Disclaimer
Tenchi and all associated characters are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC. I don't own any rights to them. Any other characters are property of their respective copyright holders, not me.
*****
Tenchi Jabberwocky
*****
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
Ryo-ohki is jumping around chasing butterflies when she suddenly spots a disembodied camera floating by overhead. She stops to watch, as do the dozens of butterflies. Unfortunately for her, all of the butterflies choose her as a resting place. Soon only two golden eyes and the ends of her ear tufts are visible amongst the mass of insect wings. One daring bug tickles her nose causing her to sneeze. It appears to the camera that the cabbit has exploded into a million colors, but it's actually only the startled butterflies taking wing. The butterflies, now tired of the game, quickly exit, leaving the distraught cabbit alone in the field. She shakes her paw at the camera in anger.
All mimsy were the borogroves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
The camera now flies off to the woods, were everybody's favorite Space Pirate is chasing her beloved.
"Tenchi!" Ryoko calls out, dodging a tree whilst flying full speed. She executes a perfect flying tackle and Tenchi lands face first in last year's fallen leaves. He sits up, spitting out plant debris, wondering how he ever allowed himself to get into this situation in the first place.
"Beware the Jabberwock my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Princess Ayeka is walking along the edge of the forest. She spots a weeping Ryo-ohki and goes over to comfort the poor critter. "Now, now you poor little thing. Don't worry, there'll be more icky bugs for you to play with later. In fact, I think I saw some spiders building webs over near the house earlier."
Ryo-ohki looks at the princess in revulsion.
"By the way," Ayeka asks the cabbit. "Have you seen my dearest Tenchi around anywhere lately?"
The cabbit nods and points off into the woods. Ayeka sets her down and with a final pat on the head, wanders off in the direction Ryo-ohki indicated. Ryo-ohki snickers, then hops off to find something else to amuse herself with.
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"
The camera pans along to the deck of the Masaki house, where Tsunami, and Urd from Ah! My Goddess, are sitting in lawn chairs drinking beer. Urd looks up at the camera, lightning flickering from her fingertips. "Oh, and I suppose I'm supposed to be the Bandersnatch," she mumbles, then looks over at Tsunami. "And that would make you the Jubjub bird." The dusky goddess collapses in a fit of giggles.
"What?" asks a clueless Tsunami.
Urd points a finger at the Juraian goddess. "Jubjub bird…" She falls out of her chair, laughing. "Bird… Tree… Get it now?"
Tsunami has a bemused expression on her pretty face. "Yes. You know, cousin, you're lucky you're even in this fic. It's not your series and besides, the author might have chosen Peorth instead. He likes her as much as he likes you."
This causes Urd's laughter to redouble. "That ditz? She's so far out of it that she has to have her name stenciled on her underwear just so she knows who's they are."
A rose appears from nowhere and smacks Urd in the head with a solid 'thwap'. "I heard that, ma cheré!" comes a voice from the heavens.
Mihoshi suddenly sticks her head out the window. "Did I hear someone call me?" She looks at Urd, sitting on the ground rubbing her head, then at Tsunami, quietly giggling behind her hand. The blonde's blue eyes light up. "Oh! Beer! I'll be right out."
He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the maxnome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood a while in thought.
(Author: This can be taken in so many different ways and I'm not gonna touch on any of them. On to the next part…)
And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!
Meanwhile, back in the forest, Ayeka's finally found the object of her quest. Peeking around a tree, she spies Tenchi, mostly undressed, lying on the forest floor. Ryoko, in nothing but her underwear, is standing over him, a wicked gleam in her eye and a satisfied look on her face. Ayeka storms over to them.
"Lord Tenchi! How can you allow that monster woman to paw at you like that?" Ayeka cries out as she stomps up to the pair. "And you, Ryoko, I'm sure Lord Tenchi doesn't enjoy all the obscene attention you give him."
Ryoko licks her lips and smiles. "Well, he didn't seem to mind a few moments ago. You should have been here Princess, I'm sure he wouldn't have minded you joining us."
Tenchi, now bright red, flips over and tries to crawl away, but Ryoko places a shapely foot on his rear and stops him. The Space Pirate grins. "Oh no you don't, there's still plenty more to come. And now that Ayeka's here the party can really start."
Ayeka looks at Ryoko, startled. Ryoko sweeps her arm in a gracious movement, indicating that it's Ayeka's turn with Tenchi. Ayeka to begins to grin to, a perfect compliment of Ryoko's expression. "Yes, Lord Tenchi, let's get started, shall we?"
Tenchi screams.
One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead and with its head
He went galumphing back.
Tenchi scrambles out of the woods, clutching at his clothing, and dashes across the fields and into the house. The sound of a door slamming is heard.
The group on the deck, which now consists of Urd, Tsunami, Mihoshi and a blonde haired, red eyed, leather dressed girl with fangs, are all seriously drunk and clustered around a karaoke machine, singing off tune. Mara is the only one who even looks up as the half-naked young man runs past. The demoness just shrugs and goes back to singing.
Ryoko and Ayeka, also half clad, charge out of the woods looking for their prey. He's nowhere to be seen by this time. Ryoko looks at Ayeka and shrugs. "Damn, lost him again. Oh well, there's always tomorrow."
Ayeka sighs deeply. "Yes, I suppose; but at least you got lucky today. Hmmph. I feel like a bath, Ryoko, would you care to join me?"
Ryoko considers for a second, eyeing the group on the deck. Bathe with her rival or get drunk? Choices, choices… She pats Ayeka on the back. "Maybe later Princess, I've got something to do first." She floats off in the direction of the party.
Ayeka shrugs noncommittally and heads off to the onsen.
"And hast though slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms my beamish boy!
Oh frabjous day! Gallooh! Gallay!"
He chortled in his joy.
Noboyuki, who's been watching all of this via remote feed from Washu's lab, runs upstairs and knocks on Tenchi's door. "Son? I'm so proud of you. Today my boy is finally a man."
"Go 'way, Dad," comes the muffled response.
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
Ryo-ohki, bored out of her tiny skull because she can't find anyone to play with, joins the group on the deck.
All mimsy were the borogroves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
After a couple of beers, Ryoko decides she's going to pay Tenchi a visit in his room. After all, a bed is so much more comfortable than those messy leaves.
A different blonde haired, red eyed woman with fangs, this one wearing something that vaguely resembles a blue police uniform, suddenly appears. She holds out her hand causing Ryoko to skid to a stop. "'Allo, 'allo. What's all this then?" she asks in her best Pythonish voice. "Right, this fic's too silly, I'm stopping it here. No more fic. This is the end. Go 'way now." She goes on mumbling something about "too many clichés".
Washu walks up to the girl carrying a string of garlic and a wooden stake. "Ooooh, a vampire. Do you mind if I test out a few theories, dearie?" Seras Victoria screams and runs away as if the devil herself was after her. Which in this case, might be literally true.
On the deck, Mara awakens from her stupor at the sound of Seras' screams. She nudges Tsunami, who's passed out on top of Urd. "Hey barkeep, how's about another round?" Tsunami lets out a drunken snore and snuggles closer to Urd.
*****
The End
*****
Gawd, I'm bad. This whole fic is bad so don't bother reading it. Oh wait, if you're reading this then you probably already have, in which case I sincerely apologize.
*****
BobR
10-21-2003