OMG THIS IS THE BEST FIC EVER!
Seriously, though. I gave it to my English teacher before his seventh period blow job and he said, "Yeah, yeah, it's an A." And I didn't even ask him to grade it!
I love Pirates of the Caribbean! The movie was so intellectually stimulating because it had Orli! And JohnnyDepp! with their shirts half open! Orli so needs to father my children because he's non-threatening and all my friends like Legolas.
Anyway - I've seen a lot of the breakthrough ingenious stories around fanfiction.net that star YOU as the romantic lead. It's so great to read stories about me, and OMG the character traits are so spooky accurate, it's crazy! I AM beautiful and smart and likely to captivate Johnny Depp IFICOULDONLYJUSTMEETHIMFORFIVEMINUTES.
Anyway, in the interest of giving the wise public what it obviously wants (more stories about me) here's my very bestest fanfic ever!
PoTC 2: The Passionate Adventures of Me and Jack Sparrow!
It was a cold day in whatever place in the Caribbean the movie was set (AN: Research is so boring. Who cares about accuracy? NERDS! LOLOL!) and I was really sad as I stood in the balcony window of my mansion watching the snowflakes drift slowly down onto my golden locks. So much had happened in the three hours since I had time traveled back into the nineteen eighties (or whenever the movie was set) and been immediately befriended by the governor's daughter, Elizabeth, whose fiancé dumped her as soon as he met me, falling in love at first sight with my heavenly golden hair that flowed richly down my back.
Elizabeth didn't like that and tried to kill me with a semi automatic rifle, but Will jumped in front of me and said the bullet would have to go through him first. Then Commodore Norrington arrived and hauled Elizabeth to jail, but she declared that she would be back and I would pay. Her father was so ashamed of her sudden out of character behavior that he adopted me and gave me all of Elizabeth's clothes and things. The reason I was so sad was because I couldn't see Will on Christmas. My new Daddy, the governor, heartily disapproved of my seeing him, even though he seemed perfectly okay with it when Will was courting his biological child.
All of a sudden I was roused from my musings by a tinkle of gravel hitting my window. It was WILL!
"Beloved darling sweet!" he called, tilting his head up so I could see his face, all pink and less attractive because of the cold. "Come into the garden, I have a surprise!"
I threw on my silk, diamond-buttoned robe over my Ally McBeal pajamas and ran to the rose garden, which smelled like all the sweet fragrant roses that had miraculously decided to bloom (BLOOM, get it? LOLOL! ::marries Orli:: ) after I moved into the mansion. There was Will, standing in front of one of Daddy's beautiful statues of sexiness - I leaned into Will's tender embrace, eyeing the gorgeous statue over his shoulder as he whispered his eternal love. Then all of a sudden the statue moved! I gave a soft, helpless cry.
"Don't worry, honey sweet sugar cookie," Will reassured me, turning to the beautiful man behind him. "This is just my surprise - my friend Jack Sparrow who I told you all about in the long meaningful conversation we had when we met two hours ago. Jack, this is .. The future Mrs. Will Turner!"
"It's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow," said the suave Adonis, checking his beeper. "And where's the rum, why's the rum gone?"
"Nice to meet, you, Captain Jack," I replied, modestly. Jack got up from the ground where he was searching on his hands and knees for his lost rum, touched by the fact that I called him Captain and deeply in love as soon as he saw my resplendent hair that I need to remind you was, in fact, very golden and long and really better described as locks than hair. Or possibly tendrils.
"Let's go mess around," he said romantically, getting to his feet and accidentally knocking Will to the ground. I looked from one beautiful man to the other and didn't know what to do! There was no time for me to do anything, because Will got right to his feet, pulling a sword out of a rose bush and rushing at Jack to defend my honor.
Jack pulled his own sword and used it to slash Orli's shirt from his chest. Will looked down and growled, shouting "Look, Barbosa! Hide your apples!" Johnny turned around to look, but Barbosa wasn't there because he was dead. Will took the moment of distraction to cut Jack's shirt off his chest and then they both fought for hours, tearing more and more clothes from each other's body and getting all glisten-y with sweat, and their muscles rippled and flexed.
And suddenly Elizabeth jumped out of another rose bush and tried to kill me. Will and Jack both forgot their quarrel and killed her, realizing that my life was too precious and short to make me unhappy. So we all agreed we'd get married, and the governor said it was okay, since we killed his wicked ugly daughter for him, and we all lived happily ever after. Especially me.
THE END!
DIDN'T IT ROCK???!!!!!
R&R people! Will/Jack/Me forever!
Seriously, though. I gave it to my English teacher before his seventh period blow job and he said, "Yeah, yeah, it's an A." And I didn't even ask him to grade it!
I love Pirates of the Caribbean! The movie was so intellectually stimulating because it had Orli! And JohnnyDepp! with their shirts half open! Orli so needs to father my children because he's non-threatening and all my friends like Legolas.
Anyway - I've seen a lot of the breakthrough ingenious stories around fanfiction.net that star YOU as the romantic lead. It's so great to read stories about me, and OMG the character traits are so spooky accurate, it's crazy! I AM beautiful and smart and likely to captivate Johnny Depp IFICOULDONLYJUSTMEETHIMFORFIVEMINUTES.
Anyway, in the interest of giving the wise public what it obviously wants (more stories about me) here's my very bestest fanfic ever!
PoTC 2: The Passionate Adventures of Me and Jack Sparrow!
It was a cold day in whatever place in the Caribbean the movie was set (AN: Research is so boring. Who cares about accuracy? NERDS! LOLOL!) and I was really sad as I stood in the balcony window of my mansion watching the snowflakes drift slowly down onto my golden locks. So much had happened in the three hours since I had time traveled back into the nineteen eighties (or whenever the movie was set) and been immediately befriended by the governor's daughter, Elizabeth, whose fiancé dumped her as soon as he met me, falling in love at first sight with my heavenly golden hair that flowed richly down my back.
Elizabeth didn't like that and tried to kill me with a semi automatic rifle, but Will jumped in front of me and said the bullet would have to go through him first. Then Commodore Norrington arrived and hauled Elizabeth to jail, but she declared that she would be back and I would pay. Her father was so ashamed of her sudden out of character behavior that he adopted me and gave me all of Elizabeth's clothes and things. The reason I was so sad was because I couldn't see Will on Christmas. My new Daddy, the governor, heartily disapproved of my seeing him, even though he seemed perfectly okay with it when Will was courting his biological child.
All of a sudden I was roused from my musings by a tinkle of gravel hitting my window. It was WILL!
"Beloved darling sweet!" he called, tilting his head up so I could see his face, all pink and less attractive because of the cold. "Come into the garden, I have a surprise!"
I threw on my silk, diamond-buttoned robe over my Ally McBeal pajamas and ran to the rose garden, which smelled like all the sweet fragrant roses that had miraculously decided to bloom (BLOOM, get it? LOLOL! ::marries Orli:: ) after I moved into the mansion. There was Will, standing in front of one of Daddy's beautiful statues of sexiness - I leaned into Will's tender embrace, eyeing the gorgeous statue over his shoulder as he whispered his eternal love. Then all of a sudden the statue moved! I gave a soft, helpless cry.
"Don't worry, honey sweet sugar cookie," Will reassured me, turning to the beautiful man behind him. "This is just my surprise - my friend Jack Sparrow who I told you all about in the long meaningful conversation we had when we met two hours ago. Jack, this is .. The future Mrs. Will Turner!"
"It's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow," said the suave Adonis, checking his beeper. "And where's the rum, why's the rum gone?"
"Nice to meet, you, Captain Jack," I replied, modestly. Jack got up from the ground where he was searching on his hands and knees for his lost rum, touched by the fact that I called him Captain and deeply in love as soon as he saw my resplendent hair that I need to remind you was, in fact, very golden and long and really better described as locks than hair. Or possibly tendrils.
"Let's go mess around," he said romantically, getting to his feet and accidentally knocking Will to the ground. I looked from one beautiful man to the other and didn't know what to do! There was no time for me to do anything, because Will got right to his feet, pulling a sword out of a rose bush and rushing at Jack to defend my honor.
Jack pulled his own sword and used it to slash Orli's shirt from his chest. Will looked down and growled, shouting "Look, Barbosa! Hide your apples!" Johnny turned around to look, but Barbosa wasn't there because he was dead. Will took the moment of distraction to cut Jack's shirt off his chest and then they both fought for hours, tearing more and more clothes from each other's body and getting all glisten-y with sweat, and their muscles rippled and flexed.
And suddenly Elizabeth jumped out of another rose bush and tried to kill me. Will and Jack both forgot their quarrel and killed her, realizing that my life was too precious and short to make me unhappy. So we all agreed we'd get married, and the governor said it was okay, since we killed his wicked ugly daughter for him, and we all lived happily ever after. Especially me.
THE END!
DIDN'T IT ROCK???!!!!!
R&R people! Will/Jack/Me forever!