Sirius' Cure For Exam Tension 3
A/N: Before we start this chapter, I'd like to thank my reviewers who, on the most part, have been so kind. You know, if you don't like slash, there's a very simple solution to your problem: don't read it. 'Cause I sure as hell ain't going to stop writing it. I would give all my reviewers an individual mention, but you know what? There's so many of you and I don't have all day. I'd just like you all to know I appreciate your reading and liking my story. Hell, if you didn't like it, I also appreciate that opinion. For anyone out there who isn't liking it, I have this to say: I know where you live.
For those who requested more fluffy Remus/Sirius slashyness. . . Well, there's some in this chapter. Yum. Et cetera.
As for the whole date-issue, thanks to Liara for pointing out that Lily and James died before 1984. I'm not good at timelines. I'll sort it out at some point. Probably.
Enough of this gay banter. On with the fic.
***
Remus Lupin rolled out of bed one morning in the summer. It was a late morning for him, nearly 9.30 am, and he was feeling groggy. The strains of what would later turn out to be Whitesnake not so much filtered through from the living room as smashed the door down and executed an offensive against his inner ear. He crawled towards the door and groped for the handle. The door smacked him in the face as he opened it, but eventually he tumbled into the living room, pulling his dressing gown on, and demanding that Sirius turn the music down.
"Good morning Moony!" Sirius chirruped happily. "Sleep well?"
Remus didn't answer, but slumped into an armchair. "Coffee," he grunted.
"Coming right up." Sirius danced into the kitchen and returned minutes later with two mugs, which he put on the coffee table. Then he went back into the kitchen for a bowl, put that down too, and poured half of one of the mugs into the bowl. He slid easily into his canine form, and wedged himself into the chair next to Remus and nuzzled him affectionately. Remus patted him half-heartedly, stifling a yawn. All conversation while Sirius was dog-shaped took place via silent, mental communication. Sirius could talk directly to Remus' wolf side, almost telepathically, without making a sound.
"You still don't like my music then?"
"I don't care either way about the music. It's the fact that you play it at full volume before midday that gets to me."
"You play your music loudly whenever you like."
"Yes. But mine is . . ."
"Boring."
"Sirius! I was going for tasteful. . ."
The dog glanced up at the man's face, then licked his hand. "You know I don't mean it."
"Yes, well. . ."
"Oh, by the way, guess what!? I answered the teleyphont this morning!" Sirius tone contained more than a hint of pride.
Remus winced. "Really?" Sirius came from a large, pure blood wizard family, while Remus was half muggle. Remus had shown Sirius over the years how to use most muggle artefacts - the stereo, for example, although he now wished he'd left muggle music as a mystery to Sirius. The television was easy enough. Kitchen appliances had been surprisingly easy to teach to Sirius. Even the microwave hadn't presented much of a problem. However, when it came to telephones, it was very, very difficult for wizards to get the hang of technology. Sirius didn't like the idea of being able to talk to someone you couldn't see. All wizard forms of communication involved looking at a moving image of the person you were talking to even if you were miles apart. Telephones, obviously, weren't like that, and because Sirius couldn't see the person he was talking to, he got very confused. At first he was convinced there was some conspiracy. He protested that he had no proof that he was really talking to the person he thought he was. After all, it was all too easy to cast a spell to change the sound of one's voice. Remus had patiently explained that muggles couldn't do that, and anyway, what would be the point? After convincing Sirius that he could trust the person on the other end to be who they said they were most of the time, the next problem was in persuading him not to shout "CAN YOU HEAR ME?" into the mouthpiece every thirty seconds just to make sure.
"They can hear you well enough," Remus explained. "You can hear them, right?"
And that caused another problem. The first time Sirius used a phone, it had been to one of Remus' muggle friends who had been prior informed that Sirius was learning to use the phone.
"Go on, answer it," Remus said, when the phone began to ring.
Sirius tentatively lifted the receiver. "Now what?" he hissed.
"Say hello," Remus told him.
"Hello."
"Into the mouth piece."
"Oh. Hello?"
Remus smiled slightly before, "ARGH! I'm hearing voices!"
"Yes, that's the point!"
Sirius threw the receiver away from him and glanced wildly about the room. "Who are you? I can't see you! Show yourself!" he yelled, until Remus had calmly explained the whole thing to him for the third time.
Sirius threw the receiver away from him and glanced wildly about the room. "Who are you? I can't see you! Show yourself!" he yelled, until Remus had calmly explained the whole thing to him for the third time.
And then there had been the problem with teaching him all about ringing people himself. He found phone numbers almost impossible to remember, and when the phone was answered, he panicked and forgot what to say. Therefore, Sirius and Remus seldom got any phone calls at all these days, because their muggle friends were almost afraid of what would happen when their call was answered. It struck Remus as odd on this particular day that someone should have phoned them. His first thought was that there had been some kind of emergency.
"Who was it?" he asked anxiously.
"Your father."
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing. He just invited us over tomorrow. I said okay."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"I said okay, Moony. And I'm sitting right beside you, you don't have to shout."
"But, but, but. . ." Remus leaped off the chair, and Sirius melted back into his human shape, standing up and following Remus into the kitchen as he did so.
"Sirius! My family thought I lived with some girl! What did you tell them?"
"That I was your flatmate. He asked about your girlfriend, I said you'd finished with her."
"Oh, Sirius. . .This is a disaster!"
"Why?"
"I'm going to have to tell them!" Remus paced up and down the kitchen, ringing his hands. Sirius put a hand on his shoulder to stop him, then pulled him into his arms.
"Yes," he said. "You are."
Remus peered up at Sirius' expression. Gone was the usual eccentric cheerfulness in those bright eyes, replaced suddenly by something just as warm and welcoming, but something ultimately serious and sensible. This was the Sirius Black only those closest to him ever got to see. Remus made a small noise in his throat and buried his face in Sirius' neck.
"Listen, Remus," the bigger man muttered, running his hands through the werewolf's light brown, shaggy hair. "You can't keep lying to your family. I don't like you lying about me either. I love you and I want everyone to know about it." He made a flamboyant arm gesture, taking in the whole of the kitchen and his invisible audience. "Don't you ever get the urge just to shout out how much you love me?" he continued. "I do everyday"
Remus lifted his face and smiled sadly. "I do, but -"
"Why can't you just be who you are?"
"Who I am? I'm a werewolf, Sirius!"
"Why can you say that out loud and not that you love me? Are you ashamed of me?"
"No!"
"Of yourself, then? You're ashamed that you love another man."
Remus made the same small noise again. "Yes," he whispered.
With a deep sigh, Sirius folder his arms around Remus, drawing him even closer. "I know I can be an insensitive prick sometimes, but I know how you feel, Moony."
"Do you?"
"Of course. You think I'm one hundred percent sure of myself, all the way down, in everything I do? I'm as insecure as you. I just manifest it differently."
"By eating a lot of pineapple?"
"Exactly. Comfort food. Plus, it's utterly delicious."
"But my parents . . ."
"Obviously don't know you as well as I do. I know you're a gay werewolf and I love you more than anything else in this universe. If they can't love you when they know exactly who and what you are, they're not proper parents."
"I couldn't bare it if they rejected me."
"I know how that feels, Moony. We'll get through this."
Once more, Remus looked up at Sirius with utter devotion. Sure, he loved Sirius' eccentricity, but sometimes all he needed was some honest affirmation. He savoured these moments when Sirius realised being wacky wouldn't work, and returned to Earth briefly to offer his advice and support. They were rare moments. If they weren't, they wouldn't have had the same sincerity.
He leaned up and pressed his lips to Sirius'. The kiss was returned after a moment, and the two stood there wrapped in each other until they lost track of the time.
***
The next day Sirius transfigured his beautiful Bentley into a less swish yet efficient Toyota. He had driven the Bentley when masquerading as Remus' non-existent girlfriend, and he didn't want to give the game away before Remus was ready by turning up at the Lupin house in the same car. He didn't even grumble about magicking away his beloved Continental. He saw this as a mission, and he would do everything in his power to assure things went as planned.
"Ready?" Remus asked, climbing into the passenger seat.
Sirius turned to kiss him on the nose, then started the engine. "Pass me a sweet," he said, pulling on his driving gloves. Remus smiled. For Sirius, driving was a ritual. He had to wear his driving gloves because they had come with the car and would have been very expensive to buy, and he was determined not to let them go to waste. Then he demanded a near-constant supply of pineapple flavoured boiled sweets. And then, of course, he would get lost no fewer than three times, even when driving to the Potters' place three miles away. Remus was almost sure he did it on purpose. When they arrived at the desired destination (or at least, a destination,) he would sit with his eyes closed for exactly a minute. No one had ever figured out why, but Remus was almost sure that it was purely and simply to emphasise his outward peculiarity, just like his tendency to sit upside down in chairs at people's houses at random. But, eventually, they got there. Remus climbed out of the car and retrieved their overnight bag from the boot while Sirius apparently cleared his mind of the journey they'd just undertaken. Then he rang the doorbell, Sirius appearing at his side.
"Hi mum," said Remus to the witch who answered the door.
"Remus, it's good to see you again," said Mrs Lupin fondly. "And this must be Sirius? I've heard a lot about you, dear."
"You have?"
"Oh, yes. You were at school with Remus, weren't you?"
"Yes, that's right." Sirius glanced sideways at Remus. "I'm an old school friend."
"Well don't stand on the doorstep, you two, come on in!"
They filed into the living room where Sirius was introduced to the rest of the Lupins. Remus' father, a middle-aged muggle who looked like an older version of Remus himself, was smoking a pipe and reading a muggle newspaper, but put everything to one side to welcome his son. Remus' sisters, fourteen-year-old Katy and near-silent, five-year-old Tabetha, were also introduced, but while Katy was merely polite to Sirius, Tabetha took a running jump and leaped into his lap. "Puppy," she announced, giving him a huge grin.
"Er," said Sirius, glancing nervously at Remus.
"She's got seventh sense," Remus explained. "Inherited it from our grandmother. Most of the women in the family have it, but not mum for some reason." He glanced at his father. "Tabby is obviously picking up the fact that you. . .Like dogs," he finished rather lamely.
Tabetha had curled up on Sirius's lap and sighed contentedly when he patted her nervously on the head. Remus grinned. "You've made a friend for life there!"
Remus' mother had made dinner and they were all sitting around the dining table by six o'clock. Tabetha made sure she was sitting next to Sirius, and spent most of the time watching him. Surprisingly, Sirius didn't find being watched by her all that uncomfortable, although Katy was also staring at him when she thought she could get away with it unnoticed. Remus found this highly amusing. He knew Katy would take a shine to Sirius, who was incredibly good looking.
"Puppy," said Tabetha again when they went into the living room after dinner. She climbed once more onto Sirius' lap and started to plait his long hair, tying it back with red ribbons.
"Ergh," muttered Sirius. "Red is definitely not my colour. Try the green ones."
Katy joined them in the living room with her summer homework from Hogwarts, and pestered Sirius to help her with it while Tabetha continued to fuss over his hair. Remus smiled as he watched them, Sirius showing Katy how to draw a star chart for Astronomy, and Tabetha decided to attack his hair with a comb, removing the knots far better than Sirius could himself. He had just walked into their home and been accepted as one of them. It was better than Remus had dared to hope. If only his parents bonded with Sirius so easily, everything, he told himself, would be fine.
When they were joined in the living room by Mr and Mrs Lupin, Sirius seemed to lose a little of his confidence. He remembered the seriousness of the situation and moved away from Remus, who winced at this noticeable movement.
"Sirius, you have the spare bedroom at the end of the hallway," said Mrs Lupin. "Remus will show you where it is and he'll take your bags up too, won't you, Remus?"
"Yes, mum."
As the made to leave the room, Remus' father stopped him. "When's the next full moon, son?"
Remus winced. "Next Friday."
"Just checking."
"He always does that," Remus explained as he and Sirius dragged their bags up the stairs. "Every new year he memorises the phases of the moon for the next twelve months. It's quite sad really."
"Well I'd love to have your family," said Sirius. "In fact, I'd be happy just to swap cousins with you, I'm fed up of Bella going on about how superior she is. . ." He gazed along the upstairs corridor. "So which room is yours?"
Remus grinned. "I'm not sure I should tell you. You might come and molest me during the night."
Sirius looked shocked. "Would I do that?"
"A guy can only hope."
A grin spread across Sirius' face too. A new spin had been put upon their romance. In their own home and around their friends they could do whatever they wanted, but here, in Remus' parents' house, what they had was secret, forbidden love. Not only was it dangerous, it was exiting too.
"So when do we tell them?" Sirius asked, as Remus pushed open the spare room door. "And how?"
Remus voiced what had been on Sirius' mind. "Maybe we should leave it a little while. . . Until the last day maybe."
"Good idea. Then if they get angry and throw us out it won't look too unusual to your sisters."
"Exactly." Remus smiled as he sat down on the bed. "I think we've got a few minutes before Katy and Tabby come up to bed. . ."
Sirius was never one to miss a hint. He locked the bedroom door, slipped out of his t-shirt, and sank down onto the bed beside Remus.
***
The following morning, Remus was once more the last one awake. It felt strange to be back in his old bedroom, in the single, Sirius-less bed. He rolled over and gazed at the posters adorning the walls of famous wizard pop groups and one of his favourite muggle singers, Phil Collins. Sirius had always ridiculed his taste in music, because it was so. . . What was the word Sirius used? Lame? Square? Something like that anyway. But Remus had always hidden his true tastes because agreeing with Sirius on this subject was something he had no intention of doing. It was much more entertaining this way. He made a mental note to remove the Queen poster from his wall before Sirius got to see it. In his family's house he was in the closet in one way, but with Sirius he was in the closet in completely another. As he dressed, he carefully took down and folded up the Meatloaf poster and the David Bowie poster. That was about it. Everything else was related to classical or jazz or . . . well, Phil Collins. That was suitably un-cool to avoid arousing Sirius' suspicion.
He pulled on muggle clothes, because his father had always been slightly suspicious of male wizards' dress-like robes, and made his way down for breakfast. Katy was eating cereal at the table, and Tabetha was doing *something* with hers but Remus decided not to pay too much attention. His mother was making sandwiches, and Sirius was helping her. Warning bells sounded in Remus' head.
"G'morning," he said, easing himself between Sirius and his mother. "Erm. . . Sirius, what sort of sandwiches are you making there?"
He knew the answer before it was voiced: "Pineapple!"
"Pineapple sandwiches. Right."
"We're all going on a picnic," said Mrs Lupin. "I asked Sirius for some novel ideas for sandwiches and he's come up with some amazing concoctions. Did you ever realise how well chocolate spread and marmite go together?"
"Er. . ."
"Especially when you add tinned pineapple."
"Oh god. . ."
"Are you okay, Remus? You look a little pale?"
Ignoring the question, Remus got himself some cornflakes and sat down at the table. He didn't dislike pineapple, but he had been subjected to so much of it that he was sure he had pineapple poisoning. It was definitely something to worry about.
"You can make your own sandwiches if you like, Rem," said Sirius, as he carefully folded some ham into a sandwich which already contained jam and chocolate sprinkles.
"I had every intention to do so," said Remus haughtily.
Sirius grinned. That tone of voice was usually his cue to try any methods to re-gain Remus' adoration, such as frantic make-out sessions and outrageous declarations of love. His grin faded as Mrs Lupin handed him some beetroot in a jar and instructed him to make something utterly delectable out of it. Remus winked at him, and went back to his cornflakes.
The picnic was to take place in the local park, where, he predicted, Tabetha could go and play on the swings and slides and things of that nature, and Katy could protest that she was too old for swings and slides, and her parents could lecture her on growing up too fast, and, Remus realised, there would be plenty of opportunity for he and Sirius to sneak off behind handy bushes and trees. It was also a great place for ants, which are essential for picnics.
He was nearly accurate, too.
"WAHOO!" Sirius cried as he slid down the longest slide Remus had ever seen. He was followed by Tabetha, who landed on top of him and declared "silly puppy!" Katy was next, and did a very good job of pretending she wasn't enjoying it.
"Your turn, Moony!" Said Sirius, slapping Remus on the rear then pretending he hadn't.
"I don't slide well," grumbled Remus. "I'm not aerodynamic."
"Oh go on! Just one slide. You'll enjoy it."
With even more reluctance than Katy, Remus climbed up the steps and stood at the top of the slide. As he gazed out over the park, he caught sight of something - someone - who made him lose his balance and tumble head-first down the slippery steel surface of the slide.
"Woo! Good one!" said Sirius, helping Remus back to his feet. "My turn!"
"Sirius -" Remus began, but the animagus had scampered away and was climbing up the steps himself. Remus panicked and glanced desperately around. The person he had spotted was once more out of sight. He relaxed slightly; maybe they had just been passing through. When Sirius tumbled to the overly-springy tarmac beside him, Remus dragged him to his feet and pulled him aside. "Sirius, there's something you have to. . .Oh *NO!*"
Remus couldn't even remember how to panic as he caught sight of his parents talking to the one person he had never dreamed they would even encounter. . .
***
"You must remember us, dear," said Mrs Lupin brightly, as she put a sisterly arm around the young woman's shoulder. "You don't have to pretend for our sake either. Now I don't know what's happened, but I'm sure we can work something out. . ."
The woman leaped away from Mrs Lupin as if she had just told her she had a highly contagious disease. "Who the hell are you?" she snapped, glancing from Mrs to Mr Lupin.
"Now then," said Remus' father firmly, "there's no need to be rude. We know you've had a fall-out with our son, but -"
Bellatrix Black stared at him, bewildered and annoyed. But even she couldn't resist the woman-to-woman pat on the arm and tone of voice employed by Mrs Lupin.
"Really, dear, come along now, Remus is just over here, I'm sure we can all talk about this and the two of you will be back on friendly terms in no time at all. . ."
Bellatrix could find nothing to say or do, and found herself being guided across the park to where Sirius was trying to poke some sense into a frozen, open-mouthed Remus. Mrs Lupin gave her son a stern glare. "Now then, Remus, I see it as an omen that we have encountered your lovely girlfriend while out on a family picnic. Whatever argument you two may have had, I'm sure you can sort it out, so why don't you invite. . . I'm sorry dear, I don't know your name. . . Why don't you invite this nice young lady to come and have lunch with us?" She turned to Bellatrix, who was staring in horror at Remus and Sirius. "And I'm sure that *you* would accept such a kind offer, wouldn't you, dear? You must be anxious to patch up your fractured romance with my son."
Everyone was silent for a moment as the situation became clear in Sirius' mind, Remus remembered how to panic, and finally Bellatrix Black snarled in disgust.
"Me?" She exclaimed? "ME go out with HIM? Me and Sirius' snotty little boyfriend? Are you mad, woman?" And with the shocking revelation still hanging in the air, Bellatrix turned on her heal and stormed away.
There was another, longer silence, during which Mrs Lupin's jaw dropped and Sirius silently cursed his ingenuity which had allowed him to come up with the Polyjuice Potion plot last time he had encountered Remus' parents. Remus felt a hot red flush come over his face and neck.
"Er, mum?" he murmured. "I think there's something Sirius and I should explain to you. . ."
***
Remus' mother took it extremely well. She was happy that Remus wasn't in a relationship with someone as rude as Bellatrix, and said she looked forward to Sirius showing her some of his unorthodox recipes at future family gatherings, although she did scold them for lying and pretending Sirius was someone he wasn't. Remus' father took it with a dignified silence and a nod. Katy went pink and pretended she didn't have a clue what was going on, and Tabetha, who had more of a clue than anyone gave her credit for, just smiled as she hugged Sirius and muttered "good puppy" into his ear.
Not much more was said on the subject that weekend. Sirius made Sunday dinner, and hardly used any pineapple at all, which earned him a pat on the head and a dog biscuit from Tabetha. On the last night, however, when Katy had finally gone to bed, Mr and Mrs Lupin joined Sirius and Remus in the living room. Then Mrs Lupin stared at her husband until he cleared his throat and addressed Sirius.
"Young man. . .Remus is our only son, and our eldest child. We can't pretend to understand what it is that makes you two. . ." his expression edged towards awkwardness, "love each other," he finished with an effort. "But we understand that you intend to spend your lives together, and we are prepared to accept that. You're welcome in our house whenever you want. Er. My wife has something to say."
Mrs Lupin nodded. "Sirius, dear, I can only ask you to take as best care of my son as you can." She raised a finger as Remus opened his mouth to speak. "Yes, Remus, I know you can look after yourself but sometimes you need. . .Well, someone else's support. You know what I mean. Sirius, please keep him out of trouble. It's no less than I'd ask from the wife of a son."
"Absolutely, Mrs L," Sirius assured her.
"Don't hurt him," added Remus' mother, quietly.
"I couldn't," said Sirius, compulsively gripping Remus' hand. The werewolf, who had gone slightly pink, rested his head on Sirius' shoulder.
"Well then," said Mr Lupin, "We'll leave you alone now. See you in the morning."
He headed upstairs while Mrs Lupin gave both of them a hug. "Good night, boys," she said, before following her husband upstairs.
Sirius grinned at his boyfriend. "That went as well as could be expected," he said. "And for the first time ever I'm oddly grateful to Bellatrix for being so unknowingly useful."
Remus nodded sleepily and kissed Sirius just the once. "I'm going to bed," he announced. "We've got a long journey tomorrow."
When they got upstairs, they discovered Sirius' belongings had been moved into Remus' bedroom.
Fini
A/N: While I was writing this, Freddie Mercury's birthday came and went. Happy birthday, Fred.
A/N: Before we start this chapter, I'd like to thank my reviewers who, on the most part, have been so kind. You know, if you don't like slash, there's a very simple solution to your problem: don't read it. 'Cause I sure as hell ain't going to stop writing it. I would give all my reviewers an individual mention, but you know what? There's so many of you and I don't have all day. I'd just like you all to know I appreciate your reading and liking my story. Hell, if you didn't like it, I also appreciate that opinion. For anyone out there who isn't liking it, I have this to say: I know where you live.
For those who requested more fluffy Remus/Sirius slashyness. . . Well, there's some in this chapter. Yum. Et cetera.
As for the whole date-issue, thanks to Liara for pointing out that Lily and James died before 1984. I'm not good at timelines. I'll sort it out at some point. Probably.
Enough of this gay banter. On with the fic.
***
Remus Lupin rolled out of bed one morning in the summer. It was a late morning for him, nearly 9.30 am, and he was feeling groggy. The strains of what would later turn out to be Whitesnake not so much filtered through from the living room as smashed the door down and executed an offensive against his inner ear. He crawled towards the door and groped for the handle. The door smacked him in the face as he opened it, but eventually he tumbled into the living room, pulling his dressing gown on, and demanding that Sirius turn the music down.
"Good morning Moony!" Sirius chirruped happily. "Sleep well?"
Remus didn't answer, but slumped into an armchair. "Coffee," he grunted.
"Coming right up." Sirius danced into the kitchen and returned minutes later with two mugs, which he put on the coffee table. Then he went back into the kitchen for a bowl, put that down too, and poured half of one of the mugs into the bowl. He slid easily into his canine form, and wedged himself into the chair next to Remus and nuzzled him affectionately. Remus patted him half-heartedly, stifling a yawn. All conversation while Sirius was dog-shaped took place via silent, mental communication. Sirius could talk directly to Remus' wolf side, almost telepathically, without making a sound.
"You still don't like my music then?"
"I don't care either way about the music. It's the fact that you play it at full volume before midday that gets to me."
"You play your music loudly whenever you like."
"Yes. But mine is . . ."
"Boring."
"Sirius! I was going for tasteful. . ."
The dog glanced up at the man's face, then licked his hand. "You know I don't mean it."
"Yes, well. . ."
"Oh, by the way, guess what!? I answered the teleyphont this morning!" Sirius tone contained more than a hint of pride.
Remus winced. "Really?" Sirius came from a large, pure blood wizard family, while Remus was half muggle. Remus had shown Sirius over the years how to use most muggle artefacts - the stereo, for example, although he now wished he'd left muggle music as a mystery to Sirius. The television was easy enough. Kitchen appliances had been surprisingly easy to teach to Sirius. Even the microwave hadn't presented much of a problem. However, when it came to telephones, it was very, very difficult for wizards to get the hang of technology. Sirius didn't like the idea of being able to talk to someone you couldn't see. All wizard forms of communication involved looking at a moving image of the person you were talking to even if you were miles apart. Telephones, obviously, weren't like that, and because Sirius couldn't see the person he was talking to, he got very confused. At first he was convinced there was some conspiracy. He protested that he had no proof that he was really talking to the person he thought he was. After all, it was all too easy to cast a spell to change the sound of one's voice. Remus had patiently explained that muggles couldn't do that, and anyway, what would be the point? After convincing Sirius that he could trust the person on the other end to be who they said they were most of the time, the next problem was in persuading him not to shout "CAN YOU HEAR ME?" into the mouthpiece every thirty seconds just to make sure.
"They can hear you well enough," Remus explained. "You can hear them, right?"
And that caused another problem. The first time Sirius used a phone, it had been to one of Remus' muggle friends who had been prior informed that Sirius was learning to use the phone.
"Go on, answer it," Remus said, when the phone began to ring.
Sirius tentatively lifted the receiver. "Now what?" he hissed.
"Say hello," Remus told him.
"Hello."
"Into the mouth piece."
"Oh. Hello?"
Remus smiled slightly before, "ARGH! I'm hearing voices!"
"Yes, that's the point!"
Sirius threw the receiver away from him and glanced wildly about the room. "Who are you? I can't see you! Show yourself!" he yelled, until Remus had calmly explained the whole thing to him for the third time.
Sirius threw the receiver away from him and glanced wildly about the room. "Who are you? I can't see you! Show yourself!" he yelled, until Remus had calmly explained the whole thing to him for the third time.
And then there had been the problem with teaching him all about ringing people himself. He found phone numbers almost impossible to remember, and when the phone was answered, he panicked and forgot what to say. Therefore, Sirius and Remus seldom got any phone calls at all these days, because their muggle friends were almost afraid of what would happen when their call was answered. It struck Remus as odd on this particular day that someone should have phoned them. His first thought was that there had been some kind of emergency.
"Who was it?" he asked anxiously.
"Your father."
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing. He just invited us over tomorrow. I said okay."
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
"I said okay, Moony. And I'm sitting right beside you, you don't have to shout."
"But, but, but. . ." Remus leaped off the chair, and Sirius melted back into his human shape, standing up and following Remus into the kitchen as he did so.
"Sirius! My family thought I lived with some girl! What did you tell them?"
"That I was your flatmate. He asked about your girlfriend, I said you'd finished with her."
"Oh, Sirius. . .This is a disaster!"
"Why?"
"I'm going to have to tell them!" Remus paced up and down the kitchen, ringing his hands. Sirius put a hand on his shoulder to stop him, then pulled him into his arms.
"Yes," he said. "You are."
Remus peered up at Sirius' expression. Gone was the usual eccentric cheerfulness in those bright eyes, replaced suddenly by something just as warm and welcoming, but something ultimately serious and sensible. This was the Sirius Black only those closest to him ever got to see. Remus made a small noise in his throat and buried his face in Sirius' neck.
"Listen, Remus," the bigger man muttered, running his hands through the werewolf's light brown, shaggy hair. "You can't keep lying to your family. I don't like you lying about me either. I love you and I want everyone to know about it." He made a flamboyant arm gesture, taking in the whole of the kitchen and his invisible audience. "Don't you ever get the urge just to shout out how much you love me?" he continued. "I do everyday"
Remus lifted his face and smiled sadly. "I do, but -"
"Why can't you just be who you are?"
"Who I am? I'm a werewolf, Sirius!"
"Why can you say that out loud and not that you love me? Are you ashamed of me?"
"No!"
"Of yourself, then? You're ashamed that you love another man."
Remus made the same small noise again. "Yes," he whispered.
With a deep sigh, Sirius folder his arms around Remus, drawing him even closer. "I know I can be an insensitive prick sometimes, but I know how you feel, Moony."
"Do you?"
"Of course. You think I'm one hundred percent sure of myself, all the way down, in everything I do? I'm as insecure as you. I just manifest it differently."
"By eating a lot of pineapple?"
"Exactly. Comfort food. Plus, it's utterly delicious."
"But my parents . . ."
"Obviously don't know you as well as I do. I know you're a gay werewolf and I love you more than anything else in this universe. If they can't love you when they know exactly who and what you are, they're not proper parents."
"I couldn't bare it if they rejected me."
"I know how that feels, Moony. We'll get through this."
Once more, Remus looked up at Sirius with utter devotion. Sure, he loved Sirius' eccentricity, but sometimes all he needed was some honest affirmation. He savoured these moments when Sirius realised being wacky wouldn't work, and returned to Earth briefly to offer his advice and support. They were rare moments. If they weren't, they wouldn't have had the same sincerity.
He leaned up and pressed his lips to Sirius'. The kiss was returned after a moment, and the two stood there wrapped in each other until they lost track of the time.
***
The next day Sirius transfigured his beautiful Bentley into a less swish yet efficient Toyota. He had driven the Bentley when masquerading as Remus' non-existent girlfriend, and he didn't want to give the game away before Remus was ready by turning up at the Lupin house in the same car. He didn't even grumble about magicking away his beloved Continental. He saw this as a mission, and he would do everything in his power to assure things went as planned.
"Ready?" Remus asked, climbing into the passenger seat.
Sirius turned to kiss him on the nose, then started the engine. "Pass me a sweet," he said, pulling on his driving gloves. Remus smiled. For Sirius, driving was a ritual. He had to wear his driving gloves because they had come with the car and would have been very expensive to buy, and he was determined not to let them go to waste. Then he demanded a near-constant supply of pineapple flavoured boiled sweets. And then, of course, he would get lost no fewer than three times, even when driving to the Potters' place three miles away. Remus was almost sure he did it on purpose. When they arrived at the desired destination (or at least, a destination,) he would sit with his eyes closed for exactly a minute. No one had ever figured out why, but Remus was almost sure that it was purely and simply to emphasise his outward peculiarity, just like his tendency to sit upside down in chairs at people's houses at random. But, eventually, they got there. Remus climbed out of the car and retrieved their overnight bag from the boot while Sirius apparently cleared his mind of the journey they'd just undertaken. Then he rang the doorbell, Sirius appearing at his side.
"Hi mum," said Remus to the witch who answered the door.
"Remus, it's good to see you again," said Mrs Lupin fondly. "And this must be Sirius? I've heard a lot about you, dear."
"You have?"
"Oh, yes. You were at school with Remus, weren't you?"
"Yes, that's right." Sirius glanced sideways at Remus. "I'm an old school friend."
"Well don't stand on the doorstep, you two, come on in!"
They filed into the living room where Sirius was introduced to the rest of the Lupins. Remus' father, a middle-aged muggle who looked like an older version of Remus himself, was smoking a pipe and reading a muggle newspaper, but put everything to one side to welcome his son. Remus' sisters, fourteen-year-old Katy and near-silent, five-year-old Tabetha, were also introduced, but while Katy was merely polite to Sirius, Tabetha took a running jump and leaped into his lap. "Puppy," she announced, giving him a huge grin.
"Er," said Sirius, glancing nervously at Remus.
"She's got seventh sense," Remus explained. "Inherited it from our grandmother. Most of the women in the family have it, but not mum for some reason." He glanced at his father. "Tabby is obviously picking up the fact that you. . .Like dogs," he finished rather lamely.
Tabetha had curled up on Sirius's lap and sighed contentedly when he patted her nervously on the head. Remus grinned. "You've made a friend for life there!"
Remus' mother had made dinner and they were all sitting around the dining table by six o'clock. Tabetha made sure she was sitting next to Sirius, and spent most of the time watching him. Surprisingly, Sirius didn't find being watched by her all that uncomfortable, although Katy was also staring at him when she thought she could get away with it unnoticed. Remus found this highly amusing. He knew Katy would take a shine to Sirius, who was incredibly good looking.
"Puppy," said Tabetha again when they went into the living room after dinner. She climbed once more onto Sirius' lap and started to plait his long hair, tying it back with red ribbons.
"Ergh," muttered Sirius. "Red is definitely not my colour. Try the green ones."
Katy joined them in the living room with her summer homework from Hogwarts, and pestered Sirius to help her with it while Tabetha continued to fuss over his hair. Remus smiled as he watched them, Sirius showing Katy how to draw a star chart for Astronomy, and Tabetha decided to attack his hair with a comb, removing the knots far better than Sirius could himself. He had just walked into their home and been accepted as one of them. It was better than Remus had dared to hope. If only his parents bonded with Sirius so easily, everything, he told himself, would be fine.
When they were joined in the living room by Mr and Mrs Lupin, Sirius seemed to lose a little of his confidence. He remembered the seriousness of the situation and moved away from Remus, who winced at this noticeable movement.
"Sirius, you have the spare bedroom at the end of the hallway," said Mrs Lupin. "Remus will show you where it is and he'll take your bags up too, won't you, Remus?"
"Yes, mum."
As the made to leave the room, Remus' father stopped him. "When's the next full moon, son?"
Remus winced. "Next Friday."
"Just checking."
"He always does that," Remus explained as he and Sirius dragged their bags up the stairs. "Every new year he memorises the phases of the moon for the next twelve months. It's quite sad really."
"Well I'd love to have your family," said Sirius. "In fact, I'd be happy just to swap cousins with you, I'm fed up of Bella going on about how superior she is. . ." He gazed along the upstairs corridor. "So which room is yours?"
Remus grinned. "I'm not sure I should tell you. You might come and molest me during the night."
Sirius looked shocked. "Would I do that?"
"A guy can only hope."
A grin spread across Sirius' face too. A new spin had been put upon their romance. In their own home and around their friends they could do whatever they wanted, but here, in Remus' parents' house, what they had was secret, forbidden love. Not only was it dangerous, it was exiting too.
"So when do we tell them?" Sirius asked, as Remus pushed open the spare room door. "And how?"
Remus voiced what had been on Sirius' mind. "Maybe we should leave it a little while. . . Until the last day maybe."
"Good idea. Then if they get angry and throw us out it won't look too unusual to your sisters."
"Exactly." Remus smiled as he sat down on the bed. "I think we've got a few minutes before Katy and Tabby come up to bed. . ."
Sirius was never one to miss a hint. He locked the bedroom door, slipped out of his t-shirt, and sank down onto the bed beside Remus.
***
The following morning, Remus was once more the last one awake. It felt strange to be back in his old bedroom, in the single, Sirius-less bed. He rolled over and gazed at the posters adorning the walls of famous wizard pop groups and one of his favourite muggle singers, Phil Collins. Sirius had always ridiculed his taste in music, because it was so. . . What was the word Sirius used? Lame? Square? Something like that anyway. But Remus had always hidden his true tastes because agreeing with Sirius on this subject was something he had no intention of doing. It was much more entertaining this way. He made a mental note to remove the Queen poster from his wall before Sirius got to see it. In his family's house he was in the closet in one way, but with Sirius he was in the closet in completely another. As he dressed, he carefully took down and folded up the Meatloaf poster and the David Bowie poster. That was about it. Everything else was related to classical or jazz or . . . well, Phil Collins. That was suitably un-cool to avoid arousing Sirius' suspicion.
He pulled on muggle clothes, because his father had always been slightly suspicious of male wizards' dress-like robes, and made his way down for breakfast. Katy was eating cereal at the table, and Tabetha was doing *something* with hers but Remus decided not to pay too much attention. His mother was making sandwiches, and Sirius was helping her. Warning bells sounded in Remus' head.
"G'morning," he said, easing himself between Sirius and his mother. "Erm. . . Sirius, what sort of sandwiches are you making there?"
He knew the answer before it was voiced: "Pineapple!"
"Pineapple sandwiches. Right."
"We're all going on a picnic," said Mrs Lupin. "I asked Sirius for some novel ideas for sandwiches and he's come up with some amazing concoctions. Did you ever realise how well chocolate spread and marmite go together?"
"Er. . ."
"Especially when you add tinned pineapple."
"Oh god. . ."
"Are you okay, Remus? You look a little pale?"
Ignoring the question, Remus got himself some cornflakes and sat down at the table. He didn't dislike pineapple, but he had been subjected to so much of it that he was sure he had pineapple poisoning. It was definitely something to worry about.
"You can make your own sandwiches if you like, Rem," said Sirius, as he carefully folded some ham into a sandwich which already contained jam and chocolate sprinkles.
"I had every intention to do so," said Remus haughtily.
Sirius grinned. That tone of voice was usually his cue to try any methods to re-gain Remus' adoration, such as frantic make-out sessions and outrageous declarations of love. His grin faded as Mrs Lupin handed him some beetroot in a jar and instructed him to make something utterly delectable out of it. Remus winked at him, and went back to his cornflakes.
The picnic was to take place in the local park, where, he predicted, Tabetha could go and play on the swings and slides and things of that nature, and Katy could protest that she was too old for swings and slides, and her parents could lecture her on growing up too fast, and, Remus realised, there would be plenty of opportunity for he and Sirius to sneak off behind handy bushes and trees. It was also a great place for ants, which are essential for picnics.
He was nearly accurate, too.
"WAHOO!" Sirius cried as he slid down the longest slide Remus had ever seen. He was followed by Tabetha, who landed on top of him and declared "silly puppy!" Katy was next, and did a very good job of pretending she wasn't enjoying it.
"Your turn, Moony!" Said Sirius, slapping Remus on the rear then pretending he hadn't.
"I don't slide well," grumbled Remus. "I'm not aerodynamic."
"Oh go on! Just one slide. You'll enjoy it."
With even more reluctance than Katy, Remus climbed up the steps and stood at the top of the slide. As he gazed out over the park, he caught sight of something - someone - who made him lose his balance and tumble head-first down the slippery steel surface of the slide.
"Woo! Good one!" said Sirius, helping Remus back to his feet. "My turn!"
"Sirius -" Remus began, but the animagus had scampered away and was climbing up the steps himself. Remus panicked and glanced desperately around. The person he had spotted was once more out of sight. He relaxed slightly; maybe they had just been passing through. When Sirius tumbled to the overly-springy tarmac beside him, Remus dragged him to his feet and pulled him aside. "Sirius, there's something you have to. . .Oh *NO!*"
Remus couldn't even remember how to panic as he caught sight of his parents talking to the one person he had never dreamed they would even encounter. . .
***
"You must remember us, dear," said Mrs Lupin brightly, as she put a sisterly arm around the young woman's shoulder. "You don't have to pretend for our sake either. Now I don't know what's happened, but I'm sure we can work something out. . ."
The woman leaped away from Mrs Lupin as if she had just told her she had a highly contagious disease. "Who the hell are you?" she snapped, glancing from Mrs to Mr Lupin.
"Now then," said Remus' father firmly, "there's no need to be rude. We know you've had a fall-out with our son, but -"
Bellatrix Black stared at him, bewildered and annoyed. But even she couldn't resist the woman-to-woman pat on the arm and tone of voice employed by Mrs Lupin.
"Really, dear, come along now, Remus is just over here, I'm sure we can all talk about this and the two of you will be back on friendly terms in no time at all. . ."
Bellatrix could find nothing to say or do, and found herself being guided across the park to where Sirius was trying to poke some sense into a frozen, open-mouthed Remus. Mrs Lupin gave her son a stern glare. "Now then, Remus, I see it as an omen that we have encountered your lovely girlfriend while out on a family picnic. Whatever argument you two may have had, I'm sure you can sort it out, so why don't you invite. . . I'm sorry dear, I don't know your name. . . Why don't you invite this nice young lady to come and have lunch with us?" She turned to Bellatrix, who was staring in horror at Remus and Sirius. "And I'm sure that *you* would accept such a kind offer, wouldn't you, dear? You must be anxious to patch up your fractured romance with my son."
Everyone was silent for a moment as the situation became clear in Sirius' mind, Remus remembered how to panic, and finally Bellatrix Black snarled in disgust.
"Me?" She exclaimed? "ME go out with HIM? Me and Sirius' snotty little boyfriend? Are you mad, woman?" And with the shocking revelation still hanging in the air, Bellatrix turned on her heal and stormed away.
There was another, longer silence, during which Mrs Lupin's jaw dropped and Sirius silently cursed his ingenuity which had allowed him to come up with the Polyjuice Potion plot last time he had encountered Remus' parents. Remus felt a hot red flush come over his face and neck.
"Er, mum?" he murmured. "I think there's something Sirius and I should explain to you. . ."
***
Remus' mother took it extremely well. She was happy that Remus wasn't in a relationship with someone as rude as Bellatrix, and said she looked forward to Sirius showing her some of his unorthodox recipes at future family gatherings, although she did scold them for lying and pretending Sirius was someone he wasn't. Remus' father took it with a dignified silence and a nod. Katy went pink and pretended she didn't have a clue what was going on, and Tabetha, who had more of a clue than anyone gave her credit for, just smiled as she hugged Sirius and muttered "good puppy" into his ear.
Not much more was said on the subject that weekend. Sirius made Sunday dinner, and hardly used any pineapple at all, which earned him a pat on the head and a dog biscuit from Tabetha. On the last night, however, when Katy had finally gone to bed, Mr and Mrs Lupin joined Sirius and Remus in the living room. Then Mrs Lupin stared at her husband until he cleared his throat and addressed Sirius.
"Young man. . .Remus is our only son, and our eldest child. We can't pretend to understand what it is that makes you two. . ." his expression edged towards awkwardness, "love each other," he finished with an effort. "But we understand that you intend to spend your lives together, and we are prepared to accept that. You're welcome in our house whenever you want. Er. My wife has something to say."
Mrs Lupin nodded. "Sirius, dear, I can only ask you to take as best care of my son as you can." She raised a finger as Remus opened his mouth to speak. "Yes, Remus, I know you can look after yourself but sometimes you need. . .Well, someone else's support. You know what I mean. Sirius, please keep him out of trouble. It's no less than I'd ask from the wife of a son."
"Absolutely, Mrs L," Sirius assured her.
"Don't hurt him," added Remus' mother, quietly.
"I couldn't," said Sirius, compulsively gripping Remus' hand. The werewolf, who had gone slightly pink, rested his head on Sirius' shoulder.
"Well then," said Mr Lupin, "We'll leave you alone now. See you in the morning."
He headed upstairs while Mrs Lupin gave both of them a hug. "Good night, boys," she said, before following her husband upstairs.
Sirius grinned at his boyfriend. "That went as well as could be expected," he said. "And for the first time ever I'm oddly grateful to Bellatrix for being so unknowingly useful."
Remus nodded sleepily and kissed Sirius just the once. "I'm going to bed," he announced. "We've got a long journey tomorrow."
When they got upstairs, they discovered Sirius' belongings had been moved into Remus' bedroom.
Fini
A/N: While I was writing this, Freddie Mercury's birthday came and went. Happy birthday, Fred.