AN: First, thank you for the reviews! Special thanks to Lily Took for
helping me get a disclaimer, which I now have *huggles disclaimer * And
here it is!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the agents and Rachel, and maybe a stray hobbit or two, but nothing of Tolkien's is mine. Also, this story is sort of a spin-off of the wonderful PPC series, so I don't own the agent idea either. So don't sue! *brandishes butterknife *
"-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHOOF!" The stone screeched to a halt, but Rachel didn't. The girl resembled a golden haired bird as she flew through the air, crashing to a halt inches before an overly elevated and very evil looking boot.
"New agent?" An unfamiliar voice inquired.
"Yep," AJ replied, stepping off the rock to meet the owner of the boots.
"Name?" Boots turned and addressed Rachel sharply. The author risked a nervous peek at the speaker as she pried herself off the freezing ground.
"R-Rachel."
"Do you have an official Author's License?"
Rachel couldn't resist a twitch as she got a good look at the boot- wearer. Boots was a very tall, brilliant blonde woman who resembled AJ faintly, though her hair seemed to be frozen straight at her shoulders, and two ice blue eyes stared down at her instead of brown.
"Ye-yeah. So I'm not dreaming?" Rachel asked, digging through her back pocket for her license. Boots smiled a rather evil smile, reached down, and pinched Rachel hard.
"Ow!"
"They really are careless about giving these out nowadays," Boots commented, a hint of sourness in her voice. "I'm Sarah, by the way," she added as an afterthought.
AJ took the author's license while Rachel took the moment to nurse her new wound and discover where she was.
Where She Was was an enormous dimly lit chamber, most likely a cave. The far sides of the cave were hidden from view, but the walls nearby revealed hundreds of dark tunnels, much resembling the one Rachel had just flown out of. Occasionally a shadow would speed past the tunnel entrances, causing a light whoosh to echo through the cave. The only light she could find came from a control panel in the center of the room, just feet from where she was standing, and somewhere else far above. The author strained her eyes until they were ready to fall out and managed to make out the roof of a-cabin?
"Rachel?"
Was this organization of psychos located in a hole under some cabin? What if someone just happened to walk in and fall to their deaths? The cave must be at least two miles long! Maybe-
"Rachel!"
"Huh?" Rachel squeaked, bringing her head back down a few hundred feet to find two pairs of identical stern eyes boring into hers.
"Honestly, how long is your attention span?"
"A-about five seconds," she muttered, receiving another of AJ's frustrated sighs.
"Well, that can be fixed with field training," Sarah said with a smile almost as sinister looking as her boots.
"Field training?"
AJ rolled her eyes. "Might as well start there. Since we have not the budget nor the patience to properly train temporary agents, the CUP agency has taken to sending you authors straight into the line of duty."
As the sinking feeling in the pit of Rachel's stomach quickly turned to sheer and complete fear for her life, AJ turned to the console and pressed a particularly shiny green button. Rachel closed her eyes and grabbed AJ's waist just in time as the six-foot circle of floor the trio was standing on shot upwards.
"Ah good, a quick learner," Sarah commented as the platform stopped just as suddenly as it began.
The skittish author opened her eyes to find they were standing in the cabin Rachel had glimpsed above. She looked down and where a gaping hole in the ground should have been there was an innocent dirt floor that looked as if it had been that way for centuries.
"Wha-?"
"Hush," AJ snapped, stepping over to a rotting set of cabinets and flinging them open, "No questions until after your briefing. Understood?"
"Um, okay..."
"Good," AJ replied, "Here's your belt and uniform."
Rachel just managed to catch the black utility belt before it hit the ground and nearly toppled over in the process. The belt resembled an overly large brick in weight however, and the author almost toppled over for perhaps the fifteenth time that night. Day. Whatever. In the world Rachel was now, it was around noon, a detail she must have missed in the confusion of the AT.
The uniform was just a pair of slightly baggy black pants, equipped with several large pockets that looked capable of holding 'The Lord of the Rings', single novel version. Despite everything, a grin spread across Rachel's face. Ah, excellent, maximum pixie stix storage.
"Get out here!" Rachel looked up to see the agents standing outside the cabin, identical expressions of murderous impatience aimed in her direction. Squeaking softly, she hurried to join them. AJ shot her a warning glare before addressing her again.
"Your duty from here on out is to ensure the stability and peace of the LotR plotline, including the lives of the characters within said plotline. Understood?"
"Umm, yes?"
AJ nodded sharply. "You shall achieve this by reversing, preventing, and/or eliminating all disruptive plot bunnies that happen to turn up in any area of Middle-Earth. Understood?"
"Uh, yeah," Rachel said quickly, making mental notes to ask her muse what on earth plot bunnies were.
"Raise your left hand."
"My left?"
"Yes," AJ snapped impatiently. Rachel's left hand shot into the air. "The green button is for Middle-Earth, blue, for this headquarters, and red for earth. Press the red twice to return to your home. Being a new agent, we will preset your missions for you so you will land in the precise locations of said missions. Said missions shall also be timed to prevent further destruction to the plot. "
"Okay," she muttered sullenly as several Legolas-napping plans disappeared at this irksome news.
"Place your left hand on your head."
"My hea~?"
"Do it!"
What was left of her arm fell onto her head rather painfully.
"Now spin around in a circle," Sarah commanded. The world began to blur as Rachel spun around in a circle, barely keeping her feet as the heavy belt and pants threatened to fly out of her hand.
"Say ickabickakukuchee."
"Ickabickakukuchee." The agents snickered wickedly.
"Put the belt on." AJ said.
"Put the bel~"
"No, I mean actually put the belt on!"
Rachel hastily strapped the belt to her waist as the familiar beeping sound started up again, this time from around her waist.
"Now say, welcome to CUP, we hope you enjoy your first mission!"
The author never managed to choke the last sentence out as AJ and Sarah vanished from sight, and the darkness of the AT appeared as her belt gave a last, final, rather mocking beep.
* * *
"How did the mission go?" AJ inquired casually after the confused author disappeared. Sarah frowned and glanced at her partner before answering.
"Not well. Successful, but not well."
AJ waited patiently, strolling to the cabin and waiting for Sarah to follow.
"She nearly had him this time. The best I could do was knock him out before repairing the plot hole. I think they're planing something."
AJ snorted dismissively, "Sarah, you've seen the research results; fangirls are incapable of plotting in large groups, with the exception of wild rampages. Such a feat of unity is next to impossible."
"I know this," Sarah replied testily, "but they're getting stronger, you have to admit it."
AJ winced. "Perhaps the arrival of the movies had something to do with it?"
Sarah flung open the cabin door with a sigh. "Don't you think they would spend more time drooling in the theatre than scribbling horrid fantasies?"
AJ muttered something incomprehensible, then, "I hate it when you're right, you know that?"
"I know," Sarah smiled as sweetly as she dared, "So, what do we do?"
A slow, frightening smile crept across AJ's face. "I might just have a plan.."
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the agents and Rachel, and maybe a stray hobbit or two, but nothing of Tolkien's is mine. Also, this story is sort of a spin-off of the wonderful PPC series, so I don't own the agent idea either. So don't sue! *brandishes butterknife *
"-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHOOF!" The stone screeched to a halt, but Rachel didn't. The girl resembled a golden haired bird as she flew through the air, crashing to a halt inches before an overly elevated and very evil looking boot.
"New agent?" An unfamiliar voice inquired.
"Yep," AJ replied, stepping off the rock to meet the owner of the boots.
"Name?" Boots turned and addressed Rachel sharply. The author risked a nervous peek at the speaker as she pried herself off the freezing ground.
"R-Rachel."
"Do you have an official Author's License?"
Rachel couldn't resist a twitch as she got a good look at the boot- wearer. Boots was a very tall, brilliant blonde woman who resembled AJ faintly, though her hair seemed to be frozen straight at her shoulders, and two ice blue eyes stared down at her instead of brown.
"Ye-yeah. So I'm not dreaming?" Rachel asked, digging through her back pocket for her license. Boots smiled a rather evil smile, reached down, and pinched Rachel hard.
"Ow!"
"They really are careless about giving these out nowadays," Boots commented, a hint of sourness in her voice. "I'm Sarah, by the way," she added as an afterthought.
AJ took the author's license while Rachel took the moment to nurse her new wound and discover where she was.
Where She Was was an enormous dimly lit chamber, most likely a cave. The far sides of the cave were hidden from view, but the walls nearby revealed hundreds of dark tunnels, much resembling the one Rachel had just flown out of. Occasionally a shadow would speed past the tunnel entrances, causing a light whoosh to echo through the cave. The only light she could find came from a control panel in the center of the room, just feet from where she was standing, and somewhere else far above. The author strained her eyes until they were ready to fall out and managed to make out the roof of a-cabin?
"Rachel?"
Was this organization of psychos located in a hole under some cabin? What if someone just happened to walk in and fall to their deaths? The cave must be at least two miles long! Maybe-
"Rachel!"
"Huh?" Rachel squeaked, bringing her head back down a few hundred feet to find two pairs of identical stern eyes boring into hers.
"Honestly, how long is your attention span?"
"A-about five seconds," she muttered, receiving another of AJ's frustrated sighs.
"Well, that can be fixed with field training," Sarah said with a smile almost as sinister looking as her boots.
"Field training?"
AJ rolled her eyes. "Might as well start there. Since we have not the budget nor the patience to properly train temporary agents, the CUP agency has taken to sending you authors straight into the line of duty."
As the sinking feeling in the pit of Rachel's stomach quickly turned to sheer and complete fear for her life, AJ turned to the console and pressed a particularly shiny green button. Rachel closed her eyes and grabbed AJ's waist just in time as the six-foot circle of floor the trio was standing on shot upwards.
"Ah good, a quick learner," Sarah commented as the platform stopped just as suddenly as it began.
The skittish author opened her eyes to find they were standing in the cabin Rachel had glimpsed above. She looked down and where a gaping hole in the ground should have been there was an innocent dirt floor that looked as if it had been that way for centuries.
"Wha-?"
"Hush," AJ snapped, stepping over to a rotting set of cabinets and flinging them open, "No questions until after your briefing. Understood?"
"Um, okay..."
"Good," AJ replied, "Here's your belt and uniform."
Rachel just managed to catch the black utility belt before it hit the ground and nearly toppled over in the process. The belt resembled an overly large brick in weight however, and the author almost toppled over for perhaps the fifteenth time that night. Day. Whatever. In the world Rachel was now, it was around noon, a detail she must have missed in the confusion of the AT.
The uniform was just a pair of slightly baggy black pants, equipped with several large pockets that looked capable of holding 'The Lord of the Rings', single novel version. Despite everything, a grin spread across Rachel's face. Ah, excellent, maximum pixie stix storage.
"Get out here!" Rachel looked up to see the agents standing outside the cabin, identical expressions of murderous impatience aimed in her direction. Squeaking softly, she hurried to join them. AJ shot her a warning glare before addressing her again.
"Your duty from here on out is to ensure the stability and peace of the LotR plotline, including the lives of the characters within said plotline. Understood?"
"Umm, yes?"
AJ nodded sharply. "You shall achieve this by reversing, preventing, and/or eliminating all disruptive plot bunnies that happen to turn up in any area of Middle-Earth. Understood?"
"Uh, yeah," Rachel said quickly, making mental notes to ask her muse what on earth plot bunnies were.
"Raise your left hand."
"My left?"
"Yes," AJ snapped impatiently. Rachel's left hand shot into the air. "The green button is for Middle-Earth, blue, for this headquarters, and red for earth. Press the red twice to return to your home. Being a new agent, we will preset your missions for you so you will land in the precise locations of said missions. Said missions shall also be timed to prevent further destruction to the plot. "
"Okay," she muttered sullenly as several Legolas-napping plans disappeared at this irksome news.
"Place your left hand on your head."
"My hea~?"
"Do it!"
What was left of her arm fell onto her head rather painfully.
"Now spin around in a circle," Sarah commanded. The world began to blur as Rachel spun around in a circle, barely keeping her feet as the heavy belt and pants threatened to fly out of her hand.
"Say ickabickakukuchee."
"Ickabickakukuchee." The agents snickered wickedly.
"Put the belt on." AJ said.
"Put the bel~"
"No, I mean actually put the belt on!"
Rachel hastily strapped the belt to her waist as the familiar beeping sound started up again, this time from around her waist.
"Now say, welcome to CUP, we hope you enjoy your first mission!"
The author never managed to choke the last sentence out as AJ and Sarah vanished from sight, and the darkness of the AT appeared as her belt gave a last, final, rather mocking beep.
* * *
"How did the mission go?" AJ inquired casually after the confused author disappeared. Sarah frowned and glanced at her partner before answering.
"Not well. Successful, but not well."
AJ waited patiently, strolling to the cabin and waiting for Sarah to follow.
"She nearly had him this time. The best I could do was knock him out before repairing the plot hole. I think they're planing something."
AJ snorted dismissively, "Sarah, you've seen the research results; fangirls are incapable of plotting in large groups, with the exception of wild rampages. Such a feat of unity is next to impossible."
"I know this," Sarah replied testily, "but they're getting stronger, you have to admit it."
AJ winced. "Perhaps the arrival of the movies had something to do with it?"
Sarah flung open the cabin door with a sigh. "Don't you think they would spend more time drooling in the theatre than scribbling horrid fantasies?"
AJ muttered something incomprehensible, then, "I hate it when you're right, you know that?"
"I know," Sarah smiled as sweetly as she dared, "So, what do we do?"
A slow, frightening smile crept across AJ's face. "I might just have a plan.."