Disclaimer: I don't own moulin rouge or Satine and I'm not writing this for profit I'm writing it for fun. So don't sue me. Fun is not a crime (sings: you gotta fight for your right, to party) and I have no money. My singing doesn't earn me much.

Alice's family was very nice to me and at first living with them was heaven but it lost all of its charm before long. Whenever I looked at her children all I could think was "I don't want one of those!" and whenever she kissed her husband I remember all the times I had kissed Rik. Alice's husband really loved her. I was beginning to question my love of Rik. More like infatuation. I wondered sadly what it was like to feel real love. When ever anyone said "I love you" before leaving for school or work or going to bed I got all depressed.

Along with that, living in a quaint little town, which had seemed so charming and clean compared to the dirty old city, got boring after awhile. There were only a few little shops and not enough to keep me interested for very long.

As a last resort I got a job working in a boutique selling hats. I spent more time trying them on then working and the manager didn't notice. It seemed ideal to me. Unfortunately I got fired after three days for "insulting and generally vexing the customers." I was only trying to help them in making good decisions and the fur cap did make it look like she was having a bad hair day. Working had never suited me anyway.

Furthermore, why did no one ever tell me what a drag it was to be pregnant? Alice has been through it twice yet she was still all sunshine and roses about it. At first you get sick all the time which is never much fun. Even Alice can't enjoy vomiting in the morning. I can just see her standing over the lou smiling saying "I'll just be a second dear!" Does she ever feel sad? Anyway then you start getting fat, something I had always been terrified of. It wasn't long before I felt like I'd swallowed a melon. Speaking of melon, I'd fancy some right now.

Alice, who was sick again, taught me how to knit and we spent a lot of time making baby clothes which I thought was very boring. All the same, despite the fact that I didn't want a baby at all, I felt a growing connection to the thing growing inside me. When the baby finally came it was a mess and the doctor was called. It hurt like hell of course. There was so much pain but all the sudden it didn't matter. There she was. Wrinkly, red and beautiful.

Once Juliette was born my life took on new meaning. Everyday was hopeful and I watched her grow, thinking about what the future would hold for her. She had the whole world ahead of her and she wasn't going to ruin things like I had. It was strange for me to think about someone beside myself. I had always put me first. What made Satine happy, what was best for Satine. Now I began thinking about what was best for Juliet and my own needs became secondary.

She was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on. She had dark hair and looked the most like me but she had her Daddy's eyes and it had been too painful for me to look into them for a while.

Alice's family was so kind to let me stay with them. I had offered to pay them for my room but they refused and that was lucky because I had no money and had already sold all the jewelry I wasn't attached to.

I was rather worried about Alice. She didn't seem to be getting any better. She spent a lot of time in bed and coughed so hard I thought she would never stop. One December morning she came to me out of the blue. She put her too-pale hand on my shoulder.

"Satine I've always wanted to go to Paris," she whispered. I saw adventure and insanity in her eyes. I'd seen her like that once before and that was the night before she left. I raised my eyebrows.

"Why would you want to go to that loathsome city?"

"Well I'm not going to be around forever and I thought it would be fun if you and I took a trip together."

"You're not serious!"

"Satine please understand," she said softly. She looked desperate now.

"No you understand! You have a wonderful husband who loves you and you have no idea what kind of pain I've been through!" I said. I hadn't meant to say it.

I was crying now. She did this on purpose. She's not nice at all. She used to kick me under the table when she thought no one was looking. She used to read my diary too I'm sure of it. She's just a nasty person who hides it well. She likes to see me in pain.

"I'm dying," she said looking terrified. She was crying too.

"No... you... how?"

"I didn't want to tell you. I wanted do something fun and I could die happy."

I shook my head, speechless. I should die, not her. I'm the one who's wasted my life. .

"Alright, Paris it is"