Author's Note: Sorry it's so long since my last update. I'm not going to promise anything, but I'm going to try to update more often.
Thank you so much for all of your kind reviews.
~*~
So now we speak with ruined tongues
and the words we say aren't meant for anyone.
It's just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance,
but there was once you said you hated my suffering
and you understood and you'd take care of me.
You would always be there;
well where are you now?
-"Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh", Bright Eyes
~*~
A soft hand ruffled Ephram's hair. He smiled in his sleep. "Morning, sunshine." It was strange how Colin sounded remarkably like his father.
Ephram opened his eyes. Oh, yeah. It was his father. "Cut it out," Ephram said as he shifted in his seat away from his dad, gingerly touching his hair. He glanced out the plane window, to see La Guardia airport beneath them. "That didn't take too long."
"You did sleep through most of it," Dr. Brown reminded him. He looked concerned. "Are you all right? You looked upset after you came in last night."
"I'm fine," Ephram mumbled. "Don't worry about me."
"But I'm your father," replied Dr. Brown, pretending to be insulted. "It's my job to be an annoying nag." Dr. Brown tapped Delia's shoulder as she slowly awoke. "Sweetheart? We're here."
Ephram checked his watch. 10:10. School was starting in five minutes. I hope Colin's OK.
~*~
Colin checked his watch. 8:10. Bright pulled the truck into the parking lot and turned off the ignition. "Dude, I was reading the newspaper this morning-"
"And I didn't even know you could read," Laynie quipped as she grabbed her backpack and hopped out of the car.
Bright ignored her. "They're having this cartoon movie festival thing in Denver today. So, let's just blow off class and we'll go watch one of those ah-ni-mee movies."
"Anime," corrected Colin instantly. A film festival sounded like something Ephram would want to do. He'd love to sit there in the dark next to Colin, telling him some random fact about Japanese film as they shared a bucket of popcorn and a few kisses. Shut up, brain, Colin ordered himself. I'm mad at him.
"Whaddya say, buddy?" Bright said, his voice strained with fake cheer. Colin shook his head.
"We have to go to class," he said, opening the truck door and stepping out. Bright shook his head as he got out of the truck and followed Laynie and Colin.
The whole schoolyard went graveyard-silent when the three of them made their descent into the school building. Colin could hear whispers as he went by. "Where's his boyfriend?" "Colin's a friggin' homo!" "Was he gay before the accident?" "Brown was the one who talked him into it, he's the faggot…"
"Don't listen to them," Laynie told her brother as she went off to homeroom. Colin kept his head straight as he headed for his locker. He caught a glimpse of hot pink paint splattered on his locker, reading FAG, HOMO, QUEER. The same words were on Ephram's locker. Snickers filled Colin's ears as he read the words; a headache began to build in his temples.
Colin turned around, to find Bright standing there. "You OK, man?" Colin struggled not to show any emotion on his face. "Yeah, I'm fine," he lied. "Let's get to class." The boys walked down the hallway, not noticing the eyes of a few angry jocks look their way.
~*~
"Jacob, the kinderlech are here!" Ruth exclaimed as she opened the door to their New York apartment. She seized Delia by the shoulders and kissed her, then pulled Ephram into an oxygen-depriving hug. "It's been so long since we've seen you!"
"Hello, Ruth," Dr. Brown greeted his mother-in-law, giving her a polite hug. Jacob entered the foyer with a smile. Ephram uncomfortably noticed the shakes that plagued his grandfather's hands had grown worse. Jacob hugged his grandchildren, and extended his hand to Dr. Brown. His son-in-law shook his hand amiably.
"Come in, come in," cooed Ruth. "Are you hungry? Of course you are, I made lunch. Did they feed you on the plane?"
"If by 'feed', you mean stuffed cardboard down our throats," Ephram muttered. Ruth chuckled as she sat her grandchildren at the table and pushed two corned beef sandwiches in front of them. Ephram picked at his sandwich as his father and grandparents discussed the unveiling. He occasionally listened when his name was mentioned, but otherwise his mind drifted.
Colin had hurt him last night. Ephram touched his sore elbow. There was no bruise or mark, but it hurt to lean on. A sinking feeling filled him when he thought back to when Colin had punched his hand through the window of his truck and looked like he didn't even care. It hadn't seemed so important back then. Of course, the boys hadn't been getting horizontal with each other a few months ago, so it made sense that the incident had drifted from Ephram's mind.
What if he's getting sick? thought Ephram suddenly. Oh God, he didn't want to even imagine that. The thought of Colin in the hospital, tubes in his mouth and nose, buried beneath layers of bandages, unable to see or hear or speak or live…
Ephram shoved his sandwich away. "Dear, you've barely eaten any," Ruth protested when she saw his plate.
"I'm not hungry," he explained softly.
~*~
Colin was having perhaps the worst day of his life; at least, Colin the Second's life. Every moment he was being stared at and whispered about. The teachers in his classes ignored his existence when he raised his hand. When he was in the hallway, walking to gym, someone shoved him into a locker. A throbbing pain filled his right arm for the rest of the day.
He nervously stepped into the locker room. His gaze instantly traveled to the lockers he'd pressed Ephram's lean, sinewy body upon. Colin remembered how good it felt to touch him; his hard body, his soft lips. If he concentrated hard enough, he could feel the sensation of Ephram's graceful piano fingers dancing on Colin's back and on his face, and the warmth of Ephram's body on his.
Stop it, Colin ordered himself. I'm still mad at him. He went to his locker and began to undress, barely noticing the quiet of the locker room.
"Looky here," someone said snidely. Colin slipped his gym shirt over his head, and found three boys crowded at the end of his locker row. "Hart's giving us a little striptease."
"Lookin' for some action?" another guy said- MacNally was his name. "Your boyfriend not good enough for you? Or did he skip town?"
"At least Brown had the sense to get out of here before we got to him," the first guy- Parker, Colin remembered- replied. Colin suddenly wanted to get out of locker room as fast as he could. He slammed the locker room shut and began to leave.
"No, I don't think so!" MacNally said with a laugh, running up to Colin and pulling his arms behind his back. The third guy joined in. Colin struggled to get out of their grip, but he couldn't fight off two guys who were both as strong as he was.
Parker leered at Colin, a sick grin on his face. He pulled back his fist and slammed it into Colin's face. Blood ran sluggishly from his nose as Colin tried not to cry out in pain. "This is what we do to fags here," Parker said devilishly as he punched Colin again, splitting his lip.
Colin tried to think of something, anything than what was happening to him as he labored out of the other boys' grips. Instead he heard his and Ephram's voices in his head.
"If everyone sees that I'm gay, maybe they'll stop treating me like Colin the First. They'll see me for me."
Ephram had shaken his head. "No, Colin, they'll see you as a faggot. A freak. An outcast. You don't want to feel like that."
Another hand made contact with his face. Ephram was right. He was right, he thought. A hard kick came to his rib cage and his knees went out as the wind was knocked out of him. Colin braced himself with his hands as he was let go and dropped to the floor. He inhaled deeply.
"Tell your boyfriend that he can expect the same when he gets back," MacNally warned him. Colin looked up just as the boys began to walk away. He pushed himself over to the wall. Hot tears stung his eyes and his desperately muffled cries filled the locker room.
~*~
Ephram tossed and turned in bed. He couldn't sleep. Plus he hadn't eaten enough at dinner, so he found himself in the kitchen, poking through Nonni's plentiful leftovers in the refrigerator when the lights came on.
"You should listen to your grandmother when she says have second helpings," Jacob advised his grandson. Ephram rolled his eyes, smiling as he pulled half an apple pie from the refrigerator and brought it to the table. Jacob grabbed two forks and sat down with him.
"So how's life treating you?"
Ephram shrugged. "OK, I guess." He noticed his grandfather watching him closely, and he sighed knowingly. "What did my dad tell you?"
"Everything," replied Jacob easily as he dug into the pie. "So the boy is the boyfriend of the girl you used to like? The one your father operated on?"
"Exboyfriend. And I never really liked her, I guess." Ephram put a piece of pie in his mouth and swallowed, trying very hard not to look directly at his grandfather. "Could we not talk about this, please? It's really weird."
"It shouldn't be," Jacob insisted. "You love this guy?"
To his utter embarrassment Ephram could feel his cheeks start to burn. "Yeah, I do. But we had a fight yesterday."
"About what?"
"Stupid shi- stuff," Ephram censored himself when his grandfather gave him a warning look. "He wants to tell everyone about us."
Jacob frowned. "What's wrong with that?"
"Well, it's nobody's business!"
His grandfather sat up straighter in his chair, sticking his fork into the pie. "I know you better than that, Ephram. Is that the real problem?"
"No," replied Ephram tartly. His sour expression morphed into one of guiltiness. "It's just- for a while, it seemed too good to be true, you know? For once I wasn't in a permanent bad mood. When I'm with Colin, I'm- I'm happy. And I thought if everyone knew, then people would judge us. And-" His throat tightened. Ephram cleared his throat. "And Colin wouldn't want to be with me anymore." Jacob opened his mouth to comment but Ephram rolled on. "And I was right! We've only had one fight, but that was before we were together. Now everyone knows, and now we're fighting." And he tried to hurt me, Ephram wanted to add, but didn't.
Jacob nodded. "Can I let you in on a secret, Ephram?"
"Please. Enlighten me, Grandpa."
"All relationships are hard." That was it. Ephram paused, hoping there was for more. Luckily there was more. "There are always fights. But if you really love Colin, you'll make it through the fights and the people who try to knock you down. Love conquers all." Jacob paused, a look on his face that Ephram couldn't read. "And if you ever need Nonni or me, we're always here for you."
Ephram sat up straighter, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted off him. At least there was someone out who was on his side. "Thanks, Grandpa."
"No problem. Now get to bed." Jacob patted Ephram's shoulder as he swallowed painfully. "Tomorrow's a big day."
~*~
That afternoon Mrs. Hart received a phone call at her office, saying her son Colin had "an accident" and needed to be picked up. She rushed there, afraid- had Colin thrown up or had a fit of temper? No, it turned out; his face was purple and crimson from a beating from some boys. Colin said he didn't who they were, or why they'd beaten him up. But Colin, Mrs. Hart, the gym teacher, even the principal knew why. Mrs. Hart brought her son back to the house, nursing his wounds and setting him up in front of the couch with blankets and the TV remote.
"We never should have sent you to school today," she repeated over and over as she put cream on Colin's split lip and cooling gel on his bruised face. Colin had washed the blood off his face himself.
"Why?" Colin asked his mother quietly. "Because you knew everyone would instantly hate me?"
"Some people- aren't very accepting" was her hasty reply.
"People like Dad" was his.
Mrs. Hart sighed as she sat down on the couch. "Colin, you know your father and I love you very much. But the way he was brought up, it's taught that homosexuality is wrong." He flinched at wrong.
Colin's voice lacked all emotion. "What does that mean? Was I born wrong? Is it wrong to feel the way I do?"
"No, no, sweetheart!"
"Could you please leave me alone." It wasn't a question; questions required feeling. "I want to be alone."
Mrs. Hart nodded. "Of course, sweetheart. I'm going out to the grocery store. I'll be back in half an hour." She attempted to kiss her son's forehead, but he shrugged away from her. Disappointed, she left the room as her son blasted the TV screen. The images and sounds gave his mind something to do. That way he didn't have to think about Ephram's hurt face when he left the house the day before, the petrified stares of the people at school, and the gleeful grins of his attackers.
~*~
Dr. Brown was slipping on the jacket of his suit when his father-in-law stepped into his doorway. "Andy," Jacob said. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Sure," agreed Andy, taking his watch off the night table and putting it on his wrist.
"Ephram and I were talking about the situation back in Everwood."
Already, Andy could tell he did not like where this conversation was going. So he pretended to focus on his watch. "Mmm-hmm."
"He said that he and his boyfriend- Colin- they're pretty close. They, uh, they love each other."
Andy paused, feeling a smile creep onto his face. That was why Ephram had been so deliriously happy lately; he was in love.
"He also said you've been good to him," Jacob continued, looking uneasy as he basked Andy with praise. "And, I,I just wanted to say…good job."
Surprised, Andy stared at his father-in-law. If there was higher praise in this world, he couldn't even fathom what it was. "Thank you, Jacob."
Jacob nodded, checking his watch. "Let's get going. The car should be here soon."
~*~
JULIA BROWN
1958-2002
BELOVED
DAUGHTER
MOTHER
WIFE
Ephram stared at the gravestone as the rabbi lead the mourners in prayer. It was a very plain, but elegant tombstone. His mom would've liked it.
"Amein," everyone said in unison. "Amein," repeated Ephram, a little late.
The rabbi closed his prayer book. "Julia's son, Ephram, will now lead us in the Kaddish prayer." Ephram descended from the group to his mother's gravestone.
Nervously the Hebrew poured from his mouth. He tried not to stutter but the language was so foreign to him. "B'almah dee v'rah kheer'utey v' yamleekh malkhutei, b'chahyeykhohn, uv' yohmeykhohn, uv'chahyei d'chohl beyt yisrael, ba'agalah u'veez'man kareev, v'eemru. Amein." His thoughts drifted slightly as he spoke.
~*~
February 2002
"Wow," Julia remarked as she walked into her son's bedroom as he slipped into his suit. "You look so good you may be able to play tonight. Too many girls will be giving you their numbers."
Ephram rolled his eyes at her attempt at humor. "I look like a waiter in Little Italy. And I don't have the middle down."
"You'll do fine," insisted Julia. "Katherine will be really impressed." She watched her son's fingers become clumsy at the mention of the girl's name. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing." Ephram finished his tie and left the room. His mother moved aside quickly to let her son pass then proceded to follow him into the living room.
"Liar," Julia said, looking both concerned and amused as she touched her hands to her temples. "My Mom Radar is zeroing in on you. What's up?"
"I- I just don't know how much I like Katherine anymore." Ephram made himself very busy organizing magazines on the coffee table.
"Yes, she's funny, smart, kind and likes you. I can see why you are not at all a match. Ephram, you do this with every girl you meet!" Ephram watched her pause as the concern on her face slid into an expression of curiosity. "Ephram," Julia began tentatively, "are-"
"No."
"You don't even know what I was going to say," protested Julia as she sat down on the couch beside her son.
"You were going to ask if I was gay. And the answer is no."
"Sweetie-"
Ephram dropped the magazines in a heap. "Mom, I'm not gay."
"I believe you, and that's not what I was going to say." Ephram looked up at her, waiting. "I want you to know that I love you, no matter who you love. Girls, guys, Gwen Stefani-" Ephram smiled a little. "Just remember that, OK?"
"OK." There was a burst of lightning from out the window and Ephram looked up at the clock on the wall. "It's 6 o'clock. I'm going downstairs to wait for Katherine."
"Love you," Julia told her son, giving him a hug and following him to the door.
"Love you, too. Drive carefully, Mom, OK? It's raining pretty hard."
Julia rolled her eyes. "I don't need my fourteen-year-old son telling me about auto safety. I'll see you at seven thirty." She kissed her son's cheek and he left the apartment.
~*~
"Oseh shalom beem'roh'mahv, hoo ya'aseh shalom, aleynu v'al kohl yisrael v'eemru: Amein," Ephram finished.
A light "Amein" whistled through the cemetery like a cool breeze.