Babysitting The Player Killer
By Dr@gon Princess
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Still don't own anything, sadly, but thanks for the reviews! The chapter title really has nothing to do with anything… I hope this chapter isn't too bad. It's pretty short. Next chapter will be longer, I promise! Review! Review! Review! Please?
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3. Eat Your Vegetables!
"Let's get back at Sora!" yelled Mimiru.
"Let's get out of this cage!" replied Subaru. Fortunately, Tsukasa was thin enough to slip between the bars. Unfortunately, Tsukasa was grabbed by Sora, who apparently wanted to bake him in the oven.
"I died in 'The World' because of you!" complained Sora. "I lost six hours of saved data because of you! I missed "The Violence Show" because of you! I'm going to make you suffer!" Soon, Sora realized that Tsukasa could not fit into the oven. Or the garbage disposal. Or the freezer. Or the microwave. Subaru and Mimiru didn't notice any of this going on, because they were still fighting.
"Tsukasa's mine!" yelled Subaru.
"Tsukasa's MINE!" yelled Mimiru.
"No, you're wrong!" yelled Subaru.
"Um, didn't they just have this fight?" asked a confused Sora.
"This is the 47th time they had this fight today," said Tsukasa. "The 5889th time this month, the 769, 382nd time this year, and the…"
"Okay, okay," said Sora. "So they have this fight a lot?"
"Do you want me to repeat the numbers?" asked Tsukasa.
"No!" said Sora. "I get the picture!"
"After 769, 382 fights this year," said Tsukasa, "so do I…"
"Why don't you just pick one?" asked Sora. "Never mind, just take three steps to the right."
"No way!" said Tsukasa. "I'll probably get caught in some kind of death trap!" Tsukasa stayed put.
"Okay then," said Sora, and flipped a switch. The floor underneath dropped out, and Tsukasa fell through. If he had taken three steps to the right, he wouldn't have fallen.
"Tsukasa?" said Subaru. She and Mimiru had stopped fighting long enough to catch their breath, and during that pause, had noticed that Tsukasa was gone. "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TSUKASA?"
"Hey!" said Mimiru. "MY Tsukasa!"
"Ah, shut up," said Subaru. "Tsukasa left me all alone! What did I do wrong?"
"Oh, brother," muttered Mimiru. "Wait, Tsukasa left me, too! I also must have screwed up…"
"Let's find Tsukasa!" said Subaru. She and Mimiru charged off… straight into the wall of the steel cage.
"I don't think we should have done that," said Mimiru.
"Hey," said Subaru. "It wasn't THAT bad of an idea. We DID knock over the cage." Subaru was right. They could now get out! Ignoring the murderous kid and the obvious hole in the floor, they started looking for Tsukasa.
"I'm hungry!" said Sora. The girls ignored him. "Feed me!" he said. Still no response. "I bet Tsukasa's really suffering."
"WHAT?!?" yelled Mimiru and Subaru.
"I'm just saying, cook me dinner and maybe I'll let Tsukasa live a little longer."
"You're tricking us, aren't you?" asked Mimiru.
"Nope," replied Sora. "I don't know how to cook and we're out of TV dinners."
"I'm not going to cook for someone who kidnapped Tsukasa!" yelled Subaru.
"Did I mention that whoever can cook the best dish gets to be alone with Tsukasa?" said Sora.
"Okay!" said the girls in unison.
Tsukasa hit the ground in a cold cell. A TV screen flickered.
"Welcome to the Chibi Channel! All caring and sharing, all the time!" Tsukasa tried to turn the TV off. It didn't work. Tsukasa threw things at the TV. Nothing happened. At this rate, Tsukasa would be dead in minutes.
"My cooking is better!" said Mimiru.
"No! My cooking is more nutritious!" replied Subaru.
"Sora doesn't care about that!" said Mimiru. "I'm going to win!"
"I'll win!" said Subaru. "Tsukasa is mine!"
"No way!" said Mimiru. "Should I keep my maiden name, or go by Mrs. Tsukasa?" Sora watched the competition break into a fight. He remembered that it was the 48th one that day. When Mimiru and Subaru weren't looking, he slipped poison into their cooking. It would really be a shame to kill them before their fight count reached 50. He left them and went back to playing 'The World'.
Bang. Tsukasa's head hit the wall. Chibi TV was so horrible, Tsukasa figured that heavy brain damage might make it less deadly. Tsukasa saw a fuse box. Maybe turning off the power would make the horrid show go away. Currently, a song about the Power of Friendship was playing. Ick.
Tsukasa turned off the power. The evil music went away. The horrid images of caring and sharing also went away. Now all Tsukasa had to worry about was getting out of that place.
"Oh my god, there's a hole in the floor!" said Mimiru.
"Tsukasa!" cried Subaru, and helped Tsukasa out.
"Wow, what a convenient time for her to notice that," said Tsukasa, glaring at the authoress. Hey, be happy you get any sort of plot at all.
"Poor Sora can't play 'The World' now," said Mimiru.
"He tried to kill me with little kid shows!" said Tsukasa. "Let's shut him in his room!"
"I'll go push a couch in front of his door," said Mimiru, and ran off.
"Tsukasa, I was so worried!" said Subaru when Mimiru was gone.
"I thought I would never see you again!" said Tsukasa. "I'm so glad you saved me!"
"Let's never part!" said Subaru. The two leaned in towards each other, and shared a deep look.
"HI!!!" yelled Mimiru, blissfully unaware that she was interrupting anything. "The phone's still working, let's order a pizza!" Tsukasa and Mimiru sighed. The moment was completely gone.
Upstairs, Sora was very angry. He had lost more saved data! He couldn't even get out of his room. And when violent people are very angry, they do mean things. Sora reached for one of those can-and-string phone lines (I have no idea why he has one in whatever time .hack takes place in) and talked into it.
"I need help," he said. "These babysitters won't die!"
To be continued…