Babysitting The Player Killer
By Dragon Princess
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I'm back with my second attempt at a .hack//SIGN fic. Yay. I got this idea while watching the Disney Channel the other day, because there was nothing else on TV. Well, the show sucked, but at least I got an idea! I still don't own anything. BTW, this story takes place offline.
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1. Can't Get a Job
"Babysitting?" asked Mimiru. "Isn't that more for 12-year-olds who can't get a job?"
"We obviously aren't 12," said Tsukasa.
"But we do have trouble finding work," replied Subaru.
"Hey, we found work at McDonalds!" said Mimiru. When her two friends glared at her, she added, "although we did get fired the first day…"
*flashback*
Fire trucks pulled up to the McDonalds. Screaming customers ran outside. Tsukasa, Subaru, and Mimiru hid, very ashamed, by a flaming oven.
"I'm very sorry," said Subaru. "I thought that putting all the food in the oven would make it cook faster."
"And maybe I shouldn't have turned the oven on to the highest setting," said Tsukasa.
"Looking back, the stick of dynamite might not have been the best thing to throw in the oven," said Mimiru. Their boss came out of the fiery ruins of his office.
"It was a mistake to ever let you girls work here!" he yelled. "YOU'RE FIRED!"
*flash forward*
"We were fired during the first HOUR," said Tsukasa.
"Hey, McDonalds didn't go that badly," said Mimiru.
"Only when you compare it with our jobs as child safety lecturers," muttered Subaru.
*flashback*
Subaru, Tsukasa, and about 20 little kids sat by the side of the road, on a busy highway. The kids looked very bored as Tsukasa told them how to cross the street.
"Okay, you look both ways, then hold hands and cross the road," said Tsukasa. "Like this." Tsukasa got up, looked both ways, then held Subaru's hand. They stared into each other's eyes, in a moment of Tsukasa/Subaru pairing bliss. Until…
"No! Tsukasa is mine!" yelled Mimiru, grabbing Tsukasa's other hand.
"Mine!" yelled Subaru, and pulled Tsukasa toward her.
"Mine!" yelled Mimiru, and pulled back. The little kids watched them play a bizarre version of Tug-of-War with Tsukasa as the rope, then they all crossed the stupid road anyway. Every last kid became roadkill, because they didn't look both ways.
*flash forward*
"You're right, that one was worse," said Mimiru. "But if you didn't keep trying to steal my Tsukasa-sama away from me…"
"YOUR Tsukasa-sama? I beg to differ!" said Subaru.
"Oh yeah?" challenged Mimiru.
"HEY!" cut in Tsukasa. "Please don't fight! Anyway, I think our worst job was when we tried being criminals…"
*flashback*
"Okay, here's the plan," said Mimiru. "Subaru, you go distract the bank teller. I'll take the money. Tsukasa, you can drive the getaway car."
"How come I have to drive?" asked Tsukasa.
"Why?" asked Mimiru.
"Never mind," Tsukasa said quickly.
To make a long flashback short, it almost worked out (key word: almost). Subaru talked to the bank teller and distracted him while Mimiru grabbed the money. Actually, she grabbed a stack of mock-money business cards, which is why nobody tried to stop her. Anyway, Tsukasa was waiting in the getaway car, ready to drive away. Mimiru and Subaru got in, and they left.
"Uh, guys?" said Tsukasa.
"What?" replied Mimiru.
"I don't know how to drive."
CRASH!
*flash forward*
"All this flashing back and forward makes me dizzy," complained Mimiru. "I hope that's the last one."
"It's lucky we weren't hurt in the accident," said Tsukasa. "What if we get hurt while babysitting?"
"It's simply not possible to get hurt while babysitting," said Subaru. "Now, let's go." And they left to go babysitting.
Bored, bored, bored. Sora was really bored. Why did his stupid parents ground him from The World? Get expelled from school four times, and a kid was branded for life (actually, more like a week). Grounded was so boring.
Dropping Mom's jewelry into the garbage disposal made a week without killing more bearable. It was hard to be a Player Killer and only 10 years old. Maybe someone would stick their hand into the garbage disposal, to get the jewelry out. Then Sora would turn the garbage disposal on. Yay, violence! Torturing the babysitter would be fun, too. Maybe he could convince the babysitter to let him play The World.
"We're going out, son!" yelled his dad.
"Do be kind to the babysitter," said his mom. "We don't want the police coming here again. By the way, have you seen my jewelry?"
Tsukasa, Mimiru, and Subaru had arrived at their new babysitting job. Subaru rang the doorbell, and the three were almost immediately greeted by Sora's parents.
"Now, kids," said the mom, "you have to look after my little baby!" He's only 10, he can't fend for himself in the big wide world?"
"But…" started Tsukasa.
"Don't worry, your pay is very good," said the mom. "But there's a few important things you need to know…" The three main characters leaned closer. "DON'T LET HIM PLAY 'THE WORLD'!" Sora's mom yelled at full blast, sending Subaru, Tsukasa, and Mimiru flying backwards. "MAKE SURE HE EATS HIS VEGETABLES! NO FRIENDS OVER! BEDTIME AT 8:30! If you don't do it right, YOU DON'T GET PAID!" The parents waved goodbye, and left the three standing on their porch.
"This is a huge house," said Tsukasa.
"They're RICH!" said Mimiru. "That means, if we don't screw up, we'll get paid a lot!"
"If we don't screw up," reminded Subaru. The other two sat in silence, thinking of McDonalds and child safety and the life of crime. There was a very good chance that they would screw up.
Sora came out of his house, since he had already dropped all of his mom's jewelry down the garbage disposal. And he couldn't even convince his parents to stick their hands in. He looked at the babysitters, then thought to himself, Three of them? This blows. But they look so… familiar… Never mind, they have no idea what's coming to them!
To be continued…