************
YC: BLAH! I wanna do Vaaaaaaaash! AND Legatooooo! ;-; And Rem's Ghost! And Meryl!!
PeopleInsideYC'sHead: Why not all four?
YC: Oooo. Good idea. Are you willing to not torture Leggie wif blackmail for a day or two? Or three or four?
PIYCH: Darn. Well, ok. But we have demands we want you to meet to finish this deal.
YC: Good frickin Exploding Chicken Llama Lords, give it a break!
PIYCH: Fine. xP
YC: Again, have fun in the freakish non-plotted story thing that I wrote for your enjoyment. Or torture. Which ever creeps up on you first. ^_^; And sorry folks, I can't find it in my heart to torture Legato any longer. Running around in a pink frilly dress gives your own self-pride a nasty, nasty, brutal, bloody, merciless massacre. And what's up with the wheelchairs everywhere?
PIYCH: He uhh...lost use of his legs temporarily out of shock.*sweatdrops*
YC: --;
*******************
Chapter Three: Los Gatos Es Muy Bonitos
YC: Spanish, man. Spanish.
==========
*Authoress appears in a dark place, the only thing that light is being shed on.*
YC: Translation, "cats are very pretty/beautiful" Please pardon my bad grammar if it IS bad. You know, Legato, Le Gato, El Gato. El gato is "the cat" or "cat" in masculine form in Spanish,(los gatos is plural) and Legato is very....*smiles.......coughs.........*...Onto more important business...*snaps her fingers, and the lights turn on to reveal her sitting at the couch in the room/studio from the last chapters, complete with evil-looking wooden chair and another one on the other side, glass-table with papers on it, the audience in the stands across from the main stage, and various fake shrubberies lining the walls.*
YC: Welcome everybody, to the third session of the Trigun Talkshow of Torture and No Purpose!
NewNewDirector: And a stupid long name that's extremely retarded?
YC: You're gonna have to come up with a better comeback then THAT to diss me, NND.
NewNewDirector: *CENSORED* teenagers.
YC: O.O;; SHAAAAAAME! Ok everybody, since I wanna stick all the people on here that you, the wondeful reviewers suggested, that I'm gonna do all four. Its like...a Celeb. Royale or something. Anycheese, everybody give a big hand to VASH THE STAMPEDE, MERYL STRYFE, LEGATO BLUESUMMERS, and REM'S GHOST!!
Audience: *cheers loudly*
*Vash walks out wearing his trademark coat, Meryl walks out kind of dignified, Legato comes out in a wheel-chair with his coat on, a look of slight shock on his face, and Rem's Ghost floats out a bit behind him.*
YC: We don't have enough torture cha--I mean, chairs, so Meryl, sit in the wooden chair, Rem's ghost um....just...float next to Meryl....Vash you sit in the other torture chair, and Legato, your on the couch. ^-^
*Everyone sits where they're supposed to, Meryl hisses and growls when the iron clasps bind her to the chair. Vash just screams like a little girl.*
YC: ^_^ YAY! Let's start with Legato for the questions. I'll give you a hotdog if you cooperate, ok Legato?
Legato: *smiles slightly*
Vash: WHOA! He SMILED! And it wasn't an evil one! HURRY, GET THE CAMERA!
Audience: *takes pictures but in vain, YC puts a large piece of cardboard over the psyco's face*
Audience: NOOOO!
YC: He's evil but that doesn't mean he should be treated like a circus freak. Clowns scare me in ways none of you will EVER understand.*coughs* And Legato, well, he's to cute to be a clown.
Legato: o.\\
Vash: o_o
Audience: O.o
NewNewDirector: O.O
Wolfwood: O_O
Meryl: o.o
Knives: 0.o
Rem's Ghost: 0_0
Milly: ^_^ Pudding!
Everyone Else: O.O;;
Knives: o_o;
Wolfwood: O_o
NewNewDirector: O.O
YC: STOP IT.
Legato: Yes ma'am.
YC: *blinks*...............
Meryl: o_o;
Vash: O.o;
YC: *growls*
Vash: ^o^;;
YC: Wha-- what are all of you doing here?! Well, Wolfwood's here, but...he's not supposed to be. Neither is Knives, who got over being schitzo, and Milly.
Meryl: Do you have a problem? *hisses*
YC: NO NO! I'm just wondering! ^^;
Wolfwood: *lights a cigarette* Just watching.
YC: *points to the non-smoking signs* Wolfwood, like one of the reviewers said, you look cute in ANYTHING and I agree but there's no smoking allowed in here. Besides, I'm kind of allergic to..to...ah...ah...ahhh....*SNEEZE*
Everyone Else: .......o.o
Wolfwood: Ok, ok. *puts the cigarette out*
YC: STOP WITH THE FACES!! THEY BURN! And...why does everything BURN? I mean.....
NewNewDirector: Pssssst, get on with the show!
YC: Oh, oh, sorry. My bad. Ok, Legato, first question. How is it possible that you have blue hair and yellow eyes? Umm............yellow........eye. oO;
Legato: *shrugs*
YC: GOOD BOY! ^--^ *throws him a hotdog*
Everyone: o_O;
YC: Second question. Why do you obsess over hotdogs and cheesecake?
Legato: Same reason Master Knives hates humans.
YC: O.O Is that a good thing? Wait....but yet somehow I see no connection. *throws him another hotdog* Ok, since we have a special feature today, I'll cut these interviews short.
Legato: *has an "awww" look on his face*
YC: There's a hotdog buffet that opens after the show. o.o
Legato: *sits up straight*
YC: Cool beans! Alrigthty Vashu-sama, your turn!
Vash: AHHHH NO DONUTS, NO DONUTS, NO DONUUUUUTS!!...........*suddenly has a quietish squeaky shrill voice* chicken! *twitches*
YC: ......*throws him a donut.*
Vash: *catches it in his mouth and swollows* I LIVE! Ok, what were you saying YC?
YC: Your turn for an interview.
Vash: Oh ok.
YC: First question: Where is your obsession with donuts from anyway?
Vash: I think it was Rem's favorite food. But I needed something that others understood to obsess over so I chose donuts.
Rem's Ghost: Donuts are so fattening! VASH! I'm ASHAMED of you!
Vash: *cries* MOMMY I'M SORRYYYYY!!
Knives: You crybaby.*in a straight jacket slightly off the set*
Vash: *sniffs*
Rem's Ghost: KNIVES!
Knives: xP
YC: o.o Ooo-k...NEXT reviewee...Meryl Stryfe!!
Meryl: Humph. Go ahead.
YC: *looks down at her paper, up at the director, to Meryl, to the paper again, back to the director, and to the papers once again* WHO WROTE THIS CRAP?
NewNewDirector: O.O; DON'T HURT ME! But...it was...you....
YC: Well....I'm not paying for the damages!!
Everyone Else: oO;
YC: *gulps* M-Meryl, wonderful, beautiful, patient, kind, hard-working, under-appriciated, strong, lovely Meryl...*finally reads off the paper.*Why are you so b*CENSORED*y?
Meryl: O.O;;
Audience: o.o;
Wolfwood: o_O;
Legato: o_\\
Knives: o.o
NewNewDirector: *runs without hesitation*
Milly: PUDDING!
YC: ACK. I thought I told you to stop that!.....Meryl?
Meryl: ....................
Milly: *looks at Meryl* Meryl are you feeling ok?
Meryl: *has fire burning in her eyes, anger visibly radiating from her body like.......radiation? oO;.....Meryl HISSES, showing fangs.*
Everyone: AHHHHHH!! EVERYBODY RUN!! THE EVIL INSURANCE QUEEN'S GOT A GUN!
(a/n: brief pause. I can't remember who wrote that song, about the Homecoming Queen That's Got a Gun. Weird Al, or Doctor Demento?(IRVING...had the one-hundred fourty-second fastest gun..in the West...IRVIIIIING.) My brothers had the CD's, so I can't remember since it was years ago. Anywho, there's the credit for the cheesey and misunderstood joke.)
Meryl: *is turning half-demoness, bending the iron bars a bit.*
YC: O.O KNIVES IS GONNA KILL ME--wait, he was gonna kill us all anyway. BUT STILL, IT COSTS ME EXTRA IF THE CHAIRS ARE DAMAGED! *snaps her fingers and Vash is free. YC grabs Legato due to his lack of being able to walk from the extensive torture and runs out along with everyone else. the area around Meryl is starting to look like one of those times when someone from DBZ powers up and rocks from nowhere start floating up into the sky. Except, I have a question, where the HELL did those rocks go? I mean, unless it was an excrutiatingly big one, they never fell. Did they just rise into the sky and forever orbit in space? Or burn up in the atmosphere? Who knows...*
Audience: *run out too.*
***On top of a cliff a distance from the studio next to Knives' hideout. Everyone's sitting there, watching the red energy beams coming from Meryl destroy the studio.***
Knives: *sniffs* That was alot of money! D*CENSORED*ned spider woman...
Vash&Rem'sGhost: BROTHKNERIVES!!
Knives: *slightly and obviously has been rehabilitated somewhat* Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
Wolfwood: *far away from YC, smoking, an arm around Milly.(awwwwwwwwwww.^-^)* Honey that's one evil woman for a friend you got there.
Milly: Yeah, but she means well. 8D
Everyone Else: o_O;
YC: *standing behind Legato with her hands on the handle things while he sits in another wheelchair, munching on more hotdogs.* Man, I thought I was going somewhere with this! And every time no matter how hard I try, the studio ended up in almost catastrophic danger, and now, its actually happened. *sobs*
Legato: *keeps munching, pats YC's hand but no one sees and she doesn't notice out of depression and her small attention spa--Hey look, a bird!*
Suddenly the building blows up in a huge mushroom cloud, and the shockwave ends just beyond the group, so everyone's all bending back going AHHHHHHH!!*
Everyone: *bending back and away for cover going AHHHHHHH!!*
The dust clears, and Meryl appears floating in the sky just over the cliff's edge.
Everyone: o.O;
Meryl: *looks about ten years younger, all stress gone from her face, wearing a white dress. Looks at everyone. and says in a soft, kind of ghosty-like child-like voice* Thank you, for setting me free. *floats up into the sky and disappears.*
Wolfwood: In all my years of priesthood I've never seen THAT happen. *takes another drag on his cigarette thing.*
*Everyone stares up into the sky and the twin suns set and cheesey music is heard in the background.*
**********************************
YC: Is it THE END? We'll see, in our next chapter!! And WHY must everything BLOW UP?! Oh well, at least none of us had to go into intensive care. ................again.
Legato: *keeps munching* munch munch munch munch munch munch munch...
Milly: *waves* Byeeeee for now! ^^
Knives: I wanna say bye-bye!! *runs up to the camera, with a gun to the camera's lense.* Hehehehehe...bye-bye....*pulls the trigger and...*
A little stick with a cloth comes out and the cloth unfolds and you see it has the word "Bang!" on it.
Cameraman: *faints*
Knives: WHO TOOK MY GUN?!*snarls*
YC: *cough*torturechair*cough*
Knives: I mean.....I'm so glad that's my gun NOW! *twitches*
YC: *waves to the camera which is back up again* BYE-BYE! HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAAAAIN!! IN OUR NEW BUILDING THINGY!!
Everyone Else: BYEEEEEEE!!
YC: BLAH! I wanna do Vaaaaaaaash! AND Legatooooo! ;-; And Rem's Ghost! And Meryl!!
PeopleInsideYC'sHead: Why not all four?
YC: Oooo. Good idea. Are you willing to not torture Leggie wif blackmail for a day or two? Or three or four?
PIYCH: Darn. Well, ok. But we have demands we want you to meet to finish this deal.
YC: Good frickin Exploding Chicken Llama Lords, give it a break!
PIYCH: Fine. xP
YC: Again, have fun in the freakish non-plotted story thing that I wrote for your enjoyment. Or torture. Which ever creeps up on you first. ^_^; And sorry folks, I can't find it in my heart to torture Legato any longer. Running around in a pink frilly dress gives your own self-pride a nasty, nasty, brutal, bloody, merciless massacre. And what's up with the wheelchairs everywhere?
PIYCH: He uhh...lost use of his legs temporarily out of shock.*sweatdrops*
YC: --;
*******************
Chapter Three: Los Gatos Es Muy Bonitos
YC: Spanish, man. Spanish.
==========
*Authoress appears in a dark place, the only thing that light is being shed on.*
YC: Translation, "cats are very pretty/beautiful" Please pardon my bad grammar if it IS bad. You know, Legato, Le Gato, El Gato. El gato is "the cat" or "cat" in masculine form in Spanish,(los gatos is plural) and Legato is very....*smiles.......coughs.........*...Onto more important business...*snaps her fingers, and the lights turn on to reveal her sitting at the couch in the room/studio from the last chapters, complete with evil-looking wooden chair and another one on the other side, glass-table with papers on it, the audience in the stands across from the main stage, and various fake shrubberies lining the walls.*
YC: Welcome everybody, to the third session of the Trigun Talkshow of Torture and No Purpose!
NewNewDirector: And a stupid long name that's extremely retarded?
YC: You're gonna have to come up with a better comeback then THAT to diss me, NND.
NewNewDirector: *CENSORED* teenagers.
YC: O.O;; SHAAAAAAME! Ok everybody, since I wanna stick all the people on here that you, the wondeful reviewers suggested, that I'm gonna do all four. Its like...a Celeb. Royale or something. Anycheese, everybody give a big hand to VASH THE STAMPEDE, MERYL STRYFE, LEGATO BLUESUMMERS, and REM'S GHOST!!
Audience: *cheers loudly*
*Vash walks out wearing his trademark coat, Meryl walks out kind of dignified, Legato comes out in a wheel-chair with his coat on, a look of slight shock on his face, and Rem's Ghost floats out a bit behind him.*
YC: We don't have enough torture cha--I mean, chairs, so Meryl, sit in the wooden chair, Rem's ghost um....just...float next to Meryl....Vash you sit in the other torture chair, and Legato, your on the couch. ^-^
*Everyone sits where they're supposed to, Meryl hisses and growls when the iron clasps bind her to the chair. Vash just screams like a little girl.*
YC: ^_^ YAY! Let's start with Legato for the questions. I'll give you a hotdog if you cooperate, ok Legato?
Legato: *smiles slightly*
Vash: WHOA! He SMILED! And it wasn't an evil one! HURRY, GET THE CAMERA!
Audience: *takes pictures but in vain, YC puts a large piece of cardboard over the psyco's face*
Audience: NOOOO!
YC: He's evil but that doesn't mean he should be treated like a circus freak. Clowns scare me in ways none of you will EVER understand.*coughs* And Legato, well, he's to cute to be a clown.
Legato: o.\\
Vash: o_o
Audience: O.o
NewNewDirector: O.O
Wolfwood: O_O
Meryl: o.o
Knives: 0.o
Rem's Ghost: 0_0
Milly: ^_^ Pudding!
Everyone Else: O.O;;
Knives: o_o;
Wolfwood: O_o
NewNewDirector: O.O
YC: STOP IT.
Legato: Yes ma'am.
YC: *blinks*...............
Meryl: o_o;
Vash: O.o;
YC: *growls*
Vash: ^o^;;
YC: Wha-- what are all of you doing here?! Well, Wolfwood's here, but...he's not supposed to be. Neither is Knives, who got over being schitzo, and Milly.
Meryl: Do you have a problem? *hisses*
YC: NO NO! I'm just wondering! ^^;
Wolfwood: *lights a cigarette* Just watching.
YC: *points to the non-smoking signs* Wolfwood, like one of the reviewers said, you look cute in ANYTHING and I agree but there's no smoking allowed in here. Besides, I'm kind of allergic to..to...ah...ah...ahhh....*SNEEZE*
Everyone Else: .......o.o
Wolfwood: Ok, ok. *puts the cigarette out*
YC: STOP WITH THE FACES!! THEY BURN! And...why does everything BURN? I mean.....
NewNewDirector: Pssssst, get on with the show!
YC: Oh, oh, sorry. My bad. Ok, Legato, first question. How is it possible that you have blue hair and yellow eyes? Umm............yellow........eye. oO;
Legato: *shrugs*
YC: GOOD BOY! ^--^ *throws him a hotdog*
Everyone: o_O;
YC: Second question. Why do you obsess over hotdogs and cheesecake?
Legato: Same reason Master Knives hates humans.
YC: O.O Is that a good thing? Wait....but yet somehow I see no connection. *throws him another hotdog* Ok, since we have a special feature today, I'll cut these interviews short.
Legato: *has an "awww" look on his face*
YC: There's a hotdog buffet that opens after the show. o.o
Legato: *sits up straight*
YC: Cool beans! Alrigthty Vashu-sama, your turn!
Vash: AHHHH NO DONUTS, NO DONUTS, NO DONUUUUUTS!!...........*suddenly has a quietish squeaky shrill voice* chicken! *twitches*
YC: ......*throws him a donut.*
Vash: *catches it in his mouth and swollows* I LIVE! Ok, what were you saying YC?
YC: Your turn for an interview.
Vash: Oh ok.
YC: First question: Where is your obsession with donuts from anyway?
Vash: I think it was Rem's favorite food. But I needed something that others understood to obsess over so I chose donuts.
Rem's Ghost: Donuts are so fattening! VASH! I'm ASHAMED of you!
Vash: *cries* MOMMY I'M SORRYYYYY!!
Knives: You crybaby.*in a straight jacket slightly off the set*
Vash: *sniffs*
Rem's Ghost: KNIVES!
Knives: xP
YC: o.o Ooo-k...NEXT reviewee...Meryl Stryfe!!
Meryl: Humph. Go ahead.
YC: *looks down at her paper, up at the director, to Meryl, to the paper again, back to the director, and to the papers once again* WHO WROTE THIS CRAP?
NewNewDirector: O.O; DON'T HURT ME! But...it was...you....
YC: Well....I'm not paying for the damages!!
Everyone Else: oO;
YC: *gulps* M-Meryl, wonderful, beautiful, patient, kind, hard-working, under-appriciated, strong, lovely Meryl...*finally reads off the paper.*Why are you so b*CENSORED*y?
Meryl: O.O;;
Audience: o.o;
Wolfwood: o_O;
Legato: o_\\
Knives: o.o
NewNewDirector: *runs without hesitation*
Milly: PUDDING!
YC: ACK. I thought I told you to stop that!.....Meryl?
Meryl: ....................
Milly: *looks at Meryl* Meryl are you feeling ok?
Meryl: *has fire burning in her eyes, anger visibly radiating from her body like.......radiation? oO;.....Meryl HISSES, showing fangs.*
Everyone: AHHHHHH!! EVERYBODY RUN!! THE EVIL INSURANCE QUEEN'S GOT A GUN!
(a/n: brief pause. I can't remember who wrote that song, about the Homecoming Queen That's Got a Gun. Weird Al, or Doctor Demento?(IRVING...had the one-hundred fourty-second fastest gun..in the West...IRVIIIIING.) My brothers had the CD's, so I can't remember since it was years ago. Anywho, there's the credit for the cheesey and misunderstood joke.)
Meryl: *is turning half-demoness, bending the iron bars a bit.*
YC: O.O KNIVES IS GONNA KILL ME--wait, he was gonna kill us all anyway. BUT STILL, IT COSTS ME EXTRA IF THE CHAIRS ARE DAMAGED! *snaps her fingers and Vash is free. YC grabs Legato due to his lack of being able to walk from the extensive torture and runs out along with everyone else. the area around Meryl is starting to look like one of those times when someone from DBZ powers up and rocks from nowhere start floating up into the sky. Except, I have a question, where the HELL did those rocks go? I mean, unless it was an excrutiatingly big one, they never fell. Did they just rise into the sky and forever orbit in space? Or burn up in the atmosphere? Who knows...*
Audience: *run out too.*
***On top of a cliff a distance from the studio next to Knives' hideout. Everyone's sitting there, watching the red energy beams coming from Meryl destroy the studio.***
Knives: *sniffs* That was alot of money! D*CENSORED*ned spider woman...
Vash&Rem'sGhost: BROTHKNERIVES!!
Knives: *slightly and obviously has been rehabilitated somewhat* Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
Wolfwood: *far away from YC, smoking, an arm around Milly.(awwwwwwwwwww.^-^)* Honey that's one evil woman for a friend you got there.
Milly: Yeah, but she means well. 8D
Everyone Else: o_O;
YC: *standing behind Legato with her hands on the handle things while he sits in another wheelchair, munching on more hotdogs.* Man, I thought I was going somewhere with this! And every time no matter how hard I try, the studio ended up in almost catastrophic danger, and now, its actually happened. *sobs*
Legato: *keeps munching, pats YC's hand but no one sees and she doesn't notice out of depression and her small attention spa--Hey look, a bird!*
Suddenly the building blows up in a huge mushroom cloud, and the shockwave ends just beyond the group, so everyone's all bending back going AHHHHHHH!!*
Everyone: *bending back and away for cover going AHHHHHHH!!*
The dust clears, and Meryl appears floating in the sky just over the cliff's edge.
Everyone: o.O;
Meryl: *looks about ten years younger, all stress gone from her face, wearing a white dress. Looks at everyone. and says in a soft, kind of ghosty-like child-like voice* Thank you, for setting me free. *floats up into the sky and disappears.*
Wolfwood: In all my years of priesthood I've never seen THAT happen. *takes another drag on his cigarette thing.*
*Everyone stares up into the sky and the twin suns set and cheesey music is heard in the background.*
**********************************
YC: Is it THE END? We'll see, in our next chapter!! And WHY must everything BLOW UP?! Oh well, at least none of us had to go into intensive care. ................again.
Legato: *keeps munching* munch munch munch munch munch munch munch...
Milly: *waves* Byeeeee for now! ^^
Knives: I wanna say bye-bye!! *runs up to the camera, with a gun to the camera's lense.* Hehehehehe...bye-bye....*pulls the trigger and...*
A little stick with a cloth comes out and the cloth unfolds and you see it has the word "Bang!" on it.
Cameraman: *faints*
Knives: WHO TOOK MY GUN?!*snarls*
YC: *cough*torturechair*cough*
Knives: I mean.....I'm so glad that's my gun NOW! *twitches*
YC: *waves to the camera which is back up again* BYE-BYE! HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAAAAIN!! IN OUR NEW BUILDING THINGY!!
Everyone Else: BYEEEEEEE!!