Chapter 12.- epilogue

Disclaimer- according to my insane universe Moulin Rouge is real and no one owns it. That is if you don't believe in god. If you do Baz can be god and I am but a rebellious angel. My friends call me Lucifer. I don't believe in god unless god is Baz, because I believe in Baz I just don't believe Baz is god.

1899

After coming to the Moulin Rouge I was very busy, working night and day to pay off Alice's many medical debts. I was so busy, switching between costumes, performing and sleeping with various strangers, that I didn't have much time for anything else. Two years past since I moved into Zidler's flat before I even unpacked my suitcase. Zidler provided me more fine dresses and jewels than I could possibly ask for. I was his little girl, his sparkling diamond and I more than earned my stay.

Since I had begun working there, the profits of the Moulin Rouge had doubled. We were famous, I was famous. My own bedraggled garments now seemed unfit compared to the dazzling costumes I now had, although there has been a time when they were considered high fashion.

In the summer of 1899 the intense heat caused something in my closet to acquire a bit of an odor. After clearing away shoes, musty dresses and years of dust I uncovered a slightly crushed trunk with the peeling letters S.M. Desmereges emblazon upon it. My heart burned as the memories the trunk arose hit me. It had lived at the foot of my bed since I was to small to read the words on it. It had moved with me to Rik's flat, traveled across the channel four times before returning to Paris. Apprehensively I undid the clasps and pulled open the top.

Inside, messily folded and somewhat squished, lay a sea of memories. I relived each of them as I pulled them out and laid them gently to rest in the dark quiet of my bureau, sometimes shedding a tear or two in the process.

I found the pearl necklace I had worn on my sixteenth birthday, the day my life had changed forever. I then unearthed the plum purple bonnet that matched the dress I wore for two weeks straight when I lived with Rik. It had been my favorite I'd carefully smooth each item, softening the wrinkles of my old dresses with an absent minded gentleness.

The most painful part was when I came upon my dove white dress, fair as freshly fallen snow on the top but at the hem it was ripped and stained with dark smudges of blood and wine. The dress I'd worn on the day Alice fell into her coma. For me it might as well have been the day she died. My throat tightened and my eyes burned with hot tears as I remembered how fragile her face had looked in the white hospital bed.

I coughed, a hacking cough that had once racked Alice's body and kept me awake at night. After she fell into her coma it had been the only noise she made. Now it haunted my room at night. My whole body convulsing, I closed my eyes, waiting for it to pass so I could pretend it never happened. When it did I felt sick and weak as well as still feeling desolate at the lose of Alice. Although it had been more than two years, there are some things that scar you forever.

The engulfing silence that now hung heavy in the room was broken by a sweetly singing voice. "Want to vanish inside you're kiss, everyday I love you more and more!"

I smiled and went out on my balcony, where I could see my very own penniless poet, sleeves rolled up, hair askew, simple and happy, enjoying the weather. His innocent wisdom had shown me that there is nothing wrong with being naive. In fact it had been exactly what I need to pull me out of my bitter, secluded depression.

"And there's not mountain too high, no river too wide, just sing out this song," he sung, not seeing me.

"And I'll be there, by you side!" I sung down to him. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide, but I love you until the end of time," we sung in unison. Our voices blended smoothly together. He blew me a kiss and I did the same before he continued on his walk, humming softly and I went back inside.

There was only one thing left in trunk, my old red leather purse. I opened it up to find a tube of lipstick, some crumpled handkerchiefs and a small piece of silver jewelry. I pulled it out and found a ring that I had once been unable to look out without causing floods. Now, to my surprise, I was able to hold it without so much as a sob. Unlike Alice, the wound in that had been Rik had been salved and bandaged by Christian.

Smiling, I retrieved my purse and hat from under and chair and the bedpost where they had been slung messily. I headed for the door, still grinning to myself. Outside it was a fine summer day. For one of the hottest summers on record it was surprisingly cool, not too humid, just pleasantly warm and smelling of fruit and flowers.

I made my way through the streets, attracting odd looks from strangers who saw me smiling like a mad women, with the genius of my plan. I finally reached my destination. I hadn't been to the Seine for nearly a year. Last time I had longed to fall into the waters and allow them to taken me away. Today I was here on a happier note. I reached into my pocket and pulled out Rik's ring. Without hesitating I threw it straight down into the blue water bellow. Then I turned on my heal and headed home to Christian without once looking back.