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Chapter 6- Slapfest
Jack is sexily making himself busy on deck, while Will unnecessarily sharpens his sword. Will makes random comments about his childhood, which Jack unintentionally hears.
"And then when my mother died, I came out here, looking for my father," Will states.
"I'm sure it was wonderful," Jack says absently.
"You knew my father, didn't you, Jack? I kind of thought you did in the cell, but now since you seem so interested, I'm sure of it."
"Was that meant to be sarcastic?"
"Huh?"
Jack stands up and faces Will. "Yes, I did know your father. I was probably the only one who knew him as William Turner. He was a good man, a good pirate."
Jack is standing at the rudder. Will whirls to face him. Or rather, face his back. "A pirate? Are you mad?"
"Well, yes, but that's beside the point. Your father *was* a pirate. It's the truth."
"No, he was not. My father was a merchant sailor. He was an honest man."
"Please. Your father couldn't tell the truth if he tried. Well, he could, but he lied just as often. But he always got what he wanted. Almost everyone knew him only as Silver-Tongue Willy. He had a few other nicknames too- Nimble-Finger Willy, Second Wheel Willy, Long Sword Willy…"
"Okay, I get it," Will says. "But my father was no pirate."
"Prove it."
Will draws his sword. Jack rolls his eyes. "It's not worth getting beaten again."
"You didn't beat me. You cheated. You pulled your gun on me when I was distracted."
"Where I come from that's called *beating*."
"In a fair fight, you wouldn't have a chance."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah." Suddenly the boom comes by, hitting Will in the chest. In a few seconds he is dangling from the boom over the deep ocean. Jack looks triumphant.
"Now, listen to me. I'm the Captain here, and if you think you're going to do anything about *that*, you'll be sorry. Your father was a pirate, no two ways about it. If you think you can do something about *that*, well, that's just kind of sad. And third-"
The boom swings back, and Will drops onto the deck and winces.
"I'm a pirate, and as long as you're sailing under me…that makes you a pirate. If you can't deal with that, you can always leave." Jack gestures to the ocean.
Will looks out, knowing that isn't really an option. "Tortuga?"
"How'd you know?"
"Call it female intuition."
"Oh…kay…" Jack turns away, a little frightened but knowing that he's outhotting the entire planet.
************************************************************************
Will and Jack sail into Tortuga on the night of that day. While walking into the harbor town, Jack relates his sentiment to Will. "If every town in the world was like Tortuga, no one would ever feel unwanted."
At that moment a woman with very fake-looking red hair walks up to him. "Scarlet!" She slaps him and walks away. Another woman approaches immediately after. "Giselle!"
"Who was she?"
"What?" *Smack*
"Nicole!"
"Who was *she*?" *Smack*
"Amelia!"
"Who were they?" *Smack*
"Marie!"
"Why didn't you return my calls?" *Smack*
"Velma!"
"You killed my cat!" *Smack*
"Elouise!"
"You gave me crabs!" *Smack*
"Joella!"
"You gave me crabs!" *Smack*
"Um, Jack…" Will says quietly. The women are not done, however.
"Alice!"
"You gave me crabs!" *Smack*
"Monica!"
"You gave me lobsters!" *Smack*
Will says, "Lobsters?"
"Catharine!"
"You stole my lobsters!" *Smack*
"Priscilla!"
"You left your underwear at Alice's house!" *Smack* (A/N: They're framed on the wall. Field trip!!)
"Ruby!"
"You stole my apples!" *Smack*
"No I didn't."
"Oh. It must have been Barbossa. Sorry about that."
"Don't worry."
"Jack, shouldn't we…"
"Quite right, Will. Well then, on we go. Sorry, slapping session is over…Oh, Serena. *Sigh* go ahead." Jack sticks his cheek out for the slap.
*SMACK!!!!!!!*
"Oo, that one must have hurt. What did you do?"
"Ugh, don't ask."
Will and Jack finally reach Gibbs, sleeping with a couple of rather disgruntled pigs. Jack throws a bucket of water on him. "What the fuck? Oh, it's you Jack. I should have known." The pigs, now thoroughly wet, look a bit more disgruntled at having been disturbed, and one of them starts to chew on Gibbs's leg. "You shouldn't wake a sleeping guy."
"Get up, I'm buying you a drink."
"Alright, then, Jack."
Will throws a second bucket of water on him. "That was for the smell," he says. Gibbs relents, but when Jack throws more water on him, he yells again, "What the fuck?"
"That was for…well, that was because I like to throw water on people." Gibbs shrugs and follows Jack to the nearest pub.
As Jack returns to the table with his drink, every person in the bar is engaged in a brawl. He sits down and begins to speak when he notices Will staring at him. "Turner, go get molested."
"Huh?"
"Gibbs and I need to have a little talk. Run along and, I don't know, jerk yourself off in the bathroom or something."
Will seems to catch onto some nonexistent hint in Jack's words and winks unknowingly. "Ah, okay. You have your 'little talk'. I'll go…over here."
As soon as Will has left, Jack tells Gibbs his plan. "I getting the Pearl back."
"Pearl back ribs? They have those here?" Gibbs looks around for the waiter before realizing there isn't one.
"Pearl back ribs? What the savvy are you talking about? No, the Black Pearl."
Gibbs spits out his drink, spraying Jack in the process. Jack manages to catch it all in his mouth and scorch the author at the same time.
"Are you mad?"
"Yes. But we've been over that before. The point is, I have a plan."
"What makes you think Barbossa will listen to anything you say?"
"Let's just say it's a matter of leverage."
"When did you get breast implants?"
"Not *cleavage*. *LEVERAGE*."
"How so."
"You know Silver-Tongue Willy? That annoying kid's his son. His only child."
"And?"
"And the pirates are cursed."
"And?"
"And they need his blood to break the curse! What are you, some kind of idiot!…Oh, I forgot. Sorry."
"T's'okay. Happens all the time."
"So what do you say, eh?"
"I say, let's just hope there's a few on this rock crazy as you."
"Yes, let's."
Meanwhile, Will has found a bathroom and is doing all he can to make the visit to Tortuga enjoyable. "If only Elizabeth were here…Right here…right there…yeah, that's the spot…oh, yeah…" (A/N: to go into any more detail would be kind of sickening)
And then they spent the rest of the night drinking, and while Will wondered what they had talked about, the two of them certainly never cared what Will had occupied himself with during that time.
End Chapter 6
You'll just have to wait till the next chapter for Barbossa, sorry. I know, it took me a long time, I'm sorry! This is harder to write now that I'm getting farther into the story…most of my best ideas were already used, so I have to think of ways to make the actual plot funnier…It's harder than it seems…doing it and being original at the same time…I mean, try it.
Please REVIEW
Chapter 6- Slapfest
Jack is sexily making himself busy on deck, while Will unnecessarily sharpens his sword. Will makes random comments about his childhood, which Jack unintentionally hears.
"And then when my mother died, I came out here, looking for my father," Will states.
"I'm sure it was wonderful," Jack says absently.
"You knew my father, didn't you, Jack? I kind of thought you did in the cell, but now since you seem so interested, I'm sure of it."
"Was that meant to be sarcastic?"
"Huh?"
Jack stands up and faces Will. "Yes, I did know your father. I was probably the only one who knew him as William Turner. He was a good man, a good pirate."
Jack is standing at the rudder. Will whirls to face him. Or rather, face his back. "A pirate? Are you mad?"
"Well, yes, but that's beside the point. Your father *was* a pirate. It's the truth."
"No, he was not. My father was a merchant sailor. He was an honest man."
"Please. Your father couldn't tell the truth if he tried. Well, he could, but he lied just as often. But he always got what he wanted. Almost everyone knew him only as Silver-Tongue Willy. He had a few other nicknames too- Nimble-Finger Willy, Second Wheel Willy, Long Sword Willy…"
"Okay, I get it," Will says. "But my father was no pirate."
"Prove it."
Will draws his sword. Jack rolls his eyes. "It's not worth getting beaten again."
"You didn't beat me. You cheated. You pulled your gun on me when I was distracted."
"Where I come from that's called *beating*."
"In a fair fight, you wouldn't have a chance."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah." Suddenly the boom comes by, hitting Will in the chest. In a few seconds he is dangling from the boom over the deep ocean. Jack looks triumphant.
"Now, listen to me. I'm the Captain here, and if you think you're going to do anything about *that*, you'll be sorry. Your father was a pirate, no two ways about it. If you think you can do something about *that*, well, that's just kind of sad. And third-"
The boom swings back, and Will drops onto the deck and winces.
"I'm a pirate, and as long as you're sailing under me…that makes you a pirate. If you can't deal with that, you can always leave." Jack gestures to the ocean.
Will looks out, knowing that isn't really an option. "Tortuga?"
"How'd you know?"
"Call it female intuition."
"Oh…kay…" Jack turns away, a little frightened but knowing that he's outhotting the entire planet.
************************************************************************
Will and Jack sail into Tortuga on the night of that day. While walking into the harbor town, Jack relates his sentiment to Will. "If every town in the world was like Tortuga, no one would ever feel unwanted."
At that moment a woman with very fake-looking red hair walks up to him. "Scarlet!" She slaps him and walks away. Another woman approaches immediately after. "Giselle!"
"Who was she?"
"What?" *Smack*
"Nicole!"
"Who was *she*?" *Smack*
"Amelia!"
"Who were they?" *Smack*
"Marie!"
"Why didn't you return my calls?" *Smack*
"Velma!"
"You killed my cat!" *Smack*
"Elouise!"
"You gave me crabs!" *Smack*
"Joella!"
"You gave me crabs!" *Smack*
"Um, Jack…" Will says quietly. The women are not done, however.
"Alice!"
"You gave me crabs!" *Smack*
"Monica!"
"You gave me lobsters!" *Smack*
Will says, "Lobsters?"
"Catharine!"
"You stole my lobsters!" *Smack*
"Priscilla!"
"You left your underwear at Alice's house!" *Smack* (A/N: They're framed on the wall. Field trip!!)
"Ruby!"
"You stole my apples!" *Smack*
"No I didn't."
"Oh. It must have been Barbossa. Sorry about that."
"Don't worry."
"Jack, shouldn't we…"
"Quite right, Will. Well then, on we go. Sorry, slapping session is over…Oh, Serena. *Sigh* go ahead." Jack sticks his cheek out for the slap.
*SMACK!!!!!!!*
"Oo, that one must have hurt. What did you do?"
"Ugh, don't ask."
Will and Jack finally reach Gibbs, sleeping with a couple of rather disgruntled pigs. Jack throws a bucket of water on him. "What the fuck? Oh, it's you Jack. I should have known." The pigs, now thoroughly wet, look a bit more disgruntled at having been disturbed, and one of them starts to chew on Gibbs's leg. "You shouldn't wake a sleeping guy."
"Get up, I'm buying you a drink."
"Alright, then, Jack."
Will throws a second bucket of water on him. "That was for the smell," he says. Gibbs relents, but when Jack throws more water on him, he yells again, "What the fuck?"
"That was for…well, that was because I like to throw water on people." Gibbs shrugs and follows Jack to the nearest pub.
As Jack returns to the table with his drink, every person in the bar is engaged in a brawl. He sits down and begins to speak when he notices Will staring at him. "Turner, go get molested."
"Huh?"
"Gibbs and I need to have a little talk. Run along and, I don't know, jerk yourself off in the bathroom or something."
Will seems to catch onto some nonexistent hint in Jack's words and winks unknowingly. "Ah, okay. You have your 'little talk'. I'll go…over here."
As soon as Will has left, Jack tells Gibbs his plan. "I getting the Pearl back."
"Pearl back ribs? They have those here?" Gibbs looks around for the waiter before realizing there isn't one.
"Pearl back ribs? What the savvy are you talking about? No, the Black Pearl."
Gibbs spits out his drink, spraying Jack in the process. Jack manages to catch it all in his mouth and scorch the author at the same time.
"Are you mad?"
"Yes. But we've been over that before. The point is, I have a plan."
"What makes you think Barbossa will listen to anything you say?"
"Let's just say it's a matter of leverage."
"When did you get breast implants?"
"Not *cleavage*. *LEVERAGE*."
"How so."
"You know Silver-Tongue Willy? That annoying kid's his son. His only child."
"And?"
"And the pirates are cursed."
"And?"
"And they need his blood to break the curse! What are you, some kind of idiot!…Oh, I forgot. Sorry."
"T's'okay. Happens all the time."
"So what do you say, eh?"
"I say, let's just hope there's a few on this rock crazy as you."
"Yes, let's."
Meanwhile, Will has found a bathroom and is doing all he can to make the visit to Tortuga enjoyable. "If only Elizabeth were here…Right here…right there…yeah, that's the spot…oh, yeah…" (A/N: to go into any more detail would be kind of sickening)
And then they spent the rest of the night drinking, and while Will wondered what they had talked about, the two of them certainly never cared what Will had occupied himself with during that time.
End Chapter 6
You'll just have to wait till the next chapter for Barbossa, sorry. I know, it took me a long time, I'm sorry! This is harder to write now that I'm getting farther into the story…most of my best ideas were already used, so I have to think of ways to make the actual plot funnier…It's harder than it seems…doing it and being original at the same time…I mean, try it.
Please REVIEW