Author's Note: This chapter is a result of too much coffee.
GOT COFFEE??!! ONE MORE THING! Pease do not tell me in you reviews that "Duo was out of character." Why not? Because Duo is drunk in this chapter!!!!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but almost all of the Gundam Wing DVDs and a few Gundams which I have assembled as well as a few comics and some pictures. Don't sue me or I'll sic a really pissed Heero on you. ^_^
Chapter 5: Drunken Pilot
I groaned. Ok so the TV shows Trowa watched weren't exactly 'exciting' but they were better than Duo. MUCH better than Duo. Duo stumbled inside and began making his way toward us.
"LUCY I'M HOME!!! Tower and Hroee!! NO wait that's not right – Teero and Hrowa!!" Duo shouted ecstatically at me and Trowa. Trowa raised an eyebrow as Duo continued his rattling...
"Did you miss me??? I'm sure ya all did!! Well do ya wanna know where I was?" Duo asked ecstatically. Trowa continued to stare at Duo while I groaned again.
"Well, first I wondered into never-never land by using the magic mirror that the ultimate bunny princess gave me. She told me that I had to swim in a river full of hamsters in order to get to the magic ketchup. Well it tuned out that the magic ketchup wasn't magical at all and that I had to get to the magic meatballs. So then I swam in an ocean full of green tea until I came upon the magic meatballs. When I ate them, they gave me the power of 10 dwarfs so then I was able to hop like the monkeys of Shangralah and then I came back here!!" Duo grinned like the idiot he always was as he finished his tale.
Trowa chuckled and I stared at him – Trowa...laughed...for the second time today. Now I was really scared....
"Does any of ye pirates have any of that ultimate banana-salmon-milk-cocoa puffs-fruity-cinnamon-pizza-anchovy-chocolate pudding??" Duo asked us with puppy eyes. As soon as I heard 'cocoa puffs,' I was ready to kill Duo – no one touched my Cocoa Puffs. I looked at Trowa who shook his head and continued to try to smother his laughter. Duo looked sadly at the ground and then rushed into the kitchen with sudden found happiness.
"I completely forgot that we had curry flavored ice cream!" He screeched as he rummaged in our never ending freezer. He pulled out chocolate ice cream – which he thought was curry flavored ice cream. Trowa continued to watch TV – occasionally smothering laughter while I continued to glare at Duo. As soon as that baka tries to even TOUCH my cococa puffs, then I'll –
"Hello everyone!" Quatre happily said as he came down the stairs in a bathrobe with slippers and a towel around his shoulders that he was using to dry his wet hair. "If any of you every have any stress problems, I suggest that you take a Turkish bath! They always relax me!!" Quatre informed us.
A Turkish bath? No wonder there was no hot water left...As I continued to curse my bad luck with showers – Duo stopped gorging himself and ran to Quatre and hugged him enthusiastically.
"I missed you sooooo much! Where have you been? Do you know how worried I was??!!" Duo told Quatre as he continued to squeeze the life out of him. Quatre was turning quite purple until Duo decided to stop hugging him. Duo them pinched both of Quatre's cheeks. (A/N: Don't you just hate it when old people ALWAYS do this to you???)
"My, Quatre! Look at what a BIG BOY you are!!" Duo said as he continued to pinch Quatre's cheeks. Quatre was now turning back to pink. Quatre is too nice – if Duo EVER pinched MY cheeks, then I would have shot him on the spot. Duo finally stopped pinching Quatre and rushed off to the kitchen and continued showing all the food he could find into his mouth at 100mph.
"Trowa? Heero? Is he, well, you know, drunk again?" Quatre asked us as he continued to massage his cheeks. Trowa nodded and then tried to suppress another laugh by coughing.
"Either that or he finally went insane. 'Bout time. This gives us an excuse to get rid of him. Should we call the police or the mental institution?" I asked Quatre.
"Heero! That's a horrible thing to say! Duo may be drunk but he is your- our- fellow pilot! We need to all get along!" Quatre told me in his pacifistic fashion. I smirked. I knew THAT was coming.
I heard the stairs creak as someone was coming down. Wufei. He was wearing his usual Chinese outfit except that he also had a towel around his shoulders which – like Quatre- he was using to dry his hair with. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and told us that he was going outside to put more gas in his motorcycle. I inwardly shuddered. After I had finished my mission, I returned to my "borrowed" motorcycle. Unfortunately, some punks had already gotten there before I did. The motorcycle was totally trashed. The graffiti the punks had left on it was irremovable. I know, I tried to remove it. Luckily, the motorcycle itself was fine, so I could still ride it back home. Although it was missing a hub-cap. I almost felt sorry for Duo. Almost.
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A yell is heard that had enough magnitude to send vibrations to China. I wince. Wufei had seen his precious motorcycle covered with graffiti and is probably gonna murder Duo.
"EARTHQUAKE!!!! SAVE THE SPINACH PUDDING!!!" Duo announces as he falls to the ground flat on his face.
"Oh, my...I wonder what's wrong with Wufei..." Quatre trails off. I try to look at the other direction from the door. Trowa glares at me. I try to look innocent but he continues to glare at me. I start to squirm in my seat. Somehow he always knows that some of the things Duo is blamed for are actually caused by me. As Trowa continues to give me the "death glare," Wufei rushes into the house with the rage of a tiger.
"MAXWELL!!! HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE MY MOTOCYCLE!!!" Wufei yells at Duo. Duo looks up from his place on the floor and quickly jumps to his feet.
"AHHHH!!! RUN!! HADES HAS RISEN!!!" Duo yells as he runs out the back door with Wufei hot on his heels. Quatre has a worried expression on his face .
"Guys, I really think we should help Duo..." Quatre starts. I continue to squirm in my seat as Trowa glares what is probably by now a thousand daggers into me...
After Duo and Wufei had run off I had sat in my seat until I just couldn't take any more of Trowa's glares – they really were unnerving. I had then taken my gun and gone out into the streets of Stockholm in order to search for the drunk braided pilot and the enraged chinaman. This was going to be one loooong night...
All I had to do was stand in front of my house for one minute and I could hear Wufei and Duo yelling and screaming not more than fifty yards away from me. I sighed as I tried to chase the sounds they made – which weren't very hard considering the fact that Stockholm was as silent as a tomb at night and their yells were practically maginified. As I continued running in the direction of the sound – someone crashed into me from behind. That as the third time someone has crashed into me today. As I got up I saw the baka.
"ROMEO!! You have come to save Rupunzel!!" Duo yelled at me as he hugged me. I scowled as I got up and Duo got up too.
"Oh no! The evil Black Dragon is upon us!! We must haste to make chaste before we are erased!" Duo told me as he grabbed my arm and started to drag me in the opposite direction of where Wufei was coming from. I tried to wrench my arm out of Duo's grasp – but it was surprisingly like iron. Duo then dragged me into some dark small alley while Wufei ran past us.
"Phew! That was close! To think that the evil dragon could have chased the snowman down to the water well and eaten all the green seaweed!!" Duo told me with an extremely happy expression on his face. I smacked my forehead with the palm of my right hand. Yup, this was definitely going to be one hell of a night...
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Five minutes later me and Duo were running in the streets of Stockholm again. Wufei had seen us as soon as Duo had jumped out of the alley way and had done his "rain dance" - or so he called it. Duo ran up to a ladder that lead to the top of one of the buildings.
"We must climb the rainbow to Valhalla!!" Duo yelled to me as he started to climb. I looked behind me and saw an enraged and red-faced Wufei and then looked back at the ladder. I decided to take my chances. I started to climb the ladder after Duo and when we got to the top Duo started to run around in circles.
"COFFEE!! COFFEE!! COFFEE!!" Duo continued to yell as he ran around in circles. My head was getting dizzy so I tried to grab Duo by something – anything. I accidentally grabbed his braid.
"DON'T TOUCH MILK-MUFFIN!!!" Duo yelled at me as he yanked his braid back and started to pet it protectively.
"It's ok Milk-Muffin, no one's gonna hurt you. Shhhh." Duo kept trying to "calm down" his braid. Like I said – he's insane. I hear someone climbing up the ladder. Wufei. I quickly grabbed Duo and ran to the edge of the building.
"I'm Superman!!!! Duo yelled as he spread his arms wide – totally forgetting about "Milk-Muffin." He tried to jump off, but I quickly grabbed him and slung him over my shoulder. I looked behind me and saw Wufei charging at me. I quickly jumped off the ledge onto the building below the one I was on.
"Wheee!!!" Duo yelled as I continued to run toward the end of one building, jump off to the next and then continue to run to the other side of the building I was on – with Wufei always hot on my heels.
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By jumping like this for about ten minutes, I somehow by odd chance managed to jump on our roof. I then opened the hatch on our roof and climbed down it. I locked the hatch after me to make sure that Wufei would not be able to follow me. All the way down the stairs Duo decided to delight me by singing "My Heart Will Go On." Like I said this morning – Duo's singing is one hell of a damnable sound.
I started down the stairs with Duo still hanging off my shoulder singing his head off like a madman.
"Here, you asked me to get him and now YOU can watch him." I told Trowa as I dumped Duo into his lap. Duo looked at Trowa and Trowa looked at Duo. Duo then curled up like a cat and started purring in Trowa's lap. I threw my hands up in defeat. Taking care of Duo was utterly impossible. At this moment Wufei decided to burst into the house – nearly taking the door off of its hinges.
Being the pacifist he is, Quatre jumps in front of Wufei. "Now, now Wufei!! Let's not be violent!!"
"That imbecile ruined my very expensive imported Chinese motorcycle!!" Wufei yelled as Quatre tried to desperately keep Wufei away from Duo.
"Trowa? A little help, please?" Quatre asked Trowa with huge desperate eyes. Trowa sighed and got up as Duo landed on the floor with a large 'thud'.
"Wufei, how about this: Quatre pays you for another Chinese imported motorcycle?" Trowa calmly asked Wufei. Wufei knotted his eyebrows together in thought. He finally sighed and nodded.
"Ok, then how about you two go upstairs and surf the net for a suitable motorcycle?" Trowa suggested. Wufei nodded his head again and started to go upstairs as Quatre sighed in relief and followed Wufei upstairs to his room. Trowa then turned back to me and his eyebrows slightly went up.
"Heero, where's Duo??" Trowa asked me while he started to skim the room. I was confused so I started to look around for the braided moron. After what seemed like hours of searching for him we finally found him trying to 'slither' to the fridge. Trowa and I decided to leave him alone as we continued to watch more of TV.
After an hour of searching on the internet, Wufei had finally decided on a perfect and 'strong' motorcycle that cost Quatre ¥500,000 – pocket change for Quatre and his multi-zillion Winner Empire. About this time they came down and started watching TV with us. After a debate between watching Friends, Drunken Master, Iron Monkey and The Matrix – we all finally decided on The Matrix (through peaceful negotiations of course – Quatre insisted.)
That was when we heard someone sliding down the stairs, followed by a large 'thump'. We all turned around to look at Duo, who was trying to get up using the stairs banisters. After a few seconds he finally succeeded in getting on his feet – for the time being.
"Duo, where are you going?" Quatre politely asked as if Duo was sober and would care if Quatre was rude or not. By then Duo had the door already open so he then drunkenly turned around as he answered us.
"I'm taking over Hades – DUH!!" Duo told us as he strolled out the door and down the streets singing "The Lifestyles of The Rich and The Famous." Trowa, Quatre and Wufei then turned around to look at me. I groaned, grumbled, scowled and then got up, grabbed my gun, my tranquilizer shot-gun and my coat and went out the door after Duo.
Ok, I actually LIKED this chapter and I thought it was pretty funny when I re-read it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! ^_^
GOT COFFEE??!! ONE MORE THING! Pease do not tell me in you reviews that "Duo was out of character." Why not? Because Duo is drunk in this chapter!!!!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but almost all of the Gundam Wing DVDs and a few Gundams which I have assembled as well as a few comics and some pictures. Don't sue me or I'll sic a really pissed Heero on you. ^_^
Chapter 5: Drunken Pilot
I groaned. Ok so the TV shows Trowa watched weren't exactly 'exciting' but they were better than Duo. MUCH better than Duo. Duo stumbled inside and began making his way toward us.
"LUCY I'M HOME!!! Tower and Hroee!! NO wait that's not right – Teero and Hrowa!!" Duo shouted ecstatically at me and Trowa. Trowa raised an eyebrow as Duo continued his rattling...
"Did you miss me??? I'm sure ya all did!! Well do ya wanna know where I was?" Duo asked ecstatically. Trowa continued to stare at Duo while I groaned again.
"Well, first I wondered into never-never land by using the magic mirror that the ultimate bunny princess gave me. She told me that I had to swim in a river full of hamsters in order to get to the magic ketchup. Well it tuned out that the magic ketchup wasn't magical at all and that I had to get to the magic meatballs. So then I swam in an ocean full of green tea until I came upon the magic meatballs. When I ate them, they gave me the power of 10 dwarfs so then I was able to hop like the monkeys of Shangralah and then I came back here!!" Duo grinned like the idiot he always was as he finished his tale.
Trowa chuckled and I stared at him – Trowa...laughed...for the second time today. Now I was really scared....
"Does any of ye pirates have any of that ultimate banana-salmon-milk-cocoa puffs-fruity-cinnamon-pizza-anchovy-chocolate pudding??" Duo asked us with puppy eyes. As soon as I heard 'cocoa puffs,' I was ready to kill Duo – no one touched my Cocoa Puffs. I looked at Trowa who shook his head and continued to try to smother his laughter. Duo looked sadly at the ground and then rushed into the kitchen with sudden found happiness.
"I completely forgot that we had curry flavored ice cream!" He screeched as he rummaged in our never ending freezer. He pulled out chocolate ice cream – which he thought was curry flavored ice cream. Trowa continued to watch TV – occasionally smothering laughter while I continued to glare at Duo. As soon as that baka tries to even TOUCH my cococa puffs, then I'll –
"Hello everyone!" Quatre happily said as he came down the stairs in a bathrobe with slippers and a towel around his shoulders that he was using to dry his wet hair. "If any of you every have any stress problems, I suggest that you take a Turkish bath! They always relax me!!" Quatre informed us.
A Turkish bath? No wonder there was no hot water left...As I continued to curse my bad luck with showers – Duo stopped gorging himself and ran to Quatre and hugged him enthusiastically.
"I missed you sooooo much! Where have you been? Do you know how worried I was??!!" Duo told Quatre as he continued to squeeze the life out of him. Quatre was turning quite purple until Duo decided to stop hugging him. Duo them pinched both of Quatre's cheeks. (A/N: Don't you just hate it when old people ALWAYS do this to you???)
"My, Quatre! Look at what a BIG BOY you are!!" Duo said as he continued to pinch Quatre's cheeks. Quatre was now turning back to pink. Quatre is too nice – if Duo EVER pinched MY cheeks, then I would have shot him on the spot. Duo finally stopped pinching Quatre and rushed off to the kitchen and continued showing all the food he could find into his mouth at 100mph.
"Trowa? Heero? Is he, well, you know, drunk again?" Quatre asked us as he continued to massage his cheeks. Trowa nodded and then tried to suppress another laugh by coughing.
"Either that or he finally went insane. 'Bout time. This gives us an excuse to get rid of him. Should we call the police or the mental institution?" I asked Quatre.
"Heero! That's a horrible thing to say! Duo may be drunk but he is your- our- fellow pilot! We need to all get along!" Quatre told me in his pacifistic fashion. I smirked. I knew THAT was coming.
I heard the stairs creak as someone was coming down. Wufei. He was wearing his usual Chinese outfit except that he also had a towel around his shoulders which – like Quatre- he was using to dry his hair with. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and told us that he was going outside to put more gas in his motorcycle. I inwardly shuddered. After I had finished my mission, I returned to my "borrowed" motorcycle. Unfortunately, some punks had already gotten there before I did. The motorcycle was totally trashed. The graffiti the punks had left on it was irremovable. I know, I tried to remove it. Luckily, the motorcycle itself was fine, so I could still ride it back home. Although it was missing a hub-cap. I almost felt sorry for Duo. Almost.
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A yell is heard that had enough magnitude to send vibrations to China. I wince. Wufei had seen his precious motorcycle covered with graffiti and is probably gonna murder Duo.
"EARTHQUAKE!!!! SAVE THE SPINACH PUDDING!!!" Duo announces as he falls to the ground flat on his face.
"Oh, my...I wonder what's wrong with Wufei..." Quatre trails off. I try to look at the other direction from the door. Trowa glares at me. I try to look innocent but he continues to glare at me. I start to squirm in my seat. Somehow he always knows that some of the things Duo is blamed for are actually caused by me. As Trowa continues to give me the "death glare," Wufei rushes into the house with the rage of a tiger.
"MAXWELL!!! HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE MY MOTOCYCLE!!!" Wufei yells at Duo. Duo looks up from his place on the floor and quickly jumps to his feet.
"AHHHH!!! RUN!! HADES HAS RISEN!!!" Duo yells as he runs out the back door with Wufei hot on his heels. Quatre has a worried expression on his face .
"Guys, I really think we should help Duo..." Quatre starts. I continue to squirm in my seat as Trowa glares what is probably by now a thousand daggers into me...
After Duo and Wufei had run off I had sat in my seat until I just couldn't take any more of Trowa's glares – they really were unnerving. I had then taken my gun and gone out into the streets of Stockholm in order to search for the drunk braided pilot and the enraged chinaman. This was going to be one loooong night...
All I had to do was stand in front of my house for one minute and I could hear Wufei and Duo yelling and screaming not more than fifty yards away from me. I sighed as I tried to chase the sounds they made – which weren't very hard considering the fact that Stockholm was as silent as a tomb at night and their yells were practically maginified. As I continued running in the direction of the sound – someone crashed into me from behind. That as the third time someone has crashed into me today. As I got up I saw the baka.
"ROMEO!! You have come to save Rupunzel!!" Duo yelled at me as he hugged me. I scowled as I got up and Duo got up too.
"Oh no! The evil Black Dragon is upon us!! We must haste to make chaste before we are erased!" Duo told me as he grabbed my arm and started to drag me in the opposite direction of where Wufei was coming from. I tried to wrench my arm out of Duo's grasp – but it was surprisingly like iron. Duo then dragged me into some dark small alley while Wufei ran past us.
"Phew! That was close! To think that the evil dragon could have chased the snowman down to the water well and eaten all the green seaweed!!" Duo told me with an extremely happy expression on his face. I smacked my forehead with the palm of my right hand. Yup, this was definitely going to be one hell of a night...
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Five minutes later me and Duo were running in the streets of Stockholm again. Wufei had seen us as soon as Duo had jumped out of the alley way and had done his "rain dance" - or so he called it. Duo ran up to a ladder that lead to the top of one of the buildings.
"We must climb the rainbow to Valhalla!!" Duo yelled to me as he started to climb. I looked behind me and saw an enraged and red-faced Wufei and then looked back at the ladder. I decided to take my chances. I started to climb the ladder after Duo and when we got to the top Duo started to run around in circles.
"COFFEE!! COFFEE!! COFFEE!!" Duo continued to yell as he ran around in circles. My head was getting dizzy so I tried to grab Duo by something – anything. I accidentally grabbed his braid.
"DON'T TOUCH MILK-MUFFIN!!!" Duo yelled at me as he yanked his braid back and started to pet it protectively.
"It's ok Milk-Muffin, no one's gonna hurt you. Shhhh." Duo kept trying to "calm down" his braid. Like I said – he's insane. I hear someone climbing up the ladder. Wufei. I quickly grabbed Duo and ran to the edge of the building.
"I'm Superman!!!! Duo yelled as he spread his arms wide – totally forgetting about "Milk-Muffin." He tried to jump off, but I quickly grabbed him and slung him over my shoulder. I looked behind me and saw Wufei charging at me. I quickly jumped off the ledge onto the building below the one I was on.
"Wheee!!!" Duo yelled as I continued to run toward the end of one building, jump off to the next and then continue to run to the other side of the building I was on – with Wufei always hot on my heels.
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By jumping like this for about ten minutes, I somehow by odd chance managed to jump on our roof. I then opened the hatch on our roof and climbed down it. I locked the hatch after me to make sure that Wufei would not be able to follow me. All the way down the stairs Duo decided to delight me by singing "My Heart Will Go On." Like I said this morning – Duo's singing is one hell of a damnable sound.
I started down the stairs with Duo still hanging off my shoulder singing his head off like a madman.
"Here, you asked me to get him and now YOU can watch him." I told Trowa as I dumped Duo into his lap. Duo looked at Trowa and Trowa looked at Duo. Duo then curled up like a cat and started purring in Trowa's lap. I threw my hands up in defeat. Taking care of Duo was utterly impossible. At this moment Wufei decided to burst into the house – nearly taking the door off of its hinges.
Being the pacifist he is, Quatre jumps in front of Wufei. "Now, now Wufei!! Let's not be violent!!"
"That imbecile ruined my very expensive imported Chinese motorcycle!!" Wufei yelled as Quatre tried to desperately keep Wufei away from Duo.
"Trowa? A little help, please?" Quatre asked Trowa with huge desperate eyes. Trowa sighed and got up as Duo landed on the floor with a large 'thud'.
"Wufei, how about this: Quatre pays you for another Chinese imported motorcycle?" Trowa calmly asked Wufei. Wufei knotted his eyebrows together in thought. He finally sighed and nodded.
"Ok, then how about you two go upstairs and surf the net for a suitable motorcycle?" Trowa suggested. Wufei nodded his head again and started to go upstairs as Quatre sighed in relief and followed Wufei upstairs to his room. Trowa then turned back to me and his eyebrows slightly went up.
"Heero, where's Duo??" Trowa asked me while he started to skim the room. I was confused so I started to look around for the braided moron. After what seemed like hours of searching for him we finally found him trying to 'slither' to the fridge. Trowa and I decided to leave him alone as we continued to watch more of TV.
After an hour of searching on the internet, Wufei had finally decided on a perfect and 'strong' motorcycle that cost Quatre ¥500,000 – pocket change for Quatre and his multi-zillion Winner Empire. About this time they came down and started watching TV with us. After a debate between watching Friends, Drunken Master, Iron Monkey and The Matrix – we all finally decided on The Matrix (through peaceful negotiations of course – Quatre insisted.)
That was when we heard someone sliding down the stairs, followed by a large 'thump'. We all turned around to look at Duo, who was trying to get up using the stairs banisters. After a few seconds he finally succeeded in getting on his feet – for the time being.
"Duo, where are you going?" Quatre politely asked as if Duo was sober and would care if Quatre was rude or not. By then Duo had the door already open so he then drunkenly turned around as he answered us.
"I'm taking over Hades – DUH!!" Duo told us as he strolled out the door and down the streets singing "The Lifestyles of The Rich and The Famous." Trowa, Quatre and Wufei then turned around to look at me. I groaned, grumbled, scowled and then got up, grabbed my gun, my tranquilizer shot-gun and my coat and went out the door after Duo.
Ok, I actually LIKED this chapter and I thought it was pretty funny when I re-read it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! ^_^