Disclaimer: We don't own FF or KH; that belongs to Squaresoft. Aerithism and its priestesses, however, belong to us. =D
A/N: Whoo, we've finally got a review, so onward we continue. At least SOMEONE noticed this thing. xD Amazingly, it wasn't a flame. o_o; Oh, I, Sane One, wrote the first part. I turned over the second part, Rinoa's funeral (yes, Rinoa =D) over to Hyper One. Hence, more pervertedness. O_o;
--
Sane One stared at Yuffie, still trying to coerce answers out of the lovechild. "So, you're saying your mother is Kairi? How… your mother is younger than you, Yuffie. She can't be your mother."
Yuffie merely shook her head.
"It's true!" Kairi grinned. "I'm a mommy!"
Squall and Aerith blinked, then hugged each other. "We're grandparents!" They got up, and began to dance around the room while a few others joined them, along with Kairi. Yuffie brooded in a corner, a dark, ominous cloud following her around, one that would normally follow Vincent.
Sane One twitched, laughing nervously. After about ten more minutes of random dancing, she frowned. "All of you, sit your damn selves down in the damned plastic chairs!" Everyone stared at her with wide eyes. They were about to continue dancing until Hyper One bounced up to the screen, waving a Swiss army knife around crazily. The characters immediately complied without a second thought.
"So, the first step we're going to learn is how to be paired off correctly. At least the lovechildren will be normal if we get that to a normal level." Sane One leaned closer to the TV screen, glancing around the room. "…where's Rinoa?"
Rinoa, meanwhile, had escaped the room when the random dancing had ensued. She was trying, with much difficulty, to scale the LA complex in a straight jacket. The window was broken.
"Rinoa," the Hyper One began, "must have broken it during a spaz attack. While in the middle of this spaz attack, she must have seen the open window and climbed out of it."
Sane One stared at Hyper One with an utterly confused look on her face. "Okay. So, someone go get Rinoa or I can't get Squall paired off corre – "
"Seifer/Squall all the way, damnit!" Seifer coughed and scooted his chair back a little. "What? I swear I didn't say anything.
"Mmhmm. Right."
"Seriously!"
"Whatev – "
"That's MY line!"
"Yeah, lady, that's Squall's line, so
just shut up!"
The Sane One glared at them all, turning all shiny and spiffy like Galadriel
does in Lord of the Rings. "Silence!"
They all twitched and hid under their chairs. Plastic Hell quivered. There was a scream. Rinoa's straightjacketed form fell past the window. Seifer shrugged. Hyper One ran offscreen and in the door to the room, sticking her head out of the window to watch Rinoa fall. "Byeeeeee spazzzzyyyy!" she called after the blue-clad woman, giggling. She looked at the room, laughing nervously. "Oops."
"HYPER ONE!" Sane One's scream was picked up by the speakers and amplified many times. It took quite awhile for the characters' ears to stop ringing.
"Ahaha."
Aerith stared at the two, slightly confused. "Umm… two questions. One: don't you two have real names? And two: why are you in pink robes?"
"Well, for the first question," Hyper One began, "We don't give out our names and use these instead. Ask Sane One, I don't even know why." A voice that sounded like Sane One could be heard muttering 'to avoid the evil flames, idiot.' but they all chose to ignore it. "And for the second question, we're priestesses of Aerithism."
Aerith twitched. "Aerithism?"
"Uh-huh."
"So, it's like a cult worship of me?"
"The one and only."
"COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" Aerith jumped up and down, then proceeded to glomp Cloud repeatedly in happiness, as Tifa meanwhile threw multiple things at her, all of which Hyper One and Sane One frantically blocked.
"Aerith! Get off him!" Sane One pulled Aerith off of Cloud, and looked around the room. "How do I somehow doubt we're going to have to break off this meeting and do something else?" Everyone shrugged. "All right then… we need to have a funeral for the dearly departed Rinoa." Everyone blinked when she said 'dearly departed'. "I was trying to be nice, okay?"
--
It was a cold day that brought only mourning. The cast took slow, melancholy steps towards their fallen angel's grave... Rinoa was gone. Each of them - even Hyper One - placed a single white rose on the cold stone surface. "Goodbye... Rinoa." Squall sobbed out.
Um... no.
The sun shone up in the bright turquoise sky; a nice day - too nice of a day to spend 'mourning' a mary-sue-wannabe that you didn't like much in the first place. Hyper One sulked and took a seat under a small tree that was slowly turning pink - contaminated by IT. The Unholy One herself... Rinoa. Many things could be said about her. Biatch, devil incarnate, regular attendant of plastic surgery - all of them were generally crappy things. Yes, they took after the Winged Manly Woman.
Sane attempted to sound formal and kind, as she placed a plastic Wal-Mart flower near the piece of paper taped to the ground; reading 'ths is rnhoa' in scrawly print. The result was not unlike a pregnant spork attempting to hump Kairi. It just didn't work. ''Ahh... can we go now?'' Hyper One complained. A certain brown-haired gay man rolled his eyes. ''We make a speech. We do formal shit,'' Squall mumbled. ''...dumbass.'' Hyper sulked. ''Yeah, you're just pissed 'cause you wanna hump Seifer.''
The following events were crack induced - Squall's gunblade slammed the tree; and repeated use of the f-word continued as a swearing Ansem fell out of the tree and crash-landed - on the disturbed Hyper and Squall, coincidentally. (*cough*) Seifer tripped and also fell in the pile, meaning to - ironically enough - hump Squall. Hyper attempted to crawl out of the ever screwy blob that was Squall, Ansem, Seifer and now Aerith as she attempted to strangle Squall for cheating on her. This resulted in the caffeinated-priest-woman getting whacked by Squall's gunblade. ...the weapon. (x_x) Sane One stared for a record 3 minutes.
''...are you all having a group orgy?''