Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, or things would be really different every Wednesday night!
This is my entry in Katsume's Impulse Challenge from Yahoo Group's Captain And The Vulcan page.Pairing: Do I need to spell it out for you?
Rating: PG-13 I think. If I've finally been able to qualify for an R let me know.
Thanks: To Monica for her wonderful job of beta reading.
Enjoy! I know this is a bit different than what I usually write, but who says plots are everything.
Reality Of DreamsBy
LatteladyT'Pol fought to keep herself focused. Due to the odd flash of lighting from the faulty power grid, she felt as if she were one of the monochromatic characters in those movies that Commander Tucker was fond of showing on movie nights. But she knew this was not movie night. All around her was evidence of members of her own species run amok. As she sniffed, she could smell the wildness in the air, mixed with the overwhelming scent of Vulcans. Then it all came crashing down around her.
Feelings rushed at her from all directions, fear, panic, and divided loyalties screamed in her brain as she fought to gain control. Why was she being made to make this choice all over again? Was not once in one lifetime, enough for one Vulcan to have to choose a Human over her own kind? Then something snapped and she knew she could not do it. It had been one thing to make logic work for her and find all the cool practical reasons why it had been necessary for her to stay at Jonathan Archer's side, but when she was lost in a sea of feelings that twisted her gut and made her heart bleed; she knew she could not make that choice.
The ship shook as she made up her mind to throw her fate in with the Vulcans on the Seleya. It had been her ship and it would be her ship again. She would die with honor, among her own kind, instead of a renegade among the Humans. Now all she needed to do was fight the rising tide of longing that was threatening to make action impossible.
"Noooo." T'Pol screamed as she tumbled to the deck, eaten by panic. "No no no." She pulled herself to her feet and turned back toward the air lock. She needed to get away. She needed to run, but she hadn't gotten two steps when strong arms encircled her waist. She felt the warmth of his hard body as he pulled her against him. 'Jonathan.' Her mind screamed at his nearness. 'Did he realize what his touch did to her erratic emotions? Did he know what he was doing to her now?' She began to fight, as she felt his touch explode through her and awaken all that she had tried to keep hidden from herself for so long!
She heard him calling to her, to appeal to her logic, but any hope she had of rational thought had been stripped away at his touch. She could feel him want her, and it was not as just a member of his crew. The knowledge was intoxicating, and the more she fought to be free, the more it enflamed her desires. He was a big man who was easily as strong as she, but she had never been on the receiving end of a demonstration of it before. She dug her heels into the deck until he pulled her off her feet and swung her around as if she weighed no more than a feather. It made her catch her breath as his grip tightened and pressed her body tightly against his. She could feel the taught muscles he was barely able to keep under control.
Her world shifted as he turned her and bounced her against the wall. Large strong hands dug into her shoulders, and it made it hard to breath. Their eyes locked and something wild exploded between them. T'Pol raised her right hand and slowly ran it over his left cheek, where three deep slashes dripped red Human blood. Her stained fingers moved back to her nose and she sniffed. His scent shot straight to her soul. "Jonathan," she murmured as his breath on her face made her shiver.
"T'Pol," he whispered. His head lowered for the kiss she ached to feel, and his hands slid slowly over her body, as his trapped hers against the bulkhead, making her moan in delight. While they were locked in a passionate embrace, the ship spun and stretched as if it had passed through a vortex of distorted space.
Suddenly they were back in the Seleya's command center, again. Instead of holding Jonathan in her arms, she discovered she was pointing a phase pistol at his chest. She shivered feeling lost and abandoned by the one being in the universe she thought she could trust. Desire warred with indecision in her mind, 'we have already done this and I did not shoot him!' But all she had to do was pull the trigger and there would be no indecision, no confusion, no Human who caused her to do strange things. She would be Vulcan again, instead of this thing she had become. This female person who yearned for a male who was not of her species, who ached with feelings she did not understand. It had happened so slowly over the last two years that she had been able to conceal it behind a wall of logic and had never guessed he had been her real reason for staying on Enterprise when the High Command had ordered her back to Vulcan. But now she knew and she saw a way to rectify it!
"Stay back or I will shoot." She growled and tried to keep her hand from shaking as a voice argued in her head that if she shot him it would be like shooting a part of herself.
"Be careful Captain, that weapon is set to kill." Lt. Malcolm Reed's voice called out a warning to both officers, but both were too caught up in the intensity of the moment to hear him.
"I will shoot you." T'Pol whispered unable to reign in the confusion and fear that drove her onward. All she had to do was pull the trigger and any reason for staying with the Humans would be gone.
"Give me the gun." His voice was soft and smooth, and she shivered as it caressed her skin. A small whimper escaped her lips as she imagined his hands touching her the way his voice had.
"Do not come any closer!" She cried out in an attempt to counter the soft warm feelings he made her feel. 'If he would only back away and set her free, there would be no need for this.'
The part of her that was still T'Pol, the part that stood watching with cool detachment, as this wild woman, disguised as her, pointed a weapon at Jonathan Archer's chest, knew the truth. It was the only logical conclusion, and she arched her brow at the crazy women for not understanding. It was already too late. Sometime in the last two years she had let down her guard and he had slipped in. Only death could end their accidental bond.
"Yes," she whispered, as the message came through loud and clear. She had to act, or she would be lost. She would throw down the phase pistol and fall into his arms. It would mean the abandonment of all she had been taught to believe, and sign the death warrants of all the Vulcans left on the Seleya.
"T'Pol, give me the weapon." Archer took another step toward her.
"No!" She shook as her finger pulled the trigger and the pistol spit energy bolts into the man who was five feet away. Her heart exploded as his took the impact of the shots and she could feel the pain his dead body was unable to.
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"NNNNOOOOOOO!" She screamed as she sat up in bed; her forehead glistened with sweat, and tears filled her eyes. "Jonathan," she gasped in despair. "What have I done….?"
"T'Pol?" Archer called out. Her scream had wakened him from a restless sleep and he'd stumbled next door to her quarters, without even pulling on a shirt. Pajama bottoms hung loosely around his hips and he was still wiping sleep out of his eyes as he quickly keyed in his over-ride codes to her door. He saw her body silhouetted against the window at the head of her bed, and in two quick steps he was beside her.
"No, no Jonathan, I killed you." She whispered, and wedged herself into the corner where the bulkhead met her window.
"Easy, I'm right here." He reached across her bed and pulled her quivering body into his arms, as he slid beside her on the mattress.
"No," she shook her head frantically; still not sure he was not a figment of her imagination. "I shot you, on the Seleya." Her hands explored his chest trying to feel where there should have been phase burns from her blast. "I was sure of it."
"You tried, but we both made it back in one piece." His voice was suddenly hoarse as her small sure hands kept exploring his chest. Her touch was going to push him over the edge if he wasn't careful, so he reached for her wandering fingers and griped them tightly, but he couldn't make himself move away from her.
It humbled him to see her so lost and distraught. When they had hunted Menos she'd been unsure of herself at times, but never clinging. Then yesterday, on the Seleya, she had suffered from paranoia and confusion, but there'd never been the slightest sign of fear. "I knew I shouldn't have let you talk me into convincing Phlox to let you out of Sickbay until all the residual effects of Trellium-D were out of your system." But even as he said the words he knew that he'd never let anyone else see her like this.
"Please do not make me go back there." She looked up at him and he could see her forcing herself to relax. "I really am quite fine now, Captain."
"T'Pol this is me you're talking to." He watched her under his lashes, then reached for the light and turned it up to fifty percent. "And in your dream you called me Jonathan."
Green eyes met green eyes and time seemed to stand still as they watched each other carefully. He still held her hands in one of his, pressed tightly against his chest, but with the other he'd cupped her chin so he could examine the damage the last twenty-four hours had done to her. There were deep green smudges under her eyes and her skin was pale and waxy. Her hair that was growing a bit longer, fell around her face, and made her look soft and feminine. But when he saw the olive green fingerprints on her biceps his stomach did a flip-flop, there was no doubt in his mind that it was his hands that had caused them.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." He whispered as he remembered gripping her tightly and using his weight to push her against the bulkhead of the Seleya. Suddenly he felt huge and clumsy sitting so close to her petite form.
"You did not hurt me," she glanced down unaware, until that moment, that she carried his mark. "You were the one who was hurt." She pulled one hand free and ran it over his cheek, and the three slash marks that were still healing. Though she had not made them, it had been done by another Vulcan. It caught her by surprise when she looked at her fingers and there was no red Human stain, because she had caught his scent, again! "Ohhh," she whispered. "I did that in my dream."
Suddenly she did not know where dream stopped and reality began. Had he kissed her on the Seleya, had that been real, and only her killing him a dream? Was this all a dream, and would she wake screaming again in Sickbay? Screaming until he came for her and convinced Phlox she would be safe, and sleep better in her own quarters?
"Maybe you'd better tell me about this dream of yours." He still hadn't let go of her chin or her hand. He felt something vibrate between them and he knew that if she didn't tell him now, he might never hear it. "Especially the part where you called me Jonathan, then shot me."
"I did not….they were not." She realized he had trapped her. She had said too much in her confusion that she had really killed him, and in typical Human fashion he had taken advantage of it. "Am I dreaming this?"
"Would you like to be?" He tilted his head and covered her free hand that had been resting on his chest. This was getting more and more interesting with every word she uttered.
"You are being difficult, Captain."
"You're being difficult, Jonathan." He grinned at her in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Now you try it."
"Jonathan," she whispered as her fingers curled into the hairs that tickled the palms of her hands, but froze when she heard a deep rumble of pleasure that came from directly under her fingers. It sounded very much like the mating call of the huge he-cats of Parnassus Prime. "Do you think this is wise?"
"I think it is long overdue." His voice was husky and it took all his willpower not to rush her. She had meant so much to him for so long but he'd kept it hidden. He could hardly believe that this was happening. If he hadn't felt the very real pain that restraining himself was causing, he might agree with her and think this was a dream come true.
"You may be right." She looked him straight in the eyes and saw her future sitting inches away. "But it is for you to decide. I am still unsure what is dream and what is real."
"I'll guide you." He gripped her hands tighter and wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but it was too soon. He needed to know what had driven her quivering into his arms. "You were going to tell me about this dream of yours."
"We were on the Seleya." Her voice was small and she could not meet his eyes. "First it was when we fought and you kept me from turning back and dying." They both knew what she was talking about. The fight had been physical as well as mental and he'd never treated a women so roughly. He hated that she remembered it. "Then things changed and it was hours earlier. We were still on that ship, but it was when we were in the command center and I held a phase pistol on you. I dreamt…I dreamt, that I killed you." The admission was torn from her. She felt the pain all over again of the blasts hitting his chest, but burning through her heart.
"Easy," he murmured as he pulled her close and buried his nose in her hair. "I'm fine, just fine. You didn't hurt me." He squeezed her tighter to him, as he remembered fighting her that time too. "I was the one who hurt you."
"No, Jonathan!" She shook her head and leaned into him. "You saved my life, both times you saved my life. Though my memories are sketchy of what happened on that ship, I know that if you had not dragged me through the maze of horror created by the Trellium-D, I would have died there."
"I like that you can finally feel free enough to call me by name." He smiled down at her. They were sitting so close their bodies were plastered together. He could feel the heat given off by a Vulcan's higher body temperature and smell the scent of lemon and spices that was uniquely hers. "But there's something that you're leaving out?"
"I…." She bit her lip and though she held him tightly, she slid her chin across his chest, unable to meet his eyes. "There is a memory but I am unsure if it is real or part of my dream."
He gripped her bottom and slid her up onto his lap until she was straddling his legs with her body pressed tightly against his. He could feel every inch of her and he wanted more, but he was unsure if this was the time or place. He knew she was still off balance from the isotope that had loosened her emotions. And they had an issue to settle between them, because he was sure he knew what she was trying to call a dream instead of reality. He had been the one to pull a phase pistol and shoot her, not the other way around. Granted it had been set on stun, and it had been to save her life, but he'd done it nonetheless. "It was real," he whispered. "It really happened, it was no dream."
"Oh?" She gasped as she looked up at him. Her small tongue licked her suddenly dry lips. "I am only sorry that I was too disoriented to remember it clearly." She longed to have him kiss her again. To feel his firm lips against hers and know for sure what he tasted like.
"What?" He looked at her in that oddly Human way he had, as if he suddenly questioned her sanity. "Damn it T'Pol, I shot you, why would you want to remember it?"
"Shot me?" Her hand slipped under the sleeveless top of her undershirt and felt the slight crinkling of skin caused by a phase pistol blast set on stun. She knew it would take a few days for it to heal, but for the moment Jonathan had marked her not only on the arms, but on the chest as well.
"Something tells me we're not talking about the same thing." He kept one arm around her shoulders so she was still pinned to his body and with the other he rubbed her earlobe. "Come on T'Pol, spill it."
"After we fought. When we were between the command center and the shuttle," she was uncomfortable telling him this, but she had to know the truth. She needed to know the truth, almost as much as she needed to breathe. "When you had me pinned to the wall…." She was breathing so hard the best she could do was whisper. "Did you kiss me?"
"Oh." Jonathan moaned and leaned his forehead against T'Pol's. "I wanted to, I wanted to so badly, I almost did." He slid his hands into her hair and tilted her face up toward his. He wanted her to know the truth, including the passion that was brewing deep in him. "That moment when I shoved you against the bulkhead, all the feelings I've kept hidden, erupted to the surface. If we hadn't had a firefight hot on our tails, I hate to think of what my actions might have been."
"Jonathan there is no one chasing us now." Her words were quiet and carried all the emotions she had been fighting in her dream. She wanted him badly and knew she had from the moment she had agreed to stay on Enterprise after they had returned Klaang to Qo'noS, or she never would have stayed. Suddenly things that had been confusing were clear as a spring morning on the plains that surround Mount Seleya.
"Tell me that again in three days, when you are no longer under the influence of Trellium-D." The pain in his voice rubbed against her skin and made her cling to him tighter than before.
"According to Phlox, the Trellium only makes it harder for Vulcans to suppress their emotions." She rocked against him and felt his response more clearly than before. "It does not create ones that are not there. I must have wanted you to kiss me, or I would not have dreamt it."
"Does that mean you wanted to kill me as well?" Her logic was still flawed and he didn't know how much more of this he could take.
"You are beginning to argue like a Vulcan, there is hope for us yet." Her eyes danced as she let the covers between them drop, so more of her skin would touch his. "In my dream I did not shoot you until I felt lost and abandoned by the one being in the universe who I trusted. But when the phase blast hit you, I felt the pain; it caused me to scream your name so loudly I woke myself up. It was as if I had shot the best part of me."
"Not the best, never the best." His breath was hot on her face as he lowered his head and gently touched his lips to hers. For a moment she did not respond, just let herself absorb the wonder of the phenomena of being kissed by a Human, this Human, the one who meant everything to her.
"Jonathan," she murmured against his lips and felt his hands move against her skin, and beneath her shirt. She was caught in a blinding heat that would have been frightening if she had not been holding on to him, as he lay her back and covered her with his body. She knew that no matter what happened he would never hurt her and she was finally where she truly belonged.
Moments later she gasped and threw her head back as the sound of ripping cotton filled her ears. Her shirt fell apart in his hands, and was tossed to the floor beside the bed. Then she knew the wonder of skin against skin, and felt the rush of her nipples harden, as they were pressed into his chest. While her hands explored the texture of male skin, so different from hers, she shivered and he slid his hand lower only to discover tonight she had slept in only her undershirt.
Time had no meaning while Jonathan Archer taught her how to feel things she was sure no Vulcan would ever have the wonder of knowing. They explored each other's bodies and celebrated the differences of male and female long into the early hours of the morning.
Much later, Jonathan held her close into his arms, as he pulled the blanket up around them. "Are you alright?" He whispered when she moaned, unable to get her eyes to focus.
"I shall let you know. You seem to have caused my brain cells to disconnect from my body." She knew she could not put together a coherent sentence if her life depended on it.
"I should have been more careful with you." He had known she was inexperienced with males, but the wild heat that had burst between them had left no room for logical thought. Even after all the passion and tenderness, it still hurt him to see the bruises on her arms. He ran his hand gently over her left breast trying to make the phase burn less noticeable. It was then that he noticed that there were several new greenish areas beginning to form on her arms and legs and one rather prominent one on her belly. "I really should have been gentler."
"I would not have you change a thing." She held his face in her hands and nibbled at his bottom lip. She had discovered it was something that brought him pleasure, and she wished to return the favor for all he had given her. "If you are bound to a Vulcan you need to understand that females bruise easily, though there is no pain involved. Each time I see one of these green areas I will think of you and the pleasure I gained in receiving it. Much better than the ones I had after we battled the Klingons to protect those miners last year, or from the automated repair depot when Enterprise was being put back together after the mine that had been attached to the hull."
"I love you, T'Pol." He rolled her beneath him and felt little flames of heat lick at his skin where it touched hers. "And I can feel your feelings as if they are an echo of mine."
"I had heard this was the way it was between a male and a female who were bonded, but I did not believe it." She felt her breath catch as his passion was being transmitted to her. Being bound to a Human was going to be demanding, but this Human had shown her joys that she did not think existed between Vulcans. It would be worth every moment of it.
He slid his fingers between hers and gripped her hands, holding them to the bed on either side of her pillow. As his mouth worked its way down her neck, she moaned and her hips began to rock against him. He wouldn't question the good fortune that had brought them together. He had known when he made love to her that if she responded, it would be a permanent thing, he only hoped it was something she would not regret later on.
"Oh please Jonathan," she begged as he teased her lips with his tongue, but would not set her free to touch him.
"Slowly," his voice shook as he felt her being driven wild by the nipping kisses he trailed over her chest. "Enjoy the sensations."
"I love you Jonathan…." she gulped in air between each word as she slowly caught fire. "This is not a dream, but it is everything I ever wanted." She was unsure if she spoke the words or not, because she had slid into the flames and slowly burned, until they spilled through what was left of her mental shields and he finished what he started surrounded by her warm vibrating flesh.
When they finally slept, they were still joined physically, as well as mentally, both afraid to pull too far apart. Both needed to have the other close, even in sleep. Both needed to know that long after the bruises on her arms faded, and the phase burn was hardly a remembered thing, they would still carry an indelible mental mark that each had given the other that night. The bond was complete; the dream had become reality. They would still belong to each other long after their Katras slept as one, on through eternity and whatever lay beyond.
And they lived happily ever after!