A/N: This is a story I wrote for Goku Girl's Senneki Fanfic Contest. Only one chapter. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own any products/characters in this fic. Especially DBZ.
Vegeta woke up one morning feeling uneasy. He felt like something was wrong or like something had changed. Dismissing the thought, he got out of bed and went take a shower.
He started to wash his hair singing "I feel pretty" without realizing what he was doing.
When he got out of the shower, he dried himself with a quick shock of ki. He started to put on his training clothes when he noticed there was hair all over him. It was his hair! He felt his head and felt that half of his hair gone!
He started to scream and panic. He ran back into the shower to see what he had washed his hair with. The bottle read "Nair".
"Noooooooo!" yelled Vegeta.
An hour later he was he was bald and was eating his breakfast. He was on his 12th bowl of Co-Co Puffs. When he was done he decided to go into town.
He was looking around at the pathetic humans when he went inside the mall. He passed a toy store where 2 teletubbies where standing outside, getting kicked in the shin by little kids.
He walked over to them laughing sarcastically.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked Vegeta looking at the TV screens on their stomachs.
"I'm La La and he's Po. We're teletubbies." they said in unison with shame in their voice.
Vegeta was laughing hysterically now because he recognized them from a really gay show, literally, that Goku basically worships.
La La, seeing that Vegeta was laughing at him yelled, "It's for a living okay? Do you think I want to be in this suit? Do you think I like being with this idiot?"
Vegeta then looked at Po, who seemed like he was on the verge of crying. Po was staring at La La with sad eyes.
Po finally spoke up. "La La, how can you say that? How can you call me an idiot after everything we went through? All the nights we spent together? I thought we had something special!" said Po crying his heart out on Vegeta's chest.
Vegeta immediately pushed Po off of him and threw him into the air. Then he blasted Po's head off. Vegeta then started to scratch himself everywhere.
"Ewwwwww! I have cooties from Po!" yelled Vegeta hopping from foot to foot.
After Vegeta had his 'cootie episode' he noticed La La was looking at him strangely.
La La slowly started to walk towards Vegeta and he leaned towards his ear. "Now that Po's gone how about me and you go somewhere and…" said La La before his head was ripped off also. Then Vegeta started his "cootie episode' again.
Vegeta mad and irritated, he started to cruise the mall again.
Vegeta had been walking for a while looking at all the people passing him until he heard:
"Wat up G?"
Vegeta looked up to the familiar voice to see Goku standing in front of him. But Goku had a new 'look'.
"Kakorott, what the hell are you wearing?" asked Vegeta looking at Goku like he had tattooed 'Vegeta' on his forehead.
"It's my new gear, homey!" said Goku doing the 'East Side' sign with his hands.
"Homey?" asked Vegeta.
"Yeah. Your like my dawg."
Vegeta just stared at him. He had thought a 'dawg' was a animal that served humans. So he was offended.
"I'm not your 'dawg' or your 'homey'. I'm the Prince of all Saiyans! Bow down to me and kiss my boots."
Goku raised an eyebrow.
"Why should I bow down to a guy dressed in spandex?" asked Goku. "That would just be cramping my style" he said licking his hand then running his hand through his hair.
A vain then popped out of Vegeta's head. His hand curled into a fist and then started shaking. Vegeta flew at Goku and knocked the du-rag off of Goku's head.
"Ow!" yelled Goku, "What's with the shizzle, furizzle, my nizzle?"
Vegeta just hit him again. Then he asked Goku:
"So Kakorott, whatcha doin'?"
G: "Nuthin, chillin' at the holiday inn."
V: "Who you wit?"
G: "Me and my peeps won't you bring 4 of your friends."
V: "What we be doin'?"
G: "Bet on each other and sip on some Heins, one thing leading to another let the party begin."
Vegeta, realizing he was singing Chingy, wondered where he got that from.
Goku then started break dance on his nimbus cloud and people started to gather and cheer. They were putting money into a hat that magically appeared and were clapping.
Vegeta just kept walking. Goku's show was pretty boring especially since he can't dance and there was no music playing.
Vegeta continued to cruise the mall until he noticed there was notthing for him to do. So he headed for the park. The nice, quiet, relaxing park. Oh so he thought.
He sat on a bench for a while until he heard a strange kind of cricket chirp. When he listened closer he could hear "Pika Pika". It was coming from behind the bush and decided to investigate.
When he looked behind the bush he saw a yellow rat, humping a blue turtle. And he saw a boy with spiky black hair filming it.
"Um, Pikachu, I need you to face the camera a little more, and Squirtle you need to grab Pikachu. Yeah that's it" said Ash Ketchum, the world's greatest Poke'mon PORN master.
Vegeta looked on in disgust. This was the stuff Trunks and Goten were crazy about? Poke'mon? This stupid show about little creatures? And the whole time it was just porn in diguise? Vegeta smirked.
"They're smarter than I thought" thought Vegeta.
Vegeta continued to watch them unheard until he heard a bunch of screams.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" yelled the towns people.
Vegeta flew up into the air to see what had made them scream. In the middle of the city, there was a big, pink, fuzzy, spaceship. Coming out of the ship were millions of billions of Carebears.
"We are the mighty Carebears. Give us a hug or we'll blast your fucking head off!" yelled the leader of the Carebears.
"Be quiet!" yelled Vegeta, "If you want a hug, go find a green guy called Piccolo. He loooves hugs."
Vegeta had never really liked Piccolo, and he knew Piccolo hated sentimental situations. He couldn't wait to see Piccolo getting hugged by Carebears. So he set off to find him.
When he finally found Piccolo, he was sitting behind a booth that had a sign on it that read: 'Free Hugs'. In front of the booth was a line of about 100,000 Carebears.
Piccolo had red lipstick on, stilleto heels, and a mini dress on. He was yelling:
"I finally saved the world! I saved the world from Carebears! Muhahahah!"
Vegeta ran in fear. He NEVER wanted to see that side of Piccolo. Not ever.
Vegeta went home and locked himself in himself in his room, hugged his knees, and started to rock back and forth.
"The world is evil" said Vegeta, "I'm never going out there again."
Suddenly he heard:
"I'm giving out free hugs Vegeta" from Piccolo.
"Noooooooooooo!" yelled Vegeta as he sat up in his bed. Sweat was dripping down his face and he was panting.
"I'm glad that was just a dream" he said when he felt someone next to him. Thinking it was Bulma, he leaned down to kiss her. When he was about to kiss her, she became Goku and said:
"Wat up G?"
"Noooooooo" yelled Vegeta never waking up from his nightmare.