Lyra Silvertongue kindly told me that I don't know a thing about parley. It's actually parlez. So that's what it is. Thanks, Sarah.
Chapter 5- Don't Say Anything Stupid
The strutting chickens of the town walk all over Will, on his face, over his nuts, while he lays unconscious on the ground. One even squawks and lays a couple of eggs on him. When he wakes up, he searches the harbor for the Black Pearl, but it's gone.
"I feel like chickens have been walking on me all night."
Will rushes to where Norrington is trying to think of a way to rescue Elizabeth. "We could take a ship out now and *follow* them, but I don't think that would work. I think our best course is to decide exactly where they went, then spend as long as we can building a new ship to follow them, it's got to be really fast, and then we have to punch a hole in it to fix, otherwise nothing will happen. We have to make sure there's a leak so that we have trouble out at sea. Then, when we finally catch up to them, Elizabeth will be of the right age and I can screw her without marrying her first…I mean…we can save Elizabeth and-"
"Why don't you just ask Jack Sparrow?" Will suggests.
"No, that would be extremely easy, and there's no point not wasting effort to not actually rescue someone, is there?"
"But we have to save Elizabeth!"
"Hey, I'm the one with the naval office here, Turner. You might be able to do many things a whole lot better than I can, but you still can't give orders."
Will stomps off to have a hissy fit.
Meanwhile, Jack Sparrow is contemplating the obstacles outside the cell. The dog is still sitting outside the cell, and Jack could probably reach the keys if he tried. He *is* Captain Jack Sparrow. He could dodge the axes, and he is pretty sure his hat would take care of the flamethrower, and the dragon is not looking so good. "Maybe he's coming down with a cold."
But the falling rocks and the smelly guy are two whole other problems.
The dog runs off when the door above opens. Jack sighs. Will bounds down the stairs. He presses a red button on the wall, a huge lurch is heard, and all the threatening obstacles cease to exist.
"What just happened?"
"Uh, what?"
"What happened to the…" Jack makes odd gestures with his hands for a few minutes. Finally Will understands.
"Oh. Holograms."
"You can have a holographic smell?"
"Hey, I just built it, I didn't design it. Um, anyway, one of those pirates I killed last night didn't die."
"Really? That's interesting."
"And…they took Elizabeth."
"Oh, so you *do* know how to use *that* sword, eh? Well, if you were planning to come in here, get some information out of me, brave chasing the Black Pearl, rescue the damsel in distress and in so doing win 'fair lady's' heart, you'll have to do it alone, mate. I see no profit in it for me."
"You don't think *not being hanged* is a profit?"
Jack considers. "Well…yes. But still, why should I help you?"
"Didn't I just tell you?"
"Be a little more specific."
"Okay. I open the cell. You come out, and we sail away after the Black Pearl, rescue Elizabeth, bring her back to Port Royal."
"You'd bring her *back*?" Jack snorts. "If I had a woman like that, I wouldn't bring her back here. But hey, it's your plan, isn't it, mate?" He pauses. "What's your name, Turner?"
"Wi- hang on. How did you know my name was Turner?"
"Oh- I didn't. It's just a saying, you know, like 'matey' or 'sir'. 'Turner'. So…your name's Turner?"
"Yes. Will Turner."
"Hmm…Your father was probably William Turner, then?"
"Well, yeah. Why?"
"Oh, no reason. Well, alright then. You continue with freeing me, and I'll help you get your 'darling Elizabeth' back."
"I'll have to get the keys first."
"Oh, yeah. They run off."
Will takes out some broccoli and throws in on the ground, calling to the dog, who comes forward slowly. Jack watches curiously as the dog drops the keys and starts eating the broccoli. Will unlocks the cell.
"Ah, my effects. And my hat." Jack stops for a moment to watch the dog. "How come he eats broccoli but not bones?"
"He's a vegetarian."
************************************************************************
"How far are you willing to go for this girl?"
"I'd die for her."
"Oh, good. But would you seduce an entire pirate crew, including one Jack Sparrow, for her? And then maybe…"
Will almost vomits. "I don't know about that. We'll see when we get to it."
Jack sniggers slightly and eyes Will up and down skeptically. "Good to know. Now, before you embarrass yourself too much, I should tell you we're going to *commandeer*- nautical term- *that* ship." He points to the Interceptor. "Wouldn't want you to make more than five hundred mistakes in one day, eh?"
(A/N: I'm skipping the part under the boat because I can't think of anything.)
Will and Jack are seen climbing onto the Dauntless. They go to threaten the men on board. "Nobody move, we're taking over this ship."
"Aye, avast!" Jack gives Will a very condescending look.
The navy men laugh. Gillete speaks. "This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'll ne-"
"Hold on," Jack says. He takes Will aside. "Mister Turner, that was just terrible. 'Aye, avast'? Who talks like that? Do you think, that you could just try, to do what I say, and do not do or say anything…stupid?"
Will shrugs.
Jack waves a hand at Gillete. "Continue."
"-ver make it out of the bay."
"You forgot one thing. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."
"And I'm Will Turner."
"I thought I told you not to say anything stupid?"
Norrington, after a long while, finally notices something is going on at the Dauntless. He looks through his telescopey thing. "Rash, Turner…too rash."
The officer next to him claps him on the shoulder. "That must be rough. But I've got some cream that'll make those rashes go away, you can have it if you want."
Norrington gives the man a look before shaking his head and ordering the Interceptor forward. "That is the worst pirate I've ever seen."
The navy boards the Dauntless all rushing and running all over the place, and it takes them a while to realize the Interceptor is too far away to reach. They can just make out Will sticking out his tongue in a juvenile manner, and Jack Sparrow pointing to his crotch, yelling, "Suck on this!"
"That's got to be the hottest pirate I've ever seen," the rash-cream officer comments. Norrington gives him another look. "I mean, that's got to be the *best* pirate I've ever seen."
Jack Sparrow shouts back, "You know it, baby!!!"
End of Chapter
Up next…Tortuga…Elizabeth's dinner with the captain…et cetera
Chapter 5- Don't Say Anything Stupid
The strutting chickens of the town walk all over Will, on his face, over his nuts, while he lays unconscious on the ground. One even squawks and lays a couple of eggs on him. When he wakes up, he searches the harbor for the Black Pearl, but it's gone.
"I feel like chickens have been walking on me all night."
Will rushes to where Norrington is trying to think of a way to rescue Elizabeth. "We could take a ship out now and *follow* them, but I don't think that would work. I think our best course is to decide exactly where they went, then spend as long as we can building a new ship to follow them, it's got to be really fast, and then we have to punch a hole in it to fix, otherwise nothing will happen. We have to make sure there's a leak so that we have trouble out at sea. Then, when we finally catch up to them, Elizabeth will be of the right age and I can screw her without marrying her first…I mean…we can save Elizabeth and-"
"Why don't you just ask Jack Sparrow?" Will suggests.
"No, that would be extremely easy, and there's no point not wasting effort to not actually rescue someone, is there?"
"But we have to save Elizabeth!"
"Hey, I'm the one with the naval office here, Turner. You might be able to do many things a whole lot better than I can, but you still can't give orders."
Will stomps off to have a hissy fit.
Meanwhile, Jack Sparrow is contemplating the obstacles outside the cell. The dog is still sitting outside the cell, and Jack could probably reach the keys if he tried. He *is* Captain Jack Sparrow. He could dodge the axes, and he is pretty sure his hat would take care of the flamethrower, and the dragon is not looking so good. "Maybe he's coming down with a cold."
But the falling rocks and the smelly guy are two whole other problems.
The dog runs off when the door above opens. Jack sighs. Will bounds down the stairs. He presses a red button on the wall, a huge lurch is heard, and all the threatening obstacles cease to exist.
"What just happened?"
"Uh, what?"
"What happened to the…" Jack makes odd gestures with his hands for a few minutes. Finally Will understands.
"Oh. Holograms."
"You can have a holographic smell?"
"Hey, I just built it, I didn't design it. Um, anyway, one of those pirates I killed last night didn't die."
"Really? That's interesting."
"And…they took Elizabeth."
"Oh, so you *do* know how to use *that* sword, eh? Well, if you were planning to come in here, get some information out of me, brave chasing the Black Pearl, rescue the damsel in distress and in so doing win 'fair lady's' heart, you'll have to do it alone, mate. I see no profit in it for me."
"You don't think *not being hanged* is a profit?"
Jack considers. "Well…yes. But still, why should I help you?"
"Didn't I just tell you?"
"Be a little more specific."
"Okay. I open the cell. You come out, and we sail away after the Black Pearl, rescue Elizabeth, bring her back to Port Royal."
"You'd bring her *back*?" Jack snorts. "If I had a woman like that, I wouldn't bring her back here. But hey, it's your plan, isn't it, mate?" He pauses. "What's your name, Turner?"
"Wi- hang on. How did you know my name was Turner?"
"Oh- I didn't. It's just a saying, you know, like 'matey' or 'sir'. 'Turner'. So…your name's Turner?"
"Yes. Will Turner."
"Hmm…Your father was probably William Turner, then?"
"Well, yeah. Why?"
"Oh, no reason. Well, alright then. You continue with freeing me, and I'll help you get your 'darling Elizabeth' back."
"I'll have to get the keys first."
"Oh, yeah. They run off."
Will takes out some broccoli and throws in on the ground, calling to the dog, who comes forward slowly. Jack watches curiously as the dog drops the keys and starts eating the broccoli. Will unlocks the cell.
"Ah, my effects. And my hat." Jack stops for a moment to watch the dog. "How come he eats broccoli but not bones?"
"He's a vegetarian."
************************************************************************
"How far are you willing to go for this girl?"
"I'd die for her."
"Oh, good. But would you seduce an entire pirate crew, including one Jack Sparrow, for her? And then maybe…"
Will almost vomits. "I don't know about that. We'll see when we get to it."
Jack sniggers slightly and eyes Will up and down skeptically. "Good to know. Now, before you embarrass yourself too much, I should tell you we're going to *commandeer*- nautical term- *that* ship." He points to the Interceptor. "Wouldn't want you to make more than five hundred mistakes in one day, eh?"
(A/N: I'm skipping the part under the boat because I can't think of anything.)
Will and Jack are seen climbing onto the Dauntless. They go to threaten the men on board. "Nobody move, we're taking over this ship."
"Aye, avast!" Jack gives Will a very condescending look.
The navy men laugh. Gillete speaks. "This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'll ne-"
"Hold on," Jack says. He takes Will aside. "Mister Turner, that was just terrible. 'Aye, avast'? Who talks like that? Do you think, that you could just try, to do what I say, and do not do or say anything…stupid?"
Will shrugs.
Jack waves a hand at Gillete. "Continue."
"-ver make it out of the bay."
"You forgot one thing. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."
"And I'm Will Turner."
"I thought I told you not to say anything stupid?"
Norrington, after a long while, finally notices something is going on at the Dauntless. He looks through his telescopey thing. "Rash, Turner…too rash."
The officer next to him claps him on the shoulder. "That must be rough. But I've got some cream that'll make those rashes go away, you can have it if you want."
Norrington gives the man a look before shaking his head and ordering the Interceptor forward. "That is the worst pirate I've ever seen."
The navy boards the Dauntless all rushing and running all over the place, and it takes them a while to realize the Interceptor is too far away to reach. They can just make out Will sticking out his tongue in a juvenile manner, and Jack Sparrow pointing to his crotch, yelling, "Suck on this!"
"That's got to be the hottest pirate I've ever seen," the rash-cream officer comments. Norrington gives him another look. "I mean, that's got to be the *best* pirate I've ever seen."
Jack Sparrow shouts back, "You know it, baby!!!"
End of Chapter
Up next…Tortuga…Elizabeth's dinner with the captain…et cetera