Orpus does not own these characters, dammit! Stop calling!

Chapter Nine: Eggs On The Wall



In order to survive Beastboy's wrathful curry, the other Titans came up with a surprising array of methods. For example, Cyborg simply shut off his tongue; Robin, on the other hand, shot his head full of Novocain. Starfire was forced to drink an entire gallon of milk after eating, making her clothes uncomfortably tight. If you were too look at Beastboy's face long enough, you would notice tears of unimaginable pain drip from his eyes, quickly soaked up by his napkin.

Later on, in the common room, Raven was reading her book (and snacking on some wasabi peas, which Beastboy also brought from the supermarket). Beastboy, Robin, and Cyborg were becoming extremely competitive in their game; Raven, looking up for a brief moment, could easily see the worry written all over Starfire's face. Raven, too, was worried that someone would get hurt again, paying special thought to Beastboy's slight build. If Cyborg were to roll over onto him, he could very possibly be smashed into the floor (if he were to lose his quick reflexes and not turn into something tougher).

As if not wanting to disappoint the girls, the argument quickly turned into a bloodthirsty free-for-all. Just as the brawl started, Starfire leaps from her seat and tossed herself between them. Paying her no mind, Beastboy and Cyborg continued to maul each other, while Robin escorted her from the ring. Dropping her book, Raven was shocked by the growing ferocity of their quarrels. Even as they were separated by her dark magic, they continued trying to kill each other.

she screamed, causing them to stop and stare at her with blank faces. There's no good reason to gut each other. We have food, electricity, and shelter. We DON'T need to murder each other over a stupid video game. Releasing them from her telekinetic grip, she stormed off to her room.

Oh, thanks a LOT, Cyborg! shouted Beastboy. Now I know she hates me! I'll never make an impression!!!!! In much the same fashion as Raven, he stomped off to his room and bolted the door.

Coming back with a look of total surprise on her face, it was apparent that Raven had not gotten her room as soon as Beastboy had thought. He'll never what!? she asked.

said Robin, now you know.

said Cyborg; at last, it was his turn to shout. Don't give out people's secrets!

Well, now she's sure to know!

Walking off to her room again, Raven thought to herself, Beastboy's trying to impress me?' A slight grin forming on her face as she formed an idea, she closed herself in her room to further develop the plan.

Later that day, Robin and Cyborg were continuing to have problems in coaxing Beastboy out of his nest (hey, that sounds like Orpus' bed!). Ready to give up, they called on Starfire, hoping she would have some idea of how to get him out.

Beastboy, won't you please come out? she asked. There's food!

You're wasting your time! This was the first response they had in hours. I've already got a lot of snacks in here, so beat it!

B, you said you only got that curry powder and the wasabi things! shouted Cyborg. I hope you are planning to pay for that stuff later!

Later once again, Cyborg is speaking to Beastboy through the wall between their rooms. Yeah, I understand that you find Raven... appealing. I mean, look at that suit!!!

Dude, that's only part of it!

Yeah, but you gotta admit... she is a majorly excellent babe.

Yeah... an incredible specimen of the species Babeus superiorus.

She's totally babe-a-licious.

If she were a president, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln.

From her adjacent room, Starfire screams: Beastboy! Cyborg! Do cease your talking, as Robin and I are trying to sleep!

THEY'RE SLEEPIN' TOGETHER! squealed Cyborg.

Unfortunately, his squawking awoke Raven, who nearly destroyed the tower in anger. All of you SHUT UP!

Jeepers, Raven! said Cyborg. Calm down!

UKRALI SU MI TASNU!!!!!! screams Raven, and Cyborg proceeds to explode.



The next morning, Raven notices that someone has already brewed her some tea. Beastboy' she thinks as she pours herself a cup and turns to the fridge.

Beastboy, not knowing Raven was awake yet, is preparing breakfast in his pajamas, using headphones to listen to a Tetris dance remix. Jumping around like a fool as he prepares the usual tofu eggs, he turns around and comes face-to-face with Raven. screams Beastboy, tofu eggs going every which way and sticking to the walls.

screams Raven, dropping her tea.







Shut up! shouted Raven. Picking up her cup and refilling it, she left to the sanctity of the couch.

Scraping the tofu off of the walls, Beastboy thought, Hey, she doesn't eat this stuff, and nobody will ever know I scraped it off the walls.' As he had already eaten, there was no reason for him to eat the egg substitute which would now taste like wallpaper.

Woken early by the screaming, Cyborg sits half asleep at the table and begins eating the wall-flavored eggs. Spitting it out, he leaps from the table and screams: AW, MAN! THAT TASTES LIKE GLUE!

If you don't like it, love it! shouted Beastboy, quickly putting food on plates for the now-present Robin and Starfire.

asked Cyborg, I heard you two slept together last night!

I demand that you stay out of our personal business! says Starfire, posessively hugging a limp, drooling Robin to her side.

End of Chapter Nine