Déni- Je ne posséde pas le moulin rouge ou Mlle Satine ou quel autre des choses dans l'histoire. Je n'ai pas rien d'argent. Je ne parle pas le bien francais. C'est dommage.

I waited until it was dark to leave then I crept down stairs unseen. Once out side I was able to breath the fresh night air. I was free. Somehow despite the fact that at home I was terribly spoiled and had everything I'd ever wanted, I'd been controlled. Now I could eat where I wanted, sleep when I wanted, love who I wanted and sing whatever song I felt like singing I could even go where I wanted to go; the theater.

Outside the gates and down the street, turning left, then right, then right again and so on. I knew the way well although it had always gone much quicker in the carriage. My feet were hurting and my back was aching but I finally got there and found to my distress that the door was locked. I was on the verge of tears again, this time in despair and frustration. Had I made a mistake to leave? I barely knew Rik and at home at least I had a bed and food and Daddy who loved me. I remembered Mr. Dumont's face and his sneering laugh and felt encouraged.

I knocked on the door and waited several seconds before knocking again, harder and longer. The finally a tall man with dark hair opened the door. He reeked of alcohol and had been busy with a dirty girl with limp dark blond curls and it was obvious he was not pleased at being disturbed. He looked down his rather large nose at me and grinned. Not a pleasant grin either.

"What's a purdy young fing like you doin' out at this 'our o' night?" he said. The girl giggled stupidly. She had empty brown eyes which bore resemblance to a dogs.

"Erm... I'm looking for Rik... he said I could find him here."

The man raised his eyebrows and the girl giggle harder but he saw I was quite serious and stomped off to look for him. I heard him calling:

"Riiiiiiiik! Rik me boy a loverly gurl's lookin' fur you! Riiiiiiik!" more heavy footsteps and nasal laughter and there he was. My heart was beating so hard my chest I swear you could see it though my dress. I was suddenly more aware of my own body then I'd ever been before. I could feel each part of it. Standing there neither of us knew what do so we just stared at each other for a moment.

"I need help." I said finally my voice wasn't working right and I felt strange all over. I was burning up. I wanted suddenly to have no clothes on at all and even then I'd be hot because my skin was on fire. I wanted him with passion and it hurt. "Help me." He took my hand and led me down a hall and up some stairs to a room that was small and dingy, compared to what I was used to. I didn't know what to do. My mind had gone blank. I couldn't take it much longer.

I'm not sure who moved first, but suddenly our lips were pushed together in a sloppy kiss. I pushed so hard my mouth got bruised. I wanted to be closer to him. Touching wasn't enough, I wanted him in me. It was a blur after that. We were fumbling with each others clothes, look there goes his shirt, and he was unhooking my undergarments. He pushed me onto the bed and it was amazing. It hurt because I was a virgin but I kept pushing. I wanted him in me. I was panting and moaning with delight and exhaustion took me. I feel asleep right there, still hot all over and we woke up the next morning side by side.

I was so filled with joy to see him next to me. I kissed his sleeping eyes and ran my fingers through his hair. And he woke up slowly, smiling slightly and I knew he was feeling the same intensely happy feeling as me. We didn't get dressed for a long time. We just lay beside each other, enjoying the essence of the other person. At home I'd never been allowed to sleep late or lounge it bed. Thinking of home I realized they must have noticed I was gone by now. I wondered what was going on and felt as though a hole had been punched in my heart. I tried not to cry and ruin the magic of the morning but a single tear escaped and rolled slowly down my face. Rik reached up and wiped it away.

"Why are you crying?" he asked tenderly.

"Oh Rik I'm in so much trouble! I'm supposed to marry a horrid old man so I left and I have nowhere to go!"

He held me close and I finally gave in and cried.

"As long as you're with me I'll keep you safe. We can leave this place if we 'ave to. We can both start a new life. I'd do that for ye. I've never felt this way about anyone before." and he kissed me again, softly this time, reassuring me.
We spent the whole day together, he introduced me too the other theater people. He said he dreamed of being an actor but he was always to young. His brother played Romeo in the play I'd seen on my birthday, which seemed years ago and I seemed like a small child. Rik showed me his job. He ran things back stage and designed sets. He was a very talented artist. Then we went for a walk in the town. I had ridden through this neighborhood in the carriage but Daddy had never let me get out because he said it was not a proper place for someone of our class.

We were heading out of one of the boutiques when we saw a policeman down the street from us, talking to a blond woman in a long, black dress. There was hardly anyone else around and it would be easy for him to see me. I was pretty noticeable. I ducked behind a shrub just in time. He stopped Rik.

"You there! Young man! Have you seen this girl?" I was he was holding a black and white photograph of me. I remember when they took it. I had worn a dress that itched and had to sit still for a long time. It was on old picture, I must have been about eleven in it.

"Her name is Satine; she has red hair and blue eyes and has been missing since this morning." Rik shook his head. From my hiding spot I saw amusement in his eyes seeing the small child in the picture. No one but me who understood him so well would notice that of course.

"I'm sorry I haven't seen her. That's a shame." He was a good actor. For a second he had me convinced. The policeman asked something I couldn't quite hear and then in a still very believable way. "Yep I'll let ye know if I see her. Sure thing." He smiled helpfully like a good citizen. As soon as the policeman was gone we hurried back to the safety of the theater.

I knew we couldn't stay here much longer. The police were looking for me and I thought about Daddy and how he must be feeling right now while I was having the time of my life.

That night we drank red wine and got pretty drunk. It was then he told me about Paris. He said we could leave England and go to the place were art and theater were everywhere. The way he said it he made it sound like heaven and I could hardly wait to get going. And I could tell that when Rik said something he meant it. He had proposed things that yesterday had seemed impossible but now I knew that if he said we were going to Paris then we were going to Paris. I was so in love with him now and he was with me neither of us could lie to each other and we found ourselves recounting the worst memories we had, with no shame. Usually the thought of them made me want to crawl in my closet and die.

He told me about when he was younger, how his mother had drunk and how his father would beat them both to a pulp. I told him how when I was little I used to steal pretty things from shops for no reason at all Daddy would have bought them for me if I'd wanted but it had been my only way to rebel. I told him how I used to talk to my mother instead of god at night when I said my prayers. How I had no friends and hated other children almost as much as they hated me. Then we cried when we remembered these thing and held each other and made love for what seemed like hours. We were both young and confused and lonely but not alone anymore.