And Then There Were Fanfiction Writers

By K@mikaze KAtie "AAPPG" 42 (V),

AKA All American Patriotic Patriot Girl,

AKA Patriotica Blackdagger

AKA Huntress

AKA Athena/Athena Andromeda

AKA Psychogirl

AKA The Executioner

AKA Lady Liberty

The world was created. This got a great many people miffed off. It was revered most everywhere as a HUGE mistake… well… except by perky optimistic people who were too cheery in the mourning. Many people that didn't think the creation of life, the universe and everything was so bad before began to think it was in fact a HUGE mistake because of the annoying perky optimistic people who were to cheery in the morning. But God figured, "It'd sort itself out."

So and then he created the birds in the air which crapped on the cars below and got a great many more people thinking that the creation of life, the universe and everything was a HUGE mistake, but God pressed on, trusting that people could be trusted. So he made the fish in the sea which was promptly polluted by big business companies which actually wouldn't be so bad accept that there were then all these hippie buggers who protested and such. The hippies were right up there with the perky optimistic people who were too cheery in the morning, so this served as another reason to convert people who previously didn't think that the creation of life, the universe and everything was so bad to think that it was. Then god made Dark and light and saw that it was good. All though the dark miffed a lot of people who were afraid of things like vampires and the light miffed off vampires and things along that line, Things that liked light were upset by the creation of dark and vice versa. Now more and more people started to feel that the creation was a generally bad idea. And then there were fic writers. This really pissed off a great many professional writers. And the fic writers like me who write fics like this that turn on our own kind and rip everyone in the "Bible Section" of Fanfiction.net to shreds got other fic writers miffed, especially the ones at "The Bible" section of Fanfiction.net.

And there were many sects of Fanfiction writers. Some COULD actually write worth a damn, but then there were the writers in the Bible section. And this fic was written, and the author of this fic found all of roughly six good authors in the section, eight tops. And there were writers who hated God and the Bible section, so the of course had to write about it to try to get others to hate them, too. Noooo, they couldn't just put them in the 'original' section.

"GOD IS A HYPOCRYTE!" one Fic author shouted! "He says He's all merciful but he wipes out the innocent first born of Egypt! In any court that be considered Murder in the first degree! But why is it okay to do it? Because he's God! THOU SHALT NOT KILL!! THOU SHALT NOT KILL!!!!" He screamed wildly waving around the '5th Commandment card'. "But God kills! But God Kills! So he who maketh the laws can breaketh them, can they?! CAN THEY! HE IS THE BIGGEST SINNER OF THEM ALL! He sets Praise him! PRAISE HIM!! PRIASE HIM!! Yes praise him! He takes delight in punishing people! He does! He Does! HE DOES! He sets up situations where he's setting up people to fail so that he can PUNISH THEM! In any other court this is called ABUSE!! And THEN he sends himself to Earth to 'sacrifice himself for his own crimes! YEAH RIGHT!" The author continued on his rampage about how God was evil.

"YEAH!" Agreed all the Satanists and Anti-Christian Goths. "Wait, evil is good… we like evil…." They thought a minute. "Errr.. NO! NOT EVIL! GOOD! GOD IS GOOD! And good is Bad! Good is Evil! BECOME A SATANIST OR A GOTH OR A PEGAN!"

"What?" Said the Pagans who looked up. What were the Goths and Satanists doing to tarnish their reputation now?

"OR WICCANS!" They went on.

"EXSCUSE ME?!" The Wiccans shouted in unison. Then the Wiccans and Wiccan like Pagans got together and decided they had had enough. They all attacked the Satanists and Anti-Christian Goth Authors.

"WE'RE NOT SATANISTS AND EVIL!" They shouted as they started socking people right and left. "THERE'S A FRIGGIN DIFFERENCE!" Then Lots of poets skipped in.

"Oh," said one gaily, "Oh, I went with my friends to an obscure island today, a beautiful one in a river in Virginia! I climbed the rocks and played in the forest! I felt so peaceful and happy and just like a child again playing among the beaches and rocks and trees and woodland animals in the forest! I've written a poem about it!" And with that the author began to skip about and recite the poem.

"NO!" Screamed the Wiccans and Pagans and Anti-God and Christian People. They ran at the author in a desperate attempt to get her not to recite any more.

"What does this have to do with God and the Bible, anyway?" One asked.

"Why, it's about God's love through wonderful creation and how our debts of sins were repaid by his sacrifice!" The Author said. Just then the author was seized by the Wiccans and Pegans and by the Goth, Satanist and Anti-God and Christians who duck taped the author's mouth shut and duck taped the author's hands behind her back, and duck taped the author's feet together. Then duck taped the author to a stake, the author's computer and broke all the author's pencils and pens and burnt all the author's paper.

"I have written a eulogy for the dead," Said another author.

"Oh, this should be good," Said the Goths who listened. The author cleared their throat before beginning.

"OH ashes to ashes,

And dust to dust,

God has taken you,

And Go you must…" The author started, but was cut off by the Goths who attacked them and gave him the same treatment as the first author.

"God is good! We've written poems about it!" Other poets shouted as the recited their poems.

"God Sucks!" Shouted others, "We're written poems about it!"

"I'm persecuted because I am a Bohomet!" Shouted one reciting his poem.

"Yeah, whatever," Said all the other religions, "Join the club."

"Well," Said the Christians, "At least no one's throwing you to lions."

"Get over it," Said the Catholics who then went back to fighting with the Protestants as they had already been persecuting each other.

"For that matter," Said another Author, "Why is it in the Bible Section? Why not the Originals section?"

"RELIGION IS POISON!" Shouted one author.

"They why are you writing about it?" Said some others

A couple authors were off in the back going on and on about Romans and soldiers and their POVs.

"Midrashes! Midrashes!" Shouted an Author "I love to do Midrashes!"

"God is Evil! God Sucks!"

"THERE IS NO GOD!"

"God is good, God is merciful."

"It's Jesus!"

Suddenly, on cue the cast of Jesus Christ; Superstar.

"Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! Are you who you say can you sacrifice?" They sang.

About that time God decided it wouldn't sort itself out, so he wasted it all and started all over again. Once again, the universe was created and this made many people unhappy. They were miserable, or anger. Even the ones with Digital Watches.