Additional notes:
Because someone asked :P 'Okonomiyaki' is Japanese fried noodles presented ala pancake style. A very popular food in Japan (they have a tendency to go to shops where they have to fry it on their own (yes, the noodles,) and knowing Eiji, he would probably screw it up and let Oishi do all the cooking instead :D)
*looks at the number of reviews and weeps* And thank you guys for your consistent reviewing... I'm so touched ;_;;;;

Standard Warning and Disclaimer applies.

Date Started: 210803

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Confessions
by
Jennifier D.









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To love, is to show the greatest courage of all.

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06:


"Tezuka..."

The bespectacled boy looked up from the textbook he was reading, his gaze quiet.

"Yes, Oishi?"

"Did you..." The hesitance in his good friend's voice was clear. "Does Fuji know about Echizen and... you?"

Tezuka nodded.

A pained look filtered onto Oishi's face. Tezuka could understand the reason why. Oishi was a kind and generous soul; he had a large enough heart to care about everyone around him, and he worried endlessly for those he cared about. This was one of the most outstanding traits of hic character, and at the same time, it was also one of his biggest flaws. Because of his caring nature, he had a tendency to burden himself unnecessarily.

The former buchou knew that it would be useless to ask Oishi not to worry.

Depriving the other boy of the right to worry was almost as good as asking him to stop breathing-- it was something totally impossible.

Other than Oishi though, nobody else knew about his 'dates' with Ryoma. It wasn't something they did so as to let the others know, so nobody had a single inkling about the close relationship they shared. It was Ryoma's mistake in the first place to assume that both Fuji and he had vested interest in each other. The younger boy had a tendency to go off track even when facts were placed right before his eyes.

Tezuka guessed that boy wonder was too used to thinking out of the circle. Ryoma was too used to be a spectator, to being someone who was uninvolved in the mess that occurs when relationships were in concerned. And because of that, he had gradually forgotten that he could get involved too, voluntarily or not. It was just unfortunate for him that both Fuji and Tezuka himself wanted to pursue his heart.

"Eiji was right..." The slight smile Oishi sported on his face when he spoke again was slightly melancholic. "We should have been more careful around Fuji... since he didn't know about this, after all."

"It's not your fault."

The look on Oishi's face appeared to be that he almost wished it was his.

After Oishi started dating Kikumaru formally, the changes in the other boy became rather apparent. He worried more than he did before, if that was even possible. With his fears regarding Kikumaru calmed and quietened, he had the luxury to worry for others, too. The gentle boy seemed to think he had to carry the burdens of the world on his shoulders. Contrary to what he believed, he didn't have to, but Tezuka could name a lot of people who were better off with his care and concern.

The pros and cons, again.

"Fuji will be alright."

The look in his friend´s eyes was comforting. "Ahh, I almost forgot that the two of you used to be so close..."

Tezuka nodded again.

"What happened, Tezuka?"

Silence. "Nothing happened."

"But- Eiji and I were so sure..." At this Oishi gave Tezuka an embarrassed laugh and rubbed the back of his head absentmindedly. "We were so sure that the two of you would get together even before we did..."

"We are not interested in each other."

"Ahh, maybe..." Tezuka watched his friend's knowing smile with a type of quiet intensity. "Saa... matters of the heart are really too hard to tell, ne."

"Hm."

Oishi glanced at the homeroom door almost distractedly before nodding. "I better make a move. My next class is starting soon."

"Nn."

"I'll see you later at practice then, Tezuka."

The bespectacled boy nodded.

Tezuka watched his friend weaving through the narrow spaces offered by his cramped class arrangements, until the mild-manner boy disappeared through the door to his homeroom. At that, he turned back to his textbook, but his mind was no longer focusing on studying. He knew what Oishi was driving at. His friend never believed in fights or competitions between friends. If one could give, one should always give way for another.

That was Oishi's working philosophy.

But Tezuka operated by a different philosophy, and he was sure that his friend knew about the complications which involve him and Fuji. The two of them were entangled too deeply for there to be any allowances when they chose to pull away, but even so... it didn't mean that they couldn't try.

There were too many secrets.

Fuji and Tezuka's youth... the both of them had come a long way as friends. Tezuka was the only one who seemed to be aware of Fuji's constant struggle to keep his mask perfect. He was the only one who noticed those instances where the tensai was hurt, but was too proud, and too trained with his smiling mask to reveal that fact. He was also the only one who understood the reason behind Fuji's flippant attitude towards tennis, and towards everything else in life.

Fuji was a prodigy since birth and that alone gave him a lot of pressure. He grew up in a household with a younger brother who constantly looked up to him. It could be said that Yuuta's unconditional trust and faith in him was one of the few treasurable things in Fuji's life. Yuuta understood and accepted the part of him which he tried so desperately to conceal from others.

As a child, the tensai grew up too much too quickly. He was the adult among children of his age. His intense brilliance made others afraid of him, made adults wary of the child who knew too much and understood even more.

And as a result of this... he was always lonely.

He had taken to concealing his eyes from others, to prevent them from detecting his intelligence. He chose to smile constantly, to disarm the wariness in others, and to make himself more approachable. He tried to be the best older brother he could possibly be, always guiding Yuuta ahead with only gentleness and care. Because Yuuta was the only one who believed in and constantly accompanied him.

But childhood couldn't last forever.

His brilliance was also his greatest source of sorrow. His brilliance was the very thing which drove his younger brother away from him, wanting to get out of the shadow he had unknowingly fallen into. Yuuta as a child was bright and cheerful, but he wasn't Fuji Syuusuke. He wasn't a prodigy.

And as he grew older, Yuuta began to recognise his older brother's influence in his life. He wanted to stop chasing after the smiling boy who gradually grew into a stunning youth, but despite everything he did, he still found himself running after his brother. He wanted to prove to Fuji he was just as good-- no, in fact, he was better than his aniki.

He didn't want the childish joy they used to share anymore. He didn't want to follow anymore. He wanted to be himself, and he wanted his older brother to recognise and accept that fact.

Therefore, the closeness forged between them when they were small slowly faded away over the years.

Fuji once told Tezuka he wished he wasn't as a prodigy, sometimes. He wanted to hold onto the closeness he shared with his younger brother, something he lost the moment Yuuta realised he had to stop following his aniki's footsteps. He wanted to show Yuuta the truth-- they were brothers, and nothing in the world would ever change that fact.

He was still trying though, Tezuka was sure.

It was true that Fuji needed Ryoma, in a certain sense. But Tezuka needed the younger boy too, and he wasn't going to give up without a fight. He knew the tensai well enough to know that the other would back out eventually like he did every time, despite what he had said. He wanted to make sure Fuji wouldn't back out this time.

They were friends, they were rivals, and most importantly, both of them loved Ryoma.

Nothing should be more important than that.

In the world where love was the eventual prize, neither of them should forget that Ryoma was more important than their rivalry, more important than the grief which hung thinly between them. Nothing should make either of them give up along the way, unless Ryoma showed signs of wanting them to stop.

Not even when the unsaid truth between them had been the love they forsake in order to love another.

Absolutely nothing.

That was what Tezuka believed.


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Echizen Ryoma wasn't used to conversing with girls.

In fact, he wasn't good at talking to girls at all. There was something about their way of thinking which clashed essentially with his, and frankly speaking, boy wonder couldn't be bothered to make the effort. He didn't think that he would really understand them better even after he had put in the effort. Girls were too complicated. They thought too much and too deeply about insignificant things and they often made a lot of fuss over them too.

That was why Ryoma liked hanging out with Tezuka. Things were often simple and straightforward.

Fuji was another issue entirely, of course. But Ryoma still liked the other, strangely. There was nothing feminine about Fuji's complexity. The tensai was difficult only because he chose to be an annoying idiot. He could be just like any other boy, but because he was Fuji Syuusuke, and Fuji Syuusuke had a tendency to do things which he liked, so he ended up being a rather whimsical person with a strange sense of humour.

At least, Ryoma was sure that there weren't many who shared Fuji's sense of humour.

It was strange how his life was beginning to revolve around either Fuji or Tezuka. Fuji more so than Tezuka, and only because the tensai seemed to go out with him more frequently than he cared to remember.

He wasn't worried, though. In fact, if the two of them were so keen to date him, they could continue doing that. As long as their dates and what not never affected their tennis practices, Ryoma could hardly care about what they were doing, sometimes.

"Ryoma-kun?

Ryoma glanced up and spied a couple of pigtails on the girl standing before him. His cap was tilted in such a manner that he couldn't see the person's face, but he could jolly well guess who she was. He had seen her around frequently enough during his first year to recognise Ryuzaki Sumire's granddaughter when he saw her.

"Yes?"

"A-ahh! I-I... I just want to ask if you've had lunch... or not..." He watched as the other fidgeted at where she stood nervously. She would have wringed her hands if she wasn't holding the bento boxes. Her voice seemed to only get fainter as she continued speaking, and Ryoma had to strain his ears to hear her. "I prepared extra today..."

"Oh."

Never reject free food.

That was something Momoshirou taught him after he got to know the upperclassman.

"Would you... like to eat the bento I've prepared?"

"Ah."

He watched a little warily as Sakuno took the seat beside him with a shy smile, carefully placing the bento boxes on the floor. Ryoma was currently sitting on the balcony thinking, something he didn't do often. And yet, he found himself doing that ever since he was promoted to his second year. It probably had something to do with how Momoshirou and he used to have lunch with their seniors at the rooftop too.

"Ahh! Douzo!" Sakuno held out the bento for him. Ryoma nodded in acknowledgement.

"Arigatou."

Their meal was eaten in silence. For that, Ryoma was glad. What he wasn't very comfortable about was how Sakuno seemed to blush and attempted to glimpse at him without appearing to do so. The result of that was the exact opposite of what she wanted to achieve. Instead of appearing unobtrusive, Sakuno came across to him as fidgety and overly curious.

Ryoma ate his bento in silence, tilting his cap lower to block almost everything from his scope of vision except the bento box.

"Anou... Ryoma-kun..."

"Hm."

He paused in his eating, waiting for her to continue.

"Aaa... I-I heard from Momoshirou-senpai..."

He blinked.

"He... he said you're dating Fuji-senpai?"

"Nn."

"And... Tezuka-senpai?"

"Nn."

There was a long moment of drawn out silence as Ryoma ate, thankfully spared from Sakuno's mental whining. A year ago, the nonchalant look on Ryoma's face would have probably made Sakuno kick him. She would also whine about how mean Ryoma was and how unfair it was that he chose guys over girls. And maybe even remove the bento from the unsuspecting boy wonder's hands and run off calling Ryoma an idiot.

Ryoma would always remember the reasons behind why he didn't associate with girls as much as they wanted him to.

"How-how are things like for you now?" Sakuno appeared to be almost nervous about asking Ryoma that question.

"Mada mada dane."

She gave a soft sigh. There were underlying tones of disappointment, but she didn't press the issue.

"Ahh... Ryoma-kun..." At this, Sakuno smiled, albeit a little nervously. "Who... do you intend to choose?"

That was one question boy wonder had not been expecting. It was a rather good question, actually, and he was surprised that Sakuno was curious enough to ask him for answers. Usually, girls like her would have ran off crying when they found out he didn't play with girls... much. And the truth was-- he wasn't sure of the answer himself.

Ryoma shrugged. "Who knows?"

Sakuno fidgeted with the hem of her skirt restlessly, then lifted her head to give Ryoma small, reproachful looks every now and then. "If you don't... saa... don't mind me saying out my opinions..."

"Hm?"

"I think Tezuka-senpai is a good choice." The words came out of her mouth in a rush. "Eto... but Fuji-senpai will be a good choice too. I think both of them have their own good points, actually..."

Boy wonder blinked. "Ah."

At this, Sakuno gave him a smile he had never seen the other sported before. "I'm sure that whoever you choose eventually, you'll be happy with him ne... Because Ryoma-kun never seemed to fit in with us at all... and regardless of the number of girls who like you... You seem much happier playing tennis with your senpai tachi. It's like, Ryoma-kun has this strange invisible barrier between you and us. No matter how far we reach, we can never cross over into the boundary, unless we are good enough to play tennis at your level..."

"Maybe... people who are really good at tennis do this. They forget that other people still exist..." Sakuno seemed to realise that she was implying Ryoma had a head bigger than it ought to be and hastened to add on. "But! But of course, we all know that Ryoma-kun doesn't mean to do that ne... And... and I hope that regardless of who you choose eventually..."

"I hope that we can still be friends ne."

There was something distant about the way she would stare at the concrete ground and twist the hem of her school skirt around her fingers. Something a little sad and a little resigned, as if she had come to this battle knowing she would lose. But she wanted to lose beautifully and graciously.

Her grandmother once told her she still had a long way to go. She understood and accepted that fact. She also knew that there was nothing she could do about the current situation. She wasn't the one in control here, and she would rather have Ryoma being happy as compared to being confused and upset over something supposedly simple-- like love relationships.

A year was a long time for anyone to learn to become better. Even if she couldn't be with Ryoma as she had dreamt since she met him back in her first year... she still wanted to be his friend. A part of her mind had finally recognised the fact that Ryoma didn't like her in that manner, and most probably never would.

"Nn."

Sakuno nodded, grateful, and smiled sweetly at him in return.

Ryoma glanced at the girl sitting beside him out of the corner of his eyes, wondering if there was something wrong with her that day. Actually, he thought she would be all upset and bawling over the truth, instead of sitting there calmly giving him her blessings. Or telling him strange things about himself.

And yet, it was all good.

He accepted her request to join him at the rooftop with the dreaded feeling of having to deal with a crying girl, but the moment she stopped behaving like she wanted him to date her...

She was actually a rather nice person.


to be continued...

Date Completed: 280803
Date Revised: 250903