there.
Wow. Whew.
Who knew kisses were so hard to draw? At least now he'll think for sure it was some crazy girl, and not the great Number One Ninja and teammate the innocent Uzumaki Naruto. At least I hope he will.
…Eyes are supposed to be closed when you're asleep right?
Right.
Why are Sasuke's eyes open?
Pretty sure they're not supposed to be like that.
Shit.
I'm going to die now, aren't I?
And all because I spent so much time drawing that kiss…
Okay, easy now…just smile gently and pretend you aren't here, that he isn't here, and that none of this is happening…let yourself change a little…and drop the Uzumaki mask. He probably won't be able to see me without it, just like everyone else… …He's not panicking, so I'm not panicking…He doesn't look angry…I need to move fast, I can't believe this all over one stupid ki—
…hell, one good turn deserves another, right?
Fast.
…
Hell, that was too fast. I think I'm going to choke on my heart. God he tastes good, more…
fuck
yeah
I'm kissing Sasuke. And Sasuke's making a weird noise, he tastes like really cold water…shit I'm kissing Sasuke! Fuck! Naruto, Earth to Naruto! Wake UP! I'm not kissing Sasuke! I'm not I'm not I'm not! Yak! Erck! Ack!
…
…I'm blushing, aren't I?
I must be, he's giving me a dirty look…with all those happy faces drawn all over his face…he's giving me a dirty look and soon he'll kill me…and I can't move at all.
*gasp*
…Am I dead? I'm not dead. I'm not. Am I broken anywhere…I don't think so. It doesn't feel like it. It just feels—heavy. And Sasuke…fell back asleep. Holding me…
That idiot! Didn't he know that my legs were bent the wrong way? That I was totally off balance? That I could fall down at any second? Did he even care!
Mr. I'm-So-Fucking-Perfect Sasuke Kiss-My-Ass-Uchiha didn't even realize the position he had put me into again, and if he did he didn't even care!…
…
It never crossed my mind to hit him. Or to push him away. Or even to get away.
…I don't get—I'm not hugged, very often.
He's breathing softly against my ear and cheek, and his arm was warm and too damn heavy over my chest…and I never thought about moving. I never thought about leaving. At all.
…He is so going to kill me when he wakes up and sees all his smiley faces…
…but this is kinda nice.
In a really sick, disturbed, lunatic Sasuke way.
…nice…
A/N:Ooohh, the SECOND chapter in Vignette…and I'm taking the story in a completely different direction next chapter. I hate it when stories get away from me, but what are you gonna do right? One of my attempts at humor…how did I do? I can never quite get the laughs right, I'm more of an angst person myself.
Comments sent to -- gelfling8604@yahoo.com